We were the 'Golden Couple', and we were going to live happily ever after. Everyone else thought so too. Even with my fear of commitment, I without a doubt knew we were designed to be with each other. Sure like any other couple we had our issues. Edward is over protective, and I am very very headstrong, and I tend to think with my emotions, which i wear on my sleeve. So, we tend to bicker a lot, but that is pretty much normal for every couple, and aside from that were awesome.
Last spring, Edward proposed to me. I said yes, and we have spent the last 10 month setting dates and planning everything out. We set the date for the July 20th, after I had graduated from University of Washington , we had a semester and a half to go. Edward had graduated a semester early, and was going to take a semester off, and apply for med school in that time.
A few nights ago, Edward planned this fantastic, romantic, steal-your-breath away evening for us. We went and ate a picnic, in some deserted part of Port Angeles, right off of the water. He brought some home cooked food, he is the best cook I know, beside Esme, his mother. We had wine, and talked while we ate our food for a few hours. Then he took us home, to our condo in Seattle, and we had some more wine, and the we did the 'bedroom dance'.
It would have been one of the best nights of my life if Edward hadn't dropped the biggest bomb ever on me, after we had finished with our bedroom dance...
"Bella, there is something I need to tell you," Edwards tone turned suddenly serious.
I stayed silent. My heart rate sped up immediately, those kinds of statements never lead to anything good. I wasn't sure if I could have a serious conversation right now, I have had two glasses of wine, and am feeling fairly Buzzed.
"I have been accepted to Med school" His voice was shaky.
There was a long pause as I stayed silent.
"I am going to Med school in New York"
"When?" I managed to choke out
"At the beginning of the semester."
Next month. I think I felt my heart drop out of my ass. And the tears started falling instantly. I knew what this meant, Edward and I couldn't be together. He would be going to med school, he wouldn't have time to keep up with a girlfriend even if I moved with him, let alone me finishing college while attempting to have a long distance relationship.
I slipped the engagement ring Edward had put on my petite ring finger, off. I set it aside and turned to him, he looked bewildered.
"What are you doing?!" he almost yelled.
"Edward, there is no way we can work, if you are on the opposite side of the country attending med school, while I am finishing college here. I don't see how we can remain in a relationship if you are going to barely have time to put effort into it."
"You can move with me, we don't have to break up!" He was almost pleading
"Edward, I only have a semester and a half left hear, I can't just up and change schools, what if my credits don't transfer, and I end up staying in college for another three years?"
I took a long deep breath to steady myself.
"Edward, I love you, but I cannot put myself through that. It would ruin our relationship, and I would rather us end things on a decent note then us hating each other. This hurts like hell, but it would hurt a lot more if we tried and failed. I know I will end up getting hurt when you don't have time, and are too exhausted to call me. It just can't work like that, won't put myself through that."
I closed my mouth and my eyes to prevent myself from rambling a bit more. There is no feasible, or logical way it can happen.
I got up and grabbed my duffel bag and started throwing clothes and toiletries into it. I avoided Edward's glare, which I know was nearly burning a whole in me.
"So that's it? Your just giving up on everything we are, everything we have? You are not even going to try?" He stood up and cornered me, his faced was twisted in pain. I felt the same pain coursing through my veins.
"Edward, you are the one that's leaving. You are the one that sprung this news on me at the last moment." I was starting to get irritated, how could he blame this all on me.
I finished packing, and went to walk out the door, and Edward pulled me back and spun me around, He kissed me, and I melted into the kiss. He pulled me into a hug.
"please don't leave me Bella."
I sighed, and broke the embrace. Then I turned around while I broke out into loud sobs, and ran out of the condo I shared with Edward, to my rusty red truck. I turned the ignition, and gassed my baby as fast as she could go. I had no Idea where I was going to go, I felt lost and empty. I have never felt this alone in my entire life, and I just let the man I am designed to be with, slip out of my life. I pulled into the shoulder on the side of the road and then let my emotions loose. I cried until I think I could not leak water from any part of my body any more. I tried to think of where I could go to sleep, I couldn't go to Jasper, my cousin. He was married to Alice, not only was she my best friend, but she was also Edwards twin sister. Rosalie, Jasper's sister, lives with Edward's cousin, Emmett. Visiting any of them would feel to close to being near him, and I was afraid of adding salt to the wound.
I found myself driving again, back to Forks. I knew the one person I can go to that had no connection to Edward. Jacob Black, my childhood best friend. He lived down at La Push, and his father Billy Black, and my father Charlie Swan, were childhood best friends as well, so I suppose Jacob and I hardly had a say in the matter.
