I'd Like My First Kiss Back
Okabe Rintarou—a.k.a. Hououin Kyouma, self-proclaimed mad scientist—had the eraser end of a pencil locked in his teeth and was bouncing it up and down in agitated thought. It was another hot and stifling summer day in the tiny flat above the CRT shop, fans going on opposite sides of the room and windows thrown open in the hopes of creating a satisfying cross-breeze (Mr. Braun was more than happy to let his upstairs, weirdo tenant melt.).
But even in this heat, he was wearing that old lab coat of his, naturally.
Well, actually it was the new one that Makise Kurisu had bought for him back in the States.
Then he stopped and his eyes slid in her direction. Kurisu, lounging on the couch in the jacket of hers (despite the heat), ducked behind the copy of Sciency she was reading (or trying to), making an effort to act like she wasn't staring at him, even though he totally just caught her doing it.
He grinned in that mischievous way that was so Okabe. "I see you there…spying," he teased.
Kurisu hunched further behind the magazine. "Oh please, I wasn't spying. That's your schtick."
Okabe took the pencil out of his mouth and considered her a moment before he launched into one of his esoteric diatribes.
"True enough, Christina. After all, I am a veteran of the cloak-and-dagger life, as you well know. But moreover, I have always had the good sense to become skilled in such things out of practical necessity. After all, it's well documented that the minds of mad geniuses are relentlessly sought after by many a nefarious…ah…."
What was the word he was looking for?
"Damn it all," he muttered, biting the eraser end of his pencil again in frustration. "The word was on the tip of my tongue," he added with the eraser between his teeth.
Kurisu smirked at this, having relaxed her shoulders. She flicked a page in the magazine. "I think you're losing your edge."
"That's because you're distracting me!" Okabe accused, taking the pencil back out of his mouth and pointing the pointed graphite end of it at her.
"Oh?" Kurisu raised her eyebrows at him, finally looking at him directly. "I think the word you're looking for is 'organization'."
Okabe sighed and waved a hand. "Oh please. I've moved on from such things. No what I'm thinking is more along the lines of…." And then he smiled. "Corrupt corporations."
"'Nefarious corrupt corporations'?" Kurisu quoted back at him. "Sounds a bit redundant." She shut the magazine and tossed it on the coffee table, leaning over and asking before Okabe could retort: "What is it you're working on then?"
Frowning, but nonetheless distracted from replying to her comment about his ultimate word choice, Okabe tugged his notebook a little closer to himself, ready to cover it up with both arms if need be.
"Oh…just some…theoretical quandaries I felt like puzzling over," he lied. "The usual."
Kurisu smiled, but it was her kinder, gentler smile. The one she wore when she was being real with him. "Come on. I love picking your brain. And I know you love picking mine," she added, briefly batting her eyelashes.
She was getting a bit better at this flirting thing.
Which Okabe admittedly appreciated.
He smiled gently himself.
Wordlessly, he pushed the notebook towards her, then he leaned his cheek in the palm of his hand, elbow on the table as he watched her spin it around so she could read what he had scribbled on the open page. Admired the way she tucked a lock of her bright red hair behind her ear, and how the sparkle of insight crept into her keen eyes as she scanned what he'd penciled down so far.
And then she looked up at him.
"This has to do with memory," she said. "Improving memory recall."
"Precisely." Okabe cleared his throat as she passed him back the notebook.
"So…like something that'd nip Alzheimer's disease and dementia in the bud?" Kurisu asked, still leaning forward with that eager expression on her face, that need to know more.
"Something like that."
"Where did all this come from? Watched too many sci-fi films where cures for Alzheimer's led to the apocalypse?"
"Come now, it was nothing of the sort! I just…." Okabe sighed and sat up, stretching his arms out across the table, idly flicking the end of the pencil against the palm of his other hand, feeling the heat in the room press against him like a thin film on his skin. "It just occurred to me…a little after…when you…brought me back…." He cleared his throat again before he went on. "It occurred to me how important memories are. How important it is not to let go of or lose the good ones…or the bad."
Kurisu's smile retreated as she turned pensive. And then she asked, very quietly, "Were you thinking then…before that, I mean…even wishing, perhaps…that you could erase all the memories you've accumulated…over so many world lines…since so many of them were so awful…?"
Okabe quit flicking the pencil and looked up at her. He smiled again, but wanly this time. "Something like that."
For one cursory twinkling, such recollections shivered in his mind—the same terrified shock on Mayuri's face as she fell once again to her death—how wrong it was to see Mayuri's eyes dead and without life even after he'd seen it over, and over, and over, and over, and over—the cold fear and wrenching sadness in Kurisu's eyes as she told him she wasn't ready to die…right before she breathed her last and went limp in his trembling arms—
Stop, he thought to himself, managing to catch the lump in his throat, to fight down the crushing pain in his chest, just barely keeping himself from going back over the edge.
It was getting easier to shake it off without people picking up on it, even Kurisu.
