Dark secrets fill my mind, making my world lovely, and horribly divine.~
"What's wrong?" I asked, and then practically scoffed at myself. Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. He wouldn't tell me if his life depended on it.
"Nothing," His eyes diverted mine as he titled his head upwards and tied his tie. Maybe trying once in a while wasn't enough. He pulled his jacket over his shoulders and turned towards me. He spoke not one word, but his eyes told me everything. He didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't force him, even if I wanted to.
He strode towards me and lightly brushed his lips against mine. "Love you," He mumbled and walked out the door.
"Love you, too," I mumbled weakly and pathetically as I rolled out of bed, and on to the floor. Maybe it would've been better if I was just to sleep in today, and stay there until he gets home in the morning like usual. It was probably just fate that I did that every day. Or the fact I didn't want to believe anything, especially my heart or mind.
Something incoherent slipped from my lips as I walked to the shower. Edward always made me sore when he thought he should apologize. It usually consisted of an animalistic grunt, and then me being thrown on the bed and ravished all night. It bugged me more then I cared to comprehend.
Stepping in the shower and turning it on, I gasped at the ice cold water as it hit me. I quickly washed myself and sat on the floor for a cool down. Maybe if I.. just stopped breathing, and laid down, I wouldn't be a nuisance anymore. But I couldn't think those thoughts. Even if I wanted to do what I thought, it was still an unspeakable act in my mind.
Slowly getting up, I turned the shower off and dried in the same manor. Nobody was waiting for me. I can take all the sweet time I want. Maybe I was just too average for a god like him. Think, how many 5'6 brunettes with brown eyes and a normal figure are out there? I could easily be replaced, and probably already was. Slouching as I walked into the bedroom, I grabbed the clothing I was going to wear for the day and slipped it on. I pulled a hoodie over it and slid into my flip-flops. He wasn't average, and undoubtedly couldn't ever be replaced. Standing at a modest 6'2, he had vibrant green eyes and bronze tousled hair. He was also peculiarly fit, seeing as he didn't work out.
There would always be someone who could replace me- I knew that much. But I didn't want to be replaced. He seemed to have taken my heart years ago and brought it along for a ride. And he never let go.
If I were to concur to him what I've been meaning to ask, maybe he would've answered, honestly and truthfully. But I never pushed him, nor wanted to. I had tried once, and failed miserably. He told me to drop it, and come back to bed. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't resist him, so I complied with both of his requests. I was so tired of being told to drop it, and 'nothing'. I was tired, fed up, and about to crack. No, I wasn't on the verge of cracking, I was cracked. Flawed, if you must, and about to break into a million tiny shards with the poke of a finger.
No, I wasn't cracked. I was broken. Beyond dissatisfaction and any repair. And I would sure as hell make it known that I was.
Grabbing a piece of paper and a vibrant red pen, I wrote a quick note in my messy scrawl. Moving towards the door, I placed it in the basket where keys went, and took my phone. Edward knows when I'm onto something, or trying to figure it out. And when he sees this, I can guarantee he was either bound to be mad, or sad about the situation. And mad and sad Edward, I found to be more driven than drunk, sober, or on the verge of coming. Maybe I would get the answers I wanted. Maybe it would be right for once. Maybe I would get the relationship I hoped for since day one.