There's a gruff knock at the door. I continue washing the dishes, the freezing water lapping over my hands. All I want is to hear the whistle blow. The whistle that releases the miners. I focus on that. My stomach flips over and over again. "Mrs. Hawthorne?" asks a solemn voice. A grave voice. I glance up. It's a tall, gruff miner from the Seam with tears in his eyes. He notices Ma's pregnant stomach and winces. "There was an explosion in the mine and your husband was not able to make it out, unfortunately.
The plate I'm washing shatters to the floor. My heart stops. My blood freezes. My grandmother gasps. I can feel Vick's young eyes staring at me. I barely hear Rory whimper. Ma starts bawling, screaming Dad's name. Grandma holds Ma in her arms. I can see the tears in my eyes. I will not let them fall. Not with all of my family around. Not with my six year old brother looking at me. I feel numb inside.
I can't stand it. I storm out into the snow, not even bothering with a jacket. The cold takes away the pain. I go to the only place I know. The woods. I duck under the fence, sprinting up the hill to the lake. There, I cry. I sob harder than I ever have before. That kind of crying where you can't see from the tears, and you can't stop, and you're shaking so hard you can't even remember what steady feels like. The kind of crying where you throw things, and scream, and almost pull your hair out. It can't be. Dad isn't dead. They're lying. They have to be. But deep down I know. He's gone and never coming back.
What will happen to our family? Rory's only eight. Vick is in kindergarten, Ma's pregnant. I can't go into the mines yet. No one will hire a fourteen year old. I can set snares, but not like Dad used to. I'm pretty good I guess, but will snares alone feed three kids, plus a pregnant woman? How in the hell did Dad do this? It's winter. What chance do I have? Almost a fourth of the Seam dies every winter. I could take tesserae again.
I have to hunt. Ma can't work. She already works her fingers to the bone doing laundry. I can't let her do all of it. I have to hunt. I can't let them die. I have to hunt. I can't let those kids starve. I have to hunt. I can't let those kids die. I have to be strong. I can't let them know how dead I am. I have to be strong. I have to be there for Ma. I have to be strong.
Dad told me he named me for a storm with vicious winds that didn't let anything stop them I will live up to that name. I am a Hawthorne. I am strong. I am a hunter.
I eventually come back home maybe an hour after the sun set. I can't feel myself think anymore, my whole body is numb. My hair is frozen from the snow. Taking a deep breath, I open the front door. Ma sits on the couch, absently staring at the fire. Her eyes are dead. I sit next to her, trying to warm my frozen body. I have to be strong. When I feel like I'm all thawed out, I rest a blanket around Ma's shoulders and kiss her stomach that holds the baby bound to come at anytime.
I silently open the bedroom door. I hear Rory's steady breathing across the room. I change into a flannel shirt and pants. "Gale?" a small whimper pipes up quietly. Vick. I sit on the edge of the bed we share. I feel his soft, small hand grasp mine. "Don't go." Smoothing back his dark, Seam hair, I kiss his forehead and whisper,
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."