Anything Is Possible

As first dates go, mine could not have been worse.

Well, that may have been a tad over the top, to be fair. I suppose there are any number of horrible events that could have occurred. There were no casualties (besides my broken heart), no deaths, and while it may seem absurd to even consider the idea of such drastic proceedings, you can never be too careful. You come to realise, as I did quickly, that even with something as trivial as first dates, when you're living in a world at war, such as I was, anything is possible.

But anyway, though people were dying left, right, and centre—a brutally increasing body count with each new day—it wasn't death that befell me on that day, or anybody around me, thankfully. No, this is what happened…

My legs were shaking in a steady rhythm up and down, up and down, up and down. I could vaguely see the look of disgust from the couple at the table next to me, making their disdain for me apparent by their obnoxious glares. I spared them no second thought. I was nervous. I was beyond nervous. And when I'm nervous, my legs shake. The gentleman next to me would just have to accept it because my nerves certainly weren't going anywhere.

Trying to take my mind off of how utterly terrified I was, I took a large gulp of my drink. It was warm as it trickled down my throat, some kind of fruity concoction—alcohol content unknown. Sirius had recommended it to me, and, in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have ever taken advice from that man.

But I had. And for once, perhaps, he had been right. The drink did the trick, soothing my nervous body so much that my legs actually stopped shaking, much to the couple's relief.

Taking another sip, I allowed my eyes to wander the room, distracting myself by surveying the other people in the pub. Couples—every last one of them. I don't know what I'd expected, to be honest—it was Valentine's Day, after all. But I suddenly felt the pressure of the situation. She would be comparing me to all of those loved-up couples around us, and I would surely wane in comparison.

I had no experience—not like Sirius did. I had no natural charm—not like James Potter did. I didn't even have Remus Lupin's rugged good looks for me to fall back on. Oh, no, compared to the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, I had nothing.

Oh, well, I thought optimistically, gulping down the rest of my drink. Marlene had agreed to come on this date with me, so that had to mean something.

Right?

Unless it was out of pity…

I gulped again, though this time it was because I was choking on the air. She had just walked in, and she was as ravishing as ever. It was not hard to look at Marlene, and much less so to fall in love with her, as I was certain I had done.

She offered me a coy smile, her eyes bright as I awkwardly leapt up from the chair and (rather ungracefully, I'll admit) took her coat from her and helped her settle into the seat opposite mine.

Marlene McKinnon had been an angel at Hogwarts—the desire of pretty much all the boys in our year (and even some of the girls). It was no surprise, really, when you considered that not only was she angelically beautiful, with her golden curls and soft, pale skin, but was also insanely intelligent, with a witty tongue and a great sense of humour. Plus, she was as courageous as a lion—most worthy of her place in Gryffindor house. You just didn't get many girls like Marlene, and by some bizarre twist of fate, I had been the one to convince her to come on a date with me on our first Valentine's Day after Hogwarts.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked her, aiming for the same charming smile I'd seen James use a thousand times on Lily Evans. And we all knew something must have gone right because they were engaged! Barely out of Hogwarts and people my age were already planning on getting married? Boy, did I feel way out of my depth. I couldn't even look at Marlene without blushing like an idiot, yet James Potter somehow managed to have the balls to ask a girl to marry him?

"No, that's alright. No thank you," Marlene said in a quiet voice.

I could immediately sense that something was wrong. Her eyes flitted downwards and her hands were gripped together tightly in her lap, as though she were about to deliver bad news. But we were on a date—what possible bad news could there be?

"Is something wrong?" I asked, voicing my fear.

Marlene looked at me with deep sadness and bit her lip. It was impossible not to feel apprehensive. "I need to be completely honest with you..."

I gulped. This was not good, not good at all. "Go on," I urged, feeling wary.

I had never dated at Hogwarts. It wasn't that I hadn't been interested in anybody—believe me when I say I most definitely was!—but it had never been quite convenient. I lacked the courage of my housemates (almost laughable when I was in the house renowned for its bravery) and to be perfectly honest, there had never been anybody that had particularly caught my attention. Not to the point where I was willing to put myself on the line, with my heart on my sleeve, and actually do anything about it.

Marlene had always been unattainable. A girl as beautiful and popular as Marlene was made for a guy like Sirius Black. I wouldn't have stood a chance against any of those other boys back in Hogwarts, as shy as I was.

But that had all changed the minute I signed up to be in the Order and, to my giddy delight, found out that she had too. We had grown close, almost flirtatious during our time in the Order. I couldn't be sure this was reserved for me especially or whether that was just what Marlene was like with all men, but I had decided to do the Gryffindor thing and seize the opportunity, asking out the girl who was so out of my league.

"Do you ever think about dying, Benjy?"

I was so startled, I didn't quite know what to say. Marlene was leaning in so close that a strand of her blonde hair gently tickled my hand, which was rested on the table. I could smell her perfume, so exotically enticing. Looking her in the eye, I could see how deadly serious she was being, nothing but genuine curiosity in her eyes.

"I don't… I don't suppose I do," I said, blinking in surprise. This all seemed a bit morbid for a first date, and I had made it perfectly clear when I'd asked her out that this was very much a date—with all the romantic connotations implied. I wasn't leaving anything to chance.

Marlene leant back, lost in her own thoughts. "I do," she said in a vague voice. "I think about it a lot. There's a war. We're warriors."

I was starting to get a little annoyed. I had been anticipating this date for weeks, and now it was happening and she was acting all mysterious—with her riddles and confusing questions about death. I may have been inexperienced when it came to dating but surely this wasn't customary first-date protocol? And the way she talked to me—as though I was a child. There's a war. We're warriors. Didn't she think I knew that already?

