Summary: (Post Inquisition/AU) A night of passion after Corypheus's defeat yields unexpected results which places Inquisitor Levellan in a difficult situation – luckily, in the nine months to follow, she discovers she isn't quite as alone as she thought she'd be. Solas/Levellan
A/N: This very (very) long two-part fic will include fluff, Dorian, humor, some minor mentions of sexiness, a bit o'angst, and one flustered Commander Cullen. There might be the single, slightest mentioning of girl-things in this single chapter, but it should be taken with a pinch of salt.
Background-wise, the only thing that changes is that Solas doesn't leave immediately after the final battle… and then stuff happens and… yeah… I suppose you all can guess the rest…
Onwards!
Disclaimer: Nope. Look elsewhere!
What We Leave Behind
~Part One~
"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't of what's in front of me here,
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up –
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream…"
- Paramore, 'The Only Exception' Lyrics
-The Beginning-
The entire main hall was filled with laughter and music, and as the Inquisitor looked out in front of her, there was nowhere she couldn't look without seeing a relieved, happy face or somebody making another somewhat drunken toast to their success.
They had won – unreal as what it seemed, they had won.
Tension momentarily left Ellana Levellan's shoulders and she allowed herself to sink back against her throne, smiling when she noticed her friends. Varric was in the middle of yet another epic retelling in front of a captive audience. Blackwall and Sera were listening intently while Iron Bull had his head thrown back in laughter.
Vivienne was holding court nearby with several noblemen and women who were all eager to hear about her future plans as Divine. Leliana and Josephine were laughing with Cassandra as they watched Cullen flounder amongst a small mob of eager ladies, each intending to ask the Commander for a dance.
Cole was… somewhere – she'd last seen him trying to get a servant girl to confess her feelings to one of the guardsmen. Dorian was, well, Dorian, and pretended to be bored despite the slight perk of his lips and his flushed face, the wineglass in his hands never empty for very long.
When she saw Solas, however, her eyebrows drew together when she noticed him near the fireplace at the back of the room, looking around before slipping through the door that lead to his study. It didn't slip her notice either that he wore the same troubled expression as before on his face.
Frowning, she stood up and made her way through the celebrating throngs, earning a curious look from Dorian when she passed him which she then returned with a quick half-smile and a nod.
Nobody seemed to notice once she went in, and once she did, she made sure to close the door firmly behind her.
It had been a mistake coming back with the others.
Solas was standing in front of the last empty space left on the wall – there were tentative lines, the beginning of a picture he had yet to get to… and, likely, wouldn't in the near future.
He was ready to leave, he should have been gone already – he had made his intentions clear from the very start, even breaking his heart in the process to keep to his plan.
…Needless to say, none of it really work out as he planned.
With a weary sigh, Solas bent his head slightly and rubbed his temple, muttering an oath to the long-silent gods under his breath.
He had been his knees at the site of Corypheus's defeat, the shattered artifact in his hands as the hopelessness of the situation settled in.
He was going stand up and walk away forever, and would have… that is, until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up to see brilliant hunter's green eyes looking back down at him, tender with sympathy and concern.
Her voice was soft when she spoke to him, and despite every argument he had ready in his mind, Solas allowed himself to be led back to Skyhold, the Inquisitor's fingers entwined with his until they had returned and it was too late to leave without causing a stir.
His ears perked when he heard the door open and the sounds from the hall flitted in, but even without looking, he knew who it was.
Solas allowed a small, wan smile but didn't immediately turn to look at her. "Shouldn't you be with the others, lethallan? There must be some still eager to hear about your victory."
Levellan looked at him evenly before walking closer. "Oh, I'm sure Varric is doing a perfectly decent job of that on my behalf." She said and paused. "I could, however, ask the same of you, hahren."
"I needed some space."
"…I assume this is about the orb?"
"Among other things, yes."
"I know we've spoken of it already tonight, but is there really no way to salvage it?" she asked, going over to sit at the edge of the desk.
He shook his head before looking over his shoulder slightly. "Even if it could be, the power it once held would be lost…" he sighed. "Forgive my morbidity," he said and turned his body more fully.
"There's nothing to forgive," she said quietly, "the orb was important to you."
He walked over and leaned down slightly, putting his hands on both sides of her on the desk. Solas instinctively leaned into her touch when he felt her hands on his face and closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers.
She stroked his cheek, trailing her fingers across so that they brushed over his lips, smiling when he kissed the tips.
"You shouldn't worry so much…" she whispered, letting her hands drop before putting her arms around his neck, kissing him on the corners of his mouth. "Tonight's supposed to be happy."
She deliberately avoided his lips as she left a trail of feather-light kisses all over his face.
When he finally opened his eyes, Solas stared at her with hungry eyes, a small line appearing as his brows knitted together. His throat was dry. "Vhenan…"
Levellan smiled at him tenderly, reaching up to smooth the line away.
"Let's be happy."
"What you're asking-" he began.
She pressed a quick kiss to his mouth, effectively cutting him off. "I ask for nothing you're not prepared to give, Solas. No more, no less… But… I'm willing, if you are."
Solas looked at her evenly but confused. How could she…? Even after everything he'd said to her…
"Is that what you really want?"
"Can't you tell?"
He put his hand on her thigh and he parted her legs as stepped between them. "I'm serious," he said, noting with no small amount of awe the shudder that went through her when he moved his hand up higher.
Her arms tightened around his neck. "So am I."
"Are you sure?" he asked despite himself.
Levellan rolled her eyes and kissed him again - she let out a gasp when he hooked one of her legs around his waist and she arched up against him, trying to get closer… only to hear a giggle and a low whistle.
Solas's head snapped up instantly. His shoulders tenses as he looked around, confused when he saw that there was nobody at the door.
When he heard another giggle, he looked up and narrowed his eyes dangerously at the captive audience watching them from the floor above.
Sera had to put her hand in front of her mouth to stop herself from laughing outright. "Oops."
Blackwall, standing next to her, disguised his laughter as a bad coughing fit, while Iron Bull was grinning ear-to-ear and gave the bewildered elf a thumbs-up. "Nice one."
