Days Before I Walk Beside You
Disclaimer: I own nothing about this besides the plot, Marri, and the poem. But that is probably obvious. Anything else falls under the not owned by me catagory. Which is a lot of stuff.
Only warnings are: Intentional hints at Incest and some little tiny tiny bit of Kai/Rei near the end of the story. And by that I mean its obvious but it is not like :Oh look at me! I am horribly Yaoi: Trust me, it's just not... so, yep... that's it... There isn't even bad words in here... Oh, a last warning: contains one piece at the very end of really really bad poetry. Yep. That's it.
Um.. her name is not pronounced Mary, its more like Marr rhymes with par and add the ee from bee. Yep, in my obsessiveness, I felt it was necessary to point that out... just cause it's an odd name really... (In other words, I don't mean to insult anyone's intelligence)
-0-0-0-
She is silent as I enter the room. I've been here a lot in the past month. More than I usually am. The rest of my team is starting to worry. That's fine. It isn't like I care.
I watch as the machine pushes air into her. It keeps her alive. It keeps me coming back here. I know it sounds weird, but I do care. About her.
I cross the room and open the curtains. "I'm back again Marri." I turn to her and watch for the reaction I know will not come. I know it won't, but that's okay. I look anyway. Does this surprise anyone? It seems so normal to me now. She's been here for a long time. And I keep coming. I keep walking through that door, opening the curtains and looking at her while I speak. I keep waiting for her typical response.
"Hey!" And she laughs. She is so happy, and so immature. She's only nine, come to think of it, and I'm only eight, so it isn't that surprising. She continues laughing as she runs from me, out into the woods that she loves so much. Wild child. That is what everyone calls her. She is wild. "Hey, Kai! Come with me!" And she pulls me into the woods with her. I never even saw her come out of the woods, but it does not bother me. She is the only person I have never been able to predict at all. She is the one who makes everyone wonder how perceptive they are.
She seems younger than me. And at the same time, I know she is older than me. It's an odd concept sometimes, but that is how our relationship has been for our entire lives. Since I was in our mother's tummy and you were almost one and I was born. We've had this strange relationship.
They say that girls mature faster than boys. Sometimes I have to disagree. I was the older one. I was the 'older' brother, even though I was nine months younger than her. Does that surprise anyone? It surprised me when I realized that not all families, not all siblings were like we were. We never argued. She never said no to me. Never tried to take something back if I took it from her.
I remember all these things at once. It is the flood that swallows me every time I step into her room. I don't want to remember, but I certainly don't wish to forget. I don't ever want to forget who she was. Who she is, she isn't gone yet.
I talk to her about trivial things. About the training sessions and how hard I work Tyson in particular. She lays there, her eyes closed, never saying a word. Never giving any sign that she hears me at all. There is just the steady beep of the machine hooked to her and the regular foosh of the breathing machine. And still I talk. Her silence is welcomed. And in no way surprising.
I've already told her about my team members. How annoying Tyson is, how hyper Max usually is and how he gets worse on sugar. I've told her about Kenny and Dizzi, the perfect team all by themselves, they can figure out anything together. I tell her about Rei a lot. He's so calm all of the time, so sure of himself most of the time. He never gets angry when I don't respond to him. He just tells me things sometimes. Normally he tells me when I don't really care to listen, but that's okay.
I tell her that I've changed since she knew me. Since she last had her eyes open. I'm not who she remembers I tell her, brushing some of her long hair. I've managed to get it out from underneath her and into my hand, slowly brushing the slate colored strands with a bright white brush. I do this until I notice that the brush is not exactly white. At least not compared to her skin. She is so white, so pale…
I throw the brush away in disgust. "What's wrong with these people?" I ask her, "Why do they put things like that in your room?" I feel so angry. But I now that I am not going to hurt anyone because of it. Instead, when a nurse comes in to 'check' on her, I request that she find a different brush to bring in here. Preferably purple, as that was her favorite color. The nurse scurries out in fear because I am not requesting so much as yelling.
