About the Author:
Buster Manwomb's sex tape is titled 'two minutes of screaming and then a lot of crying'.
It is three hours long.
69 Hues of Deez Nuts: China Finds Love in Most of the Wrong Places
Chapter 1: The Tiananmen Square Massacre is Best Girl
China woke up feeling like crap. His water sources were polluted and he was emitting a worrying amount of banned greenhouse gasses. A quick trip to the doctors office revealed that the symptoms were a result of China abusing his people and resources for profit and eating at TacoTime. China's mom was pissed, but China said sorry and that he'd stop and it was seemingly left at that.
China missed the first half of school that day, and arrived during the lunch break. Everyone had already eaten and were faffing about in the bare concrete slab that consisted of the inner city schoolyard.
The South American boys were playing football against the African boys. All the girls that occurred in those continents were on the sidelines, screaming for the boys' attention, but being dutifully and gracelessly ignored. Occasionally a girl would enter the playing field, becoming unavoidable. However the boys would at best sputter a noncommittal apology and sweep them under the nearest rug before playing. When China was looking, Female Genital Mutilation had run into the field, but was absolutely fucking dogpiled by nearly everybody playing the moment she had said her name.
Elsewhere on the lot, the American Indigenous Cultural Destruction sisters were getting petty sums of money thrown at her by America in lieu of actually acknowledging them. Their cousins, the Canadian Indigenous cultural Destruction sisters had gotten a shit-ton of apologies out of Canada that felt rather insincere whenever he was giving Treaty Violations and Denial of Clean Drinking Water constant growth spurts.
And then China saw them. The two girls that seem to make up the entire world to him: Unit 731 and the Rape of Nan King.
They were sisters. Their mother, "Japanese occupation of China" was a pretty spicy number herself before she became too large and unfocused, and burst into dozens of more topically focused girls, not unlike how childbirth is described to most children in Alabama up to age twenty-two, to promote abstinence.
China blushed, walking nervously as he approached the two sisters. They seemed bothered to pry their gazes away from Japan to acknowledge China.
"Um… hi." China said, butterflies in his stomach.
wham!
A thick-muscled Japan shoved China to the ground. Trying to look good in front of the girls of his dreams, only to get kicked while he was down.
"You punk-ass!" Japan said, shaking his fist at China and screaming. "Who do you think you are, huh?! If I'm ignoring these girls, everyone has to!"
Japan seemed oddly ignorant of America talking to both of them that very moment, along with the Holocaust sisters, whom Germany was profusely apologizing to with such frequency everyone started seeing it as white noise.
"You ignore thems bitches, you hear me!" Japan pointed at China as she shamefully stood up. Unit 731 and the Rape of Nan King giggled a few seconds before following Japan, trailing behind the crowd of western countries praising him for practically sweating video games.
"He's always going after those bimbos." The Tiananmen Square Massacre said woefully, watching China dust himself off from across the lot. "It's like he doesn't even know I exist!"
"Don't be so hard on yourself!" The Tiananmen Square Massacre's much younger and disturbingly less relevant sister, Chinese-Muslim Concentration Camps said, taking a break from comforting American Migrant Children Concentration Camps, who was crying like hundreds of children that were ripped from their families and stored in harsh prisons converted from failed Wal Marts.
"I don't know, I just think there's something I should be able to do to get his attention."
"Well," Chinese-Muslim Concentration Camps leaned closer so that American Migrant Children Concentration Camps wouldn't hear her mention America. "It looks like America and China are all buddy buddy, but they're actually frenemies! America talks so much shit behind China's back! If you get him to help you, you might have a chance!"
"That's a great idea!" The Tiananmen Square Massacre hugged Chinese Muslim Concetration camps thankfully before rushing off to find America.