History Always Repeats Itself

Chapter 1

Spencer and I have been talking a lot lately, more than I have with Emily and Hanna… I guess Spencer and I just have more of a connection in that way. She still asks about how I'm doing with Ezra, and I always tell her that I'm fine. Everything is fine, I'm ok, and I'm completely over what happened two years ago. Somehow maybe I figured the girl going to UPenn was smart enough to figure out that nothing I said was true, but maybe I'm just a really good liar, something all four of us have had far too much practice in. The truth is, I really don't know how I'm dealing with the whole Ezra situation, a relationship that seemed so true and honest was just one big lie. I haven't even spoken to Hanna since the four of us last got together; I guess I'm still not over what she said to me when I first found out about Ezra. I suppose it wasn't too terrible, but it definitely caught me off guard. When your best friend calls you an attention-seeking slut who sleeps around with her teachers and her enemies… well that can put some strain on a friendship, even one as good as ours.

It was a few days after graduation when I went over to Ezra's to tell him that I had finally been accepted to UCLA, the college in his favorite city. Originally I had been wait listed and I was planning on attending Hollis to be near him, but apparently a few people rejected and I was high enough on the list. I knocked on the door but I was too excited to wait, and when I didn't hear a reply I just opened it myself. Despite how excited I was, I never did get the chance to tell him. That day, as it turns out, would be stuck in my brain forever; the day I saw the black hoodie, the same black hoodie that had been terrorizing me and the people who I love for years. At first I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't what it looked like, there are a lot of people who own black jackets right? It was the black gloves he had wrapped around his hands that finally told me the truth. He just sort of stood there, staring at me from across his apartment, and I was paralyzed. It was all a blur after that, maybe the only memories I have are what I saw through the tears in my eyes, but all I knew then was that I had lost the love of my life. The one person I trusted more than anyone had been fooling me since day one. He probably never even loved me, it was just some sick game to him. He was just as cruel as Mona, no, he was worse. He stepped closer to me but I screamed at him to stop. He was trying to explain something, but all I could think about was the giant hole that had been punched through my chest. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak… I was completely frozen. When I could finally feel my legs I turned to the door and it was as if everything was slow motion. I slammed the door and started running down the hall and I could still hear him yelling after me. I left the next morning for California early and I never spoke to him, or saw him, again. Part of me wishes that I had let him speak, maybe then I would have gotten answers to the millions of questions I still have, but that was years ago, and I need to forget. As soon as I boarded the plane I knew that I would never be going back.

It had been awhile since the four of us had been together like this, it felt good just to spend time with them. At least I was already going back to visit my family because traveling from California to Pennsylvania for one lunch didn't sound like a lot of fun. But being together like this, it felt like old times, only this time we all felt safe. It wasn't the Rosewood Grill, but the food was decent. For old times sake Emily and Hanna got some cheese fries to split,

"So, have you signed up for your major yet, Spence?" Emily asked.

"Please, she's had her schedule picked out since she was a toddler…" Hanna said, "What about you, Aria?"

"English."

"English?" Emily said, "Isn't that a bit…"

"Useless?" I said, "Yeah, but only for someone who wants to actually do something with their life."

"Aria, you're going to eat those words once you become a best-selling author," Spencer said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"You better write about us!" Emily said, "Our lives make one hell of a story…"

Spencer turned to me and smiled, "You got that right."

"Oh god, please someone take these away from me," Hanna said, pushing the fry basket out in front of her, "I mean who would have thought we would find a place with better cheese fries than the Grill."

We spent the next hour talking and catching up. I forgot what it felt like to laugh this much.

"Alright guys, now that Emily and Hanna are done stuffing their faces, come on. I have some classes I need to get to." Spencer said.

"Wait seriously? We just sat down… Emily? Aria?" Hanna said.

I put down my soda and started to stand, "Sorry Hanna, I have to uhh… go too."

Emily grabbed her jacket, "I should probably get going too. My mom wants to see me again before I head back to Danby."

"Yeah I need to make sure I catch my flight, not everyone here goes to Hollis, Hanna," Spencer said, laughing.

Hanna frowned and got out of her seat, "Fine. Leave it to Spencer to take classes while we're still on break…"

We all left the restaurant laughing and went our separate ways, back to our own lives. It was sad that I wouldn't be seeing them for a while now, but to be honest, being with them brought back some pretty terrible memories. Things that I had vowed to never revisit or think about again. But Emily did bring up a good point… Would I ever write about what happened? It is a pretty great story, but the only question was if I would be able to complete it without going completely insane. Who knows, maybe in two years I'll finally be able to think about it without wanting to cry. I walked towards my car fishing the keys out of my purse, but I began to feel someone behind me, following me. I started speeding up, walking faster and faster but I kept hearing the footsteps getting closer. Suddenly somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me back,

"Aria, wait!"

I turned around to see Hanna, almost out of breath, "Hanna what the hell, you scared me half to death!" I said.

"I know, I know. Sorry, I forget that we're all still a little on edge," she said, releasing my arm.

"Hanna, it's fine. Don't worry. What did you need?" I asked.