Varric just shook his head. "Don't mind us, we were just passing through." He said, smirking when he saw the look on Solas's face turn vaguely murderous. "Sorry for interrupting you there, Chuckles. I didn't think you were… busy."
"In more ways than one…" Sera whispered loudly, making Blackwall and Bull laugh. Varric had to bite his lip to keep himself from doing the same.
They were all going to die, violently, Solas decided with sudden vehemence. He would be sure to start with the short one first and work his way up.
Levellan, clearly seeing the danger signs, detangled herself with as subtly as she could. She then took Solas's hand and waved up at the dwarf and his accomplices.
"Good night, Varric." She said calmly.
"Sweet dreams, Inquisitor!" he called back as Levellan lead Solas out of the rotunda.
"Yeah, if you get the chance…!" Sera added helpfully over the drunken, bawdy laughter and catcalls.
There were more than just a few eyes on them as Levellan lead Solas through the main hall towards her tower. She ignored the curious looks, the occasional murmur, and the exaggerated eyebrow waggle from Dorian when they passed him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the sullen look still on his face and squeezed his hand when they got to the door at the end.
For her effort, at least, she got a small smile and a gentle squeeze back.
At first, Solas matched her pace as they made their way up the stairs, but seemed to regain himself and became more hesitant with every step.
On the final stretch, on the walkway just before the last door leading to her chambers, he stopped walking altogether, the tension and anticipation from before falling flat somewhat.
Levellan turned around and frowned. He was looking down, away from her. She'd seen that look on his face before - he'd often wear that sad, inwards expression whenever he was over-thinking things.
Like he did in Crestwood. Like he did now.
She bit back a oath. She could kick herself for pushing him like this.
With a soft sigh, her shoulders sagged and her grip slackened.
Solas noticed this as he then turned his head back to her, frowning now.
Levellan avoided his gaze, looking down. She was about to let go of his hand completely when Solas walked up to her, his grip tightening in her stead. She looked up again when she felt his hand cup her face.
Hard blue eyes melted, and with a small nod of reassurance, he kissed her again. Levellan's eyes fluttered shut.
All the doubts fled from her mind and for a few brief seconds, there was only the two of them as the entire world ceased to exist.
When the sensation was over, however, the same tension came back with a vengeance.
The kissing became more intense, urgent even. There was a moment of muddled clarity right after Levellan felt her back suddenly against the wood of her door and lasted long enough for her to look for the handle.
The rest was a haze.
She remembered the mad scramble up that last flight of stairs, stumbling, how they almost fell over each other.
She remembered the heavy breathes, surprised gasps at roving hands and that a low, growling sound in the back of his throat.
She remembered caressing lips, gentle hands and not-so-gentle nips - the feeling of skin on skin, and finally, that sudden connection…
She remembered him whispering things to her, beautiful, heart-breaking things, secrets and laments, prayers.
Ma'arlath. I love you. He made the confession sound like a goodbye.
The last thing she remembered was the feeling of fingers laced together and soft, sad eyes looking back at her tenderly.
It was still mostly dark when Solas emerged from the main hall and silently made his way down to the courtyard, fully dressed, staff in hand, and equipped for travel.
He didn't expect to meet anyone on his way out. Not really. With the exceptions of a few night-guards posted on the ramparts, most of the castle was still very much asleep, and would be for the next few hours.
…Well, almost everyone, as Solas found out when he reached the bottom of the stone staircase.
"You're leaving." A familiar, mild voice said behind him.
Solas looked up over his shoulder, not too surprised to see Cole standing on one of the steps higher up.
Solas sighed quietly. "I am." It was pointless to lie to him.
The spirit-boy tilted his head slightly. "Why? You don't want to." It wasn't a accusation or even a question, just a statement of the fact.
"I don't." Solas agreed, turning his back on him. "But I must. I cannot stay."
Cole followed him. "Regret and fear, but also despair - it is stronger now, but it's always been there." He stated. "…Home. Home was gone, but now… 'Home is where the heart is'. My heart, my love…"
"Cole." Solas said wearily.
"If it would help, I could come with you."
Solas stopped walking and turned to look at the spirit. "No. You have found purpose here."
"That is true…" Cole admitted, mostly to himself. "I have friends again - they don't always know I'm there, and they don't always like me very much, but… here I can be me, I can help… I want to help."
Solas tensed for a minute, and despite himself, "You will look after them?"
Cole nodded vaguely. "As long as I need to, I will."
Solas smiled slightly, reassured. "Good." He said quietly and continued on his way.
"You're wrong about one thing, though." Cole added as an afterthought. "It's not too late to go back. Not yet."
Solas tightened his grip on his staff but didn't stop as he forced himself to keep walking. "Ma serannas, Spirit of Compassion. It has been an honour."
Cole didn't try to follow after him again, but Solas could feel his eyes on his back all until he reached the gate.
The sky brightened around the edges the moment he set foot on the bridge, and he didn't stop walking until he reached the very end of it. When he did, he spared a single backwards glance over his shoulder at the highest tower.
[Some Time Later…]
-Before-
It was very clear very early that it was going to be one of those days.
She'd been up before the sun had even peeked over the mountains, beyond tired but unwilling to go back to dreams filled with familiar faces and distorted echoes.
With some effort on her part, Levellan sat up in her bed, sharp eyes half-lidded and weary as she turned her head to watch the sky gradually change. She could hear the first of the keep's inhabitants - their drowsy voices flitting up from the gardens through the open windows and from the main hall downstairs, indicating the slow transition from night to morning.
Levellan turned to look at her pillow longingly before she reluctantly swung her legs out from under the covers and over the edge of her bed. But, just as she made to stand up, a strong sense of vertigo overtook her, making her stumble back.
Clutching her head, Levellan shut her eyes and waited for the ringing in her ears to stop. Taking a deep breath, she watched the sun rise until the world stopped spinning, and once the feeling passed, she stood up. Her legs were shaky but, mercifully, didn't give out from under her.
She took a step forward and stumbled - she managed to catch herself before she ended up on the floor.
