Disclaimer: characters are all Janet's. Just borrowing...

Being in Florida always reminds me of my mistakes. Especially the early ones. The ones that probably altered the course of my life. It's not that I necessarily regret where I've been. I don't. Most of the time. But sometimes I wonder…

It's hard not to wonder working alongside her again. She makes me want the life of the kid who was never bullied, never sent to juvie. Of the kid who stayed in Newark with his family instead of being sent away to Florida to live with the iron-fisted grandmother. She makes me wish I was the man who went the college route, who now owns the house with the welcome mat and the white picket fence.

But maybe she wouldn't have fallen in love with that man. Hell, I know she wouldn't have. It's the ideal she's supposed to want. The unstated "Burg expectation."

But she's smarter than that. Better than that. She's always wanted something more. Probably part of the reason her first marriage didn't work out. Well, that and the fact her ex is a sleazy, cheating, degenerate scumbag.

And it's also why she can't make herself go with the sure thing. Why she's never moved past talking about marriage with the cop. Because it's not the life she wants. Never has been. Even if she can't admit it to herself yet.

Don't get me wrong. She wants parts of it. That's why her eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas at having to tag along to Disneyworld to find a client. She absolutely loves that kind of stuff. All the buy-a-memory crap. Doesn't care that it's all an illusion. She lets herself get sucked right in. Hook, line, and sinker. Of course, I find it all ridiculous and naïve. But she makes it pretty damn adorable too.

It's why we're still here. Even after finding our guy. She wanted to buy a shirt. And eat a churro. And ride some rides. And watch the fireworks.

I absolutely hate the fireworks. All the flashes of light and the booming explosions. My mind still shifts into adrenaline mode even though it's been years since I've seen heavy combat like that.

And don't get me started on the crowds. A security nightmare. There are so many people, you can barely move. Far too many faces to assess, not enough walls to keep my back up against. The whole thing makes me perpetually uncomfortable.

But to see that face. I'd live an entire lifetime of discomfort to see her smile like that again. It made me wish I was that other guy. That I'd planned this whole trip just for this one moment. Just to make her smile like that. Because that's what she deserves.

What she deserves and what I can't offer. Not now. Maybe not ever.

So while she's standing watching the fireworks, I'm standing watching her. Because while the fireworks continue to fill the dark sky above us, time stands still. And in that moment I don't have a dark past to atone for. I don't have a security company to run and manage. And I don't have any of the barriers to keep her at arm's length.

For the duration of the show, it's just the girl with the untamed curls and brilliant blue eyes and the man who's hopelessly in love with her. Until that last firework dissolves into the night, this really is the happiest place on earth.