"Its okay, Marri. I'll have everything fine here in a moment." I say, then look out the window. Hadn't realized that had been in here so long. It was dark outside. The sun had already set and everything.
I stay until the nurse comes back in carrying a purple brush, which she sets on the bed stand, and then she rushes out. I close the curtains. I walk over to the sleeping girl. "Good night, Marri. I'll be back another time." I brush her pale cheek with my tanned fingers. They are only tanned in comparison to her flesh, which is cold with an underlying feeling of hidden heat.
I leave, sparing her one last look and then turn off the light.
-0-0-0-
I return to the hotel that we are staying at. To my disappointment, everyone is still awake. Max sees me walk through the door.
"Hey Kai! Where've you been all day?" He asks, almost too loudly. Which I suppose one could call his norm.
"Hn." Is my only reply as I walk past him. He looks at me kind of strangely. Not that I care. Even if he is concerned… well that's really not my problem, now is it?
I continue into the living room. Tyson looks up at me and asks the same thing that Max asked. He receives the same answer. Kenny looks up at me and says absolutely nothing as I pass. Rei watches me go into our shared room, but he doesn't say anything either. I don't care. Why should I? But he normally says something to me…
I shut the door quietly, careful not to let my visit with Marri to allow my emotions to go overly evident. In other words, I try not to act like I am upset, so I shut the door quietly as opposed to slamming it shut.
On second thought, maybe I was being too cautious, because a moment later someone knocked on the door. "Kai?" Rei called gently through the door.
"What?" I am annoyed; I just want to be left to my thoughts.
"May I come in?" He asks.
My mind says no, but "Whatever," is what comes out of my mouth. So he opens the door. That's Rei for you. Not that I told him not to come in. But we're sharing a room, so what was I supposed to say? Things are too complicated sometimes.
Rei turns on the light and looks at me. My eyes are shut and I am sitting on the bed, but I can feel him looking at me. He shuts the door, then walks over, and sits on the bed beside me.
"Kai…" He's hesitant. He's worried. I can hear it in his voice. "Is something bothering you?" He asks. Yes.
"No." It's a lie. I know I'm lying. The question is does he know? I open my eyes slightly, just enough to see him. The way he looks at me, I know he believes that I am lying.
"If you want to talk…" He said softly. I already have someone to talk to. "I can listen." Marri does that well enough. I know what he means, but my mind is being uncooperative with nice thoughts. Not that I ever say the nice thoughts unless it becomes important that I do so, but I usually have a choice list of what to say. Not tonight.
Rei shifts uncomfortably on the bed, he looks down at his hands. I open my eyes completely.
"You seem very distracted." Rei told me. This hadn't crossed my mind. "If there's anything I can help you with, you know I will." He doesn't say anything for a long time. We sit in silence, it seems loud, but it isn't all that uncomfortable.
"I know, Rei." I realize that I normally wouldn't say something like this. So he looks up, his golden eyes shine with surprise. He wants me to say more. I'm not sure that I can. I want to; I need to. It's just that I usually admit things like this to Marri, not to anyone else.
"Is there something bothering you?" He asks again. I want to say no and I want to say yes. This is getting confusing.
"Uh… yes." I finally admit this. But I don't want to explain at all. Our eyes are locked together now.
"Is it why you've been leaving and staying out so long?" He wants to know, and he's trying not to push me too far. He's very careful, like always.
"Yes." Another long silence fills the room. It's hard to tell him about Marri, and I want to.
"Where have you been going?" His golden eyes are shining with curiosity now.
"To the hospital." He is taken aback. He was not expecting that. I knew he was going to be a little less careful now.
"Are you.. I mean… You're not… are you? Everything's fine, right?" He's stumbling, I've scared him. I didn't mean to. I reach out and put one finger over his lips, he freezes completely. I think it's the contact, I hardly ever allow contact, much less initiate it.
