Matt's Last Thoughts
I know I'm going to die.
I've felt it for months. I knew that I was going to die, and as I'm speeding down this road, trying to escape the Japanese police, it's confirmed. So many things race through my head, all the things I never did, all the things I never saw. All the things that happened to me, all the people I loved and wanted to save. Mello.
Mihael.
It had been tears since I connected that name with your face. You were my muse, my Delilah, my everything. You have no idea how beautiful you really are. I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could've made you smile. But most of all, I wish more than anything, that I could've said no to you. If I had said no to you, I wouldn't have as many scars...If I could've refused you, I wouldn't be gunning this car, reaching 120 mph on a city street. But if I had said no to you.....would you be in this car, minutes away from your death? Could I honestly say that I'd want that for you? No.
I couldn't. They have me surrounded. I have nowhere to go....please, can't you help me? I don't wanna die, Mells...I don't want to. I want to go home and collapse on the couch. I wanna lay there and do nothing, and have you come home and scream at me for being lazy and worthless. I want you to pull me up off the couch like you're gonna hit me again, but kiss me instead. I want to hear you call my name in the middle of the night, I want to see you smirk at me again. I want to hear you keep your voice low like I can't hear you as you pray on your rosary. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you.
I can't keep this up. I take a deep drag of my cigarette, knowing that I may never get to smoke another. "Come on, you can put those down now. I'm sure you have plenty of questions for me..." I say, trying to sweet talk my way out of this. I had always been able to before.
CRACK They're all shooting now, I feel like someone is pulling me apart, fiber by fiber. I can't even scream. I can't breathe. All I can do is think of you... of all our happy moments, of your beautiful ocean blue eyes and that golden hair and the sweet smell of chocolate and leather. I take one last drag of my cigarette, knowing that this was my last breath. I loved you, ya know? I want you to know. I hope you know.
Do you know?
Mello....
Moar Moar Angst, right?