Hey guys. Newsnakeyes here! Like a said this is a crack story, made up from the darkest pits of darkness and hell of my mind, which in fact is pretty dark. This is all about getting inspiration for some stories, I won't try to make a habit of writing these just to gain inspiration. Anyways, enjoy the randomness of my mind. :D
Pairings: NONE THIS IS ALL CRACK
Just so you know, I can't stand bad grammar all that much, so it won't be like those crack fanfics so where they have such bad grammar u can't read a single word in the whole thing, so ya.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this crap, except for Kelly and a few other things.
Allen was skipping down the hall-because he could and the fact that he was wearing a pink dress. Don't ask I don't know where it came from. And then Slenderman came walking in and picked Allen up bridal style, saying that they were going to be married foreverrrrrrrr. Slender didn't actually say it that long, but you get my point. And….duh duh The purple guy burst down the door, shouting about burritos or some shit like that. No one remembers, because that's when Foxy did a awesome karate move on Purple guy, something called 'Ball kickers'. To which everyone acted like they did not just hear a robotic fox shout 'Ball Kickers'.
While Slender and Allen skipped down the road, enjoying the sunset forgetting completely that this was the 21st century and cars could run them over. So shit happened, and they got ran over and died, the end for them not everyone else, 'cause I want this to go on forever and I'm crazy. Of course back to Freddy Fazbear's Shit Pizzeria, in case you didn't know is where Slender and Allen got marrieddddd. Anyway, all the animatronics were planning to burn down the place, because why not? And they stole some vodka from Mike Schmidt and were paying for that, which was to burn Fazfucks down. Not very original in my opinion, but hey it burns!
Anyway, the animatronics were spraying gasoline everywhere, yea spraying not dumping. The animatronics were so fucked up in the brain that they actually changed out the water in the hose, which for some reason was inside, into gasoline. In all truth this wasn't surprising, not even when Ballon Boy came back with his famous 'Smoke Weed Everyday' quote, which he actually stole, and accidentally burned down the whole restaurant down with his cigar. Why someone even let Ballon Boy have a cigar was beyond anyone at this point, seeing that Mike was the only one who survived the whole ordeal.
The funny thing is that he didn't even remember what happened, he just passed out drunk from drinking too much vodka. The purple guy appeared again, but this time he was stumbling and holding his nuts, saying that ahem.. "I'm going to beat the shit right of Foxy."
No one did not want to know the meaning behind that, so they all just ignored it. By all, I mean all the dead people, which was quite large. Anyway, purple guy tripped over Mike, who was still passed out, and fell down some stairs which had magically appeared while Purple guy was cussing out Foxy. Yeah, Purple guy fell down the twelve flight of stairs, broke all of his bones, and still managed to survive. Mike happened to wake up and fall down the stairs too, but didn't break any bones. How did he not break any bones? How the fuck should I know, I'm just a narrator, he must be magical or some weird crap like that. Mike saved purple guy for no reason, saying he looked just like his dead wife.
No one questioned it, seeing that Ash Ketchum had just walked through the remains of Fazfucks and asked for some waffles. Mike flipped out and threw/flipped a table at Ash, surprising absolutely no one and pretty much attacked Ash. Ash threw a poke ball at Mike after he was done beating the shit out of Ash, and well Mike murdered Ash. Some shit happened after that, leaving Mike passed out drunk on a table, purple guy marrying a toilet, and Slender coming back to life. Also, a new crack fabulous shit tastic person joined, named Raven. Somehow her and purple guy started to argue over who got to marry the toilet and a lot of lawsuits were filed, and over some weird shit Raven's stuffed turtle, Kelly, married the toilet in the end.
Purple guy cried for seven weeks straight, and Raven just started to blow up random crap all over town. After all that shit happened and everything settled down, the mayor got fired for property damage for something that happened seven weeks ago. Then Kelly and the toilet got in a fight, something about an affair, saying that the toilet was cheating on him. Since Raven loved Kelly so much, she threw the toilet off the tallest building. After that, everyone either got sued or fired from their job. So they all banned together under the name as 'Crack Fabulous Shit Tastic Group', why the hell they named themselves that, we'll never know.
Five years pasted, Slender somehow getting permanent marker stuck on his non-existent face, Raven finally became a Vaporeon, Purple guy found a better toilet to marry, and Mike managed to get his whole house filled with Vodka. Everyone was starting to think he was secretly Russian with all the Vodka he consumes each day. Some more shit happened and Ash came back to life, tried to catch Raven, tried to steal all of Mike's vodka, blah blah. That mayor that got fired five years ago found Ash dead in a ditch somewhere on the side of the road, well that's how Slender worded it. Some months later, Mike tripped over a teddy bear and fell down some stairs, and some more stairs, and more stairs, and more stairs….
To be put simply, he kept falling down stairs for ten hours and he still didn't break any bones. No one questioned it, they all simply blamed Sally for leaving her teddy out and making Mike fall for ten hours. Kelly then made a guest apprentice on 'The Ellen Show' and blew up the whole station and tv show. Sadly everyone died, and Kelly was put in prison for Six minutes and was then set free. No one even cared as Mike started smacking purple guy with his own phone for taking a selfie. This was life, until Ballon Boy appeared again with his stolen 'Smoke Weed everyday' quote.
"Yo Bit-" Purple guy started taking selfies and twerking everywhere, causing Ballon Boy to throw his cigar at him, setting Purple guy on fire. Mike went and got popcorn for everyone as they watched Purple guy run around like an idiot for one hour straight.
"Stop, drop, and Roll!" Raven shouted at him, choking on popcorn. "Not Stop, Selfie, and Twerk!"
Purple guy was making rather lewd comments and was twerking absolutely EVERYWHERE, making everything set on fire. Mike got up and tripped down the front steps and lay there face planted in the dirt until the whole house caught on fire. Purple guy was still twerking everywhere and Slender was talking to his 'friends', which was actually the burned remains of their house. Raven was passed out, blood dripping from her eyes, making everyone think maybe she was going to be scarred forever and Mike was calmly drinking his vodka, wait. Why the hell did he get Vodka? Never mind.
"Now what?" Purple guy asked, finally stopped twerking, actually sane.
Well that's it! Tell if you want more, or if you want me to continue it, well it is a crack story. Anyways, hope you enjoyed!
See you next chapter, if we have one.