"I'm fine. I've been going to the hospital to see someone." He looks crestfallen. And confused. I draw my hand away from him slowly. He sits there blinking his golden orbs at me.
"You've… been going… to see somebody?" He repeats blankly. "Who's at the… hospital?" He seems to be trying to compute something in his head.
"Marri." He has no idea who this is. That's okay. I wanted to tell him, now for a long time. And, I've finally allowed myself to be 'led' into the conversation.
"Marri?" He tilts his head to the side, looking even more confused, and yet relieved. Suddenly he leans back on one of his arms. He's staring at me, not that he had quit staring at me since he had walked in here. Well, he had, but that hadn't lasted long.
"Yes." My pause makes him almost lean closer, waiting for me to explain. "She's my sister." His jaw comes down slightly. He shakes his head and then looks like he didn't understand.
I draw my knees up and hug them to my chest, an unusual position for me when around someone else. His eyes slide over my entire body. "My sister, Marri." I repeat myself, I feel like I'm fourteen again. It feels like it's just after the accident. Like she had just been there with me, sitting there, okay, awake, aware. Everything she wasn't now.
"Your sister?" He was making sure he heard me right. I nod slightly.
"Yes," I emphasize.
"I wasn't aware you had… is she alright?" His mind is jumbled. He only ever flips his sentences like that when he is feeling jumbled.
"No." His eyes close slightly, he actually looks sad.
"Is she going to be okay?" He is being careful again. He doesn't want to upset me.
"No."
"Kai, I'm sorry." He reaches out and lays one hand on my shoulder. Rei realizes what he has done and goes to pull away.
"It's okay." I mean two things by this, one in response to his apology-of-sorts, and the other is about his hand being on me. I gently touch his hand with one of my own. He leaves his hand on my shoulder. He gives me a small, sorrow-filled smile. I don't want him to be sorry; I don't want him to be upset. I don't want to feel like I do. We sit there in silence for a while. This silence is comforting. It is the same silence I feel when I sit in Marri's room. I feel safe there, with her. I feel safe… with Rei. "Do you… want to meet her?" I feel weird asking this. I wonder if he'll think I'm crazy if he does meet her.
"Would she mind if I went with you?" He doesn't know, how can he know? I didn't tell him.
"She would love to." There's a word I don't say. 'Love.' Yet I just did. I just told him something that was true. Completely true. I know that if she were awake… she would have loved Rei. And I know because she loved me. She loved everything about me, she loved how I was bitter most of the time, she loved my friends, it never mattered that I was her brother. She loved me. I give him the smallest smile, it was little more than the edges of my mouth turning upwards, but it was a smile.
He smiled back at me. He squeezed my shoulder, his attempt at some sort of comfort that I really didn't find necessary. But that was okay.
He yawned suddenly. I smirked. "Go to bed Rei." He smiled at me and shook his head, yet he still rose and got ready to sleep. He was his own bed before I turned out the light.
-0-0-0-
Morning came and I woke suddenly. I was sweating and shaking. I had heard her so clearly. I knew the memory so well, it wasn't bad… It was just not accepted. What we had done was wrong, according to society anyway.
Marri was never very accepting of society anyway. She thought it was mostly a waste of time to be part of society. She also thought it was a waste of time to worry what society thought. I know now that she was showing me that it was okay to be anything. To be whatever I wanted to be. I look over at Rei, knowing Marri would have approved of what I was planning on, what I was feeling. She would have loved Rei because she loved everything I loved. I smile to myself and watch as Rei turned over in his sleep.
I got up and got dressed silently. I let him sleep for another hour, and at eight I went over to him and sat down on his bed. "Rei?"
"Mm…" He buried his head under the covers.
I laid a hand on the blankets and pulled them away from him. He curled up with the sudden change in temperature.
"Rei." I brushed fingers across his bare shoulder. I had never noticed that he slept without a shirt.
"Kai…?" He asked, one of his eyes opening and staring up at me, looking like he was hardly awake. Well, I had just woken him up. He reached up and rubbed his eyes with his palm. I put both my hands in my lap.
