Birthday Dreams By: FayeValentine00 (Sarah-chan) (One shot fic) ~~~~~~~~~~~
I should have known better. Why was I always so stupid? Kyo hadn't ever come to visit me for any of my previous birthdays, so why was this was any different? Even as I asked myself the question, I already knew the answer. The reason it hurt so bad this year was that, for the first time, Kyo'd actually promised to come.
Today I'd turned 24 and it was just early this year that I'd finally received permission to get my own apartment outside of the main compound. I'd thought that moving away would've made all my problems disappear but that'd only been my childish dream. Although some things were better, like not having constant scrutiny over everything I did, but other things were even worse. In the three months that I'd been on my own, life had become really lonely. Making friends in the outside world was a lot harder then I'd expected. I guess I just found it hard to feel close to people when deep down I knew I was hiding a big secret.
That's why I'd been so excited yesterday when Kyo'd called me, out of the blue, to tell me that he was coming over. very few people had come to visit me since I'd moved in and any guest was a welcome change from the silence that greeted me everyday after work.
Today I'd cleaned everything from top to bottom, hoping that Kyo would see how much I'd changed over the last few years. I was still emotional and excitable, as I always had been but now it just wasn't to the same degree.
Deep down I think Kyo always assumed that I'd outgrown my crush on him but I never had and I knew I never would. Even as a child, I knew Kyo was the man I'd wanted to marry but now I knew better. Just because I want something doesn't mean it's going to happen. Kyo hasn't ever thought of me as anything more than a nuisance, and even thought he made that perfectly clear every time we were together, I still never allowed myself to lose hope.
I looked over at my clock and it read 9:17 PM. Although anger was my initial reaction, I also felt hurt. I wasn't even the one who'd asked Kyo to come. He'd called me with his own free will and told me he was coming but now he'd hadn't shown up. I could never see Kyo purposely doing something like this just to hurt someone but then my self-doubts began to kick in.
Maybe he'd done it to get back at me for all the times I'd beaten him up or forced him to spend time with me, I definitely wasn't the easiest person to get along with so I maybe I deserved it. Maybe being all alone on my birthday was my punishment for all the times I'd forced my will onto Kyo.
I felt tears well in my eyes and, in frustration, punched the wall near the front door. Without even realizing it, my arm went straight through the plaster, causing a large gapping hole. When I realized what I'd done, I carefully removed my arm and saw that I was bleeding. Watching the large droplets of red drip off my hand and onto the floor were a sharp reminder of how pathetic I really felt.
With tears welling in my eyes, I collapsed into a heap against the wall, cradling my wounded hand. No wonder Kyo hadn't come. I've always been completely irrational and pushy, not wanting to listen to what anyone else had to say and now look where it'd gotten me, ... nowhere.
How could anyone fall in love with a stupid girl like me anyway? Even if they knew about the curse, my personality would send them packing. Akito had been right when I was a child. He'd always said that my inability to control my emotions would scare everyone away. He'd also said that I'd always be alone because I wasn't worthy of love. I was nothing more than a worthless pig.
Those memories made the tears swimming in my eyes begin to roll down my cheeks. No matter how much I hated Akito for saying those things, I guess he was right. Look at me now, it's 15 years later and I'm alone. That's why Kyo's absence tonight had hit me so hard. It forced me to realize something that I tried to deny for so long. Maybe I just don't deserve happiness.
With tears still blurring my vision, I ripped a piece of fabric from my shirt and wrapped my injured hand tightly to slow the bleeding. No matter how good the idea sounded at the moment, I had too much pride to just sit here and bleed to death in my new apartment.
After a few more minutes of sulking against the wall, I realized that it wasn't going to help anything so I forced myself to stand up and go over to my couch where I could at least wallow in self pity in comfort.
When I sat down, my eyes fell upon the book that was laying on the coffee table. I'd totally forgotten that I'd run across it earlier in the day while I was cleaning and I'd left it there to look over later.
The front of the book said "Photo Album" and it contained pictures from my childhood all the way up to 5 months ago when Yuki, Tohru, Kyo and I had all gone camping for a week. I smiled to myself at the memories. That week, Yuki had finally confessed his feelings to Tohru and she confessed hers to him. They'd been together ever since and even though I was happy for them, I guess I felt a little jealous too. Why couldn't Kyo love me like that?
I sighed deeply, picking up the book and flipping through the pages. Some of the pictures were funny and some were just plain embarrassing. I'll never understand why all parents thought that naked bathtub pictures were cute. Anyway, a few pages later, my hands froze. All the pictures on the page were of Kyo and I when I was about 9 and he was about 7. Most of the picture showed me with my arms wrapped tightly around him but it was the last picture on the page that got my attention. I'd completely forgotten that this picture even existed.
