Author's note: Thanks to Alex. Tag to 6.20 "The man who would be king." Hints of Destiel.
Would he be so helplessly drawn to the Righteous man if the human was not so broken? The angel is asking himself the same question every night, over and over again. Every night Dean Winchester's silent cries for help drag him near the hunter's bed, almost drunk and nearly losing himself in the need that this man's soul is radiating. Castiel cannot understand it. Yet, he can't help it. Dean's pain is calling for him like Gabriel's horn. He can try to fight it, but he can never win. Not truly. And he always ends up here, sitting quietly on the edge of Dean's bed.
The hunter is dreaming. Castiel can tell. Dean's face is pale in the dim light that is coming through the window of the hotel room. They always look the same. All of the rooms that Castiel finds him in. Single narrow bed and wooden table. Two chairs. Cheap, old wallpaper. An empty bottle rolling down on the floor. Dean's nightmares are different each time, though. Tonight it's his brother's hand that puts a knife through his throat. It's Sam's blood-stained teeth. Sam's grotesque, soulless expression, wickedly grinning down on him.
Castiel's chest tightens with guilt. Yet, he still does not reach out to take the nightmare away. Instead, he carefully studies Dean's face. His wide eyes trace a tiny drop of sweat down Dean's temple. The angel touches the curve of Dean's dry, half-parted lips lightly with his thumb. The human lets out a shallow gasp and Castiel remembers his original intentions.
The question emerges again. Why? He can feel what is remaining of his Grace inside Dean's body. Is it possible this to be the reason? But there is no precedent of what he did back in Hell two years ago. There is no one to be asked how this "profound bond" works.
He presses two fingers on the hunter's forehead, trying to shake off the feeling. It is distracting. He is at war. He is a commander of an army, the leader of the resistance against Raphael, humanity's only hope. He should be up there, fighting. And yet, he'd rather be here, babysitting an insignificant human. The man purrs softly as the dream is swept away by angel's healing touch. Cas' control is suddenly slipping out through his trembling fingers, his vessel's heart is drumming and he sucks a ragged breath even though the angels don't need to breathe.
Sitting near Dean's bed brings him peace. Most of the nights he just stays at the room quietly for couple of minutes longer, just to be sure that the nightmare won't come back. This one is different, though. Tonight he came here, dragged not only by Dean's call but by his own guilt and regrets. He came here to (selfishly) seek comfort in the Righteous man's presence. Or to seek something he couldn't find elsewhere.
The man looks calmer now. The dream fades away to unpleasant itch in the back of his mind, still there, but not hurting him anymore. Castiel feels satisfaction. And something else he can't name. A small sparkling warmth low in his vessel's stomach. He reaches out once again, caught in the moment, to brush his thumb along man's lower lip. It's light, just a ghost of a touch, but Dean's mouth is deliciously parted under it. Castiel's head spins and his other hand grips the sheets, his fingers dig desperately into the fabric as if this can save him from falling. He nearly laughs at the thought. Falling should be his last concern right now, considering all the different ways he already fell.
And all the ways he is about to fall. Working side by side with King of Hell, opening the door to Land of all monsters, stealing all the souls...He wants to wake Dean up and talk it all out. He wants to confess. And then beg forgiveness. And if by some miracle they all live through the incoming Apocalypse once again, then he wants... He wants.
Castiel looks at the human, humming something in his sleep and it all suddenly seems so easy. He just needs to reach out. But instead he retrieves his shaking hand with a sigh. Tomorrow everything will be over, he thinks. Tomorrow they...no, he is about to perform the ritual. He will take all this souls inside him and save the world. Dean's world. He will give Dean a chance to live, to have a family, to grow old. Because in the end of the day this is what's important. This is what matters.
So, he wants to stay just a little bit longer tonight. And why not? This is his last night.