"Are you awake now?" He blinks at me. Then his eyes widen as he remembered our conversation last night. He sits up.
"Uh… yeah… just let me get dressed." He sounds groggy. He gets up and begins to get dressed; I look away and shut my eyes. Marri would have been okay with Rei. This is something I must assure myself.
As soon as we were both ready, we walked to the hospital. It really wasn't that far away. Just about a mile and one half. When we walked in, the nurses greeted us. They greeted me by name. That's how much I've been here recently.
We walked to the elevator and went to the second floor. Rei followed me silently to her room. I entered the room first. I turned on the light. "I'm back again Marri." I walk into the room and open the curtains. Rei was still in the doorway. I looked at him expectantly. He walked in.
He froze when he looked around. His eyes rested silently on Marri. "Marri, I've brought Rei with me. I told you awhile ago I'd bring him." I head over to the bedside table and bring out the purple brush. I look at Rei. "This is Marri." I smile slowly, sadly. His golden eyes drift down to her, laying prone on the bed, covered by a thin sheet and a thin purple blanket with snowflakes and trees on it. There were wolves running through the trees. Everything on it was in shades of purple.
Her chest rose and fell with the sound of the machine making her breathe. "She's on a ventilator." I pause as his sad eyes drift up to look into my face. "She can't breathe on her own." I adjust some of her hair so that it isn't under her.
"Kai… is she… in a coma?" Rei looked very lost, and very sad. Because of me.
"Yes." I brush her slate hair in silence because I'm not used to talking to her with anyone else in the room and Rei isn't sure what to say.
In silence, he goes to her other side and pulls a chair over to sit beside her. He is sitting across from me.
"This… is Marri?" He asked, looking her over. His eyes lingered on her white face, her chiseled cheeks and nose. Her flesh was smooth and unblemished.
"Yes."
Rei took a deep breath. "Hello, Marri. I'm a friend of your brother's." He reached out to touch her face. He paused.
"Go ahead." He looks at me, then back at her and touches her cheek gently. He looks so shocked. I know her skin is softer than it looks. I remember it pressed against my own just a few years ago. And I often touch her face when I come here. Just to remind myself that she is real, that she isn't some spectral form. It is a long time before either of us speaks. "Do you think I'm weird, Rei?" I take a breath, "Coming here, so often… to see her?" I am looking at him. His hand pauses on her cheek and he thinks about this, then he looks up and meets my gaze.
"No. I understand that you come here because you need to." He gave me a small smile. He looks kind of shocked. "Do you mind me asking something?"
"Go ahead." I go back to brushing her soft hair.
"How long…?" He can't ask. I know he can't. His mouth freezes, or maybe his tongue does. Either way, he doesn't continue.
"How long has she been like this?" I make sure that this is what he wanted to know, but knowing that I would tell him more today than he would want to know. Or at least more than he would want to ask. Rei nodded. "Since I was fourteen. She was fifteen."
Rei calculated this in his mind. "So she's been in here three years? She's eighteen?"
"Nineteen today." I don't want him to see my pain. I have a big decision to make today. She had asked this of me when she had last been able to speak.
"She's your older sister." He stated this simply.
"Yes and no." I look up to his confused expression. "Can you bring your chair over here, Rei?" I know I am speaking softly, I have to. There are a lot of things that I would have to tell him today. I was partly afraid that he would refuse my simple request.
He got up, picked up the chair, and walked around to sit the chair beside another that was already sitting behind me. He sat down in the chair. That was the first little piece. I knew that the next pieces would not be quite so easy.
"What did you mean 'yes and no?'?" He asks me, looking up at me.
"She was born before me, yes. She was usually very child-like, so it was usually me who looked after her, as if it had been me that had been the oldest."
Rei nodded silently beside me. He understands that at least. A part of the next piece.