He cleared his throat again, blinking rapidly, feeling himself sweat a little more.
"So, what changed your mind?"
"Hm? Oh…something I remembered, actually."
"Ah. And what was that?"
"It was um…a theory. A theory on happiness."
"I see." Kurisu lowered her eyes, and her smile came back. That gentle one. "Well now. I never thought you'd start delving into things like the science of human emotions." Then she met his eyes. "What was the theory then? That you can't have joy without sadness?"
At this, Okabe felt some of his wistfulness dissipate, and his smile widened, got a bit brighter. "Actually, that was exactly it. That and I think before it was science it was some kind of ancient proverb."
"Probably. It's just one of those things we all have to learn…I think."
"Well, you certainly couldn't be more right about that."
"So…remembering that, made you decide that instead of wallowing in a wish that you could forget all the terrible things you saw and experienced, you'd find a way to make it so people can remember things better?"
"More or less. That and the work you were doing on memory and perception of time...might've stirred at least an iota of inspiration."
"Why, Hououin Kyouma, I'm flattered. So then, no more trying to take over the world then?" Kurisu pressed, more playful.
Okabe blinked at her and then he snorted a laugh and shook his head. "Nope. I've abandoned such lofty ambitions. At the very least, I have every intention of still making my mark on the world, but I think…I'd rather do what I can to make it a little bit better place. Which of course started with making sure that you and Mayuri stayed very firmly within it," he added pointedly.
"And you, of course," Kurisu told him, just as pointedly.
"Yes, yes, and me," Okabe replied, trying to sound dismissive and nonchalant about it. But when he looked up again, Kurisu's face was much closer to his than it had been a moment before.
Though this wasn't the first time they'd been this close, he was still taken aback. He could make out every one of her eyelashes, and there was that plum-flavored gum scent on her breath.
He blinked rapidly again, this time for a different reason. "Um…yes?"
"Would you like that first kiss back now?" Kurisu asked him, playing sultry.
Okabe did his best not to snicker, because it was rather charming. And he felt a little bit better about it because this time she wasn't operating on two-plus beers in her system.
He grinned. "Took you long enough."
And Kurisu closed her eyes and leaned in. Okabe did the same.
The pencil fell from his hand and clattered on the floor.
"Tu-turu!"
The front door burst open and little Shina Mayuri did a grand jeté into the flat, periwinkle dress fluttering behind her, clutching in one hand a plastic bag full of Pocky, pints of ice cream, and a bunch of bottled drinks that included Okabe's particular favorite brand of soda.
Okabe and Kurisu broke apart, Kurisu falling back into the sofa cushions, Okabe catching himself on his palms as he fell back and nearly hit the floor. They both looked at Mayuri, who had stuck her landing in her cute pair of ballet flats, her free hand holding onto her frilly blue hat, and was now blinking bemusedly at the two of them.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, tilting her head to one side. "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Ah, what do you mean?" Kurisu gave a nervous laugh and straightened up, brushing imaginary dust particles off of her black tights. "You weren't interrupting anything. Right, Okabe?"
Okabe glanced between Kurisu and Mayuri before he chuckled and sat back up. "Well, I don't know about that." Then he gave Mayuri a conspiratorial grin.
Mayuri, knitted her brow a moment, then gasped and beamed before she too got sly. "Oh, I see."
Then she whipped out her phone.
Okabe's jaw went slack. Kurisu shot him a look that threw daggers at him. Then they both leapt forward, trying to make a grab for Mayuri before she could send a text to the rest of the gang that Hououin Kyouma and Christina were locking lips.
But Mayuri was quick like a rabbit and leapt out of the way, raising the phone up high, which was rather a feat in and of itself considering how small she was. "Ha-ha!" she laughed in triumph, already hitting "SEND" with her thumb.
At which point Okabe and Kurisu both deflated.
"Nice going," Kurisu muttered, and then realized that she and Okabe were right next to each other, on their hands and knees on the floor.
Okabe couldn't help but laugh despite her scolding him. "Ah what the hell. At least that text's going to the future, not the past."
After a beat, Kurisu snortled herself, and then she outright laughed, tears in her eyes and bending over double. And then, when it passed, she reached up and flicked fondly at Okabe's hair.
"Like I said, 'nice going'," she said again, but risibly this time.
Mayuri was shaking her head. "What did I say? You guys are a perfect match made in one of Daru's dating games." (Kurisu rolled her eyes.) She held out the plastic bag still in her hands. "So who's for snacks and ice cream?! I've got Haagen-Dasz…."
"Oooh, fancy ice cream." Kurisu beamed and got to her feet, holding out a hand for the bag. "I definitely am. Best way to beat this heat. Thanks, sweetie."
And as Okabe watched the two young ladies, a smile still on his face, another thought occurred to him.
That this was a memory he definitely wanted to make sure he never lost.
Additionally, he made a mental note to get some plum-flavored gum next time he was out.