AN: I have a suggestion as to a song to listen to while Draco is ranting about Harry. It's called Potions Yesterday, by MoM. Great vid too. .com/watch?v=dEIpCCAh0T0
DISCLAIMER: sigh. If you recognize it, it's not mine.
Dear Granger. No, Scratch that. Ehem. How about Hate granger? Nononono… Enemy Granger? Enemy… Rival? No… What about just Mudblood. Maybe? …no, that doesn't look right. Hello Mudbitch? Yes. I think that's the one. Ehem. To commencement.
Hello Mudbitch,
I am writing you this letter so as to exemplify on how much I DO hate you. I thought I'd take a page out of the Dark Lord's (PRAISE HIM!) book. I've noticed that he sends letters once or twice a week to Scar Dork. Stupid face with that stupid scar and that stupid smirk and those STUPID glasses and that stupid wand and too big clothing! I mean really! Who exactly does he think he is? A house elf? Even those Weasle Freaks have clothing that fits! Tell him to buy some new robes! Honestly! I'll even pay for them myself!
Oh my, but I digress. The Dark Lord (PRAISE HIM!) writes bi-weekly letters to Mr. I-have-a-hero-complex to let him know how his life is going. And the orphan writes back, did he tell you? They're very close, even though they are the bane of each other's existence. Needless to say, we Death Eaters know everything about what's going on in his life. I hear Ginny's a wonderful shag by the way. Oh! He didn't tell you? That's right he didn't! Oh clumsy me. Oh well! They go at it like bunnies every other day in the room of requirements. Have done for a few months now. He said he hasn't told either of you because he wasn't sure how Weasleby would react.
So I thought, maybe I could do something similar. Because as Scar face Hero Complex is the Dark Lord's (PRAISE HIM!) bane, you are mine. It would only be courteous to keep in touch, yes?
Respond or I will kill you,
~Draco Abraxeous Malfoy