Bernard Black lit his cigarette and drew deeply on it, feeling the rush of nicotine as it surged through his body. Not that he was consciously aware of what he had done. Bernard smoked so much that the action of selecting a cigarette and lighting it had become a reflex action, much like breathing. In a similar way he now topped up his glass with red wine, drinking half of it without pausing, before filling it again. He was restless. The desk before him lay littered with an array of books plucked at random from the shelves of his shop around him.
Bernard picked a volume from the pile nearest him and flicked through the pages, pausing occasionally to read a passage, then discarding the book in favour of another. Bernard sighed casting aside yet another book, already read and not that good the first time. Drank more wine before lighting another cigarette, the first having been extinguished mere seconds earlier. He really was restless. He ran his hand through his already untidy mess of hair. The action did not make it look any neater, but strangely nor did the result make it look any worse. Bernard's hair just "was". It seemed to exist as a separate entity to the man himself; both parties having formed an uneasy alliance of co-habitation many years earlier.
Once again Bernard picked up a book, he had a need to do something, anything, and reading was the easiest option when sat in the middle of a bookshop. He began reading again, unconsciously chewing the side of his hand before reaching for another drink.
This was how Fran found Bernard some time later as she entered the shop with her usual carrier bag of wine, which was handed to Bernard, the first bottle opened and two glasses poured before Fran had even managed to take her coat off.
"Two glasses Bernard?" She enquired, "where's Manny tonight?"
"Out, with some tart he met, " Bernard's face contorted in a grimace.
"Good for Manny. What's she like?"
Bernard shrugged; Manny has not seen fit to introduce his date to Bernard and had rather quickly rushed out of the shop before Bernard could make the request.
"Hope he has a nice time," Fran commented before settling down to read the glossy magazine she had brought along, pausing to take her glass from the desk.
Bernard and Fran had known each other for such a length of time that they could sit comfortably in silence, enjoying their wine without feeling the need to make small talk.
But Bernard was restless.
He sighed, shifting in his chair, unable to make himself comfortable, still chewing the side of his hand.
"Bernard what IS the matter with you tonight?"
"Me? Nothing. I'm fine."
"The last time I saw you like this was when… Oh Bernard, you haven't toasted Manny's hand again have you."
"Of course not, as if I would do that…twice."
"So what is it then?"
"WHAT, I'm fine, go back to your magazine."
"You might as well tell me Bernard, you know you will eventually, even if it does take another bottle of wine."
"Good idea, " Bernard swiftly opened the second bottle and refilled both their glasses.
Half a bottle later and Fran was still watching Bernard intently.
"Leave me alone, I'm FINE." Bernard snarled.
"I'll ask Manny when he gets home, " Fran threatened.
Bernard's head snapped up sharply.
"You're not just upset because he's out on a date again are you Bernard? I know it's been a while for you, but you will meet someone, I promise." Fran smiled sympathetically at Bernard reaching out to squeeze his hand. Then she noticed the expression on his face.
"Oh my god! Bernard you HAVE met someone haven't you?"
Bernard hid his face in his glass of wine, ignoring the question, in the vain hope that Fran might just go away. Some chance of that, Fran could smell gossip and she wanted in.
"Come on Bernard, spill… Who is she, do I know her… does she know how you feel… TELL ME."
Bernard buried his face in his hands, his fingers sinking deeply into his hair.
"It's nothing, no one, go away, leave me alone."
"Bernard… you HAVE to tell me. What's the problem with her… she's not married is she?"
"No. It's nothing like that….. just leave it."
Fran considered for a moment. Bernard really seemed uneasy. Usually his infatuations were short lived and something he felt happy to brag about. There was Kate, the girl Bernard convinced that he was an expert piano player, and that bitch who moved in on Fran's flat, but Fran had never seen Bernard reacting like this. He really had it bad.
Fran leaned across the table removing Bernard's hands from his face gently.
"Please Bernard," she said softly, "tell me who she is… maybe I can help. You know, put in a good word or something."
Bernard sighed deeply, he might as well tell her, she wasn't about to give up, but he was worried about her reaction.
