Shell Shocked

Shell Shock: 1. n. (Psychiatry) loss of sight, memory, etc., resulting from psychological strain during prolonged engagement in warfare.2. adj. Stunned, distressed, or exhausted from a prolonged trauma or an unexpected difficulty.

20 Dead

60 Injured

2 Surgeries

6 Seconds

*Disclaimer: This Fic contains a slash pairing. Don't like, don't read. Thank you and enjoy. – Colby'sGirl19*

Prologue:

*"Coincidences are a mathematical reality. Statistically unlikely events can and often do occur. Just look at the genesis of our planet." – Charlie Eppes*

"Well, now, I agree that the factors that brought about life on Earth were statistically unlikely, but given the vastness of the cosmos, the limitless possibilities for matter and energy… I'm with Einstein on this. There are no accidents." - Dr. Larry Fleinhardt.

Season 1, Episode 13: Man Hunt *

Pulling awkwardly at the trail of skirts behind her, Assistant US Attorney Robin Brooks turned around and gasped with breathless surprise, as she saw her glamorous reflection in the small boutique's full-length mirror for the first time. This is the one, she whispered internally as she watched transfixed by the way the light moved playfully through the lace and chiffon in a way that captured every tear dropped crystal, making every move graceful and elegant at the same time.

Even her skin appeared ethereal and fragile next to the crisp white of the dress that hugged her curves and lifted her breasts admiringly. This one, she practically whined to herself as she imagined her slow progression down the aisle made of daises to her fiancé Don Eppes, who would be handsome and happy with that small playful smile of appreciation that she loved so much, tugging at his full sinful lips…her body tingled with the anticipation. Two more months and she would be Assistant US Attorney Robin Eppes and she could think of nothing she wanted more.

Reaching up slowly, so as not to shatter the illusion, Robin pulled the clasp from her hair and watched as the tendrils gently slipped and bounced their way across her bare shoulders, teasing her skin and making her shiver with anticipation. Don would argue that she should wear it down because he loved it when it was down, she however loved teasing him with it up as she waited anxiously for that glorious moment when he would pull the clasp from her hair and run his fingers through…

"Robin?" Her younger sister Lila called impatiently from the other side of the thin curtain, shattering the fantasy before it could fully form, as she struggled to get into the small changing room without spilling the two tall flutes of Champagne that the small boutique's owner had promised them upon arrival. "Wow," She added with the same misty-eyed wonder that Robin had displayed only seconds before, as she pulled back the curtain with her arm and gaped at Robin's refection in the tall mirror. "You look beautiful!"

"You don't think it's too much?" Robin asked nervously as Lila came up from behind and pressed the glass of champagne into her slightly shaking hands.

"Too much?" Lila considered thoughtfully for a second, causing Robin to frown with impatience, "Robin, in that dress…I'd marry you!" Lila grinned inanely as she lifted her flute of champagne in salute. "To your big day!"

"My big day," Robin repeated as Lila drank hungrily from her glass, whilst Robin only lifted the glass to her lips and pretended to drink. It wasn't because she didn't want to toast the wedding, though she could see that Lila was taking it that way from her slanted gaze and worried frown, it was just that Robin was a couple weeks late and Robin's periods were never late. Concerned, Robin and used a home pregnancy kit just that morning and the results had been…well startling to say the least. Resting her hand on her flat stomach, Robin wondered how long it would be before it started to show.

"Robin?" Lila asked concerned as she took the glass from Robin's hands and placed it next to her empty one on the small bureau that had been squished needlessly next to the mirror in the small room. "What's going on? Are you getting cold feet?"

"No," Robin sighed as she took one last glimpse at her reflection before reaching behind her and undoing the zip at the back, avoiding all possible eye contact with her sister. Lila was the biggest gossip and Robin hadn't even had chance to figure out how she really felt about being pregnant yet.

