A/N: This my first Hellsing story and it deals with the idea of Anderson coming back, and dealing withe fallout of his killing Maxwell and trying to findo his place outside of the church.
Also although I tried to proofread and clear up any errors, but all I'm certain most writer know it's hard to see your own mistakes when proofreading so I'm certain dispite my best efforts some things slipped passed me. That being said if anyone who reads this is interested in being my proofreader for future chapters just shoot me message and we can discuss it.
Enough of the boring stuff I hope you enjoy my work and be sure to let me know what you think, tour reviews are the food that keep me writing haha
The cold bit at his face and ears as he trekked through the snow covered streets on his way to what he now called his home. He took a deep breath and watched as the vapor of his breath disappeared shortly after exhaling. He pulled his coat up around his ears to try and block out the cold and the bittersweet memories that accompanied it.
There was once a time in his life when the cool air was a harbinger of a joyful time, a time when he would bring his orphans a little bit of cheer that they normally missed in their lives.
Christmas was the one time of year they seemed to feel like normal children. He would take some of the older kids to cut down a tree while the younger ones would decorate the whole orphanage, and at the end of the day he and a few of the sisters would make them all how chocolate and they would all sit down and watch A Christmas Carol.
That was more than fifteen years ago, most of children would have grown up by now and would have most likely moved on with their lives, he wondered briefly; with a sad smile, if any of the children still there remembered him. He quickly dismissed the thought however, it would only serve to depress him.
Before long he found himself facing the gate of the estate he now called home. With practiced ease he swiped his key card and the familiar sound of the locks tumbling and a low long beep that signified the deactivation of the security systems greeted his ears, and the gates to the Hellsing estate swung open before him.
He crossed the threshold to his employer's grounds and heard the loud pang of the gate closing behind him as he continued his lonely journey to the main door of the estate.
As he trudged through the half melted slush of the driveway his mind began to drift back to what had brought him to such a low state.
The children were calling for him, and he was enveloped in a pure light. Bliss, joy, love, elation and peace pierced him to his core. He felt as though he was one with the infinite, surely this was paradise, surely he was in the very presence of the lord.
'This must be heaven' he thought as he was further encompassed by a feeling of love, love beyond love, a love so pure he was certain no worldly being had even felt such a feeling, this was the love of the heavenly father.
'Come and play with us father' he heard the chorus of children cry out to him, and a gentle smile spread across his face.
'Of course children' he spoke as he followed their voices.
The paradise he found himself in did not last however, with no warning he found himself pull from his salvation and felt himself falling. Farther and farther, gaining speed until he came to a sudden stop.
There was no warmth, and no love, only a cold biting wind. He had been cast out of paradise and now he was certain he lay at the gates of Hell, demons prone to drag him in.
He could not say he was scared of the torture that awaited him. He had been in the presence of God, and to lose that was worse than any torture the Devil and his demons could concoct.
"So this is my lot…do your worst demons, you cannot touch my soul" he muttered to himself preparing to endure whatever the foul pits of Hell were prepared to deliver upon him.
There was a sound of shifting stone above him and he opened his eyes to see what twisted creature had come to fetch him. Much to his surprise a single beam of light pierced the darkness causing him to squint. Then suddenly; as though the night had been shattered, light now surrounded him.
Unlike before this was not some divine light, this the cold light of an early morning. If he did not know any better he would have thought he was laying back on the streets of London. The light caused him the shut his eyes tight, but before he could open them again to observe where he now found himself, he heard a feminine voice cry out.
"SIR INTEGRA!"
At this his eyes shot open, not caring about the pain the sun was causing them, and before him was confirmation of where his soul had ended up. Standing above his was that damned Alucard's fledging, her black ethereal arm hold the stone that had no doubt covered him moments before.
He chuckled lightly to himself, and suddenly it felt as though he had not slept in years and darkness began to envelope him. As his exhaustion took him the last thing he heard was rushed footsteps followed by a hush voice laced with disbelief.
"My God" Integra muttered, and Anderson had no energy to chastise her for taking the Lord's name in vain and sleep encompassed him.
When next he woke he found Alucard's servant watching over him, it struck him as odd that such a powerful solider would be issued watch duty.
"Oi draculina where am I?" he spoke suddenly and quietly, but she seemed startled none the less.
"Oh…well you're in the basement of what's left of Hellsing manor" she said somewhat awkwardly.
At this Anderson almost leapt from the bed in a rage but found he was restrained.
"I will not be held captive by you heathens, let me lose or I will tear this entire estate to pieces" he cried out, but Seras did not flinch.
"Go ahead if you like there is not much more you could to this place hehe" she joke somewhat lamely "But you are not a prisoner, he just restrained on the very likely chance you would …well…" she trailed off gesturing to him straining against his restraints trying attack.
At this he forced himself to calm down.
"I'll unlock your restraints if you promise not to attack anyone" she offered to him gingerly.
"…I promise, I'd swear on a bible if you were capable of handing me one" he hissed through gritted teeth.
