a/n: this is my response to the prompt for the fifth round of the probending circuit. apologies in advances for attempts at humor and shitty writing.
Key words: Rumpelstiltskin!AU (kind of, you'll see), the color cerulean, and Whale Tail Island.
Word count: 1551.
Characters: Korra, Asami, Koh.
Pairings: Korrasami.
Korra is many things, Asami thinks as she watches Korra try to calm the masses of people. She's kind and caring and smart and stubborn enough to drive me completely crazy, but a good peacekeeper she is not.
The two of them had traveled to Whale Tail Island on Lin's orders, in an effort to quell the riots that had begun taking place there as a result of Kuvira's downfall. Asami supposes that this assignment, even though it could've easily been carried out by Lin herself, is their punishment for escaping to the Spirit World in the midst of Republic City's reconstruction. She's not one to argue, especially because she's always wanted to go to the island, but Korra certainly is. She'd heard a stream of constant complaints the entire bison ride there regarding everything from Lin to how uncomfortable the back of the bison was. (Oogi hadn't been pleased—Asami's pretty sure that the bison had tried to make the ride as uncomfortable as possible for them after Korra had said that.)
The island isn't half bad, either: cerulean waves lapping the shore, perfect blue skies and sunny weather—it's an ideal vacation hotspot. Aside from the angry mobs, of course. That's all water under the bridge.
The very second they'd landed from the sky like guardian Spirits with backpacks slung over their backs, a crowd of people practically emerged from the sewers and trash cans just to give them a piece of their minds. And the pieces they gave weren't entirely pleasant—"We managed to exist just fine under Kuvira's regime, why did you have to overthrow here?" To which Korra had replied, "Because she tried to destroy the continent, you simpleton!" To which the people shouted back, "Every rose has its thorns!"
"Look here, you pompous, overgrown—" Korra takes a deep, calming breath, lifting an inch off the ground as she does so. "Look." Her voice is much calmer, and Asami steps up beside her. "I am the Avatar. It is my duty to save my people from the likes of a fascist dictator."
"Kuvira wasn't a fascist!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Asami snaps, her patience having left with Oogi. "What, were you people born under rocks or do you legitimately not know the definition of the word 'fascist'?"
It's then that she notices three things: one, the houses here are all made out of rock; two, judging by the amount of people scratching their heads they legitimately don't know; and three, she's just poked the hornet's nest with a stick because now they all seem madder than ever.
The fourth thing she notices after a crack goes off and she finds herself shoved to the ground like she's been hit by a moped—the thing is, while these people don't know the definition of 'fascist', they are widely ahead in terms of engineering. The crack that had gone off had been the discharge of a gun. What had shoved her to the ground was Korra.
Korra had taken a bullet for her.
Asami crashes to her knees beside her girlfriend, who is clutching her stomach and oh Spirits oh Spirits Korra can't die sweet Tue and La and Raava and Vaatu Korra no, Korra can't die, not now… "Korra?" Her voice is shaky. "Kor? Can you hear me?"
"Mmm." Korra's eyes squeeze shut but they pop open once Asami administers pressure on Korra's gut wound. "Mmm—agh! 'Sami, agh, it hurts, oh fucking Spirits, it hurts…"
"Hush, don't talk, save your breath," Asami whispers, trying to soothe Korra. She glances out at the crowd for a split second, anger blurring her vision but not enough to not see that the crowd is moving away from them like someone hadn't just dared to shoot the fucking Avatar and nearly restart the cycle. She brushes her hair to the side and tries to think, tries not to freak out, because Korra's life is depending on every decision she makes from this point afterward.
Korra's life is in her hands, and she nearly bursts into tears once she realizes this. Spirits, what can she do?
"Excuse me, dearie?"
Asami nearly falls over herself trying to see who'd spoken. It's an older man, she thinks, wearing a black tunic. She can't see his face because it's covered by a mask and—
Oh shit.
"Amon?" she inquires shakily, rubbing her eyes ferociously and trying to look as tough as one could be while kneeling next to her girlfriend's body.
The older man laughs—his voice sounds like a squeaky door hinge. "My my my, Ms. Sato, no. Does my reputation not precede me? Allow me to introduce myself. I am Koh, the—"
"The Face Stealer." Oh no. No, no, no, no—
"Yes." Koh hesitates. "Well, that was my old title. As of now, I've switched trades. An associate of mine has become the latest Face Stealer—Spirit World politics are horrifying now that we have portals; I got reinstated as something else. Now, I am Koh, the Deal Maker."
"Okay." Spirits, this has got to be the weirdest fucking day of her life, and that's including the New Year's Party where she woke up half naked in an ostrich-horse stable with a tattoo of a turtleduck on her shoulder blade and lipstick marks all over her face.
"Now, Ms. Sato, I notice you're in a bit of a predicament." Koh—sweet Spirits she's actually having a fucking conversation with Koh the Whatever The Hell He Is—glides forward toward her and Asami clenches her fists. She won't let this Spirit get his hands on Korra. "Care to make a deal?"
"A deal?" She's not seriously entertaining this, is she? "What sort of deal?"
"If I heal your friend—and make no mistake, it is in my power to do so—you will have to give me your firstborn son."
Asami blinks a few times, the gears of her brain whirring madly, so much in fact that she's pretty sure smoke is coming out of her ears. "Do I look pregnant to you?"
"How should I know?" Koh asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "You humans all look the same to me. But if you ever do get pregnant—and I don't doubt that you will, a tall glass of water like yourself—you have to give me your firstborn son."
What the actual fuck? Asami's brows furrow in confusion. "Okay. Say—say I agree and you save Korra and I do get pregnant and have a son. What will you do with him?"
"Train him in the art of deal-making, of course. Nepotism runs ramped down in the Spirit World, you know."
Asami runs through various scenarios in her head, and then she grins when she realizes that there is one fatal flaw in the Spirit's plan. "Deal," she says, sticking out her hand, which Koh shakes. It feels like she's stuck her hand underneath a spray of cold water, and it takes most of her willpower not to recoil. Nevertheless, she breaks the handshake off after two quick pumps.
Without further ado, Koh kneels next to Korra and, before Asami can say or do anything, he sticks his hand into Korra's stomach. Asami nearly screams but then she remembers that Koh is corporeal and therefore isn't doing Korra any harm. Her stomach turns clear, and Koh removes his hand, the bullet that had nearly ended the Avatar's life clenched inside his fist. There is nearly a scar left, and Korra's color is already improving.
Asami turns to thank Koh, but before she can even open her mouth the Spirit says rather eerily, "Remember your promise, Asami Sato," before fading into the afternoon sky.
Korra squints up at Asami, her cerulean eyes locking on Asami's green ones. "Wha' happened?"
"I made a deal with Koh to save your life," Asami says, looking Korra over. "How're you feeling?"
"Like I've been shot," the Avatar grunts. Her eyes widen to nearly comical proportions as she realizes just what Asami had said. "Wait, you made a deal with Koh?"
"I'll explain as we go," Asami promises. She stretches her hand out to Korra and pulls the Avatar to her feet. "Let's see if we can catch the ferry home."
As they walk—well, more hobbling on Korra's behalf, because even though she'd been healed, she'd still been shot and therefore it had to hurt—Korra tilts her head and scrutinizes Asami like an archaeologist would inspect the ancient ruins of Taku. "Why're you smiling? You just basically made a deal with the devil."
"You're alive, which is reason to celebrate on any occasion," Asami replies playfully. "But I'm smiling because I didn't tell Koh that I'd never be able to give him my firstborn son because you will never be able to get me pregnant."
Korra laughs the entire way to the ferry.