It had just always been such a distant concept to her that she had never really given it much thought. Sure she and Don had talked about it…it was just impossible for her to even consider as they were both such workaholics…and they weren't even married yet…and…and…she was making excuses. She knew the main reason she was freaking out was because she had promised Don that when they got pregnant she would retire and apply to become a federal judge just like her father.

She wasn't ready…

"Sis?"

"I…I'm…" Robin babbled, tongue-tied under the weight of her sister's scrutiny. The look was so much like their mothers…that it was just another reason to not have kids yet…she didn't want her and Don ending up like her parents-two workaholics that drifted apart, ended in a messy divorce and now are no longer on speaking terms. Nevertheless the baby was coming and despite her reservations Robin knew she could never have an abortion. It just wasn't even an option.

"What is it?" Her sister pressed as Robin wrestled with the dress in an attempt to avoid the question. She really should tell Don first…

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out suddenly and felt better for putting it out there. All morning she had been antagonising over it and just saying it aloud made it seem the teensiest bit less scary.

"Wow…" Lila replied startled as Robin stared anxiously at her in her underwear. "Wow…" Lila repeated before pulling her big sister in for a bear hug. "Oh my God Robin…that's…that's huge!"

"I know…" Robin laughed as her sister bounced excitedly around her, pulling Robin around with her.

"I'm going to be an aunt! I've got to tell Luke!"

"No Lila," Robin replied hurriedly as she stopped her sister mid bounce. "I haven't even told Don yet. No one else can know. Not even your boyfriend!"

"When are you going to tell him?" Lila asked a little deflated as Robin began to pull her suit trousers back on.

"Tonight at dinner…"

"Are you bricking it?" Lila asked pleasantly in her own unique way that often made Robin frown with disapproval. Lila may have been starting her freshman year at Harvard, but she still had a lot of growing up to do.

"A little," Robin admitted reluctantly as she tucked her shirt in at the waistband of her pinstriped trousers before stooping down and pulling on her suede black pumps.

"I guess my plans for your bridal shower will have to be drastically changed…" Lila replied as she chewed thoughtfully on the knuckle of her index finger-a habit that Robin hadn't been able to rid her younger sibling of over the years.

"I don't even want to know what you originally had planned…do I?" Robin asked playfully as she picked up the wedding dress and attempted to smooth out the ripples of chiffon and silk.

"Probably not," Lila laughed unashamedly as she held back the changing room's thin curtain for Robin to get through without damaging the dress.

"Can I have this dress delivered to this address?" Robin asked the boutique's owner as she handed the flowery old lady her business card which had the address to her and Don's new house on the back. She'd had them reprinted several months back after Don had proposed and they had moved into an old craftsman home just down the street from Don's brother and father.

"Delivered? Can't we just take it back with us now?" Lila asked confused as the old lady took the dress, covered it and hung it up on a rail behind her with the receipt of purchase pinned to the front.

"I've got to stop by the courthouse quickly," Robin replied absently as she pulled out her phone and started checking her messages.

"Back to work? I thought you took the day!" Lila pouted unattractively as she followed Robin outside and crossed her arms in defiance as Robin attempted to flag down a taxi.

"I just have to pick up a couple of files from Michael and then I'm yours for the rest of the day," Robin smiled affectionately as she waited for Lila to climb in before getting into the now waiting taxi.

Michael Burnett, Robin's assistant, was supposed to have put the files on Robin's desk for her the night before but what with the death of his daughter six weeks ago, such tiny details seemed to slip his mind lately and Robin couldn't blame him. It was the first huge case of Michael's to go to trial since Connie's death without Robin being there to hold his hand every step of the way and things were bound to fall through the cracks. Besides it really wasn't that far out of her way to swing by the courthouse first…

"It won't take long," Robin told the still pouting Lila as the taxi pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of downtown LA. "I'll even have the taxi wait for me, that's how quick I'll be." Robin smiled as she looped her arm around her sister's neck and pulled her in for a quick hug.

"Famous last words," Lila giggled in reply as the taxi turned the corner and joined the long line of heavy traffic that was all headed towards downtown LA.