She steadied herself by the bedpost at the end, frowning.
"Odd…" she whispered, snapping out of her reverie when she heard a knock at the door.
"Inquisitor?" Josephine called, her trilling voice muffled at first.
Levellan quickly composed herself and straightened up, not immediately letting go of the bedpost however. "It's open," she called back, wincing slightly at the coarseness of her own voice.
She heard the door open and moments later, the Ambassador appeared at the top of the stairs.
Josephine didn't look up immediately as she was occupied with her clipboard. "I apologize for the intrusion so early in the day, your worship, but I thought I might go over what we spoke of yesterday if you have a moment? There are some things I need to discuss with you before we can proceed with new business at the War Table."
"Of course."
"Leliana wanted to confirm what the two of you talked about in our last meeting - I believe it had something to do with the Dwarven ruins you discovered in the Hissing Wastes?"
"Yes, tell her she can proceed - the dragon is gone so we could send in the experts from Orzammar or Kal-Sharok later if her scouts find anything interesting." Levellan said evenly.
Josephine nodded and made a tick on her clipboard. "The Commander has also asked me to inquire about the battalion of Red Templars spotted lingering in the Emerald Graves. It is unlikely that they plan to attack us or our allies with so few a number, but their presence does pose a possible threat to any nearby villages or towns."
"He should work with Leliana on this." She said, wincing quietly at the sudden, dull pang below her stomach. "Let her spies find out just how many Templars there are before he sends in his soldiers."
"Very well. Now, I have received several invitations from several Orlesian noble houses which request your presence at-" she began only to have the words die on her lips where she looked up. "Are… are you alright?"
Levellan forced a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Josephine frowned. "Forgive me, for a minute you seemed like you were in pain. You do look a little pale."
Levellan straightened up ad stepped away from the bedpost. "I'm fine," she said, giving the other woman a leveled look when the Ambassador's brows furrowed together in concern. "Really."
Josephine didn't look too convinced and pursed her lips.
"Really, Ambassador." Levellan said firmly. "Give me an hour to get ready and we'll discuss everything once I get downstairs."
Still not wholly convinced, Josephine eventually just nodded before bowing out respectfully.
When she was gone, Levellan let out the breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. The tension left her shoulders and she allowed the mask of composure to slip.
Oh yes… it was going to be one of those days…
Once she had finished getting ready for the day, Levellan came down from her tower in a semi-daze and was only vaguely aware of the amount of attention she was attracting to herself as she drifted towards the table she normally had breakfast with her companions.
That particular morning, just looking at the stacks of eggs, breakfast fruits, meats and pots of porridge and oatmeal was enough to make her stomach lurch unpleasantly. With a scrunched-up nose, she pushed her empty plate as far away from herself as the table would allow it, and instead used the space to lay her head on her crossed arms.
She neither cared nor noticed the looks her friends gave her.
"Uh… you okay there, Boss?" Iron Bull asked from his seat across from hers. "You look like crap."
There was delicate snort next to Levellan. "Yes, tactfully put, Bull." Dorian sail dryly.
"Though, he does make a point," Cassandra said. "Are you feeling ill?"
With a muffled grumble, the Inquisitor reluctantly turned her head and frowned in annoyance. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Well, personally, I think she's only asking because your elbow is currently resting in my oatmeal." Dorian quipped.
When she looked, Levellan let out a disgruntled sound and sat up, her entire sleeve stained with the mage's breakfast.
"That's just perfect." She seethed.
At the head of the table, Varric raised an eyebrow. "Rough night, Inquisitor?
"No more than usual," she grumbled before noticing the looks she got and sighed. "I didn't sleep well last night, okay? It's nothing for any of you to worry about."
"I don't know," the dwarf said, unconvinced. "You have been kind of out of it for a while - anything you want to tell us?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Levellan said and got up again. She needed to change her shirt before everybody noticed and started talking (if they weren't already).
"Wait, aren't you going to eat something first?" Bull asked. "Breakfast's almost over."
She waved him off. "I'm not hungry." She said over her shoulder.
"That was odd." Dorian said, wiping what was left of his breakfast off of the table with a napkin.
"So then, you all saw that too, right?" Varric asked. as he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Could you give us some insight, Cassandra?" Dorian asked, looking at the Seeker.
Cassandra raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why me?"
"I thought that perhaps you could best tell us how the feminine mind works."
"In that case, why don't you tell us instead? You are, after all, the most feminine one at this table."
Dorian's mouth fell open as Bull threw his head back and laughed.
Varric just shook his head, amused. "Don't tell me you didn't have that one coming, Sparkler."
The mage huffed. "Oh fine, but can we get back to the original topic? Do you or do you not know what is wrong with our beloved leader?"
"No…" Cassandra said, watching the Inquisitor disappear back into her tower again. "But whatever it might be, there is more to it than she's letting on."
Levellan was only half listening to Cullen's update on the reconstruction progress on Suledin Keep.
With a curt nod, she told him to send the full report to her room later before pinching the bridge of her nose and doubled over, pressing the palm of her hand flat on the surface of the table.
The same look of concern found itself onto Josephine's face again as both Cullen and Leliana exchanged sidelong glances.
"Inquisitor," the Spymaster began.
"I think we should see if we can spare a few more Gray Wardens to the Western Approach." Levellan said stubbornly. "There are still Darkspawn in the area, and I want to get on top of that before we do anything else there… and…" Her vision seemed to dim and bright for a moment.
At that point, Cullen had moved around the table and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Inquisitor…?"
All pretense of composure left the elven woman as she stepped back. "I… I feel a little faint…"
Whatever she wanted to say next died on her lips as, the next moment, the world more or less turned on its head and her legs gave out underneath her.
Cullen, acting on impulse, immediately caught and steadied her while Josephine was so surprised that she actually dropped her clipboard and made her way over to the Inquisitor's side.
"I'll send for a healer." Leliana said sharply and went to the door. "Take her to her room, Commander."
Cullen nodded and without warning, promptly swept Levellan off of her feet.
"I can walk." She grumbled weakly.
