I walked through the front door, immediately scrunching my nose up at the stench. I looked around the house, making my way to the living room. The first thing I noticed were the empty bottles everywhere, the second thing being the needles on the coffee table in the living room. I ran a hand through my hair, sighing and looking around for Alex. He had called me twenty minutes ago and begged me to come over and talk to him about things.
"Em?" I heard him ask from the top of the stairs. I looked up at him, frowning and taking a deep breath. He practically ran down the steps, his arms spread wide to engulf me in a hug. I took a step back, shaking my head and crossing my arms tightly over my chest.
"No, we agreed that I would get the things that I left, and that we would talk about things. But don't touch me." I whispered, looking up at him with sad eyes as he looked down at his feet. He nodded slowly, motioning towards the couch before leading the way. I followed him to the living room, sitting down on the couch in front of the coffee table, staring down at the used needles.
"Sorry about that." Alex apologized, speaking barely above a whisper. I looked over at him. He had sat on the other side of the couch, keeping his eyes on his hands in his lap. I looked at his arms, seeing the track marks along them, and bit my lip hard to hold back tears.
"How could you let it get this bad?" I asked quietly, fiddling with my fingers in my lap as I focused on not crying. It was hard to see him like this, especially when he used to be so out going and lively. That was before.
Alex had always liked to drink, and it wasn't really a big deal to me that he drank as often as he did. However, it did bother me when he went on tour once and came back with these marks on his arms. I had asked him about them, getting vague answers or excuses as to why they were there. I found out that he was using heroin on a daily basis about four months after the first time he did it.
He had told me about it, eventually, when I found the used needles in our bathroom. He explained to me that he couldn't stop doing it, that he had tried, and it had only resulted in him shaking uncontrollably and vomiting. I told him that we could get him help, that we would work through it together. I had just wanted to see him better. He did good for a while, went three months sober before he relapsed.
The relapse was worse than I could have imagined. He was using every day, multiple times a day. I couldn't stand to be around him when he was high; He would get so fucked up and do things he would never think of doing when he was sober. The heroin changed him. I didn't like who he was becoming, and that's when I left. I had been cut off from him for three weeks before he called me for this encounter today.
"How could you leave me when I needed you?" Alex asked quietly, catching my attention as I looked around the room. I looked over at him, catching his eyes and noticing how dull and lifeless they had become.
"You've been bingeing." I whispered, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "I told you when I left, I told you I couldn't do it. I'm not getting back with you, not if you're still doing this shit, Alex. I love you but I can't." I stood up, walking to the stairs and making my way up to the room that he and I used to share.
Alex got up and followed me upstairs, leaning against the door frame and running a hand through his unwashed hair. "Do you have any idea how fucking hard this is? Especially when you left me.." He snapped, causing me to jump slightly. I hated when Alex got angry.
"How hard was it?" I asked, sighing and opening the dresser. I pulled out some clothes that I had left, stuffing them into a duffel bag and closing the drawers. I leaned my forehead against the dresser, waiting to hear what he had to say.
"I felt like such a disappointment. I knew I had let you down, and I hated myself for that. I hated myself for a lot of things after I started using again. It's like.. you always seemed to make it a little easier to not do as much, or even stop. I felt invincible when I was with you. I never expected you to leave, and maybe that's why I didn't stop. I thought I could have the best of both worlds, you know? You and the high. But I couldn't, and you left, and I couldn't take that. I turned back to the drugs." He paused, running a hand through his hair again.
"The feeling I got when I shot up.. well it took away some of the pain from you leaving. But eventually that wasn't enough, and I started drinking heavy again. Between the two of those, I don't know how I'm still fucking alive. The last three weeks have been terrifying for me, and I'm glad that after all of that I got to see your face again. I thought a lot during all of this, and.. I want to get help." He said quietly, staring down at the floor.
I turned to him, raising an eyebrow as he looked up and met his eyes with mine. "Really? You want help?" I asked, leaning against dresser. That had been the problem before. He hadn't really wanted help for himself, he had wanted it because that's what I had wanted for him. Everyone knows that you can't truly get better unless it's what you want.
"Yeah, I really do." Alex nodded, walking over to the dresser and standing across from me. He looked down into my eyes, reaching up and putting his hand on my cheek. I saw a tear roll down his cheek and land on the floor. "I've missed you so much, beautiful." He whispered, biting his bottom lip.
"I've missed you, too." I breathed, feeling my heart skip a beat. Everyone has their addictions. Alex had heroin and booze. I had Alex. His touch, his kiss, the way he looked at me.. I couldn't get enough of it. I knew that I would always come running back to him. I needed him, just like he needed the drugs.
"Will you be by my side during this?" He asked quietly, leaning his forehead against mine and reaching for my free hand. I took his hand, lacing our fingers together and closing my eyes as I took him in.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I sighed, opening my eyes and looking up into his. He smiled slightly, leaning forward and pressing his lips against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I tangled my fingers in his hair as his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer.
"I'm really glad that you said that." He whispered, pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine again. I closed my eyes, laughing lightly through my tears and wrapping my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder and pulling him close.
I would help him get through this, even if it took everything that I had to offer. I need Alex in my life, and I couldn't picture being without him again. I wanted to see him happy and healthy again. I told him I would stay by his side, and I planned on keeping my word.
BABIESSSSS. This is a really, really different idea for a story and idk I kind of like it a lot. I'd like to know what you guys think, though. Do you like it? Do you think it's too unlike Alex? Idk, just let me know I guess! I love you guys a lot, my little baby potatoes.