*Break*

This was wrong and he knew it. There was no denying how wrong it was and yet…and yet he had no choice. His son's life depended on it…depended on him. He had no choice. Please God, forgive him because he really needed forgiveness for what he was about to do.

He'd hoped, no he'd prayed that the people in the courthouse would be nothing but meaningless faces to him but it was the reverse. It was almost as if he was overly aware of every last detail, from the kindly and robust security woman who was so full of life, full of joy to the woman she was chatting to with beautiful long hair that flowed over her shoulders and bounced as she unconsciously placed her hand over her stomach, guarding her precious load. He wondered if she knew she was doing it and wondered how far along she was…his wife had done the same when she had been pregnant with their son…she hadn't even know she was doing it…

Run. RUN! He wanted to shout but no words came out. He opened his mouth but it was almost as if the words had dried up. His son needed him to keep his mouth shut. His son needed him to protect him.

Please God, let him know I did this to protect him!

How long had it been since he'd entered the large courthouse? How long did he have until the call would come that would ignite the waistcoat of C4 that they had strapped to him? How long did he have left before he would die?

Seconds…apparently, as the phone rang and he knew, he knew that at the push of the button he would destroy everything from the happy memories of marrying his wife and adopting her son here to the lives of those around him…

Please brother forgive me, I did it for our son.

Chapter 1:

*"Change is inevitable, and those who adapt most quickly are the most likely to survive." - Dr. Larry Fleinhardt.

Season 3, episode 17: One Hour*

Pulling up the collar of his cheap cotton suit jacket defensively, detective Elliott Hayes pushed his clenched fists deep into his pants pockets, as he stood back aghast from the turmoil, confusion and devastation of the LA county courthouse before him, and watched with horrified fascination as people, so many people, clambered and clawed their way out of the total and absolute destruction around them.

There was a thick black cloud of ash and smoke above them that was doing its best to mute the cries and wails of the injured and scared but still their screams carried across the almost unrecognizable parking lot to where he waited stubbornly on the fringe of all the of the unbridled chaos and mayhem.

There were still firemen everywhere, pulling new victims away from the wreckage, as paramedics rushed around them prioritizing wounds and administering aid where necessary before whisking people away to the safety and security of the nearest hospital.

Elliott would just have to wait for the firemen to clear the building before he could start his investigation into what the fuck had just happened. That seemed to be the thing that was confusing most people…what the fuck had just happened?

One woman was shrieking about the earth shifting beneath her as another recounted her perilous journey through a wall of flame. Both women appeared to be upon the less affected of the courthouse victims but that didn't mean the press were any less interested in what they had to say. A streak of soot here, a torn skirt there and the two women would probably appear on the front cover of every LA newspaper by noon tomorrow.

Cough and fake smoke inhalation and they would most likely make the national news, Elliott thought bitterly as he watched the two women fight for the journalist's attention but who really knew what to believe right now. Elliott's father had always claimed that the thing to remember when starting any investigation was that 'Witnesses are unreliable at the best of times…and untrustworthy the rest of the time'. It was a lesson that Elliott had learnt for himself early on in his rookie year.

He just hated that ninety percent of the time a case would hinge on a witness's testimony as if his solid police work didn't count. Then again, as he had seen so often before, it was easy to sway a jury with someone else's story but a heck of a lot harder to get a jury to be swept away by a piece of evidence…

Sighing irritably Elliott turned away from the two women and made his way around the building crowd towards the police tape that for the most part was managing to hold back the anxious spectators that were probably on their lunch break and looking for something entertaining to do.

He was definitely getting too old for this job; Elliott grimaced as Detective Chris Morrison, Elliott's third new partner since the death of his old partner detective Brian Hamilton six weeks earlier, and Elliott's least favorite replacement to date, waved him over and ordered a rookie to lift the tape for him.

"Detective Hayes! Over here!" Chris shouted just in case Elliott had missed him...what? So every now and again Elliott had a bit of a tendency to ignore the new guys…so what?