He allowed a brief, wry smile. "No one doubts your ability, but we would rather you not take that risk."
"People are going to overreact."
"I'll see to any rumors among our people and the visiting nobility." Josephine said as she followed after them, her voice tight.
Levellan sighed but let her head fall against Cullen's shoulder, muttering under her breath, "Those weren't the people I was referring to…"
As she expected, barely five minutes after Cullen had carried her through the main hall, Levellan heard the door fly open with a slam as one for one, her friends filed into her room.
"What happened?" Bull asked, he and Cassandra leading the pack.
Without waiting for her to explain, Sera went over to the bed and threw her arms around Levellan's neck, hugging her tight. "This wasn't funny, you. You had us running up here all worried."
The healer, a graying woman with stern eyes, made a disgruntled noise at the interruption. "Are all these people really necessary, your worship?"
Levellan smiled wryly once Sera let her go and sunk back against the headboard. "I wouldn't be able to get rid of them even if I tried."
"Damn straight." Bull nodded.
"Leliana did not give us any detail as to what happened." Cassandra said, looking at Josephine and Cullen.
"She fainted." The Commander answered before Levellan could open her mouth.
The Inquisitor bristled slightly. "I did not faint - I just… needed to catch my breath."
"See, that excuse would work if you didn't look like you're about to pass out at any second now." Varric said - his tone was light but he quite couldn't keep the worried edge out of his voice.
Dorian, for his part, went and sat at the foot of the bed. "How are you feeling, old girl? You really did scare us."
"Spinning, the whole world is spinning," Cole said absently, walking over to stand next Levellan, looking at her curiously. "Like a leaf in a storm, tumbling, rolling - Creators, my head hurts…"
Seeing the agitation on the Inquisitor's face, the healer brought her foot down. "If none of you will leave, then you will have to be quiet until I'm done examining her." She said in a no-nonsense sort of way that startled everybody in the room. "We'll get nothing done if you keep harassing the poor woman."
With that said, Levellan smiled at her gratefully.
"…That was rather rude." Dorian said in a hush.
"But she does have a point." Leliana said, speaking up from the corner. "Our apologies. We'll leave you to your work."
The healer nodded before turning her attention back to the matter at hand. Levellan caught Sera sticking her tongue out at her and squeezed the other elf's hand with a discreet wink.
"Now, before we were interrupted," the woman said, "I believe I asked whether something like this has happened before?"
Levellan frowned. "I… don't think so."
"Can you describe how you're feeling right now? I need to know if anything that stands out particularly."
"I feel dizzy. Just that."
"Alright - when did it start?"
"It only got out of hand today, but-"
"Meaning it's happened before?" the healer interjected sharply.
Levellan looked at the woman apprehensively. "…If I'm honest, I've been feeling lightheaded for a few days now." She admitted wearily.
The healer looked at her appraisingly, narrowing her eyes slightly. "And sleep?"
She fidgeted slightly, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm as she ignored the stares.
"It's been… difficult."
"Difficult. Nightmares? Perhaps trauma of sorts?"
She shook her head. "No… sometimes, but no, I've just been having trouble falling asleep. That's all."
"I see…" the healer said slowly. "And, other than that - has anything else happened? Have you noticed any changes of habit? A loss or increase in appetite, for example?"
"You can say that…" she admitted, earning herself a snort from Bull.
"Explain."
"It's not that I've stopped eating entirely, it's just… the scent - it's overpowering."
A strange look crossed the healer's face before she asked another question. "And… the smell puts you off from eating?" she asked.
"I feel sick near anything too rich or too raw."
"An increased sense of smell and nausea…" the healer stated, more to herself than to anyone else. Her expression lost some of its sharpness but that odd gleam of understanding remained in her eyes.
"Tell me, Inquisitor," she began slowly, evenly. "Have you bled this month?"
Levellan's face went blank as all of the men in the room (sans Cole), suddenly shifted around uncomfortably.
"That was not something I wanted to hear about…" Bull complained with a scrunched-up nose.
Blackwall nodded, disturbed, as Dorian shuddered delicately. "Quite." Even Cullen turned his head away and pretended not to have heard anything at all.
"Bled?" Cole repeated naively, confused about what they were talking about.
Varric pinched the bridge of his nose and waved the spirit-boy down. "Don't ask, Kid. It's better if you don't know about that."
Cassandra rolled her eyes and Sera made a gagging noise.
Levellan flushed. "Why do you want to know?"
"It's the same with elven women, yes? Unless I have some crucial detail wrong?"
"No, you're right." Levellan answered stiffly.
The healer sighed. "Just tell me, your worship."
Levellan cleared her throat. "I… I haven't noticed anything this month." She said awkwardly.
Something lit in Leliana's eyes. "Where is this going, healer?" the Spymaster asked quietly despite the look on her face that told she knew otherwise. The same look crossed over Josephine's face and then Cassandra's as the implications set in.
"I'm just making sure." The older woman said and turned back to Levellan. "On the plus side, I think I may know what ails you, and rest assured it's perfectly natural."
"Well, that's good, yeah?" Sera piped up. "Everything's fine?"
Levellan's brows knitted together. "Then… what is wrong with me?"
The healer surprised everyone again by smiling.
"It might be too soon to tell, but I think you are with child, Inquisitor."
-Month 1-
The only thing to register in her world at the moment was the sound of her arrows hitting their mark time and time again with a audible thud in a paced succession. There was a slight nip in the air, and her arm was stiff from keeping her bow straight for as long as she did, but she paid none of it any mind, she just focused, aimed and fired.
Levellan paused for a moment when she sensed a presence behind her but continued with her target practice just as swiftly.
"I know what you're going to say." She said, straightening her back as she took aim.
Cassandra crossed her arms and looked at her with thinly veiled concern passed off as indifference.
"You have been out here for two hours." The Seeker said bluntly.
Levellan shrugged and released her arrow. Thud. Bull's-eye.
She reached for another arrow and moved on to her next target. "As you can imagine," she said tersely, "I need to clear my head."
Thud.
"Understandable," Cassandra allowed, "but are you sure that is wise? You were barely capable of standing on your feet this morning."
