Drunken Truths

Bernard lit his 10th cigarette of the morning and inhaled deeply. He poured his 4th glass of wine and felt himself begin to settle in to the day. The older he got the more artificial stimulants it took to get Bernard started, especially since he also had Manny's early morning cheerfulness to contend with.

Bernard took a long drink from his wine glass. Manny! There was a situation he was going to have to deal with at some time, after last night.

The shop was thankfully empty of customers so Bernard sat back in his chair contemplating the previous evenings events.

Bernard's peaceful thoughts were shattered moments later when Manny stumbled into the room; his old worn rucksack slung over one shoulder.

"I'm all packed," Manny stammered, "I.. erm.. I guess I should be going."

"Somebody asked you to leave?" Bernard pinned Manny to the spot with a penetrating stare.

"Well… I just assumed… after, you know.. I figured…"

"Oh for god's sake Manny, sit down and have a glass of wine."

Manny found his way into the chair beside Bernard's desk and poured himself a drink, his eyes never leaving Bernard for a second.

"So, where were you going?" Bernard nodded casually towards the bag Manny had dropped to the floor.

"Not really sure, Fran's I suppose, I just thought…" Manny gulped his wine nervously.

"You making breakfast then? And this floor needs a sweep." Bernard picked up a book from his desk and began to read, taking no more notice of Manny as he rose from his seat, he had his instructions for the day, and he wasn't about to be made homeless. Manny sighed inwardly as the relief washed over him.

"And when you've finished that, we really need a talk," Bernard's eyes never left his book, but Manny could still feel them burning into his back.

A short while later, after Bernard had been fed and the floor swept, Manny reluctantly resumed his seat beside Bernard's desk, lowering himself into the chair gently in the hope that Bernard wouldn't notice.

"Is that really all you own?" Bernard was looking at the bag Manny had left in the corner of the shop earlier, a pitiful collection of brightly coloured shirts and a few pairs of shorts, it wasn't much to show for a life.

Manny shrugged, "It's all I need."

Bernard slowly turned his eyes towards Manny, their gazes becoming locked, neither man moving.

"So about last night." It was the phrase Manny had been dreading, a flush rose to his cheeks, evident even through his beard as the memory of the previous evening returned to him.

----

They had both been drunk. Very drunk. The wine had been flowing for several hours and showed no signs of stopping.

Bernard was sat in his usual place, behind his desk, king of all he surveyed. Manny was slouched in the chair opposite him, trying desperately to make the room stop spinning.

Manny had been living with Bernard for several years now, but he was still no match for the Irishman when it came to drinking. Nobody could equal Bernard's ability to consume alcohol, with the possible exception of Fran.

Bernard topped their glasses once more, raising his to the light appreciatively.

"Mmm, good wine."

"Great wine," Manny agreed, his voice slurring slightly, "The wine is always good here Bernard. Everything is good here."

"Now I know you're drunk."

"No, no, it's true," Manny tried in vain to raise himself in his seat, "I know you can be a bit mean to me sometimes, and want to fire me, and hurt me and…." Manny trailed of for a moment struggling to remember the point he was making, "But most of the time life is good, we're happy here aren't we Bernard? I'm happy here, I really love you Bernard."

Bernard's head snapped up, he observed the drunken man carefully; he noted Manny's slouched position in his chair, his ever so glazed eyes and reassured himself that it was just the drink talking.

"You should go to bed Manny, you've had enough. You'll regret it in the morning."

"No Bernard, listen, I mean it," Manny slammed his hand down on the desk, causing the wine bottle and glasses to shake, "I know you think I'm just drunk, but it's not that. OK I am drunk, but I'll still love you when I'm sober, I always have. Bernard why do you think I've stuck around for so long?"

Manny stared at Bernard, his eyes pleading, desperate for a response, his fingertips reaching out searching for contact.

"Manny go to bed. NOW. I don't want to talk about this, just go." Bernard's tone was harsh, angry and Manny knew better than to argue. He jumped shakily from his chair and half ran, half stumbled to the stairs, tears beginning to blur his vision as he made his way to his room.

Manny collapsed onto the bed, closing his eyes desperately trying to stop the room from spinning. He couldn't believe that he had just been so stupid. To tell Bernard how he felt, after all this time, when things had been going along so smoothly. Manny groaned softly at his drunken outburst, remembering the anger on Bernard's face.

