March 26th, 2018 - 11:43 pm
Becker sat by Jess' side, holding her hand and letting her squeeze as hard as she liked. They'd been through this before, three years ago, and proof of that sat outside in the waiting room with his best friends. Connor and Abby had gotten there as soon as they could to watch over Madyson, who had to be ripped from bed just as quickly as Becker himself had been, no time to wait for Connor and Abby to come over the house to baby sit. As far as he knew, she was sleeping peacefully in Connor's arms, as she'd cuddled up with him not long after they'd arrived. As for him, he was far from peace. He swore he was prepared for this, that he'd been there and done that and could do it again, but Jess' pregnancy this time around had been a little different and he could see how much that was affecting her now. She was in much more pain this time, screaming and crying more fiercely than he'd ever seen before, and he was more than positive that his hand had gone numb long ago. He'd heard the doctors whispering as they worked with her, helping her through, whispering about all sorts of possibilities and where things seemed to be heading. He wasn't liking it one bit, but he tried not to let it show. He had to be strong for her and he had to convince himself that they were lying, that Jess would be alright and she would make it through. Her screams of pain made it all the harder and he knew his smile had gone grim long ago, but he couldn't let it fall, not if it meant keeping up his appearance for Jess.
"You're doing fine, Beautiful. It'll all be over soon." He tried to reassure her, hearing her cry out his name.
More whispers. Whispers about the baby's size, how that might affect the birth. And the words "possible tearing" and "hemorrhage." That wasn't the first time he'd heard those word thrown around the room. He'd tried to say that Jess' doctor had brought up the possibility too when the baby grew much bigger than Madyson had, but they'd taken all the advice given to assure that she would be alright during birth. They didn't listen to him, dismissed it by telling him sometimes it wasn't enough. Then they had the nerve to try to reassure him. As though saying "but we'll do our best" would really erase all his fears.
"It hurts - so much." Jess cried, her grip on his hand tightening and then loosening again.
Becker tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, "I know…but it'll all be alright soon. I promise." keeping his eyes locked on hers, hoping the tears he'd been holding back didn't show, he added, "I'll make sure you're okay. I won't let anything happen to you."
Their newborn baby girl was born just past 12:30. Riley Isabella; a beautiful little girl, bearing the same middle name as her beautiful mother. They took her away quickly; Becker barely had a glance at her. He understood, they were worried, but the scream she let out was reassuring enough to him. If anything, he knew his baby girl was alive and breathing right now. He would have been relieved that it was over too, had Jess not still been crying and obviously in so much pain, and had she not been working up a sweat and looking paler by the second. He hardly had a chance to say anything of comfort to her before they were ripping him away, kicking him out as Jess went into shock and as predicted, started hemorrhaging.
"You can't do this! I need to be here for her! I promised her!" He tried to scream, but his voice was already hoarse and cracking. "I'm supposed to be there for her! I'm supposed to protect her! She needs me! SHE NEEDS ME!"
It took two doctors to successfully pull the panicked man out of the room and down the hall.
"Mr. Becker, we need you to keep calm." One of them tried to say to him as they brought him to a chair.
"We'll do the best that we can." the other said, making Becker grow all the angrier.
"SHUT UP!" He screamed, pushing the doctor away. "You think that bloody generic line actually works? Because it doesn't! That's my WIFE in there! Your bullshit means nothing to me!"
"Becker!" Abby was at his side in seconds, pushing past the doctors and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hey….hey! Screaming isn't going to help, Becks. Sit down. Talk to me. Please."
Becker stood there, eyes wide in panic, lips trembling in absolute fear, but Abby's voice had brought a sense of calmness and the doctors took that moment to leave him. Abby forcefully sat him down and sat next to him, wrapping an arm around him.
"What's happening, Becker?" She asked as carefully as she could.
"Where's Madyson?" he asked, obviously trying to steady his voice as he stared ahead at the hallway he'd just been dragged down.