Jacob had always had feelings for me, and we even tried to have a romantic relationship at one point, but I just didn't feel anything other then platonic feelings for him. I felt horrible, cause every chance he got, he tried to get me to 'like him that way', however, I just didn't.
I felt my cell phone vibrating as I was nearing my destination. I looked down at the caller ID, and it was Edward, I hit ignore. The best thing to do at this point, was to give myself a clean break, and just try to get over Edward Anthony Cullen. I felt my phone go off again, and in a huff I glanced at the screen and saw Alice calling me. I hated to ignore her to, but there was no doubt in my mind that Edward had called Alice and told her what happened. They were ridiculously close, being twins and all, not to mention that Alice had a weird sixth sense about things in the near future. So I am sure she saw this coming at some point today.
I pulled into Jacobs driveway, and hopped out of my truck and ran to the door with my things. I hastily knocked about seven times.
"ALL FREAKIN RIGHT!!" I heard him yell.
The door flew open and there stood my near 7ft tall, russet colored skin best friend. He completely towered over my mere 5'4" height.
"Bella?"
I squeaked out sob and flung myself onto Jacob, while the water fall of tears started staining my face, for the second time tonight. I felt Jacob wrap his muscular arms around me, and lift me off the ground, while shutting his door, and then set me back on the floor. He rocked me gently back a forth without saying a word and just let me cry on him, while he comforted me. I thought about how my future, which seemed so clear and set in stone, was ripped from me, mostly from me walking away. I could have stayed and tried to work things out with Edward. I wanted to, but I just couldn't see us staying together, or ending in any civil manner. I would have rather us end on fairly okay terms, then for us to end up hating each other. I don't think I could live in a world where Edward hated me. I will always love him.
I felt myself cry out all my energy, and I am almost certain that I have completely soaked Jake's shirt. My eyelids became heavy and I felt myself drift off into a sob educed sleep.
I woke up, and attempted to remember where I was. I wished I was still sleeping, at least while I had been asleep I didn't have any dreams, I have the feeling they wouldn't be dreams...
I sat up and patted down the tangled mahogany bird's nest I called my hair, and simultaneously rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.
"Good morning sleeping beauty!" The husky voice that belonged to Jake bellowed from the doorway.
"Hey.." I depressingly croaked out.
"Do you mind informing your dearest friend on why you came sobbing into his arms, past midnight last night?"
My eyes nervously darted around the room, I didn't really want to have these feelings, or this discussion right now. But Jake deserved to know, after all I am sure he is confused as hell.
"I left Edward."
My voice was barely a whisper, and if not for Jake's ridiculous hearing, I doubt he would have heard me at all. He just stood at the door frame nearly gawking at me. I started crying again, and he rushed over to me and pulled me into a tight hug to comfort me. We spent the rest of the morning talking about what happened. Jake was very defensive of me, and started to get angry at Edward, but when I told him that Edward had wanted to work things out, Jake dropped it.
I spent two weeks at Jake's. I would go over to the condo and get things when I knew Edward was at work or out visiting his parents for family dinners. He called me every day hoping that I had changed my mind, I would ignore his calls, but I always listened to the voice mail. Alice called every day too, I would answer her though, she didn't talk much about Edward and what had happened between us, just called to make sure I was surviving. And that is merely all I was doing. Surviving.
I eventually had to get back to my job at the bookstore, and I couldn't drive back and forth from La Push, to Seattle, a four hour drive every time I had to work, was not a good idea. I ended up crashing at Jasper and Alice's flat for the next two weeks. I was waiting out till Edward left for NY. I wanted to go back to my condo. It was painful to avoid him, but I somehow managed. The two weeks I stayed at the flat were agonizingly slow, and eventually it came that day that Edward packed everything up and left. I think somewhere deep down, I had hoped he would change his mind and attend med school in Washington, like we had originally planned on. However that wasn't the case, and I was left with half of our stuff, in what used to be the condo we shared.
The first night I stayed at home, I couldn't sleep well at all. I tossed and turned, everything smelled like my Edward, and I couldn't get it out of my mind that he didn't belong to me anymore. After what felt like 4 hours of staring at the ceiling, while tears slowly fell down the sides of my face and dampened my pillows, I started to thinking of everything that had happened, and I had this horrible feeling the the pit of my stomach. I tried to push the feeling away, and suddenly I broke out into a sweat, and sprinted to the bathroom, and emptied out the one meal I had today.
After bowing down to the porcelain throne, for what felt like ages. I groaned and stood up to get brush my teeth then get some water. I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. I filled it with some water and drank it greedily. I noticed a envelope sitting on the counter with my name written across, it was in his handwriting. With a sigh, I grabbed the envelope and walked into the spare room, and shoved it in the bedside drawer, hoping to forget it existed. Then I made my way to my bedroom hoping to slip into a very deep sleep, and surprisingly enough, I succeeded.
