Everytime I Hear Your Name

by The Lazy Medi-Wolf

Continues my fanfic/song fic about Wufie, thou this is from Quat's POV and about him not the others. BTW YAOI don't like, don't read. Rated to be on the safe side :D

Disclaimer: So, as said before I own nothing except the character Lyra. Before reading this please read, IN ORDER "My Worst Fear" "The Way I Loved You" and THEN "I Miss My Friend".

Also this is written to "Every Time I Hear Your Name" By Keith Anderson. And to shake things up a bit it's from Quatra's POV. YAY Quat!!! Yes this is sad and YES in the end there is IMPLIED sex. And in this Quatra is bi, so his new lover is a guy, DON"T READ if ur squeamish. You have been warned, flame about how "gross" or "unnatural" this story is will be deleted and I will laugh at your pathetic closed-mindedness.

I spun my pen between my fingers absent-mindedly. The radio was playing quietly in the back ground of my office, chasing away the silence of the building after-hours. But my mind wasn't on my work piled in front of me, or on anything else really. My eyes wandered, trying to find something to amuse me.

I found the calander. Today was August 25th. I sighed, my eyes filling with tears from an old pain. 25th… that was the first day I realized something was wrong with Lyra and I, Christmas day, last year. She hadn't told me she wanted us over until two days later, but really… I'd known.

I'm not idiotic, or very naïve, just… slightly oblivious. And I suppose had I been a little more open I'd of realized we had problems months before hand. The pain of losing her was dulled now, only a slight ache as opposed to an all encompassing, life-ending, searing, devastating emptiness. A little dramatic? No. I loved her with everything I had, and I thought it was enough.

Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,

To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place.

I could listen to "All I Ask of You" without breaking down. It was a plus because I love "Phantom of the Opera" and because it's so frequently played on my favorite radio station. And every fire-engine red Mazda convertible with a large dog in the back wasn't Lyra and Blaze. I'd stopped getting speeding tickets because I'd stopped trying to catch them to see if it really was Lyra… Saved me quite a bit of money really, which is always good. And I've finally stopped my silly habit of driving home via Lyra's place, even though it adds fifteen minutes to my drive. Mind you that was the first of my awful little habits to go… It just ended up hurting too much.

Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.

And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.

For a long time I couldn't go to the Preventer gatherings, or go to the bars where the whole gang, excluding Wufei, would hang out. I avoided all our friends- Duo, Heero, Trowa- for fear of seeing her with them. But it was nice, two months ago, to finally find myself strong enough to go dancing with them.

And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you.

And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.

But best of all I could stomach smelling apples again. Her perfume had been of apples and for seven months I couldn't handle the smell of apples, because they made me cry when she wasn't really there. And to be honest, I like apples, so being able to eat them again… well it's nice. Nice to not breakdown as much.

And even better… I can walk into the Preventer's office buildings and see her photos hanging on the walls (she had a ton of awards for her and that search dog Blaze). And I won't have a panic attack in the elevator. So I could go visit my friends now, have lunch with Trowa and Duo again.

But when I hear your name,

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.

And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.

But as soon as her name is announced over the intercom, the radio, the TV (even if they don't mean HER) I get lost in memories that make my stomach ache and my heart feel like it's shattering all over again.

Lyra wearing a dark green gown for the Halloween Masque and a matching mask, dancing in the rain. Laughing, "Come on Quat, Dance with me!"

Lyra finally letting me pull her under the porch so the rain doesn't ruin her outfit more and pulling off our masks so she can see my face. Her eyes so bright I have to kiss her, so I do. And she laces her fingers in my hair but doesn't deepen the kiss like I always hope she will.

And nothin's changed, and we're still same.

And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,

And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:

And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,

Every time I hear your name.

Our first date ends well, she's smiling and laughing and I'm feeling giddy with success. So I lead her gently to her porch, laughing as she makes a joke at her own expense. And before she can open the door and slip away I very gently, with my heart beating so hard I'm sure she can hear it, grasp her chin in my hand and guide her lips to mine.