"I'm fine." Thud. "And before you ask, I already took the potion the healer gave me, and yes, Varric made me eat something before I came down here.
Thud.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine." She said again through her teeth. "I don't think I'm about to keel over anymore."
Cassandra took a step closer. "That is not what I meant."
Levellan took aim, but just as she was about to fire, she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she released her arrow, it fell short and ended up indented in the ground instead.
She lowered her bow but couldn't meet the other woman's eyes.
"Please…" she said quietly. "Not here…"
Cassandra nodded. "Come with me then."
Reluctantly, Levellan put her bow aside and followed the Seeker up to the ramparts, neither of them saying anything to the other until they reached the farthest point, the more deserted part that overlooked the stables.
"I'll repeat my question." Cassandra began. "How are you feeling?"
Levellan reached up and gripped at her hair, tugging at it slightly and still looking anywhere besides directly at the Seeker.
"I don't know." She said with a whisper. "It feels like I'm stuck in the middle of a dream."
"Good or bad?"
"Both… neither?"
"You're in shock." Cassandra stated.
Levellan nodded. "To put it mildly." She paused. "I… Leliana spoke to me earlier as well. She said I had… options, if I wanted them."
Cassandra stiffened. "Do you…?"
Levellan finally spared her a sideways glance. "No… not the kind I would want, anyway." she said firmly, noticing the tension leave the other woman's shoulder and smiled weakly. "It doesn't mean I have any more of a clue as to what to do next though."
"You will keep it?"
She looked down at her stomach. "Yes."
Cassandra nodded in approval - there was a moment of silence between them before she spoke again. "Inquisitor… am I correct to assume who the… the father is?"
A shallow breath caught in Levellan's throat. "I… you are."
Cassandra frowned again but didn't seem surprised. "I knew the two of you were… close, but I wasn't aware that you…"
"I don't suppose you would, it only happened once and he was gone the next morning." Levellan said, shaking her head. "He knew he had to go, he told me that. He ended things, and I just… I kept pushing, insisting that he not leave me alone." She allowed a brittle laugh and looked down. "Maker - sweet Creators… what an absolute fool I've been."
She saw Cassandra stepping closer and willed the sting in her eyes to go away.
She needed to be strong, she-
Levellan felt the Seeker's hand on her shoulder again. She looked up at the other woman, regretting doing so as the minute she did, all hope of pretense shattered, and the tears came far easier than she expected.
Despite the obvious awkwardness, Cassandra put her arms around the Inquisitor and rubbed her back. The gesture, although a little too rough to be wholly comfortable, was reassuring nonetheless.
She would be strong tomorrow, she decided, letting her head drop onto Cassandra's shoulder. It would be the first and last time she would cry over it, but for the time being, Levellan closed her eyes and allowed herself to be weak.
-Month 2-
Dorian was waiting impatiently in the Main Hall, ignoring the disapproving and even borderline suspicious looks he still got from the nobility with a practiced ease.
He was uncharacteristically fidgety despite outward appearances. He hadn't seen the Inquisitor in over two weeks (some Rift-closing mission in the Exalted Plains, he was told), and when he heard from one of Leliana's scouts that she, Cassandra, Iron Bull and Cole had been spotted near the castle, he was so relieved that he was surprised in himself.
Out of everyone in the Inner-Circle, he was the only one in the Main Hall at present. Varric had returned to Kirkwall three weeks ago and Vivienne had left to sit on the Sunburst Throne even before Levellan had dropped her particular bombshell over their heads.
As for the others, Blackwall was still in the stables (the bearded man oddly immersed in his carpentry all of a sudden) while Sera could still be found causing mischief around the keep.
As for Dorian himself, when he wasn't in his corner in the Library, he spent time with Cullen. They usually played a few games of chess and drank brandy after the Commander's shift ended, but lately, they also began talking discreetly amongst themselves about Levellan's… situation.
As far as he could make out, there had been some talk amongst the Advisors as well - the Inquisitor's condition was still secret outside of the Inner-Circle and the healer that treated her, but, for how long was a matter of time.
Naturally Josephine was concerned about the impact this kind of news would have on the Inquisition and, of course, on the Inquisitor's own reputation once details started circulating.
Leliana, as far as he'd noticed, had redoubled her efforts to find Solas - the Spymaster was adamant, despite no new leads and so many dead ends. As impossible as it seemed, the mage had vanished into thin air.
As for Cullen, not unexpectedly, he was willing to blame everything on Solas. But, while Dorian was in agreement with him on that, he had a suspicion that if the elf ever showed up again, the Commander would have greeted him with a sword to the stomach.
…Personally, Dorian preferred fireballs, but that wasn't the issue at the moment.
He perked up when he finally caught sight of a familiar tan outfit and ice blond locks, and immediately made his way over to Levellan before her attention was snatched away by something trivial and boring - two things he was most decidedly not.
Levellan was dragged into the rotunda before she even had a chance to open her mouth in a greeting.
Once they were away from prying ears and curious eyes, the mage took a good, long look at his friend and squeezed her hands. "How are you holding up, old girl?" he asked with a rare touch of concern.
She was nowhere near fragile - not by a long shot - and while she still carried herself with confidence, there was an unmistakable edge of weariness he couldn't overlook as the darkening shadows under her eyes meant she wasn't getting as much sleep as she needed to be.
Levellan smiled at him. "…Better, thank you."
"And the mission, it was a success, yes? You didn't have too much trouble?"
Amusement lit in her eyes. "I didn't peg you as the motherly type, Dorian."
He snorted delicately at her cheek. "I am most certainly not, my dear."
Levellan chuckled before she started looking around the room.
For a moment, Dorian regretted bringing her there, as when her gaze settled on the empty space on the wall, that all-too familiar hurt flashed in her eyes.
He watched as she walked over and sat down on the couch, putting her hand against the cool plaster as she looked up at it with a thoughtful expression.
Cautiously, he went over to sit next to her.
"He never finished." She stated.