"She was a free spirit most of the time. Very wild and against the whole idea of society. Or at least the acceptance of society." I sat down in my own chair and put the brush away. "Most people called her a 'wild child.' She was very wild, and very loving. Extremely gentle and kind. She was nice to everyone, everything. She even had friends in the forest surrounding our home. Animals of various sorts. She often dragged me off there and we would visit with them." I sigh wistfully.
"You miss her don't you?" Rei asks me that, laying a hand on my arm.
"Very much." I wonder if I told him now, would he still touch me. Would he still seek physical contact? I'm not sure that he would. It causes a pain deep in my heart. I have a heart. I know I do. Because it breaks with every thought of Marri and Rei. With the thought of them both leaving me. "She loved everyone, Rei. She wanted everyone to be happy, to be themselves. I didn't know that I could be anything close to happy. She was always smiling though, always happy." I smile softly at Marri. Her mouth is filled hit the ventilator tube. She never smiles now.
"Do you think I'm selfish, Rei?" I say this suddenly, it would seem random to him, but I had my reasons.
"Selfish?" He asked, he wasn't following what I was asking. I looked at him. His fingers tightened on my arm. "You mean because of Marri." He smiled softly at me. He didn't stop to think this time. "No. What you just said, that she wanted everyone to be happy, I think she would have wanted her brother to be happy. That if she knew that you needed her to stay here with her, even like this, she would want it. You aren't selfish for asking something she would have already given." Rei smiles at me. I nod. He has filled the second piece. I am afraid of him fulfilling all of this. It means that the last piece is closer and closer each time.
"Thank you." This is the softest thing I've ever said. I look back to Marri. "She did want everyone to be happy. She loved me." He paused. "She was my first."
"What?" He sounds very confused. I look over to him, turning my head towards him first, and then slowly dragging my eyes over until I was staring into his very confused golden orbs.
"I was thirteen, and growing up. I asked her what it was like, sleeping with someone. She asked me if I wanted her to show me." I am staring at Rei, but I am not seeing him.
"Marri, can I ask you something?" I had just caught up with her. She had been walking in the forest. She paused and looked at me; she gave me a broad grin.
"Sure, go ahead and ask." It was a rare moment in which I was acknowledging her small seniority between us.
She continued walking at a slow pace, looking straight ahead. She never actually looked around when we walked on the path, which we were. There were many trees around us, many smaller plants.
"What's it like?" I ask, walking beside her, looking at the ground as I asked something I was almost afraid to ask.
Her long blue dress trailed behind her, even her sleeves trailed behind her, because the wind was blowing them back. It took her hair behind her. "What's what like, Kai?" Her smile had gone down to just upturned corners of her mouth.
"Being… with someone… you know…sleeping with someone…" I trailed off.
"You're thirteen, why are you worrying about this?" It was the first time I had ever seen her frown. Her eyes had taken on a tired look that I could see even though she was still looking straight forward.
"Because… someday… I'll have to know. So I don't disappoint the person…" She whipped towards me on the word disappoint. She gripped both of my shoulders and shook me.
"Don't you ever, ever worry about disappointing anyone but yourself!" She seemed much older than her fourteen years. Her crimson eyes were hard. "Don't ever worry about disappointing society or living up to their expectations! Do you understand me!" Her voice was gruff when she spoke. Not angry, but harsh.
"O…okay…okay… Marri… I…I… understand…" I stuttered out. She stopped shaking me and just stared down into my eyes. Her harshness disappeared. She slid her hands down my arms and took my hands in hers.
"Kai…do you want me to show you what it's like?" She asked, her frown was gone and her hard eyes had softened. Instead, she was just very serious. I looked into her face, then bit my lip and nodded. She released one of my hands and turned back to the path. "I'm sorry I scared you." She said softly. She started walking and I began walking as well, we were still holding hands.
"That's okay, Marri." I said, smiling at her, feeling like it was my job to make her happy again since it had been me to upset her in the first place.