"Toilets. She woke up a little while ago, had to go pretty badly." She started to run her hand along his back soothingly, the same way she would for Connor after a nightmare. "Becker -"
He cut her off almost immediately, the words falling from his mouth easily knowing his daughter wasn't around to hear. After all, it was Abby, and he could tell her anything. "She went into shock, started hemorrhaging. They'd been saying it the whole time, that it might happen…I just…I didn't think it would…we took the precautions, we did everything we were told…I thought she'd be fine…she makes it through everything fine…she-she's Jess…she's strong…she's survived so much worse and I just-" he broke off, not even knowing what he wanted to say anymore.
"It's alright Becker. She will make it out alright." She tried to reassure him, though her own voice faltered slightly. "Like you said, she's Jess, she's strong."
"You didn't see her Abby…you didn't see how much pain she was in…God…it was horrible." He buried his face in his hands then, hiding the stream of tears that threatened to come out at the last image he had of her.
"Dada?" a soft voice asked a few moments later, coming from somewhere above him.
Connor had finally returned with Madyson and was holding her in front of him, looking at Abby with concern, already assuming the worst.
"Dada's a bit tried right now, Maddy. Give him a few moments, alright?" Abby spoke quietly and calmly, forcing as much happiness into the sentence to cover up her own worry and not startle the young girl.
"It's fine, Abs…you want to sit with dada?" Becker asked, his voice raw with emotion as he picked up his head and looked at her. She had Jess' eyes, the very same wide, bright blue, down right gorgeous eyes.
A smile wavered on his face as she nodded and Connor passed her over. He immediately wrapped the little girl in a hug and he wasn't sure he would ever let go of her again.
Connor sat beside Abby, his eyes still full of concern and his voice as low as possible. "Is Jess…?"
"I don't know her current condition; Becker was forced out when she started hemorrhaging."
Connor swallowed hard, his eyes growing even wider.
She was losing too much blood and was growing ever fainter, they couldn't risk things any longer and they immediately wheeled her from the room, heading for an operating room as quickly as they could. Becker knew the very room she was in, and he knew as he stared down that hall that it was Jess they were now wheeling out and buzzing around.
"Oh God…that's Jess." he croaked, his eyes beginning to well with tears again. "Abby…where are they taking her?" he asked as quietly as he could, so as not to wake his sleeping daughter.
Abby didn't want to answer. She'd done more than enough reading when she'd prepared for her own child, who - luckily enough for her and Connor - was spending the week with Mrs. Temple. If things had gotten worse for Jess, then they were taking her to an operating room, and despite her knowing well from her reading that the operation that would be performed was simple and effective in majority of the cases, she knew Becker would probably overreact and have a complete melt down if he so much as heard the word "operating".
"Abby, do you know where they're taking her?' he asked again, his tone noticeably altered by his panic.
"Please don't freak out, okay? They're more than likely taking her to an operating room." She answered, knowing she'd be unable to keep the information from him at this point.
"Wh-why?" he turned to her, his eyes wide with fear.
"A simple operation to get her bleeding under control. It's nothing major, Becker, I swear to you. She'll be just fine." Of course Abby didn't know that for a fact, she didn't even know Jess' exact condition, she only knew what her reading had told her.
Becker pulled his daughter closer to him, attempting to bury his face in her shoulder. Despite Abby's reassurance, he was more scared than he'd ever been in life before. The thought of losing Jess, which sat right in the front of his mind, unsettled him and made him feel sick to his stomach. He wished he could simply pull on a soldier face like he would any other day, in the face of any other danger, but he couldn't manage it; his walls had been slowly crumbling since the moment he saw Jess in so much pain and they were beyond destroyed now. He had nothing he could hide behind, he was nothing more than the emotional, nervous little boy that Hilary Becker so often was.
"Becker…sh-she's going to be fine. I promise." Abby whispered as she watched the man place gentle kisses on his daughter's head.
A nurse approached the three of them, a baby in her arms. "Mr. Becker?" she asked, looking between the two men there.
