The whole class room was dyed a deep orange, the signature colour of twilight. It seeped into every crack, glinting off the polished tables in the student council room. The windows were thrown wide open allowing the cool summer breeze to flutter the thin curtains, making them make wave like shadows on the floor.
Natsuki's eyes were fixated on the figure standing at one of the said windows.
Shizuru…
Her best friend. Her… most precious person…
I love you…
Her mind echoed.
Her fingers trembled as she watched Shizuru's face relax into a rare true smile, her eyes slide close, as a sudden gust of wind rushed her, she seemed to glow, shine.. In a light that only those who loved could see.
She would tell her today.
She had to.
Not only for Shizuru's sake, but for her own. She hadn't slept in about a week, and before that she had known for weeks, two now to be exact. And she cursed her self that it took a stupid, freakishly green haired, no good, psychotic, two bit fan! To try it on with the older girl, for her to notice.
She would never forget that moment, Natsuki's hand gripped her upper arm, her nails biting harshly into the skin through the fabric. She had been walking home with Mai passing the university campus when she saw the two chatting happily on a nearby bench.
The green haired girl's adoring gaze on Shizuru's calm serene face, her hand on Shizuru's arm when the other girl had said something apparently funny, the way that hand stayed there way, way too long. The fluttering eyelashes, the hazed eyes, the closeness.
Too close.
Get away!
These two sentences were the one that flashed though Natsuki's mind like a growl, snarling and roaring through her bloodstream. Natsuki wasn't used to this emotion, the one that made her feel sick, that made her feel like she may cry, she wanted to run, anywhere. She wanted to storm up to the two and rip them apart.
Instead she froze in the middle of walking, staring.
Mai had stopped too. But she hadn't seen Shizuru in the crowd of university students, it was like watching Tokyo at rush hour.
Eventually Mai had drug her away and took her back to their dorm room that they both shared with Mikoto. She had moved in after the Hime affair the thought of living alone just didn't appeal to her as much anymore.
She didn't need to be alone…
She honestly… didn't want to be alone.
There she had gotten into bed and sulked. Refusing to talk or eat dinner. She just… didn't feel very well.
What followed in the weeks after was Natsuki, treating Shizuru as if she had been dealt the greatest betrayal by her.
Slammed doors, scowling, short one word answers to all of Shizuru's questions -if she answered any at all- all in all acting like a petulant child.
It was quite obvious Shizuru hadn't known what she had done wrong. Her normal easy going smile she had always wore around the blunette after the festival, had disintegrated during the week, and by Friday of the third week, Shizuru was looking at Natsuki with pleading puppy eyes. Teasing that had taken up most of the weeks earliest attempts to break through Natsuki's shell had been forgone. In fact by the fourth Friday, Shizuru had even gotten angry.
Natsuki she was sure that day she heard the door slam a little as Shizuru left that day.
It was that day she realised.
A month after that event.
It wasn't a dream that made her realise.
It wasn't even anything big.
It was the sound after the door slammed.
The sound of Shizuru's quick infuriated footsteps echoing through the corridor of the dorm, getting further and further away from her.
Her heart had jumped to her throat, each beat met each footstep.
She panicked.
Her hands grew cold and sweaty. She got up suddenly, looking around the dorm, but where was she going she didn't know, so she sat right back down again, but sitting made her nervous, so once again she got up. Repeating this two. Three, more times. She rubbed her hands on her jeans, and made her way to the kitchen. Grabbing a glass she hastily filled it with water not even waiting for a second to make sure the water was cool. Bringing the glass to her trembling lips she took a few shaky gulps, placing the glass down on the counter not even realising how hard her left hand was gripping the counter.
Deep breaths.
In and out.
She stood there for god knows how long.
Her eyes closed, trying to get her breath even.
Green eyes appeared. And she looked down to the counter. Seeing drips of water on her hand, on the counter, and there were more appearing every second. Falling from her.
She lifted her hand to her face.
She was crying.
"Shizuru…" she whispered like a prayer.
"Shizu…ru.." the tears kept coming like a waterfall. The damn was broken there was no stopping them.
