Disclaimer: The characters you recognise do not belong to me. The situations are fictional and are not intended to bare any resemblance to any situations past or present.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Author Unknown James Potter Vs P.M.S.
In which James faces every boy's worst nightmare. Which needless to say he is completely unprepared for.
James sighed as he stared at Lily. They were supposed to be studying potions but James preferred to study Lily. They had been going out for two weeks, three days, 4 hours fifteen minutes and (he glanced at the clock) ten seconds.
As Lily shifted in her seat, he turned his gaze back to her. Life was perfect. To perfect.
"James, why are you staring at me?" Lily asked without bothering to look up.
"No reason." James replied nonchalantly as he leaned back in his chair.
"There is always a reason. Why are you staring at me?" Lily demanded suspicious.
"Er because you are so increasingly beautiful?" James said hesitantly. This was not going the way he thought it should. A dark sense of foreboding swept over him.
"Ok what did you do?" Lily asked swallowing her anger.
"What do you mean what did I do?" James protested.
"Potter you are obviously up to something. There has been a lull in pranks for nearly an hour. What are you up to?" Lily snarled her temper getting the better of her.
"I am not up to anything." James protested.
"Then what are your friends up to?" Lily demanded.
"Nothing." James protested.
"Potter." Lily growled.
"Lily trust me we are up to nothing." James said honestly.
"There in lies the problem." Lily replied caustically.
"What is the problem?" asked James confused
"You are just trying to lull me into a false sense of security." Lily snapped.
"Lily what are you on about?" asked James bemused.
"For the past six years you have pulled pranks on me."
"So?"
"Potter I trust you as far as I can throw you."
"What's with this Potter business? I thought we agreed that we were on a first name basis Evans." James retorted hurt that she would think such a thing.
"We are." Lily snapped.
"Then why are you calling me Potter?"
"If you don't know then I am not telling you."
"Lily what have I done?"
Lily simply glared at James in reply.
"Lily darling what have I done?"
Lily calmly gathered up her things and the equally calmly threw a pot of ink at James in reply. James instinctively ducked and Sirius caught the inkpot. "What did I do?" James asked perplexed at this sudden turn of events. The poor boy couldn't work out what he could have possibly have done.
"Oh dear Prongs." said Sirius in mock sympathy as he sat down opposite James.
"What did I do Padfoot? One minute we were studying and the next she's throwing ink pots at me." James said bemused.
"Hormones." Sirius said knowledgeably.
"Hormones?" asked James confused.
"That's what all the girls have said."
"They would." Remus said as he at down next to Sirius.
"Where have you been Moony?" James asked.
"I was being interrogated by a Hufflepuff as to whether Padfoot was available or not." Remus explained patiently.
"Impossible, a Hufflepuff wouldn't know how." said James.
"What did you say?" asked Sirius smirking,
"She was better off asking God," said Remus shaking his head.
"I am not." Sirius said his smirk widening if such a thing were possible.
"Not seeing anyone, not available or not asking God?" asked Remus.
"Any, all, either. What ever suits you."
"I think Padfoot has been at the fire whisky again," said James amused.
"I am trying to be mysterious actually," said Sirius in affronted tones.
Remus groaned.
"What? All the girls like a tall dark handsome mysterious bloke."
"All girls like chocolate but that doesn't mean they want to shag It." said James
"Moony likes chocolate, are you calling him a girl?" Sirius taunted.
"Moony is different."
"How am I different?" asked Remus calmly.
"Well there is you furry problem," said James quietly.
"Yeah you get really bad P.M.T." Sirius sniggered.
"Which is probably what Lily has but I don't."
"You do get Pre Moon Tension."
"I do not!" said Remus indignantly.
"See that is a classic symptom, denying it. You ask any girl and she will deny that she gets P.M.T."
"Padfoot either you can shut up or you can do your own homework for the next month."
"I do my own homework anyway." Sirius protested.
"Then you pass it to me to correct." Remus said rolling his eyes.
"I do not!" Sirius exclaimed.
"No if it is 'that time of the month' he passes it to me instead. No offence mate but..." James shrugged.
Remus constrained himself to another eye roll.
"So we have decided that Lily most likely has P.M.T..." James began
"And so does Moony." Sirius added under his breath.
Remus kicked Sirius and nodded in agreement with James.
"What do I do?" whined Sirius.
"You could take her some chocolate and apologise for what ever you have done to upset her." suggested Remus.
"How can I apologise if I don't know what I have done?" James protested.
"You do it all the time. Remember when you apologised for..."
James turned vibrant red at the memory. "Yes but I was covering for Romeo here." He said pointing to Sirius.
"What did I do?" Sirius asked.
"You sent Lestrange an anonymous love letter, only the dozy sod that you are you sent it with Prongs' Owl. So Prongs had to take the flack for you."
"And how many times have I done the same for him? What about the time I claimed responsibility for the twelve singing house elves dressed as red roses that he sent to darling Lily for Valentines Day?" Sirius retorted.
"So you have both covered for each other. We all have. The point is that Lily is not thinking clearly. The best thing to do would be to go and apologise. By now she will have probably calmed down."
"Probably?" exclaimed James
"Almost definitely." agreed Sirius.
"Almost definitely?" James repeated.
"Are you going to repeat everything we say?" Remus asked.
"Are you going to repeat everything we say?" James mimicked.
Remus and Sirius looked at each other, nodded and in perfect unison they both lunged for James.
With all the grace he showed in the air James did a perfect back flip of the chair and ran up to the girls dormitory. Taking the stairs three at a time to avoid them changing.
When he pushed open the door he saw Lily pacing up and down.
"What do you want?" she snapped.
"I am sorry Lily, I didn't mean to upset you." James said quietly.
"Oh James," Lily sighed. "It's not your fault, I am just worried."
"About what?" asked James as he sat down o her bed.
"Well I know this sounds silly but there is all this talk of Muggle born not being true witches and..." she paused. "Well you are a pure blood and I m not and I get so worried that I am not good enough for you."
James laughed.
"There is nothing to laugh about!" snapped Lily indignantly.
"No you are right. You're not good enough for me." James said seriously. Lily began to cry.
"You are far to good for me." qualified James. "You are perfect. You get the top grades; you look stunning no matter what. You're kind to animals. Hell you are even kind to Snape."
"Oh James." Lily sobbed.
"I don't care what any one says. I know you are perfect and that's good enough for me."
Lily laughed "Since when were you more grown up then me?"
"Since you started going out with me." James smirked.
Lily shook her head.
"Now I do believe that its time for dinner." James stood up. "Care to accompany me Miss Evans?" he asked as he offered her his arm.
"Certainly Mr Potter." Lily replied as she swept a curtsy. "It would be an houner."
James smiled and opened the door as he did he noticed a distinct sinking feeling. "What.." he began.
The stairs had changed and before either of them could blink, Lily and James were in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
"Did I tell you that you look gorgeous lately?" said James as he sat up.
"I don't believe you did," said Lily with a smile.
A/N
So this was my first marauder story, it is designed to stand-alone but I might add a couple of sequels from the other marauders perspectives as and when I get the time. Reviews will help.