Dorian nodded meekly. "It's a shame…"
Levellan smiled at him sadly. "If this is awkward for you…"
"Not at all," he started before catching the look on her face. "Well… yes, it is, very much so. But, as I've said numerous time over, Inquisitor, you are my friend, and I've come to understand that friends stand with each other in these kinds of situation."
"You'll stay?"
"For as long as you need me to."
"…It's all a mess, isn't it?" she asked softly.
"I think that depends on your perspective." He said matter-of-factly, and then more subdued, "…Have you let your clan know yet?"
"Not yet." She sighed. "But I can just see the look on Dashana's face now - whenever I did something stupid, she would always get this dent between her brows and call me 'da'len' in a way that would always make me feel two feet tall."
He chuckled. "Somehow, I have a hard time imagining that you would do anything stupid, Inquisitor." He said and paused. "…What of your parents?"
"I don't think their opinion would matter really." She said before noticing the concerned look on Dorian's face, and explained, "My parents died when I was a child."
"Oh…" he said in a small voice. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I do have a brother though, a twin, so it wasn't like I was alone my entire life… far from it, really."
"You never told me you had a brother." Dorian said, surprised and a little hurt.
"You never asked." She said, smiling slightly. "But if you're really interested in knowing, if I had to take a guess Mahanon is going to have kittens once he finds out."
"And what of the rest of your clan?"
"I'm not sure what their reaction will be but I doubt they'll be jumping for joy." she admitted. "Even among the Dalish, it's generally frowned upon to have children when not in a committed relationship."
Dorian scoffed. "Old fashioned thinking, I'm sure." He said, but when that failed to get little more than a vague nod from the Inquisitor, he changed his tone. "Well, you could always tell them it's mine if the matter's that important to you - we'll see how that goes over with them."
Levellan blinked at him for several moments, and just as Dorian thought that his joke had fallen flat, the elf's indifference broke with a sudden, unladylike snort. The next moment, she threw her head back in a peal of laughter and nearly fell backwards as her body shook at the force of it.
Dorian tried his best to look offended at her amusement, but couldn't stop himself from smiling anyway as at some point, the echoing laughter started drawing attention from the floors above.
"That," she said with a giggle, after she'd managed to regain herself, "would be a terrible idea."
"Or a terribly great one." He said matter-of-factly. "I was always curious about the 'wrath of the Dalish', it would be interesting to incur it."
"Absolutely not." She said and grinned. "…But, thank you."
"Anything for you, Inquisitor. Oh, and just so you know, if I ever see your bald lover again, I'm incinerating his arse."
Levellan surprised him by moving closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek and then putting her arms around his neck. "You're sweet." She said, hugging him.
He rolled his eyes affectionately. "Naturally." He said, putting a comforting arm around her. "But do me favour and keep it under your hat, mm? I do have a reputation as the heartless Tevinter bastard to uphold around here, after all."
-Month 3-
People were starting to look. There was a bump, a small one, yes, just barely noticeable, but when they did, passers-by stopped what they were doing and stared.
Cole couldn't understand why the Inquisitor wouldn't let him make people forget what they saw. She was still hurting, maybe not as much as before, but the looks were getting worse and they still stung.
"-But I can help," he reasoned one afternoon as he followed her through Skyhold's gardens.
Levellan, however, wouldn't budge. "No, Cole," she said sternly, turning to face him, "we've been through this already."
The spirit-boy was close to pouting. "Why not?" he asked almost petulantly, his shoulders drooping. "The eyes are hurting you - too many, everywhere; every time I turn my head, there's someone looking, judging."
"You can't make everyone in Skyhold forget what they saw."
"I can," Cole said, "if you wanted to, and it shouldn't be too hard - if you just give me a little time, I can-"
"I know you could, but you shouldn't."
When she saw his confusion, Levellan sighed.
"Cole," she began steadily, "this isn't the kind of thing anyone can just forget about, or should for that matter. This," she said, pointing at her stomach, "isn't going to go away over night. It's to be expected that people are going to stare, and that's okay, let them."
He frowned. "But the staring… it hurts you. I don't like it when you hurt."
Her eyes softened. "I appreciate your concern, lethallin, but you shouldn't worry so much about me. It'll all pass eventually." she said and smiled. "Do you want to come with me when I visit the horses?" she asked, changing the subject.
It seemed to work as Cole perked up. "Yes. They like it when you feed them carrots when you think Master Dennet isn't looking." He said airily, making Levellan laugh as he followed after her like a shadow.
The horses and harts were a little skittish around Cole. It took some gentle coaxing on Levellan's part and an bribery of several carrots and an apple, but the spirit-boy eventually managed to win over a painted mare.
Cole blinked as the mare nudged at his hand tentatively.
Watching from the barn's side doorway, Blackwall chuckled. "Looks like she likes you."
Levellan nodded. "Go on," she encouraged, demonstrating by stroking her own hart, a grayish-blue stag, along the nose.
Cole tentatively followed her example and put his hand against the mare's nose. "She can see me but she can't see me like everyone else does if they can… she knows I'm not normal." He admitted, rubbing along the horse's long face.
Levellan caught the look Blackwall gave her and the two of them exchanged looks before the bearded man just shrugged and shook his head. Levellan smiled sheepishly until she caught sight of the frame of something large draped in a sheet next to the worktable over his shoulder.
"What are you working on?" she asked curiously.
Blackwall stiffened tellingly and coughed. "Oh, noticed that, did you? That's just a side-project I'm busy with - it's nothing for you to worry about." He said gruffly.
"It's a gift." Cole said offhandedly.
The warrior's face flushed. "Oi now! Don't go spoiling anything-!"
"It was a surprise." Cole guessed out loud.
Blackwall's shoulders drooped. "It was supposed to be, in any case…" He grumbled before looking at the Inquisitor. "I… it's a gift. For you."
"You didn't have to do that," Levellan began.
"No, no, I want to." He said, waving it off.
"Can I see what it is?" she asked.
"It's not exactly done yet," Blackwall said recovering some of his composure, and more sternly, "I'd like to keep that much to myself for now, if you don't mind."
She smiled at him shyly. "Thank you, Thom."