He took a deep breath and not looking Fran in the eye he began,
"She's not a … it's…. well erm……" Once again Bernard covered his face and muffled through his hands Fran heard the words
"Oh god Fran!! It's Manny."
Fran looked puzzled for a moment, trying to think of a woman they knew called Manny, then the penny dropped, and so did Fran's jaw.
Bernard peered at her through his fingers.
"You're appalled aren't you?"
"Oh Bernard no," Fran smiled as Bernard lowered his hands slowly, "I was just surprised. How did this… when…what…?"
Bernard shrugged, "I don't know really. I just realised I was watching him…all the time."
Fran chuckled, "You've always been watching Manny, that's how you know when he's annoying you."
"Oh I used to glare at him, tell him what he was doing wrong, but this is different. I was just watching, everything. As he dusted the shelves, swept the floor, re-stacked the books in the window, I couldn't stop myself. " Bernard smiled, remembering, "And when he stands near the window in the afternoon as the sun is coming through, it makes his hair look like.. I don't know… spun gold.. or silk.. I just want to touch it and…. Oh Christ!"
Bernard finished the wine in his glass in one gulp and lit another cigarette before filling his glass again. He felt a little better now that he had finally got the words out. On the other hand now they were out…. There was no taking them back.
"So what are you going to do about it?" Fran enquired.
"DO?" Bernard exclaimed, "No, no, no…. nothing is to be DONE…..NOTHING." He glared threateningly at Fran, about to say more when the heard the rattle of keys in the door. Manny was home.
"You'd better not say anything Fran.. I mean it."
"I won't," Fran promised. As Manny entered the shop Fran leaned over the desk to Bernard and whispered to him, "You should tell Manny though, I think he might just surprise you." Fran then turned around in her chair to smile a welcome at Manny.
"Evening Manny, you have a good time?"
Manny shrugged, "Ah you know.."
Manny slumped into the third chair around the desk, taking the glass of wine Bernard poured for him, pausing for a moment in surprise that Bernard had done the pouring.
"You seeing her again?" Fran asked, choosing to ignore Bernard's scowl.
"I don't think so." Manny smiled sadly and took a long drink of his wine.
"I'm sorry Manny," Fran sympathised, "I'm sure the right person will come along." Bernard scowled harder at Fran's use of the word "person", but Manny seemed not to notice.
"Anyway," Fran got up from her chair and put her coat on, "I really should be going… see you both tomorrow."
Before either man could comment on the fact that it was still only early Fran had gone, leaving Bernard wondering if for once he should take her advice, or follow the most sensible route and just forget everything.
"So you and Fran have a good night?" Manny enquired casually.
Bernard gestured at the empty wine bottles, "You know, the usual."
Manny nodded for a moment, not really listening before asking in a pitiful tone, "Oh Bernard, why can I never find the right woman?" The pain in Manny's eyes made Bernard want to take the man in his arms and soothe him. Instead he asked a question which surprised them both,
"Does it really have to be a woman?"
Manny seemed to consider the question before he replied, "Not, not really I suppose, it's just…" He shrugged, "even if it wasn't a woman… who could it be?"
"Well," Bernard couldn't quite believe what he was about to say, "there's always… I mean… erm…. there's me."
Bernard looked at Manny, waiting for his reaction, any reaction, nervous tension causing his knuckles to whiten, fingers wrapped tightly around his wine glass.
Silence covered the room like a thick blanket. Manny's mind raced for the right words, just as he opened his mouth to speak a smashing sound broke the silence, followed by Bernard's sharp cry,
"Ahh Christ!" as the glass in his hand shattered under the pressure of his grip.
Manny jumped from his seat rushing to Bernard's aid as the red trickles of blood began to run from his hand. Taking Bernard by the elbow Manny guided him over to the sink, carefully holding Bernard's hand under the gently running water. Once most of the blood was washed away Manny probed softly, checking that no glass had been left behind in the wound.
"I'd better get the first aid box, " he said leaving the room. Bernard smiled, before Manny Bernard hadn't even possessed a box of plasters, yet within a few seconds Manny was dabbing at Bernard's cuts with antiseptic and cotton wool.
"Sorry this might hurt."