I saw her bite her lip, like I had done. She was still facing forward. "No, it was a bad thing." She looked like she had wanted to say more, so I remained silent. "Kai, I can only show you what it is like to be with a girl. Some people… some men like to be with other men. I can't show you that." I winced when she said that.
"Grandfather said…" I began.
"Never mind what he says, you understand? If it is a guy you need to be happy then go be with a guy." I nod at her, even though she is still facing forward.
"Marri…" I'm nervous asking her.
"Hm?"
"Have you ever been with another girl?"
She didn't reply for a long time. "No." Another long silence took over. "But that doesn't mean you can't be with a guy and it doesn't mean that one day I won't be with another girl." She drew in a big breath. "Kai, when you are ready to choose the person you are going to be with, be sure it is someone you love. Your soul mate. That is the person you need to be with for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter whether they are a girl or a guy. So long as they are your soul mate, your true love. That is all that matters." She swung our hands back and forth while she spoke.
"Marri…"
"Yes?"
"Do you have a soul mate?" She paused in her step when I asked this. She turned her head to look at me.
"Yes." She leaned forward and tilted my head up. She had still been taller than me then. She brushed her lips against mine. "But I am not his." She turned back to the path and continued walking. I came along. "I will still show you what it is like to be with a girl, but we'll have to wait until we get back to the abbey. It's too cold out here."
"She showed me what it was to be with a girl. She was my first." I said, still looking into his face. I focused on his eyes. "Do you find me disgusting?"
"No! I can't find you disgusting, Kai!" He was very sure of this. I'm not sure that this was a good sign. I wanted it to be a good sign. But he was okay with what I had done with Marri when I was thirteen. I turned back to Marri. And reached forward with my free hand and brushed my fingers over her lips.
"She loved me, and I love her, Rei. Can you understand that?"
"Yes, you were more than siblings." He replied, he sounded slightly hurt. He was filling in the pieces so easily. Everything was falling into place.
"She said that everyone has a soul mate. And I believe that. She said that she had one, but her soul mate had a different soul mate. She was not his soul mate. I think she believed that it was a rare occurrence for that." I pause and look at him.
"Her soul mate, was it…?" He trailed off.
"Yes, I think she meant me. I think she knew I would be in love with someone else, that someone else would be my soul mate." I am getting very nervous; the pieces are fitting too nicely. They are falling into place to easily.
"Kai… how did she… become like this?" Rei asked haltingly, he wanted to know, but like the night before, he was afraid to push too hard.
"The day after she… after we were together, my grandfather somehow found out. He sent Boris to punish both of us. Me especially. He thought Marri too much of a free spirit and too child-like to really be at fault." I pause. "She stood up to Boris, saying she was the one who had asked, that I had only agreed to after she had 'warped my mind with her socially-unaccepted ideas.' Boris believed her. He punished her so bad…" I shut my eyes, I could still she her being hit. "When he hit her the last time… Her head connected with the wall and one of the shackles that was connected to the wall. It cracked her skull. She was rushed to their medical lab, but they couldn't revive her. Our grandfather allowed her to be transferred to an outside hospital, in hopes they could get everything to work again. Her body was revived, but they said she was in a coma. They said she might never wake up. That was three years ago." I open my eyes and stare at her. "I can still hear her skull hitting the metal and stone." I can't do anything but stare at her.
By this time, it was lunchtime, and though neither of us was hungry, a nurse brought us food and drinks. We ate a little, but after awhile of not really eating it, we set both plates aside. Then we continued with our talking. I decided it was best just to jump back into everything. It was better than anything else.
"She told me many things when she was awake, she taught me a lot. Many of the things she believed, I still do believe."
"Like what?"
"Soul mates for one. She said that it didn't matter if my soul mate was male or female, so long as I stayed with that person. That's all that mattered. She told me not to listen to our grandfather when he told me it was wrong to love a guy." I look over at Rei, trying to gauge his reaction.
