All of Me
She slept.
And he watched.
She was peaceful. Probably the most peaceful she had been in a long time. Her eyelashes were long and fair, her cheeks porcelain and her auburn curls were an array around the pillow which she slept on. He should sleep to but he couldn't.
His body still ached, the joints which knotted and the constant shivers but the fear he would see in her eyes was by far the worst. She clung to him like a child clung to his mother and she loved him, she told him so in those moments which they believed would be their last.
But they weren't...
How do you begin to live again when you have lost everything? Even though you possessed very little to start with but the greatest blessing was that they had lived. Both of them. For two days the disorientation and the constant cloud of depression surrounded them. Would happiness ever surface? They sat amongst split families, young children without fathers and mothers without husbands, some had even lost their children. The grief would never ever fade. They were the lucky ones and so they didn't dare speak of anything knowing full well of the blessings which were packed upon their back.
They had no money and just the clothes which they had been given once they had boarded the Carpathia. They had ten bucks to their names but the truth was nothing else mattered. Their lives had changed and it would never be the same again.
It was on the Wednesday when Rose finally gained enough strength to take a bath alone. Her wet hair fell around her shoulders, tickling her skin. It was greasy and dusty and stuck to her head almost like a helmet as the once vibrant curls were straight and straw like. She had one discoloured bar of soap to wash herself with which she was almost trying to not use but she had to not knowing when she would have a bath again. There was a faint scent to it, not a very nice one something cheap like she had never smelled before. She had bathed in lavender and rose water at her home in Philadelphia, the water had been filled with bubbles and luxuries. She recalled the Lotions and potions which were gifted to her to smother her body in to keep her skin soft and supple even though she was only seventeen. Her hair would be rubbed and dried with Egyptian cotton towels. Now she had a ratty towel barely big enough to dry her body.
She moved and she felt the ache kill her more. Her body felt years older than it was. She felt battered and damaged almost as though she had worked her entire life. She leant forward and felt her back ache from leaning against the tin. She reached for the soap and rubbed it down her arm, feeling it tingle. She didn't know what was in it-nor did she want to. The stench tickled her nose and she found herself turning away. At least she was clean of something. She could barely move in the bath, the restrictions still a part of her life. When she sat up straight her coccyx hurt all the way down to the bottom of her back. She had been in the bath for over an hour, she didn't know how she knew that as she didn't have a clock to keep track of the tine. Her thoughts trailed through her head, she was in a constant trance and had been for the last week. She hadn't realised just how much her life had changed. She had survived the sinking of the Titanic.
A single knock sounded at the door, she gasped sitting up in the tub. Her body wasn't yet prepared for such surprises.
''Its me.'' A whisper came and she heard the door creak open.
It was Jack. She stiffened. Her body was battered and bruised from running into objects whilst trying to free Jack from the handcuffs. She ached and felt older than her years. She wanted to disappear beneath the water so he could not see her battered body.
He silently sat beside her on the wooden floor. He rested his chin on the side of the bath and she did nothing. He reached up a hand to her and she felt the overwhelming emotion rush back to her. He was in the water while she was on the driftwood.
He watched her break down. He felt useless.
''Hold me.'' She sobbed, ''Hold me like you do when we sleep.''
Quickly he got to his feet and retrieved a towel from the floor. He held it out to her and without seeing her naked form he wrapped it around her body and she fell into his arms sobbing into his chest.
''Oh Rose...'' He felt himself becoming emotional but knew he had to remain strong.
She would weep, sometimes he would and they would for a long time. With every tear he would hold her tighter, comforting her and ensuring she knew that he wouldn't leave her. That was her biggest fear.
''Never let me go.'' She whispered.
...
At the railing of the Carpathia, at 9pm on April 18th 1912, Rose gazed up at the Statue of Liberty, welcoming her home with her glowing torch. It was just as how she imagined it so clearly in her mind. It was as though she had never seen the beauty before. Jack's hand fell on her lower back. Both their faces were soaked from the rain, the clothes on their back were their only possessions. It was the first time she felt alive again, this had awakened her inside. The rain didn't bother her, it had tingled every nerve in her body and now she was here in the moment.
''We're home.'' She whispered.
''Yes. Home.'' Jack pressed his lips to her forehead so tenderly it took her breath away.
A steward approached with a clipboard in his hand.
''Can I take your names please?''
''Dawson.'' She told him without even thinking.
''Jack and Rose Dawson.''
Her eyes didn't leave his. She had become a woman in just a few short days. A woman capable of speaking her own mind, a modern woman. She no longer was viewed as perfect, she had imperfections, ones which he fully embraced and nurtured to the point where she no longer felt inadequate.
The mannerisms which her Mother would curse her for were the ones which he admired the most. He put her up on a pedestal which she felt she deserved to be on.
''You're not that butterfly in the glass jar anymore.'' He smiled and so did she. She couldn't help but. The words he whispered to her as he spread her wings. The wind hit their faces, awakening her senses and then through a fresh pair of eyes she saw her future. It was a future which she hadn't dare dreamt of.
''You freed me.''