Bernard winced slightly as the liquid ran into the cuts covering his palm. But Bernard was more concerned with watching Manny, bewitched by the look of concern on Manny's face as he gently finished cleaning Bernard's hand and then began to apply plasters on the worst of the cuts. Manny's hair shone brightly, falling just beyond Bernard's hand as he leant over administering his first aid. Bernard twitched with the urge to stroke the silken strands, his nostrils filled with the scent of Manny's shampoo. Manny always smelt so good…. so clean.
Manny pressed down the last of the plasters, using his whole hand to make sure they were secure, holding Bernard's hand trying not to hurt him.
"Why..?" Manny's question took Bernard by surprise.
"Why what?"
"What you said before… about you… me…. why?"
Bernard looked closely at Manny, trying to think of how to put what he felt into words. Vaguely aware that Manny was still holding his hand.
This was it, crunch time. Whatever Bernard said now could change everything, he briefly considered taking back what he had said, trying to convince Manny that he had misunderstood. But Manny WAS still holding his hand.
"The thing is…" Bernard began, suddenly taking an interest in his shoes, the floor, the walls, anywhere but looking Manny in the eye, "We've been here, together for a while now.. you know.. and.. I was starting to think… well feel that maybe we were… or.. could be more than what we are…" This wasn't going well. The words fell out of Bernard's mouth and he wasn't even sure if they were in the correct order or if Manny could understand a word he was saying.
"OK," Manny obviously understood at least some of what Bernard was saying to him, "But why?"
"Why?" Bernard repeated, "Does there have to be a reason? Can't it just be that I think… er feel.. you know… that maybe we could.. have something…. If you wanted." Bernard sighed, this was more difficult than he had anticipated, but at least Manny hadn't laughed at him, or worse.
"Right," Manny appeared to consider what Bernard had said, "So you want there to be a you and me, an us?"
"Yes!" Finally they were getting somewhere.
"Why?"
Bernard was beginning to get annoyed. He ground his teeth looking angrily at Manny.
"Because," he snapped, "I think that I might just be falling in love with you."
The words surprised Bernard as much as they did Manny but once they had been said he knew the truth behind them.
Manny smiled, his face lighting up with joy.
"Well why didn't you just say so?" He asked, before pulling Bernard towards him to kiss him gently on the lips. As Manny pulled back he saw the surprise on Bernard's face. A million questions ran around Bernard's mind, Manny answered them all with one simple statement.
"For gods sake Bernard, I've been in love with you for years, how did you never notice?"
Bernard thought back over the last few years he had spent with Manny, the abuse that Manny had put up with, the care he had always taken over Bernard, looking after him no matter what state Bernard had gotten himself into. It seemed so obvious NOW.
Bernard smiled causing Manny to marvel at the beauty in the mans face. His dark eyes twinkled with joy and at that moment Manny felt that he could lose himself in those eyes forever. Bernard stretched out his hand to stoke the hair that had been so long out of his reach, his senses thrilling at the touch. It was just a soft as he always knew it would be. Bernard let the golden strands run through his fingers before moving towards Manny once more.
Bernard pulled Manny close into his embrace sinking his hands into the silken locks of Manny's hair, feeling Manny's beard brush his face as their mouths met once more. Manny felt Bernard's tongue run along his lips and opened his mouth inviting it inside, moaning softly. Manny ran his fingers deeply into Bernard's unruly hair, pulling him even closer until the men were pressed tightly together, making it impossible to tell where one man ended and the other began.
Finally they broke apart both breathless and flushed. And both equally aroused.
Bernard looked concerned for a moment. Manny stroked his cheek gently.
"What's wrong?"
"I was just thinking…. Fran."
Manny smiled, "Oh Fran will be fine about this, I told her how I felt about you months ago."
Bernard was startled. Fran KNEW. Months ago! Why had she not told him? Then Fran's words earlier in the evening came clearly to Bernard's mind…"You should tell Manny though, I think he might just surprise you." Bernard laughed softly, the sound ringing in Manny's ears like a gently summer rain, the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
"Yeah, Fran is gonna be just fine, " Bernard agreed, "Only thing is… she's gonna want details!"
Manny chuckled softly; taking Bernard's wounded hand gently he began leading him towards the stairs.
"In that case we had better make sure we have something good to tell her."