"We could die at any moment," Marlene said rather suddenly, looking at me with deep sorrow. "Any place, any day, anytime, anywhere... Nothing prepares you for death. It could be lurking around the corner at any moment."

If she hadn't been so attractive, I would have been seriously worried about her mental wellbeing. Fortunately, she was very attractive, and I was very desperate, so I let her ominous comments slide past, growing ever more intrigued about what the point of her ramblings would be.

"Anything is possible," I agreed in what I hoped was a helpful manner.

"The point is," Marlene sighed, "that we could die tomorrow, and I wouldn't feel like I'd accomplished anything. Do you know what I mean?" She didn't even let me reply before she was ploughing on. "The point is," she repeated, "I don't want to die without knowing I seized life by the balls."

I nearly choked on my breath at her casual vulgarity.

"Which is why," Marlene sighed again, this time giving me a very pointed and very apologetic look, "I'm dating Sirius."

My throat was instantly dry, and I felt my chest contract. Surely, I had misheard.

"Sirius Black?" I choked out, but honestly, how many Sirius's were there?

Marlene nodded. "I'm sorry, Benjy. I'm so sorry." And I could tell by her eyes that she truly was. But that didn't make sense to me.

"I don't understand." I hated how quiet my voice was, how weak. I hated the way she looked at me—with pity.

"It's just, everybody around us is growing up—getting married or engaged, buying houses, having babies! I don't want to get left behind."

I was in a state of shock, but could you blame me? My hand had subconsciously found itself ruffling my hair in a nervous manner. As soon as I realised what I'd been doing, I dropped it and scowled. I had been watching Potter too much—absentmindedly copying the actions that he'd consequentially won Lily's heart with.

"I get that," I said slowly, though I really, really didn't, "but why with Sirius? Why not with me?"

Marlene looked uncomfortable, but I knew the answer deep down. I just couldn't compare with somebody like Sirius. He was every woman's dream—handsome, rugged, rebellious, arrogant in that was that was charming rather than conceited. He was everything that I wasn't.

"They're all getting married," she said sadly. "Lily and James, Frank and Alice..."

Frank and Alice, too?

"I want to get married too!" she cried out, a little too needy if you asked me.

"And you think Sirius Black is the one for it?" I asked, not even attempting to hide the snide and bitter tone my voice had adopted. Sirius Black was a lot of things, but he was certainly not marriage material, and Marlene must know that.

"Not exactly," she admitted.

"Why even come on this date then?" I demanded, suddenly angry. "Why string me along when you have no intentions of being with me—when you've already got a boyfriend, huh?" I knew I was being unreasonably harsh with her, but there was so much pent-up anger bursting from me—years of jealousy for never having been quite as cool as the Marauders, who all the girls just flung themselves at.

"I owed it to you, Benjy. You're a really great guy, but you're just not the one for me."

I knew Marlene was trying to be polite, and was choosing her words delicately, but they still stung—like freshly inflicted wounds from a horse's whip.

"Right," I said, devoid of all compassion.

"Perhaps I won't marry Sirius Black. Perhaps we'll all die before I even get the chance. But I refuse to die knowing I didn't do all I could to live life to the fullest. You are lovely, Benjy—so very lovely—but you're just too... safe for me. I need reckless, I need adventure. I need—"

"Sirius Black," I finished for her in a quiet voice.

I could see the way Marlene's eyes lit up as she spoke about him, the way she grew impassioned just by talking about him. He wouldn't marry her—he would likely break her heart like every other girl who had fallen for him—but how could I deny her of her of heart's desire, no matter how quickly it would likely fade in the future. If Sirius Black was what she wanted, then it was Sirius Black she could have. I was nobody's second choice, and I wouldn't even dare try and compete with a man like him.

"I get it," I forced myself to say in an as understanding tone as I could muster. "At this time in the world, especially when you consider our roles in the Order, you can never be sure how much time we'll have left. I don't blame you for seeking adventure, and I thank you for being so honest with me. A lot of girls wouldn't have been."

"There's something else," Marlene said, and I could have been mistaken but I was certain I saw the hint of a smile creeping onto her face. "Have you thought much about Mary?"

"Mary Macdonald?" I asked, perplexed. Fellow Order member, fellow Gryffindor, and fellow friend of Lily Evans. What did she have to do with it?

"Perhaps you should give her a call sometime." There was no mistaking it this time—Marlene had a very devilish grin on her face, like she knew something I didn't know. It was highly unsettling.

"Why?" I asked stupidly.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "I've noticed a few things about her."

"Like what?"

"Like how she goes red whenever you enter the room. Or how she always makes sure to sit next to you at meetings. Or how she's always first to sign up to accompany you when you're assigned a new mission..."

I could feel myself blushing. Mary Macdonald? But I had completely overlooked the girl in favour or Marlene. Was it possible that I had been oblivious to her romantic advances? That was certainly what Marlene seemed to be implying.

"Mary Macdonald?" I repeated.

Marlene nodded eagerly.

Mary, with her gentle brunette waves and deep blue eyes the exact colour of midnight. Mary, with her delicate frame and enchanting smile. Mary, with her cheeks so rosy and the dimples that decorated them whenever she let out that soft, twinkly laugh of hers. I found myself quite unable to think of anything but her.

"Seize the moment," Marlene advised wisely.

And all of a sudden, I didn't quite feel the hostility I'd felt towards her just moments ago. In fact, I had quite forgotten she was there.

"Mhmm," I murmured in agreement, more to myself than to her. I was living in a world of opportunities—opportunities I had quite overlooked in my blind desire for things that were... unattainable. We lived in a world of war but also a world of hope.

And a world where, if I was lucky, anything was possible.

Originally written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition Season 2—Round 5

Team: Holyhead Harpies
Position: Captain
Task: Write about Benjy Fenwick, first date