Bernard's face. It was something that Manny was well acquainted with. He had watched and admired it for many years now. Manny clearly remembered the first time he had seen Bernard, sat behind his desk, looking down on all the customers who dared enter his shop. Manny had been one such customer, stressed out and hating his job he had entered in search of "The Little Book of Calm". Bernard had showed his usual contempt for his customers by offering Manny every book other than the one he had asked for, that wicked little grin never leaving his face. Even in his stressed out state Manny had seen the beauty there. Some time later after Manny had managed to consume The Little Book his feet had somehow brought him back to this strange shop, just in time to come into contact with those skinheads. Bernard had saved him that day, and then Manny had been able to save Bernard from his accounts. The rest was history, and now it could very well all be over.

There was nothing Manny could do now. He would pack in the morning and leave, before Bernard made him.

---

"I'm really sorry Bernard, I shouldn't have said anything," Manny tore his eyes away from Bernard's stare, his fingers toying nervously with the empty wine glass on the table.

"Did you mean it?" Bernard's tone was calm, he could have been asking Manny to pass the jam.

Manny raised his eyes slightly, looking at Bernard through his eyelashes. He didn't seem angry, not like last night, maybe things would be all right after all.

"I meant it," Manny's reply was quiet, almost a whisper.

"Good." Bernard seemed satisfied that that was then end of the matter and proceeded to light his cigarette before picking up a book and settling down to read.

Manny felt confused. That was it? That was the conversation he had been dreading all morning? It didn't make any sense. Manny watched Bernard carefully, waiting for something more, anything more. But Bernard seemed content to read his book, his raised his hand casually, running his fingers through his mass of unkempt hair, an unconscious act that Manny witnessed a hundred times a day. An act that Manny had wanted to copy a hundred times a day. To feel that hair beneath his fingertips, Manny sighed forcing himself to look away.

"Only the thing is," Bernard's sudden remark made Manny jump, "I would hate to think you said it as a joke."

Bernard was smiling. Not his usual grin that meant he was about to do something mean, but a genuine smile, one that lit his face and brought out those beautiful dimples.

"It wasn't a joke, I meant every word," Manny wasn't sure where this conversation was going, after last nights anger it seemed strange that Bernard now wanted Manny to tell him how he felt, but then the workings of Bernard's mind were a mystery, most of the time even to Bernard himself.

"Right, that's good then," Bernard extinguished his cigarette. Manny felt himself frozen in place by Bernard's intense gaze, his dark eyes burning into the very depths of Manny's soul.

Bernard rose from his seat, moving gracefully around the desk, never releasing Manny's eyes as he lent over, whispering in a conspiratorial manner,

"Because if it had been a joke then this would be a very bad idea."

Manny's breath caught in his chest as he felt Bernard's mouth on his, his lips firm yet soft, the gentle tongue finding its way inside. Manny reached up trembling hands, finally feeling able to touch Bernard's hair, he sank his fingers deep into the unruly mess, luxuriating in the feel of it running through his fingers, a soft moan escaped from him.

Bernard eased back from Manny slowly, straightening up, a gentle smile on the lips that had so recently been pressed against Manny's.

"What? How…why…?" A million questions spun in Manny's brain fighting to be asked, "You were so angry last night."

Bernard took Manny's hands in his own, pulling the man to his feet, brushing his lips with another gentle kiss.

"I'm sorry about that," Bernard stroked Manny's cheek with his fingertips, fascinated for a moment at the feel of Manny's beard beneath them. "I wasn't expecting… what you said."

"God Bernard, I thought you were appalled, disgusted." Manny leaned his face against the warmth of Bernard's fingers, relishing this simple contact more than the thought possible.

"I was surprised, shocked, that you could say what I …" Bernard paused for a second looking down to his feet, his gaze creeping slowly back to Manny's eyes, drinking in the affection he found in those bright blue pools, "That you could say what I've been afraid to."

Manny looked at Bernard in amazement, he couldn't quite believe what he had just heard. "Bernard, are you saying..?"

Bernard pulled the man towards him, his arms locking Manny in a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry Manny, I guess I just thought that YOU would be disgusted!" Bernard smiled sheepishly; his hands trailed a path up Manny's back, burying themselves in the soft golden strands of his hair, "We seem to have a lot of time to make up for," he breathed before pulling Manny in close, their mouths finding each other again.