"Shizuru. Shizuru.. Shi..zuru.." She fell to her knees, her left hand still holding tightly to the counter of the kitchen, only the sound of the dripping tap and a occasional sniff could be heard.
Shizuru..
She stared into nothingness.
All this. For what? She had made the person she most loved angry.. She had ignored her… glared and treated her like the dirt on the bottom of her shoe.
What if?
What if she leaves?
For good.
Life flashed back to her eyes. Images of Shizuru with that other girl. Images of Shizuru walking away from her. What would she do if Shizuru left?
For good.
"..No.."
Forever.
"I.. don't.. want that.."
She was on her feet in seconds, stumbling a little from dead leg. She had all but thrown herself across the apartment.
Don't leave!
Her hand shot to her door knob, rattling it, as she tried to open the locked door. She fumbled for her keys and the door was open in seconds.
Don't you leave me!
She skidded past some of her fellow dorm-mates tears still spilling from her eyes. Not caring if they saw.
Please! Please!
She ran down the staircase hitting the bottom floor in record time as she dashed out of the dormitory.
Shizuru!
And was left standing in a empty car park.
Shizuru..
The clock chimed for six o'clock. It had been half a hour since Shizuru had left. Natsuki remembers this more clearly than anything in her life. More than her mothers face, more than Duran blowing up before her eyes taking Kiyohime and thus her self and Shizuru with him.
And its not the scenery she remembers. She couldn't give a flying fuck if it were sunny, or snowing.
She remembers this one thought. As she dropped once again to her knees. Tears dripping down her face like twin rivers. As Mai finds her in the car park her eyes full of worry, Her and Mikoto dashing over to Natsuki. Mikoto dropping her practice sword and wrapping her arms around Natsuki's trembling body, Mai soon getting there soon after, as they grab hold and squeeze her. Holding her together. Shielding her from the prying eyes of her fellow students as they come home from club activities.
It rung out. With the highest clarity Natsuki had ever heard. No questions. No doubts. It said:
Shizuru.
I love you.
It had taken her days to recover. She didn't go to school just stayed in her room wrapped in a cocoon of her bedding. no one was allowed in apart from Mai, Mikoto, and at times Takumi.
Mai had tried, she had tried hard. But the slap had been harder than getting hit with a train. When had she? How had she? Why didn't she?
Too many questions and no answers.
Had she loved Shizuru even during the festival this way? It had been well over a year since then did Shizuru still feel the way she had those months ago?
There were no answers just that same thought over and over.
Shizuru… I love you.
Nothing had changed in her behaviour towards Shizuru, it continued the same as before. Except maybe now Natsuki went to great lengths to make sure the girl never saw her face. She didn't know how she would react. Burst into tears, flush red as a lobster and faint. She didn't know.
This carried on for a few more days until Mikoto happened.
By then it had begun to haunt her nights with dreams, and nightmares in equal measures. Shizuru kissing her. Turned into Shizuru kissing.. Her..(1) She had begun to see Shizuru's body in a whole new way.. The kind of way that made her fidget and blush coyly. It hadn't helped she had seen the woman naked before.
They were sitting, watching TV after dinner. They had on some rom-com that Natsuki was barely paying attention to. Mai had gone out with Tate for their weekly argument, aka: Date.
It was as the credits had been rolling across the screen, and Natsuki had gotten up to turn it over to something different, she had turned to see Mikoto staring at the screen with the happiest expression that the cat-like-girl could muster. The middle schooler let out a happy sigh, and grinned at Natsuki.
"Natsuki. Love really is good. Yup!"
The world zeroed in and sharpened… How could she forget?
It was the only good thing the Hime festival had done. Shown her and the others that love was good. It was what saved them.
The disks in her hands hit the floor as she slumped.
Then a soft smile over took her face. And she looked Mikoto in the eyes, and said.
"Yup."
This had lead up to the past few days. Her catching up on homework, -She wasn't in trouble with repeating any more but she would like to keep up her new good track record.- apologising to Mai and the others.. Apart from Shizuru. And building her courage.
