Pairing: Cedric/Proffesor Sprout (Yeah, you heard me. laughs like the crazy person I am )
The first of many in me and my friend's "Crack-Filled Fics With Insane/Rare Pairings" series! Our secret, secret names are kept secret, so we go by Ellis and Evans. I am Evans, I wrote this one, enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the drugs used to make this. Kidding.
"Professor, could I have a word?"
Pomona Sprout tensed at the student's voice. She was just headed to her break, couldn't those damn students take care of themselves for five minutes? But she was head of Hufflepuff, she couldn't just ignore him. It wouldn't be very Hufflepuff of her.
"Yes my dear?" she turned and put on her happy face, and let out a sigh of satisfaction. That handsome Diggory boy was standing behind her, looking hesitant. He had the most beautiful gray eyes, like storm clouds rolling in across the wild plains…
She shook her head, clearing it of her thoughts. "I was wondering if you could tutor me for the upcoming exams? I've been having such trouble in your classes lately, I just can't seem to get the hang of things." He said sadly. "I know you're busy, but I just hoped…" He trailed off, sidling up next to her and laying a warm hand on her arm. "You are the best teacher here, after all. I'm sure you could shed some light on things."
She shivered slightly under his touch, her heart beating fast. What was he talking about, the boy was the brightest in his class, and he'd never had problems with Herbology in all his time at Hogwarts. Could it be, after years of hidden lust towards Cedric, he was coming to feel the same way? She had been known to woo quite a few men with her round, plump figure, frazzled hair and dirt covered hands.
"I always have time for my favorite student!" She laughed. He sighed in relief, grinning back. She thought fast, and said "Meet me in Greenhouse Three tonight around…say…ten?"
"But…Proffesor." He protested, confused. "We're not allowed out of our house common rooms after nine."
"Oh, don't be silly! You'll be with me, it's perfectly fine." She smiled brightly. "But…just to be on the safe side, it'd be best you didn't mention to anyone our little tutoring session."
He raised his eyebrows as he turned to leave. "Of course not."
"There's a good lad." She patted his arm and sent him off on his way, admiring that firm little butt as he walked. She continued to the break room, a secret little smile on her face. Tonight would be the night she'd been dreaming about, ever since she saw him step up to the sorting hat.
A knock came suddenly on the outside of the frosted over glass of the greenhouse. She could see nothing between the ice and the plant life grown over the windows. Swallowing hard and trying to calm her nerves, Pomona hurried to the door and opened it. A rush of chilly air disappeared as quickly as it had come as Cedric stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
"Let's get started, shall we?" she suggested, unable to tear her eyes away from him in his tight green tshirt and gray sweatpants, hung so loosely upon his hips. His hair was ruffled from the wind, and his hand reached up to flatten it as they headed over to the back of the greenhouse. "Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me?" She commented.
"It's a greenhouse Proffesor, it's supposed to be warm." He laughed.
"Yes, I suppose you're right! Don't know where my head is." She said, perching on a bale of hay used to feed the Plarotantacula Plants. "So why don't you get started and I'll stop you if you make a mistake."
He nodded and began opening the Bultraboola plants to extract the seeds. "Oh now, Cedric, it goes much faster and easier if you hold the leaves like this…" She hopped up and stood behind him, putting her hands on his, guiding them. "Softly, gently, lovingly…" She said, whispering on the back of his neck. She could feel him shiver and smirked lightly to herself.
"What do I do if the seeds won't pop?" He asked, his voice shaking a bit.
"You must hold them tighter than that, that won't do any good." She squeezed his hands, demonstrating. "Tighter…tighter…" She moved closer until she was pressed against him, heart racing.
"Um, Proffessor…" he turned around and faced her, the tension at its height.
"Please, call me…Pomona." She said, running a hand up his arm.
"Pomona." He whispered and with that his will broke, and he kissed her, kissed her as she'd been longing for him to do. Gathering her up in his arms, they began snogging passionately as her hands ran up his back. They backed up into the hay and sank to the floor. "Oh, Cedric." She groaned, an unbridled lust in her eyes as he ran his hands through her dirty flyaway hair. She yanked off his tshirt, running her hands lovingly over that perfect six-pack, only to be stopped by those bothersome sweatpants. They quickly came off, along with her lumpy blue sweater and plaid skirt. "You work fast." She breathed, looking into his gray eyes, which glinted with excitement.
"I've been waiting for this moment for years. I'm not going to waste any more time." He answered roughly before kissing her again fiercely. Tongues flew as she pulled off all that was left, his blue underwear. Oh Merlin! What youth! Hers was kicked off in an instant, and he freed her of her bra, flinging it away. "Your round, saggy body is beautiful Pomona." He breathed. If anything can be said from the steam along the inside of the greenhouse, melting the frost on the windows in streams, the rest of the night past in hot, passionate love. They fell asleep happily in each other's arms, exhausted.
Woken by the morning light, our young boy-recently-turned-man was able to return to his dormitory without arousing any suspicion from his fellow housemates. He had plenty of tutoring in the coming weeks, and needless to say, he failed his Herbology exam with flying colors.