''No, you became a new person. You have become Rose Dawson.''
Nothing could rip us apart, not even the sinking of the Titanic. As they stood on the boat deck of the Carpathia, his grip tightened on her. They were surrounded by peacefulness for just a split second but then the flashes began.
At the Cunard pier, Pier 54. Over 30,000 people line the dock and filled the surrounding streets. The magnesium flashes of the photographers went off like small bombs, lighting an amazing tableau. Several hundred police kept the mob back. The dock was packed with friends and relatives, officials, ambulances, and the press- Reporters and photographers swarmed everywhere... 6 deep at the foot of the gangways, lining the tops of cars and trucks. They jostled to get close to the survivors, tugging on them as they passed and shouting over each other to ask them questions. Rose was covered with a woollen shawl and walked with a group of steerage passengers, Jack kept his head down and his eyes on Rose. Immigration officers were asking them questions as they come off the gangway.
The officer steered her and her mother toward a holding area for processing. Rose walked forward with the dazed immigrants. Jack stood behind her, together they said nothing. There were no words to say to each other.
The boom of photographer's magnesium flashes caused them to flinch, and the glare was blinding. There was a sudden disturbance near her as two men burst through the cordon, running to embrace an older woman along the survivors, who cried out with joy. The reporters converged on this emotional scene, and flashes exploded. Jack used this moment to slip away into the crowd. They pushed through the jostling people, moving with purpose, and none challenged them in the confusion.
...
''My Mother.'' Rose clung to the newspaper and somewhere deep inside she found some relief. ''She's alive.''
Jack peered over her shoulder at the survivors list.
''Cal also.''
Jack watched Rose's reaction and she threw the paper onto the floor. ''I had to know about my mother.''
They had taken shelter in a refuge in the part of Manhattan Rose had never seen but now called her home. Jack had spent the last two days begging for work and had since found some. He had made a few dollars selling newspaper on the streets on New York, press mostly covering news of the sinking, he had also sold fruit and vegetables with Irish immigrants and had made enough money to buy Rose a pen and some paper.
''I love to write, I feel very contained when I have all of these thoughts wrapped in my head and so I have to get them out on paper...'' She had told him the night before.
Together they had collective and vivid imaginations and he couldn't help but wonder just what she would write about.
She sat on the bed they had shared for the last two nights. It was hard but neither of them minded. He watched her. She was so beautiful, her hair hung in those emerald green eyes. Something stirred inside of him and it was a longing.
''I love you, Rose Dawson.''
The words she had heard but not fully accepted. The words no person had ever told her before. She stood from her bed. She suspected his feelings but nothing had prepared her for the moment he said them aloud.
He leant forward and kissed her just once on the lips. Barely grazing but the touch was still there. The buzz grew weaker and weaker. She sagged with relief against his body, but now she felt like she needed more.
''I feel like I know all of you.'' He whispered. She was weak in his arms.
''You hardly know anything.''
He bit his lip, needing to know more. ''I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you in my whole life.''
She touched her lips with her index finger as he pulled away from her. They had opened a can of worms and it would get worse from here on out. The longing and the ache wouldn't grow duller but purer and stronger. He kept his hand on his cheek and slowly leant forward. He kissed the right side of her neck, so tenderly to the point where she shivered with weakness. Her whole body was ready to crumple beneath him.
He trailed kissed just to the top of her shoulder before he stopped. He pulled away seeing her eyes flutter open. She was so breathless. He stopped himself from kissing her again, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop.
''Jack, I love you too.''
He placed his hand on her cheek. ''I swear that I will never let you go.''
She was touched by him; he meant the words from the bottom of his soul. She grabbed his hands, gripping them so strong.
She touched his hand for a moment, keeping the warmth and trying to capture the moment in her head, to keep the memory and to remember just how perfect this moment felt. Was this what love felt like? The intensity of a single stare was magnificent.
''Protect me.'' She whispered into his shirt.
Their hands entwined and touched each other. He clutched her to him tightly, needing to feel his body press so firmly against hers. She leant against him, feeling her body ache for him so much. She was so intoxicated that she couldn't stop. They pulled each other so closely as though their lives depended on it. The passion which had exploded was immense and she felt the need to feel his naked torso pressed so tightly against her own. She could hear his breathe, the raggedness and the struggle which he had kept up for so long. She had her own struggle but now she felt the unhappiness drain away from her body and it was replaced by a strong need to be with Jack, an almost animal longing which only grew stronger.
She pushed him away for a moment with her right hand on his chest.
''Do you promise to protect me?''
He nodded. ''I will with my life, I will take you away from here tomorrow and I will protect you. I will love all of you and not stop.''
He touched her face with his palm and then he spoke to her with such sincerity her legs almost buckled. She ached for him again and this time it was her who crushed her body to his and her lips against his. He could feel himself losing control even more and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. She fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before. She could feel herself ache. He stopped kissing her lips and trailed soft hungry kisses down her neck and she shivered.
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed :-) leave me a message for any comments which you may have. Also the song All of Me by John Legend is the inspiration for the title of this :)
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