The second she had told Mai what was going on the girl had all but squealed and exploded from happiness, except she chose the much more appropriate: hug Natsuki till she suffocates. And had offered her services. Which Natsuki had put to use right away. Distract green haired girl so she could get a moment with Shizuru. The other fans weren't that bad and even thought they did crowd they knew when Shizuru needed her space.
Which apparently she had during the past few weeks. Natsuki whole heartedly blamed herself for the university students bad mood. Apparently she hadn't been nearly as 'Bubuzuke' as normal… according to Haruka.
All of this had lead up to this moment.
Once Natsuki had cornered the red eyed girl. Shizuru had followed after her as she lead them back across campus. She had asked Yukino to leave the student council room earlier, so she could be alone as possible with Shizuru, and as the sun started to set and the time drew near, they passed the flower garden where they had first met. Petals forever dancing in the sky.
She had glanced back at Shizuru who had wordlessly her head to the garden, her hair flowing like waves gently in the breeze, she felt her heart clench, she reached out catching one of the petals for good luck.
And now she was here.
Leaning against the wall of the student council. They hadn't said a word yet, but the silence wasn't going to last for long. One would break it. And Natsuki hoped to high heavens that it would be Shizuru.
She didn't realise Shizuru looking back at her, the woman's head turned quizzically, Shizuru's hands had intertwined themselves around her back, and she smiled a sad smile.
"Natsuki." She said. Her voice holding none of its usual teasing flavour. It felt as though she was the ice cream without the flake.
Blinking at the tone Natsuki looked towards Shizuru. As the latter began to speak Natsuki could barely hear it. Shizuru was surrounded by sunlight, her face was flushed, even in her jeans and jumper she couldn't of looked more beautiful. But Natsuki could see the wear and tear. Deep rings under her redder than usual eyes. Her body was tense and her entire posture was lowered to a submissive apologetic state. It was then that Natsuki realised Shizuru was apologising.
Apologising that Natsuki ignored her.
"Shizuru stop."
All fell silent.
"Come here."
The older of the two made her way closer. Natsuki could see the shuffle in her step, her trembling fingers, and the mask Shizuru wore at all times hanging on by a thread.
It was like watching a chained bird.
All these feelings and nowhere to express them.
I will give you a place.
The air had thickened, it was impossible to not notice, knifes could cut it.
Shizuru's breath was short. Her face flushed. All kinds of emotions lurked in her eyes, but there was one all consuming.
And Natsuki knew it well.
She didn't even have to name it.
She could see it.
She reached out, still nervous, but she pushed it aside. She touched Shizuru's hand and laced their fingers together, Shizuru's breath hitched, and her eyes searched Natsuki's franticly.
Hope flared within the fiery red orbs.
Natsuki could hear the unspoken pleas of Shizuru's heart. It was begging for her not to be joking, on its knees screaming 'I will do anything! Anything! Just let me be yours! And let you be mine!'
Her hand unlaced from Shizuru's and dragged up her forearm, gripping her jumper, as she averted her eyes for a second. Just enough for her to scrape what courage she had left together.
"…I.." She started, and Shizuru straightened, silently egging her on. "I am.. Not very good with words Shizuru. I never have been." She said honestly.
"But… I am going to try…" She said Her grip on the sleeve tightening. "So… I know I don't have to ask but.. Please listen.."
Shizuru didn't nod, move or anything. But her eyes watched in rapture.
Taking a deep breath Natsuki tugged, pulling Shizuru in, her arm still placed on her forearm the other went up to wrap around the other woman's stiff body.
She drew back her head a little bit, almost thrown off by the amount of disbelief and hope glistening in Shizuru's eyes.
In the dull light of twilight, she turned her head to Shizuru's cheek, her nose running along the side of it, she placed a small peck barely a touch against the skin just below Shizuru's earlobe, feeling the older woman's body shudder, she couldn't believe herself.
There was no point beating around the bush. She didn't want to hurt anymore, her thoughts briefly turned to some of those movies where the main character goes for months without letting their feelings be known… and she knows right at this moment that even her own cowardice, she could never do that.
So she leant her head to the side letting her breath run over the side of Shizuru's face, and leaned in as close as she could, lips but a whisper away from Shizuru's skin.