It had been almost a month since Edward moved to NY. He still tried to contact me, it was starting to dwindle down to twice a week. I had been spending a lot of time with Alice and Rosalie, lately, I needed a lot of girl time. I am not usually the type of girl like likes shopping, watching silly chick flicks, and eating ice cream, but I would be lying if I said it hadn't made me feel better.
Tonight we are having another girls night, I didn't feel like going out shopping, I had been stress eating, and have gained some weight in the last month. Alice did however manage to convince me to go shoe shopping, and I picked up a few flats. Now we were cooking in my condo, and on tonight's menu was a salad with almonds and raspberry vinaigrette, along with smoked salmon fillets. I started to put the salad together when Rose opened the oven and the smell of salmon hit my face like a ton of bricks. I quietly left the room and made my way to the bathroom, where I got sick. After cleaning myself up I walked into the kitchen.
"Bells, you doin' alright?" Rose drawled with her Texan accent.
"Yeah, I think so, I have had a cold or something for a bit,I have been trying to kick it, but am not winning that battle. I think the salmon is bad by the way, it smells awful." I pinched my nose after I said that
The two of them sat sniffing the air like piglets. I would have found it amusing had I not felt nauseous by the smell of my dinner. They shrugged their shoulders.
"I think its just you Bells." the said in unison.
They ate the food with out a problem, and I ate it while I picked at it. I haven't really had much of an appetite since I left Edward, minus the random stress eating. I ate all of my salad, but the moment I put the salmon in my mouth I bolted to the bathroom again, and was forced to empty my dinner into the toilet. Alice was by my side in an instant, pulling my hair back, while forcing her nose in the other direction to avoid ending up in the same predicament as me. She helped me clean up, while Rose disposed of dinner, and did the dishes. I got the living room ready to watch P.S. I love you. Fifteen min into the movie, I started crying, and it wasn't even a sad part of the movie. Some time after that I had passed out. I don't know why I had been so tired, I take a ton of naps, and I sleep for 10 hrs at a time. I think it has to do with the fact that I was in a depression, and I am also trying to get over a cold, so my body was over working its self. I felt horrible that my friends were having to babysit me while I mope through my depression. But am thankful that I have them in my life.
"Bella.."
I felt something nudge me, and I forcefully pushed it away.
"Bella!"
A voice was now shouting at me, and I was getting forcefully pushed back.
"mmmh" it was all I could force out of my mouth.
"Bella!!!!!!"
I jumped up to find my friends sitting on the coffee table, staring at me. The TV was off, and I had slept through it. I tried to gain some composure while I was sitting up.
"Bella," Alice began, I could tell this conversation was going to lead somewhere uncomfortable.
"Rose and I have been talking, and we are worried about you. You are constantly tired, your kinda grumpy, and very emotional. You have gained weight, and are eating some pretty random foods. You have been getting sick a lot, and well, we have been putting two and two together. We got you this, and would like you to go take it. Now."
They forced a brown paper bag at me. They wouldn't let me look at it till they forced me into the bathroom. After I flipped the switched I pulled the object out of the bag.
"ALICE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS" I screeched.
"Bella, don't you dare take that tone with me! It is just something Rose and I agree is a pretty good possibility. Just take the test Bells,"
They got me a Clear Blue pregnancy test. My heart was racing, and the room started to spin, I felt nauseous. Nauseous, I have been getting sick a lot. More then they know, and this hasn't even crossed my mind, Edward and I used protection, always. I was on birth control and we still used condoms.
"Bella! So help me if I have to squeeze your abdomen and force you to pee on the damn sick I will!!"
Leave it to Rose to scare me into taking the test. Alice had gotten me a cup, which I intend fully to toss after this. I peed into it, and stuck all three damned doom sticks into the cup, and sat them on the counter. I let Alice and Rose into the bath room and we sat watching the clock, each one of them holding my hands, while a few tears escape. I was scared beyond belief, I had no idea what this meant for my future. If I am pregnant, my life is going to change, forever.
Five ungodly short minutes later, they were ready for us to read. We all stood up and walked over to them. I picked the sticks up one by one.
Stick one: Blank.
I sighed, neither negative nor positive. It was faulty.
Stick two : Pregnant.
Fuck..
Stick three: Pregnant.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I felt my breathing hitch, I was pregnant. I had my baby, who was Edward's baby as well, inside of me. Edward, the man I cut out of my life completely. I suddenly realized I stopped breathing at that point and I started to panic and hyperventilate. Black dots started flooding my vision, and I fell back into the arms of my two best friends, and passed out.