She seemed to perk up at this and happily unlocked the heavy bonds around his wrist, completely unaffected by his tone. He could scarcely believe this was the same vampire that had once crumbled under his gaze.
"Now that ye have freed me, may I ask why I brought here and not returned to the Vatican if I am not yer prisoner?" he questioned her harshly as he rubbed his wrists.
"It's because they want nothing to with you" a cold voice said from the entrance of the doorway to their left. "You killed an Archbishop, you are no longer welcome within the borders of the Papal state or any of their dioceses, and you have been stripped of your title. Frankly I'm surprised they didn't outright excommunicate you, they've done that in everything but name," Sir Integra spoke with a chilly tone as she lite here cigar.
"Sir" Seras muttered quietly in surprise at the callousness at which the news had been delivered. But this barley registered to Anderson, how could he be banned from the Vatican and her churches? How could he take care of his children? These thoughts and many others raced around his mind as his world feel apart, perhaps he had been delivered to Hell after all.
"You're lying…" he muttered quietly to himself, although at his core he knew she spoke the truth.
"She's not lying Father" a soft voice said, Anderson turned to see who had spoken to him.
"Heinkel, my child tell me this is not true" Anderson pleaded with the young woman with bandages wrapped around her face; a result of the war no doubt.
"I'm afraid not father, Sir Integra knew you would not believe her so she sent for me once they found you, no one knows I've come. If…if you ever set foot on the Catholic churches grounds again we have all been ordered to…" she trailed off but her orders were clear.
"What do I have to live for then! Why not just just kill me and be done with it!?" he practically shouted, he regretted it immediately as she flinch at his voice.
"They thought…well they thought if they took everything away from you, well... you know what some of them think of you and they know what you are capable of" It was quite evident she had not wished to say these things, but she was left with little else to say. They were afraid of him. They were afraid if they expelled him from the church entirely there would be nothing stopping him from charging the gates of St. Peter's Basilica and slaughtering everyone in the Vatican.
By allowing him to at least remain a member of the faith they would not need fear him taking his vengeance upon them, so long as they left him with that one small glimmer of his faith he would not raise his hand against them or the church.
"Do they think so little of me…to think I would try and destroy them…I have always been the church's blade, to be wielded as they saw fit, they never needed to fear me…and they never will," Anderson was speaking more to himself at this point than to anyone in the room. Heinkel was squeezing his hand tightly trying to offer some modicum of comfort. It was at this point Anderson took note of something quite odd "Where's Yumie?" he asked with concern clear in his voice, she and Heinkel had been practically inseparable since they were little girls.
Heinkel looked shocked for a moment before looking at the floor in an attempt to hide the water welling up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry father" she didn't say anything else, she didn't need to.
"…how?" he asked his voice cracking.
"She was killed by Walter Dornez after she witnessed him desecrating your remains, she rushed in halfcocked and got herself cut to pieces" Integra answered for Heinkel, earning her a look of shock from both Seras and Heinkel.
"Sir…don't you think your being a bit harsh?" Seras whispered to Integra. Sir Integra was known for being to the point and cold, but this seemed excessive.
"Don't lecture me Seras, I've lost just as much as this disposed priest. Alucard is gone, Walter betrayed us, I've lost my home and an eye if I can deal with it so can he," she finished her steely gaze causing Seras to shrink back, even if just slightly.
While Integra's words served to shock Heinkel and rise her ire, they were simply background noise to Anderson. Yumie, sweet little Yumie was gone and thought of her dying in such a matter caused the bile to rise in his throat, he managed to keep himself from vomiting but he could not keep the tears that now streamed down his cheeks. How he hated appearing weak in front his enemies, but he could not bring himself to care.
Upon seeing Anderson's sorry state Heinkel regretted what she had to do next even more, but it was inevitable.
"Fa…Alexander" she stopped herself before using an incorrect title again "I'm sorry but…I have to go, I've been away for far to long as it is, if they discover I've come to see you…"
"No need to apologize my child, do not jeopardize anything on my account, you've already done me a great kindness by coming, just promise me one thing" he spoke softly as he took her hands in his.
"Anything."
"Take care of the children, please just watch over them"
"Of course Alexander" she responded with a distinctly sad tone as she pulled the older man into a tight embrace "Good bye… I don't know if we'll met again," she whispered to him, as she pulled away from the man who had raised her. She felt him pull her close and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"I do not know either…go with God my child" and with those final words Heinkel rose and turned to leave. She stopped only for a moment to look at Integra and Sears before making her way to the door, as she reached the threshold she turned and sent one last mournful look at Anderson and then she was gone.
Anderson had never felt so alone in his entire life, he had been stripped of almost everything he held dear. What was the point of living if he could not serve the lord? He was not allowed to dwell on his current situation for long before his thought were interrupted by the icy voice of Integra.
"Well now that that has been dealt with I have a proposition for you Anderson," this caused him to look at her slightly confused, but his face only held the slightest level of interest in what she was saying "The Vatican may not want you, but your skills are second to none and Hellsing is severely lacking manpower at the moment"
"Ye aren't seriously asking what I think her asking are ye?"