And it's perfect. Soft and sweet, her lips press tentatively back against mine, unsure. While it's not short we don't dare deepen it, don't dare put any passion into it, letting it be just… innocent.

And she's talking at a lecture, standing on the podium in her skirt suit with her young canine partner by her side. And though I couldn't care less about how to properly search a destroyed building for survivors I hang on her every word. Because she's so passionate about it, so strong willed and fierce. And she's mine. All mine, because the night before… she said yes.

Got someone special in my life; everyone thinks he'll make a great mate.

Sis says she thinks he's the one; reminds her of Dad when he was young.

The door hisses open, pulling me from my musings. And there, leaning against the doorway, braid draped over one shoulder, is Duo. He smiles at me and wanders over, sitting on the arm of my chair. He leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek, it's chaste but I can feel how hard it is for him to keep it like that… How much he wants to be kissed on the lips again.

"Come on, Q-man." He says, still using that obnoxious nickname from when we were teens. "Let's get outta here and get us something to eat."

I sigh heavily, looking at my new… boyfriend?... and try to smile, "Duo, look at all this paperwork I have to do."

He just laughs, "Paperwork, smaperwork." He grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet, he's stronger than me by a lot- and taller too, sigh. "We are going to dinner, then we are going home to watch sappy romantic comedies and then, if you're very lucky, you might get to wake up next to the most gorgeous man you know." He meant himself, obviously, and I had to smile.

And he wouldn't take no for an answer, he grabs my hands and tows me from my office, hardly letting me grab my jacket and turn out the lights. And to be honest- I don't mind at all…

But it's way too soon to be talkin' 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.

He's getting over someone too, kinda like me and you.

I look at Duo from across our small table and fight a smile. He's doing so much better… maybe because he knew it was coming, because he was the one to end it. But sometimes I see the haunted look in his eyes too. He can't stand to go out with our old friends yet, can't see Heero yet. But I can't blame him, I avoid Lyra like the plague, unsure how much it would hurt.

I never did ask why he left Heero, they seemed so in love. But I was happy he was mine now. I placed my hand atop of his and he met my eyes and smiled a real smile. He was stronger than me though, and if I could handle the pain so could he. And He had me.

And though I don't want to rush into anything, he's only been apart from Heero since April, and we've only had a thing since July. But a small part of me contemplated having this relationship for the rest of my life. And it liked the idea- heck… there wasn't a part of me that didn't like the idea. But I knew better than to ask the question, because we both hurt still.

And he talks about him every once in a while, and I just nod my head and smile,

'cause I know exactly what he's goin' through; yeah, I've been there too.

And sometimes we talk about them. We share little things with one another because we know that the other has been there too. We know that among all the things we share and those we don't that our pain is one thing that we will always share, and we'll always understand. We share good times, bad times, and times when the four of us went on double dates (laser tag and paint ball had been our favorites- Lyra and I always lost).

And when the conversation turns to you,

I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",

Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see.

But still we avoid names, because whenever I hear her name… I remember that feeling from when we kissed- the feeling that made me want to marry her because she was the only one I could ever love. And Duo's face becomes hers, and I can't stop myself from fading back, away into memories that both make me feel alive again and tear me to little pieces.

I know I can't go back but I still go back.

And there we are, parked down by the riverside,

And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,

I try to force the thought from my head, to focus on Duo. But his eyes are slightly glazed too and I know he's remembering, too.

Star-gazing had been her idea, but it had defiantly been a favorite of ours. Rent a flat-bed truck and drive far, far away, where the lights of the city couldn't hide the heavens from our view. Curl up together on a bed of sleeping bags and camping air mattresses and just enjoy pretending to be normal- pretending we were back in time when almost no one had traveled into space and it was still a giant mystery.

The first time I really wanted to make love, and honestly my first time ever doing that sort of thing. But she showed me what to do and it was perfect. I couldn't love her more.

If I closed my eyes I could still see her, siloueted against the sky full of stars as she showed me what making love was. If I were to do so I'd end up aroused and wanting to cry, so I focused on Duo, on my date.