"I think she's right about that." Rei says softly, he was looking at Marri, not me. I slide my arm out of his grasp and slowly slide my hand into his instead. His eyes drift up to mine.
"I'm glad you agree, because I have something else that I must admit." I take a deep breath and remain staring into his golden eyes. "I think I've finally found my soul mate." My fingers squeeze his had gently.
He gives me a very small smile, but his eyes tell me he is happy for me. No, I am wrong about that. He is happy because of me.
"Rei… she knew that I would love someone else, and she knew I would love a guy… She paved the way for me to be okay with how I feel now." I know what I am saying is true. It just is the truth. "I love you Rei." His smile broadens and he squeezes my hand as well. "You… are… you're okay with this?" I am still not certain if he is okay, even though I feel that he is.
"Yes. Very okay with this, I love you Kai." Rei's smile couldn't possibly get any wider. That was the next to last piece. I bite my lip.
"There is one more thing that Marri asked of me." I took a very deep breath; I didn't want this at all. It hurt too much. Rei's smile faltered a little bit.
"What did she ask, Kai?" He smiled at me reassuringly.
"She wanted to make it to be eighteen. And so, I waited that long because she had wanted that. But that isn't what she asked. And then I was afraid that what I thought… who I knew I loved… that you wouldn't accept this part of my past. So I waited another year." I shut my eyes and tried to pull myself together. "She woke up once, for a very, very brief moment. She said 'Kai, I know you don't want to let me go. But when you are ready, when you can make it without me here, you have to. You have to let me go then.' She smiled at me after that, I could see the pain in her eyes. It hurt her being alive like that. She wasn't free. But she told me that. 'Promise me that you will Kai.' And I promised her that I would." I opened my eyes and looked into Rei's eyes. "The last thing she told me was, 'Never be afraid to love, my love, because then you won't miss the chance you get.' She fell back into her coma and hadn't woken up since."
"Are you going to keep that promise?" Rei asked, looking at Kai with worry.
"Yes, you have let all of the pieces fall into place. And I know that Marri would have loved you, because she loved everything I loved." I took a ragged breath. "I think I didn't do this before, because part of me was afraid that she might still wake up. I know that isn't true. She hasn't been here, not her true self, her soul. Not for a very long time. But she loved me, and she wanted to comfort me until I could stand beside my soul mate. Until I could stand beside you, Rei." I stood up and he stood with me, he hugged me and I wrapped my arms around him and put mychin on his shoulder. I shut my eyes. "It's time for me to allow her to leave. For me to allow her to go where she needs to go, even though her soul is already gone."
Rei and I stood there for a long time, just holding each other.
I finally called the nurse in and I told her that it was time to let Marri leave. She asked if I was sure. I looked into Rei's eyes, his arm around my waist and my arm around his. He stood leaning against my side.
"Yes, I'm sure."
-0-0-0-
I am so lonely in my own mind
Yes I hear you talking almost all the time
I know we are much closer than even you could think
I know our sanity is getting closer to the brink
And I'll go over long before you do
And we'll meet at the bottom
And we'll decide where to go
And I want you just to hold me
Even when you told me
It would never be the same
It would never be okay
I still want you and still love you
But I have to ask you
Could you ever let me go
So that finally,
You could go on too?
-0-0-0-
I wrote the poem to go along with this... for no reason really. And you know... I started to cry when I got to the end of this story... agh! I'm crying at the end of a story that probably no one else will cry at... I'm sosilly sometimes... ah well, what else do you expect of me? I cry at animals dying int movies, but not people. I mean, I feel bad when people in real life die... but I don't really care in the movies.. I care only if an animal dies in the movies. So real people/animals dying makes me cry, movie people don't make me cry but movie animals amke me cry... and sometimes one of these characters dying makes me cry. I just like Marri. I don't know... ugh...
Would you mind telling me if you thought this was the stupidest idea on the planet? Flames are welcome, reviews are appriciated. (Well, so are flames but only because then I can roast a person in real life who annoys me...) Any comments at all are welcome!