Blackwall cleared his throat again, and then quietly, "You're welcome, lass…"
The spirit-boy looked at him mildly. "You're red."
"Not another word, you!" Blackwall barked before stalking back into the stable.
Levellan giggled despite herself.
"You're feeling better." Cole said, turning to her. "I'm glad."
She nodded. "See? You can help without making anyone forget anything."
"I suppose." he said and paused, looking thoughtful for a minute. "…Inquisitor?"
"Yes, lethallin?"
"If I could find Solas for you, would that help too?"
Levellan was struck speechless. But, eventually when she found her voice again, "What are you saying, Cole? I thought you couldn't-"
"The path is still obscured, yes, but I could try."
Her brows furrowed together. "Leliana's been looking for him for weeks - her spies have been everywhere."
"No. Not everywhere." He reminded her.
Levellan stiffened. "Fine, maybe not everywhere. But, Cole, I can't ask that you to do that."
"You can." And then, more to himself. "Maybe it's not too late after all…"
Faster than she could blink, Cole vanished in a flash, making the nearby horses whinny and balk in their stalls.
Levellan's stag made an unsettled whining noise, and she had to rub its face to calm it down.
"Well," she said quietly, "that could have gone differently."
-Month 4-
The arrow hit the center of the target with a satisfying resounding thud, and as Levellan lowered her bow, she couldn't help the smirk that spread out over her face.
Next to her, Krem nodded in approval. "Nice shot, Inquisitor." He commented, readying his own bow.
"For a pregnant woman, you mean?" she asked dryly, arching an eyebrow at the Tevinter.
"If you want to take it like that," he said smoothly. "Anyway, I'm still having a little trouble - am I doing this right?"
"You need to stand a little more sideways," Levellan instructed, going over to adjust his arms. "Here, like I showed you, keep your back straight and your bow at eyelevel."
Krem straightened up and did as she said.
She nodded and took a step back, watching him nock an arrow, "You still haven't told me yet, why isn't Dalish showing you how to do this?"
"Dalish? What would she know about bows and arrows. She's a mage."
"Krem…" she said, amused now.
He shrugged before he took aim. "You looked worried when you came down the stairs," he admitted, drawing back.
"Steady," Levellan reminded him. "Did I?" That was right, she went up to the Tavern's attic to see if Cole had come back yet - he hadn't, and his prolonged absence had been starting to bother her.
"You did. I thought that you needed a distraction."
Levellan chuckled. "You weren't wrong." When he released his arrow, it actually struck near her own in the centre. "You're getting better."
"What are you talking about? That was almost perfect."
Levellan grinned at him before shooing to stand back, and got into position. Once she drew her bow and aimed, she winked at him before releasing her arrow - instead of the dead middle, it struck Krem's arrow, the metal head splitting it down the middle.
"Almost, but not quite. You still can't do that." She said and had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing outright when she saw the look on Krem's face.
He looked like he was about to say something when they saw Iron Bull walk towards them.
"Hey, Bull," she greeted. "Is something wrong?"
He waved it off as he came up to them. "Nah, actually, I was just looking for my Lieutenant." He said and looked at Krem pointedly.
"Sorry, Chief, but I asked the Inquisitor to show me a few archery tips and she was nice enough to agree."
"Really now?" Bull said wryly. "And how's that working out?"
"Give it some time and I'll make an archer out of him yet." Levellan said, grinning.
"Good to hear…" he then noticed the amount of arrows on the targets. "How long have you two been here? I didn't see either of you at lunch."
Krem scratched the back of his head. "I'm not sure - a couple of hours maybe? Since morning?"
"I didn't even notice it was noon already." Levellan admitted.
Bull looked at her carefully. "I don't think I saw you at breakfast either, Boss."
The Inquisitor blinked. "Oh, well, I guess I just wasn't hungry."
This was clearly the wrong thing to say as the Qunari quirked an eyebrow. "Didn't you pass out the last time you forgot to eat?"
"It was the one time, and I'm fine now, Bull, really." Levellan reassured.
"Maybe we should take a break, Inquisitor…" Krem said, catching the look in the Qunari's eye.
"Why? Do you need one?" she quipped.
Bull took a step closer. "I think you should get something to eat."
Levellan looked between the two Chargers and laughed. "Oh, I get it. You're ganging up on me now?"
"Damn straight." Bull said matter-of-factly.
Levellan lowered her bow and turned towards the Qunari more fully. "Then in that case," she said, walking up to him at met his stare defiantly, "I'd like to see you make me."
It was the strangest sight Cassandra had seen in, well… okay, it wasn't the strangest thing she'd ever seen, true enough, but it wasn't every day that you would see the Inquisitor being slung over the shoulders of a Qunari and carried into the Main Hall like a deer.
Levellan, very pink in the face, was scowling darkly and tried to maintain whatever was left of her dignity while Iron Bull, on the other hand, looked downright cheerful and was oblivious to the occasional elven expletive that would pass over his head like a breeze.
Krem, trailing behind the two, looked amused. "It's for your own good, Inquisitor." Cassandra heard the Charger say.
The elf groaned. "Et tu, Krem?" she asked in dismay. "And to think I was going to name my firstborn after you."
"Apologies, your worship," Krem said smoothly, "but you did sort of dare him, so…"
Bull turned his head so that he could look at the Inquisitor, careful not to catch her with his horns. "You'd really name your baby 'Cremisius'? Isn't that a little, I dunno - Vint-y for a Dalish?"
Levellan shrugged. "Perhaps it is, but why not? We already have a Tevinter for a godfather, why stop there?" she asked sullenly.
"I think she was being sarcastic, Chief." Krem said dryly.
Bull snorted. "Thanks, Krem."
Cassandra chose that moment to speak up. "Inquisitor…?" she said slowly.
"Oh thank goodness!" Levellan said, relieved.
"What's going on?" the Seeker asked, approaching the three of them.
"I'm being held against my will by a bull-headed Qunari, clearly." The Inquisitor said, earning another snort from said bull-headed Qunari. "Any assistance would appreciated."