"Shizuru.." She breathed. "I am in love with you."
There was nothing for several moments, and they stayed like that. Natsuki was close to breaking, saying to hell with it, grabbing hold of the woman before her, kiss her, and say it again, and again, and again… so she did.
"I love you.. I love you Shizuru… I love you" Natsuki's shell had broken. There was no holding back there was no point, slowly she began to press kisses to the side of Shizuru's face. She let got of the sleeve and threw her arms around her neck, as the tide of emotion swept over the two like a tsunami.
That was when Shizuru also broke and pushed her away, for a second Natsuki felt dread until lips claimed hers furiously, she sunk into Shizuru's embrace her body moulding to hers, they fit together.
"Natsu..ki… I love..you.." Shizuru repeated it over and over like a mantra, between kisses. Natsuki nodding her head, as she felt a tongue touch her lower lip and her mind blanked as they sunk to the floor of the student council room.
The next morning Natsuki awoke to the smell of tea leaves, and lavender. It were as though she were trapped in a bubble of the two smells, it was then she realised that she wasn't in her dorm room, but in fact in Shizuru's apartment.
The previous days memories flowed back into her mind, and she blushed, burying her head in one of the pillows. Shizuru was nowhere in sight but she could hear the sound of someone moving around in the kitchen.
They hadn't… 'done it'… yet. -at that thought Natsuki almost burst into flames- Mainly cause Natsuki had mumbled something about wanting a date, when they had entered Shizuru's apartment hands entangled. But that didn't stop them lying on the bed, Shizuru lying on top, Natsuki's hands threaded though Shizuru's hair, while Shizuru's had found their way under her shirt, kissing each other, as though they were poisoned and the other was the antidote.
She was shaken from her thoughts as Shizuru entered the room, dressed in a dressing gown and holding to cups of tea. Natsuki watched her through thick eyelashes, clutching her pillow close to her chest, as the older of the two came over and sat on the edge of the bed placing the cups on the nearby bedside table.
She looked so free, like every chain that had been holding her back holding her down had been broken and thrown away. There was a air of fulfilment around the older of the two, as she turned to Natsuki placing a hand on her head smoothing down some of the bed head.
Natsuki took the hand within her own and placed a kiss upon it, looking into Shizuru's soft eyes she whispered. "Morning…"
"Good morning, Natsuki." Shizuru breathed, an uncharacteristic light blush had formed on her cheeks. Natsuki smiled lifting her self up and moved towards the older woman giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"You're red." she smirked, Shizuru pouted, and Natsuki leaned in once more kissing the pout away. Her arms rapping around Shizuru's neck hugging her. Shizuru hugged back leaning her head on Natsuki's shoulder.
For once Natsuki felt… at home.
Eventually they pulled apart, and went about their day. They said goodbye with a kiss at the door and Natsuki made her way to class, she was greeted by Mai, who she promptly told to get that damn smirk off her face.
The day dragged on, and when it finally came time to go home, Natsuki left to find Shizuru waiting for her at the gate. They greeted each other with awkward smiles.
The sun had started to set, a brilliant orange surrounded them. And Shizuru once again glowed in its fiery light, she watched Shizuru as she walked Shizuru's eyes constantly flicking downwards to the younger girls hand, Natsuki blinked a few times realising what Shizuru wants she takes her hand in her own.
It only takes a second for Shizuru to clasp back, and smile brilliantly at Natsuki, her entire face haloed by the light of the setting sun. Natsuki's heart clenches, this was it, this was her treasure, what was most important to her, her heart drowned in love and she willingly submitted. But as she turned to Shizuru one thought consumed her heart and mind, and they sung in union.
Nothing suited Shizuru better than the colour of twilight.
OXO
(1) just in case you didn't get it her is referring to Tomoe… who is the freaky green haired girl.. I'm sure you all knew that… forgive my unoriginality.
This idea came to me in a dream, and I thought it was nice, so I wrote it. Its just a oneshot I have a few others on my computer, along with the next chapter of game. I must try to update more.
I hope you all enjoyed.
R&R