James' list of Not to Do in Hogwarts

I was like really upset because my stupid USB stopped working and I lost a lot of files so I decided to write this one based upon some stuff I found on someone's blog. Ugh stupid USB! Grr… ok enough self-pity, on with the story! Hope you enjoy.

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James's POV

I, James Potter, am officially starting in Hogwarts tomorrow. I can't wait but at the moment my father is lecturing me on all the things not to do in Hogwarts. Sigh… well I suppose I should write it all down so here goes…

To Not Do In Hogwarts

The proper way to report to the headmistress is, "You wanted to see me, headmistress?" and not "I have it on excellent authority that you have no evidence against me."

If a spell makes me giggle for more than thirty seconds, then I am not allowed to cast it.

Just because there are three unforgivable curses does not mean that everything else is "pretty much forgivable".

I will not refer to the Dragonor Head Girl position as "the canary in a coalmine".

I will remember that my professors do not need to verbalize their spells before I cast 'Silencio' on them.

Bon fires are meant to be danced and sung around. It is inappropriate to use this as a time to get rid of sensitive documents.

Nor am I to in anyway substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with the professors' potion of glory. Aka, coffee.

I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.

When being interrogated by a student or professor, I am not to wave my hand and announce, "This is not the witch you are looking for".

I am not the new Dark Lord and will stop insisting that I am.

I will not tell the first years that there is a clubhouse in the Whomping Willow.

Nor will I give them supplies to build one.

I will not give peeves the key to the room of requirement.

No matter how much I like dogs, attempting to put a leash on the werewolf is inappropriate and will cause me to fail my OWLS in her class.

Squeaker toys, bones and flea shampoo also fall into the category as inappropriate gifts. Chocolate, however, is acceptable.

I will not offer the bleeding man a Band-Aid.

I may not try finding out if any of the owls are David Bowie in animangus form.

I will not yell, "I AM MELTING!" if it happens to rain.

A smiley face is not the new dark mark.

I will not ask the Durmstrang students to host a 'Games Night'.

"To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

Yelling "to infinity and beyond" was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armour to skip through the halls singing, "We're Off to See the Wizard".

Saying, "Accio brooms" while first years are having their first flying lesson isn't nice.

Fawkes is not food. I may not eat him.

I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

I will not refer to the hippogriff as "Horsey bird"

Or at least within ear shot

I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Garnet Itzel" as my greatest influence at the academy. Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

Sending rings to the nine senior faculties at Yuletide, with the return address "Vek", is not funny.

I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint balling.

Or give him a prefect badge

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand.

I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" at the final banquet.

"42" is not the answer to every O.W.L or N.E.W.T exam paper.

I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

I do not weigh the same as a duck

I will not modify this list to suit my whims.

Yes! Finally this is finished! Wow… that is a lot of things not to do. I just hope I can still have fun while not disobeying the 'rules'.

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Hope you guys enjoyed! I feel so much better now but still extremely exhausted…

Well, as usual you guys are awesome so please review…