And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,

Every time I hear your name.

I stop thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.

(Every time I hear your name.)

I stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.

(Every time I hear your name.)

In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,

I smile slightly and twine my fingers with Duo's. His eyes focus on me and he smiles back, mouthing "Thank You". And I just nod, because I know… I know what it's like. So we get back to eating and we talk about things that don't hurt. We finish dinner and drive home and true to his word Duo has a multitude of romantic comedies for us to watch.

But one of the characters has her name and with the lights out and a warm body pressed against mine… I lose myself again to the memories.

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.

And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.

That's all it takes, and I'm in that place.

And in my head I play back every single kiss we shared, all of them. There were so many but I remember them all. And they all are sweet and I want more so, so much. Absent-mindedly I let my fingers play with Duo's hair, but in my head it's not his hair but hers. She used to hate when I did that, play with her hair. I think it reminded her of Wufei- she never really got over him.

And there we are, parked down by the riverside,

And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.

And I can't explain, but I'm in that place,

Every time I hear your name.

And them the memory I wish I could banish from my mind comes back. Lyra above me, silhouetted by the stars. Her head is tipped back and her lips slightly parted… I instantly become aroused and I want to curse- I never curse. Why now? Why when I'm curled up with my… with Duo?

Every time I hear your name.

(Every time I hear your name.)

Ooh, ooooooooh, ooh, ooooooooh.

(Every time I hear your name.)

Aaaaah aaaaaaah.

Every time I hear your name.

But he must notice my reaction because he shifts slightly and I have to bite back a groan. He does it again and a quiet groan escapes me and is echoed by Duo's…. Ahh, so Duo is aroused too? And the image in my head shifts, it's slightly more vague because I'm not 100% sure how it would work but instead on Lyra it's Duo above me. And finally I just give in. I stop holding on to Lyra because she's GONE, and Duo's HERE and he wants me. I grasp his jaw and press a tentative kiss to his lips…

And instantly he shifts us, so instead of lounging against my side he's above me, pressing me into the couch arm. And his hands are in my hair and he's deepening the kiss. And I'm on fire. My whole being goes up like a torch and fireworks go off in my head. And I just… let go.

An hour and a half later the movie is just ending. Duo is sprawled, naked, between my legs, his head on my bare stomach. And all of a sudden I have a thought that I never expected to have, and I start laughing.

Duo looks up at me and mock glares, "If you're laughing at my performance I'm going to have to kill you."

I just laugh even harder. For a good ten minutes I just laugh and laugh and laugh. And finally, once I can breathe again, I kiss Duo sweetly. "I'm defiantly not laughing at you." He smiles brightly, he already knows that, since it was perfect. "I was laughing at me, and Lyra." He scowls at the mention of her name. He opens his mouth to make a remark but I put my hand over his mouth, "Let me finish?" I ask and he nods, his eyes hurt and unsure. "She… when she ended it with me she said… oh let me think…" I tried to recall her exact words.

"She said, 'Quat, I love you. That is not the problem. I could spend my life with you, if I'd met you first. But I didn't. I met Wufei first and I can't be happy with the love we have when I've had a taste of the love he and I shared. I wish I could explain it to you better, but I can't. Just know that I love you, and I want you to find someone with whom you feel… feel like there is no one and nothing else but them.'" Duo's eyes had lost some of their hurt, half-guessing where I was going with the story. "I never thought she was right, just that she was making up some…" I searched for a strong enough word…

"Shit" Duo supplied, smiling.

I nodded, "to help soothe my feelings. But…" I kissed Duo again and felt the fireworks in my mind, even though the kiss was chaste, "God she was right, and I know exactly what she means."

And Duo just smiled at me, then kissed my bare stomach. "Yea, me to." He said. And even though we hadn't really said those three words… we didn't need to.

And from that night on… hearing her name took me back, but it lead to a thought of stars, which lead to a fantasy of Duo, which lead me right back to my new reality.