"Y-yeah?" Becker asked, looking up at the young woman. It was then he noticed the small girl in her arms and he let out a breath of relief. "Is that-is that Riley?"
The nurse smiled and nodded her head, "Riley Isabella Becker, yes?"
"Yeah." An uneasy smile came across his face; happy to see his baby girl but at the same time, his thoughts still with Jess.
"You'll be happy to know she is completely healthy. A big baby, 9 pounds and 5 ounces, but a healthy little girl nonetheless. Would you like to hold her for a little while?"
He nodded his head, the uneasy smile resting on his face, and he carefully passed Madyson over to Abby so his arms were free for Riley. His breathing hitched as she rested against him, the feeling of her small body against his momentarily overwhelming. Seeing her properly for the first time, he could see now that she had dark, brown hair and a nose that very distinctly resembled Jess'.
"Oh God," he cried looking down at her as she fidgeted in his arms and then slowly opened her eyes. "She looks so much…so much like Jess." He could feel his emotions starting to go crazy; the mixture of happiness in holding his daughter and the sadness and worry that came from not knowing how Jess was doing was absolutely killing him. "Abby -" He turned to her, a few of his tears falling freely.
She was quick to pass Madyson over to Connor and rest her hand on his back again, rubbing it soothingly as she did earlier, not knowing what else she could possibly do.
He looked up at the nurse, desperation in his eyes and voice. "Do you know anything about Jessica Becker's current condition? I-I need to know."
The nurse sadly shook her head, "I have nothing to do with that, I'm so sorry. I honestly don't know anything, sir."
It was hard to take in, but he nodded his head and turned his attention back towards Riley. He gently ran his thumb along her head, through her already full head of hair. "Well, don't you worry, baby girl…your mummy is going to be just fine. She's a strong woman." In that moment, he wasn't sure if he was really trying to convince her or if he was just trying to convince himself. "You're going to love her. She's a fantastic woman, absolutely brilliant. A little crazy sometimes, but you'll get used to it. I did."
The nurse herself was starting to get teary eyed, knowing this man didn't know the fate of his wife yet he sat there, holding their daughter, trying to be strong for her. It was both the most beautiful and worst image, and one she saw more often than she would have liked. She hated that she'd have to break it up soon, she wished she could let this man hold onto his daughter forever if it was the only hope he had left in the world.
"J-Jess?" His voice broke as he entered her room and saw her lying there in the bed, looking so weak and helpless, hooked up to multiple machines. But she was alive, and she was in steady condition.
"Hils?" her voice was small and obviously exhausted. Her eyes flickered open and she looked up at him as he crossed the room in a quick and easy step, immediately taking the seat next to her and gently taking her hand. A weak smile made its way across her face.
"Oh my God." he breathed out, then looked towards the ceiling a moment and mouthed a silent thank you to a god he was never even sure existed but had prayed to for what seemed like a century that night.
"How is she?" were Jess' next words, her mind immediately going to the daughter she'd endured so much pain for. "Is she-"
"She's fine, Jess. Perfectly fine." An uncontrollable smile took over his face, beyond happy to know that both of them had survived the hellish night. "She's beautiful. She looks so much like you."
Her weak smile attempted to grow bigger, happy to hear the news, but it was too much for her to handle in her weakened state and it dropped again.
There was silence in the room for a few moments, and then Becker started speaking again, unable to stop himself.
"I was so worried I was going to lose you." he started, and even though Jess hushed him, not wanting to see him in so much pain, he continued. "They had to drag me out of that room. I didn't want to leave you, Jess, I promised you I would never leave you. I promised you I would always keep you safe. And they wouldn't let me." The tears he'd been forcing back all night were now running freely down his cheeks. He had no problem exposing himself in front of Jess like that, not any more. "Then they switched your room and I - I didn't know what was going to happen, I tried not to lose hope, I really did but…I was so scared…so scared that I-I wasn't…wasn't…going to get to say goodbye." He stood up then, not letting go of her hand and leaned down over her to gently place a kiss on her head. "Please, Jessica, don't ever scare me like that again. Please?"