In the 4x6 photo, it showed me facing the camera with a shy smile on my face while Kyo stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my neck and his head resting on my shoulder. It was his face that really struck me though. In most of the other pictures, he had forced smiles on his face or in others, he just looked down right afraid but in the particular picture, he looked happy. His whole body seemed relaxed and a soft smile was on his lips. He actually looked like he was happy to be holding me like that and as I looked at the picture, I couldn't stop myself from wishing that someday maybe Kyo would hold me like that again.
Page by page, I looked over the pictures. Some made me laugh, like the picture where Yun-chan had shoved Kyo in the lake when we were kids, and others made me cry, like the picture I'd taken of Kyo and his mother just weeks before her untimely death. With each of those pictures that I looked at, it seemed to remind me of just how alone I'd really become. No matter how badly it hurt, for some reason I just couldn't stop looking.
*Knock, Knock, Knock*
I must have dozed off on the couch while looking over the pictures because when the knocking at the door woke me up, it was already 11:21 PM. I had to stretch the kinks out of my neck before I could get up and that's when I heard the knocking come again but this time it was even louder.
*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*
"Coming!" I called out, not even awake enough to wonder who it might be.
Once I got to my feet, I ran over to the door and pulled it open quickly but just as I'd opened my mouth to greet my unexpected late night guest, my jaw dropped. Kyo was standing my doorway looking slightly disheveled and out of breath.
"K-Kyo-kun." I whispered softly.
"Sorry I'm late. It's a long story." He responded with an honestly repentant look on his face.
Without even thinking, my anger took over and I pulled my fist back to pummel him but before I could even start my attack, the look on Kyo's face changed to shock and he quickly stepped towards me. "You're hurt."
"Huh?" I stopped in mid-swing and when I realized what I was doing, I lowered my arm. My eyes followed Kyo's gaze and only then did I realize that I still hand the bandage wrapped around my hand and the shirt I was wearing was torn and blood stained as well. No wonder he looked so concerned, I looked awful.
"What happened?"
Without a word, I pointed to the hole in the wall and he obviously figured it out because he looked apologetic when the orange haired man turned back to me.
"I'm sorry I was late. ... You never gave me directions."
That one sentence made me want to go crawl in a hole. How was Kyo ever supposed to get here if he didn't know where HERE was?
"I'm sorry. ..." I paused for a moment, not knowing what else to say, before a thought suddenly came to my mind. "How did you find it?"
"Well,..." He shifted uncomfortably and a moment later I knew why. "I asked Haru for directions."
"HARU?!" I couldn't contain my laughter when the news sank in. Haru couldn't find his way out of a paper bag! Why Kyo would ever go to Haru for directions was beyond me.
"Hey! He was the only one around!" Kyo snapped with an annoyed look on his face that I found absolutely adorable.
"Okay, I'm sorry." I answered when I'd finally finished laughing.
"Anyway, I went all over looking for this place and somehow I ended up at Ayame's shop."
"That's all the way across town!"
"I know! ... Well, after listening to him talk about 'men's romance' for what seemed like forever, he finally told me how to get here but really, ... I'm sorry I was late."
"It's okay." I smiled to him after taking a quick peak at the clock.
"Huh?"
"It's only 11:45. You said you'd be here on my birthday and you are, so I forgive you."
Kyo let out a sigh of relief before he managed to return the smile. I may had been imagining it but I could have sworn that there was something in Kyo's eyes that I hadn't seen before. I didn't quite understand it but he actually looked happy and that was all that mattered.
"You said you wanted to give me something so what is it?" I asked after a few minutes later when we suddenly found ourselves in a awkward silence.
"Ummm. ... Well, ..." He fidgeted a bit, looking like a nervous child and it made me completely confused. What could he want to give me that made him so nervous?
"If you don't have it, you---"
"No! That's not it." He answered sharply, cutting me off and keeping his eyes diverted from mine.
"Then what is---"
My words broke off when Kyo grasped my arms and pulled me tightly to his chest. Before I knew what was happening, his lips were pressed to mine. At first I didn't know how to react, but after a few moments to collect my thoughts, I closed my eyes and found myself wrapping my arms around his neck. He also seemed to relax when he wrapped his arms around my waist and our kiss deepened. His arms seemed to grip me tighter, holding me as if he was afraid I'd disappear at any moment and the gesture made me feel incredibly special.
The kiss only ended when the lack of oxygen became too much and we broke apart, gasping for breath. It took a few minutes but once we were both under control, Kyo slid his hand down my cheek and moved my face until I was looking into his eyes.
"Happy Birthday."
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There you guys go. A small K&K moment for our little fan fic contest. I wrote it really fast but I hope you guys like it! *HUGGLES* Sarah-chan