"Aria, look. I know it's been tough for all of us, but nobody here would doubt for a second that no matter how hard it was for us, it was much worse for you."

"Hanna, I-"

"No let me finish," she said. "I know that we aren't as close as we used to be. We only see each other like this, all together. We don't talk as much anymore, and yeah maybe it's because of the distance, but we both know that it's not. I was a bitch, Aria. I was upset and angry and I took it out on you. I wasn't there for you when you heard about Ezra, I mean really all I did was rub it in your face. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I understand that you don't want to be close anymore I get that. I just, I wanted you to know that I'm sorry, Aria... I'm just sorry."

"Look, I know everything with Mona was a little… crazy."

"A little?" she said.

"Okay, a lot," I said. "I understand why you were upset, and I guess I underestimated how unstable I was then. It was hard on all of us, and I don't want you to feel bad anymore. I was being selfish trying to put most of the pain on me, but it's ok Hanna, I forgive you." I reached my arms out for a hug and instead Hanna practically jumped me,

"Good because I missed you and I was so mad for what I did and I just really wanted to talk to you again like we used to and I thought you'd never forgive me and that we weren't going to be friends again and I'd lost you forever and I-"

"Hanna!" I said, cutting her off. As much as I loved her that girl knew how to talk... and talk… and talk.

"I know, it's just... I'm really happy we're friends again… like, real friends. I love you Aria."

"I love you too, Hanna… I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay… but are you sure we're alright?"

"Hanna I've held a grudge for far too long, I promise that we're okay," I said. "Just like old times, alright?"

"Just like old times… I'll be holding you to that."

"I gotta go Han, don't want to miss my flight."

"You guys and your far away colleges... please call me sometime when you get home okay? Promise?"

I nodded.

"Alright, bye Aria!"

I watched as Hanna half-skipped half-ran down the street, it felt good to finally clear things up. It wasn't right for me to hold onto something that happened nearly three years ago. And I had to admit, I was more than happy that Hanna and I were on speaking terms again, it felt wrong not to talk to her. I guess I just felt that after what she said I didn't want to talk to her about anything, but times have changed and so have I. I had promised myself that I wouldn't let any of those things from the past drag me down, and starting this year I felt like maybe that was actually happening. This is my year to really start over, no distractions. This is my chance to have a normal life.

I nearly missed my flight, but at least I made it. I have the first classes of the year starting tomorrow and I couldn't miss those. It was about a five-hour flight but I slept for most of it, and for the rest I just watched whatever crappy movie they had playing... I can't remember what it was though, I wasn't really paying much attention. The plane landed in LAX at around 6:30 and I turned my phone on to see that I had three missed calls, two from Tony and one from Sam. Tony, my current boyfriend, was probably asking about the back to school party tonight, and Sam was probably just wondering when I would be getting back to campus.

Sam has been my roommate since freshman year. At first she comes off a little scary, kind of like Spencer, but once you get to know her she's one of the funniest and sweetest people you'll ever meet. We've been close ever since the first year, but I still haven't told her about anything back in Rosewood. I didn't want anyone to know what I had gone through, and I still don't. I don't want anyone treating me differently or thinking things about me because of my past, I just want them to get to know me, which is why Tony doesn't know either.

Tony and I have been together since the beginning of third quarter Sophomore year. Not a very long time but it's been fun, and it's done a good job of keeping my mind off of things, something I need right now. I can't say I love him, although I don't think I even know what that feels like anymore. My emotions got thrown off completely due to the whole Ezra situation. It was so real with him... well I guess it wasn't real, but it felt like it was. That was the most I've ever cared for someone, and I don't think I can ever feel that way again.

I waited for my bag and texted Tony that I wasn't planning on going tonight, I was too exhausted to even think about a party, and I called Sam telling her that I had landed safely and was going to stop to get food on my way back so I might be a little late. As carefree and wild as Sam was, she worried about her friends a lot. It's just her nature I suppose, you know, some people are just born to care. I'm grateful for it too, it makes me feel a lot safer knowing that there's someone always looking out for me.

It was 7:15 when I finally was in my car leaving the airport. I was lucky to be hitting the road after rush hour, what is usually a 30 minute drive can take an hour or more in that kind of traffic... The joys of living in the city. I was starving, considering I hadn't eaten for six hours, so I pulled into the nearest shopping mall to grab some food. I was craving Chinese so I settled on Panda Express. I guess you can't really call Panda Express "Chinese", but I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as one to care about that sort of thing. Food is food. I walked out of the restaurant and the smell of the orange chicken was making my stomach growl. I was debating grabbing a chair and just eating it there when I looked through the window of the coffee shop across the street. No... I'm dreaming, I must be. I rubbed my eyes over and over again trying to clear the image out of my head but it wouldn't go away. Suddenly he turned and began looking outside. I prayed that he wouldn't see me and that it would be too dark to see anything. This can't be happening. Not here, not now. His eyes roamed for a while, but then it was unmistakable, his eyes quickly darted away and then slowly returned. He saw me. His jaw opened the slightest bit and his eyes stayed locked on mine...

Ezra.