"Come and work for Hellsing Anderson, where else would you go, and how else would you continue to do what you do best. You have no personal resources at your disposal and you have been cut off from all your ties in The Vatican, if you wish to keep serving God as you will come and work for me" she finished with a small smirk, she wouldn't deny she took some small form of pleasure at forcing his hand like this. She had expected him to shoot down her offer at first, call them heathens and heretics but she knew he had no other viable options. But she did not get the response she had expected.
"Fine, it doesn't matter, I'll work for you," his voice carried none of it's normal power or vigor, his response was just a dull and dejected mumble.
"Very well, I will go fetch your contract then," If Integra was surprised by the ease at which Anderson had joined them she did not let it show as she left the room leaving Sears alone with broken man. The air was still for a moment and Seras didn't know if she should leave or try and speak with him, she gingerly chose the latter.
"Soooo…Father…" but she never got a chance to finish her thought before Anderson cut her off.
"Please lass…just leave me be" his words were heavy sadness as he stared down blankly at his hands.
"Right…well I'll be around you need anything and…welcome aboard" she responded lamely trying in vain to sound upbeat and failing miserably.
"Please…just go" and with those words she was gone and the former priest was alone.
That had been fifteen years ago and the pain of his loss had only ebbed slightly, he often wondered if God had sent him back just to punish him. But he felt that he still had work to do, he could feel it, he just didn't know what it was yet.
He now realized he had been standing at the front door of Hellsing manor quite some time while he was lost in his thoughts. He still felt like a stranger on these grounds even after more than a decade with them, and there were times like now when he still needed to gather himself before entering the building.
He took a deep breath and gripped the cross around his neck tightly, he felt his hand bump into the holy relic from his final battle with Alucard that now also hung around his neck. Looking down he the nail that had; according to Integra, likely brought him back and he began to wonder why he carried it with him still. At first he had reasoned that he may need it he were to come up against some kind monster he could not best on his own, but that no longer seemed like a valid reason. He hadn't had any sort of real challenge since Alucard, and not a single monster since him had been really worth either his or Seras' time to deal with personally.
Truth be told there had been hardly any cases of vampiric infestation in the past ten years. No he now knew he kept the nail with him as some sort of security blanket, it had been given to him by the Vatican, and it was the last tie he had to his old life as an Iscariot assassin. He knew it was pathetic to cling to his past like that but he could not really being himself to care about how daft it was.
A particularly bitter wind brought him out of his thoughts, and with a deep sigh he slowly opened the door to Hellsing manor.
The foyer was massive and exquisitely decorated, and the scene had always confused Anderson. The size and grandeur may have made sense once when the Manor was full of people and used to entertain dignitaries, but these days Integra's home was occupied only by Seras, Integra, himself and a handful of troops and servants. Anything related to Hellsing or the new round table council was generally handled in the new sub basement so the whole manor seemed unnecessary to the former priest who's personal quarters were quite spartan, and he was certain that Integra could have done something more pragmatic when she had rebuilt her home, but maybe that was just his old vows of poverty speaking.
He brought out his rather odd train of thought by the sound of someone making their way across the foyer. He slowly turned and found himself staring at Seras Victoria. Upon seeing him she jumped a little and waved at him awkwardly.
"Oh hello father, just getting back?" her tone was strained, even after all time exchanges between the two them were still always awkward.
"Please lass, just Alexander or Alex is fine, I've not been a priest these last fifteen years" he said sadly looking her in the eye.
"Hehe right sorry so…Alexander are you just getting back, how did the mission go?" she asked trying to make small talk.
"Aye, I just got back, nothing to report just some townsfolk exaggerating reports about some teenagers worshiping the devil, I'm going to file the report now" he said in an even monotone before moving to take his leave.
Seras watched him as he turned to make his exit, and if she was honest with herself she hated seeing him like this. While she certainly did not want him back trying slay her and shouting insults at herself and Integra, the way he was acting now was down right pathetic. He had none of his old fire or passion and on the rare occasion when they received a lead on a real vampire, he finished the mission quickly and clinically, it was as though all the fight had been taken out of him.
She could understand why, he had lost almost everything that was dear to him in an instant and he was just trying just to find a reason to go on. It was at that moment she got struck with an idea and hopefully it would pull him out of the decade of depression. Moving to follow after him she called out after him with a small smirk plastered on her face.
"Hey Alex!"
"Aye lass" he said turning to face her his eyebrow raised in slight confusion.
"Well…I've been sort of pestering Sir Integra for the past few weeks about doing something for the Christmas season, and today she finally broke down and said yes" she said he voice extremely chipper.
"Did she now? What did you have planned may I ask?" he responded trying to act polite and as though he were interested.
"Well that's why I stopped you. I finally convinced Integra to let me get a Christmas tree for the manor this year and I was wondering if you would like to join me" thought her tone was still happy her face began to fall when he did not seem the share her enthusiasm and she began to wonder if this was such a good idea. But then she caught sight of something she had never seen before as a small but genuine smile spread across Anderson lips.
"That's sounds like a fine idea lass"