"Not happening, Boss." Bull said, adjusting his grip around her legs before looking at the Seeker. "The Inquisitor 'forgot' to eat this morning, we're just making sure she doesn't pass out again." He explained.
Levellan's pink cheeks deepened at the sight of Cassandra's disapproving look.
"I was getting around to it-!"
"Inquisitor…" Cassandra said sternly.
The elf sagged against Bull's broad shoulders. "Don't look at me like that…" she muttered, defeated.
Cassandra arched an eyebrow. "Is it not… unpractical to hold her like that?" she asked, looking at him pointedly.
"Not at all." Bull reassured, "She's fine - it keeps the weight and pressure off as long as I hold her by the legs."
Levellan rolled her eyes. "Never mind that it feels like I have watermelon bobbing between my stomach and spine…" She said and sighed. "Bull, can you put me down now, please? I can walk and people are starting to stare. I'll get something to eat from the kitchens right now, you can come with me if it'll make you happy."
"No can do, Boss. We started this, we have to see it through." Bull said almost cheerfully and went on his way through the hall. "Relax! Just enjoy the ride. C'mon, Krem."
"Oh Mythal, have mercy…" Levellan pled, covering her face with her hands as Krem just shook his head and followed them dutifully.
Cassandra stared after them for a moment until something important dawned on her.
"Wait… what do you mean Dorian's the godfather? Inquisitor…!"
-Month 5-
Sera's nose cringed slightly as she pressed her ear against the now rounded expanse that was the Inquisitor's stomach.
"Sera," Levellan tried only to be shushed by the other elf on her knees in front of her.
"Hold still, I think I can hear something!" she said, her brow scrunching up as she listened.
Levellan sighed with fond exasperation and leaned back against the cool window pane in Sera's room. "It's not how that works, da'assan."
Sera, for her part, paid her no mind and stayed like that for a few more minutes before eventually pulling back her head. "It's weird."
Despite herself, Levellan laughed. "Tell me about it."
"No, it's just - it's weird. I mean, how do you even walk anywhere with something jumping around inside of you?"
"It's not so much walking as waddling." Levellan said dryly and turned in a way so that she could lay down on her back on the long bench.
Sera barely stifled a snigger. "Waddle - like a duck?"
"Exactly like a duck. The key is not to make any sharp turns." She said and promptly stretched out like a cat.
As she did, however, her fingers brushed against something partly hidden underneath one of the cushions. Blinking, Levellan was surprised when she pulled out what looked like a red, knitted bladder.
"What's this?"
Sera's blue eyes widened, and without warning, lunged forward - Levellan sat up and held it just out of her reach.
"Give that back!" Sera said and onto her feet and more or less straddled her, awkward as it might have been.
Levellan paid that little mind and was surprised to see that the other elf actually looked flustered.
"Sera," the Inquisitor said, grinning impishly, "are you blushing?"
"Pfft, no!" But, if anything, her cheeks darkened. "C'mon, give it here already!"
Levellan laughed and kept the red bladder behind her back. "Only if you tell me what it is!"
Giving up eventually, Sera huffed before flopping down in the seat next to her. "Fine, just - don't laugh, okay?"
Levellan raised an eyebrow, but when she looked at the red bladder, she noticed two hole, one at each side, for what she could only assume was meant for arms. Once the implications set in, however, she blinked and stared at it until Sera started fidgeting.
"Hey," she said, carefully prodding the Inquisitor at her side, "say something."
When Levellan still didn't respond, she slumped against the window.
"Look, I know it's rubbish-"
"Sera," Levellan said, interrupting her, "shut-up." Then, after a pause, "And it's not 'rubbish', it's adorable."
Sera looked at her like she had grown an extra head. "You… like it?" she asked, confused. "What, are you daft? It looks like a- like a…"
"It's the thought that counts, da'assan," she said and grinned. "And besides, it looks comfy."
Sera scoffed but looked slightly pleased with herself. "Well… I guess I could make one for you too, if I have the time."
Levellan considered this for a moment. "I'll wear it to Celene's next ball." She said with a perfectly straight face, making the other elf burst out in a fit of giggles.
Sera shoved her arm playfully. "Oh piss off, you wouldn't."
"It'll be a bold fashion statement. I can see it now - it'll cause so much outrage the nobility will fall in love with it and everyone will want one of their own."
"You're daft. Barking." Sera said, shaking her head. "It's not suppose to be any of that - I just remember hearing that when someone has a baby you have to knit them shite - it's supposed to show you care… or something."
When she noticed the grin on the Inquisitor's face widen, she narrowed her eyes.
"What are you smirking about now?" she asked suspiciously.
"I never thought…" Levellan began but then shook his head. "I think 'Aunty Sera' has a nice ring to it, don't you?"
Sera froze. "Wha-?" she blinked. "Are you serious? You'd still want me around?"
"Of course I would - who else is going to teach this baby how to be non-elfy? Or prank people when I'm not here? Or bake Inquisition roof cookies? Or-"
Levellan was cut off prematurely as, the very next moment, Sera threw her arms around her neck.
It took a minute for her to understand that she was being hugged.
"I think I like the sound of that too, lady Inquisitor." Sera muttered near her ear.
Levellan chuckled and hugged her back just as tightly.
~End Part One~
End Notes: Longest thing I have ever written in one go. If you read up to this point, I applaud you. For seriously… I'm not kidding, bravo. Bonus points if you didn't roll your eyes.
This might be a little fruity, but I like it enough not to be ashamed of a single damn thing.
Anyhow, believe it or not, but I have 14 more pages written out already on MS Word… BUT, since I'm far, far too curious about how this story might do, I decided to stop here for now… I'll try and get the second part out in a reasonable time, sooner if the feedback's good.
Also, 'Da'assan' means 'little arrow' in Elvish - I know it's real 'cuz got it off the internet.
Lastly, I know technically Krem's a woman, but I'm sticking to how he's addressed in the game so, please, don't review or message me about that.
Fun times are still up ahead, boys, girls and gender non-specifics.
Make my day, leave a review - if you have any questions, I don't mind answering - flames, bring 'em on.
Until next time,
GoddessofDawn out