"What have you got for me Morrison?" Elliott replied gruffly as the young man smiled affectionately at him in greeting. Frowning, Elliott looked past his almost cheerful partner to the line of corpses at their feet. Each had been covered with a generic white sheet and Elliott couldn't help but wonder where those sheets came from because when something like this happened there always seemed to be a lot of them to hand.

"So far the body count is at twenty whilst the injured is at fifty-nine. Wounds vary but I have a rookie taking names and phone numbers so that we can interview them later."

You're still a rookie! Elliott wanted to scream back as he bent down and looked under the sheet of the closest victim. Every year the department offered a rookie the chance to become a detective in training...unfortunately it fell to Elliott to 'train' this one. The Captain had said it was because he was 'between partners' right now but Elliott knew that was just a party line for 'no one will work with you', which meant Elliott was stuck with the shiny, excitable and overly eager newbie whilst the rest of the department laid bets on how long it would be before Elliott made the rookie cry. Even his wife Karen seemed unusually unsympathetic to his suffering. "We all have to start somewhere," She would sigh dramatically with impatience if her husband started to complain for too long.

"Do we have ID's on any of these victims?" Elliott frowned as he placed the sheet back over the remains of a large African American woman who was wearing the charred remains of a security uniform. Her name badge said 'Flo'.

"Some but not others," Chris grimaced as Elliott lifted the sheet off of the victim next to the security officer and saw that this one's face was practically burnt off. He could tell that it was female but there was practically nothing left of her that was even remotely distinguishable amongst the charred remnants of the woman's body. She was wearing an expensive ring on her ring finger but that alone would not be enough for an ID. Elliott had a feeling that the coroner would be pulling a lot of dental records to clean this mess up.

"Then go get me the rest," Elliott barked tiredly as he placed the sheet back carefully before standing up and looking around him once more. It was as if the crowd had doubled in size since his arrival and the police were struggling to keep people back, so much so that even a few of the firefighters had abandoned the wreckage to help out.

"My sister! Please! She's still inside!" Elliott heard one young voice scream out above the others as the crowd pushed forward once more as if they were trying to press their noses to the window of this crime scene. "Please!" He heard the voice call out again as he scanned the crowd for its owner.

"El," Chis whispered annoyingly in Elliott's ear as he tapped Elliott's shoulder and pointed to what had caught the crowd's interest. Long after the other firemen had given up on finding survivors, one had kept up the search.

Emerging now from the large gaping hole in the side of the west wall, the crowd, Elliott and his partner watched with bated breath as the fireman called out for help.

This one was alive.

"Make that sixty injured," Chris muttered as Elliott gaped with surprise as the firefighter carried the woman valiantly in his strong arms, his smoldering coat draped across her body for protection as the other firefighters and cops cleared a path for the paramedics to rush through with a stretcher. Following them in their wake, Elliott was at the victim's side in minutes and watched transfixed as the firefighter lifted his coat to reveal extensive burns to the side of the woman's jaw, neck and left shoulder.

"Robin!" He hissed confused but it was obvious that she was beyond answering.

"She's going into shock," One of the paramedics called out as the firefighter and Chris pulled Elliott stumbling backwards.

"No!" Elliott shouted at them like they were insane when it was he that sounded deranged and far removed from the usually cool and decisive Elliott Hayes that he was known to be. "I know her!"

"She needs to get to the hospital ASAP," The paramedic shouted at Elliott as he and his partner grabbed the other side of the stretcher and stormed off at a run to their waiting ambulance.

"You know her?" Chris asked confused as a shaking Elliott dug deep in his pockets for his mobile phone.

"I have to make a call…" Elliott stammered as he remembered the way her skin had curled and simmered before his eyes. "I need to…" He babbled confused as Chris tore the phone from his hands and flicked the top up to get to the keyboard and contact list.

"Tell me who and I'll make the call," Chris told Elliott sternly as Elliott's face went white with fear and his grey ghost like eyes flashed somewhere between anger and horror.

"Don…phone Don," Elliott whispered before turning and retching where he stood.