Chapter 1
"Oh my god," I look down at the bodies, then at my bloody hands, and up to the two men standing in front of me.
"Did I do this? Did I actually kill these people?" I feel like a frozen glacier - not affected by anything, letting everything just slide off – until the sun comes out. And right now it shines on me with a blinding light, and I'm slowly starting to melt. Every little drop of who I am is sliding off me, and inside me, I feel like I am filling with a thousand emotions at the same time.
"Elena, listen to me. We need to leave. Like, now," I look up at Damon, and feel completely lost – what have I done?
"Elena, please come, and let's get the hell out of here. Come on," he looks so different, I barely recognize him. It's like I forgot him when I forgot myself.
I look back down at the bodies. I recognize some of them. One of them was my age. She was going to graduate- but I killed her. And as I crouch like a wounded animal next to her body, all I can think of is that I'm going to graduate, with my friends and all the people I have left. But this girl won't. And it's my entire fault.
"Oh no. no no no no! I killed her! I killed this girl. She was innocent, but I killed her, and all these other people. Oh god, what did I do?" I sob, reaching out to touch her hand, but it's cold as ice. "No! No, this can't be happening to me! How could I do it? How could you let me?" I yell at Damon, beating the bloody floor with my hands and clutching my chest, trying to stop the monster of emotions in my chest from exploding and overwhelming me.
"Elena, I-"
"No! No, Damon! Don't say anything, ok? Please, just… just help me. Please help me… what did I do to these people? What did I do to myself? And to Bonnie, and to Caroline, and-" I cradle my head in my hands, begging for a release from the weight of the things I had done in the past few weeks.
"Elena," I feel a soft touch on my shoulder. A touch that, unlike the rest of the world, feels familiar to me. Stefan's voice is soothing as he continues, "Elena, listen to me. You need to calm down, ok? Stop thinking of the things you did – you had no control over them. But you're strong, Elena. So strong. And you can survive this. You just need to find something that shows you how good this world is, and give you a reason to live. And you can find that something, I promise you. All you need to do is look for it."
I shake my head silently. "No," I whisper, "I can't." the touch becomes an embrace, and I find myself disappearing in this hug, that holds so much emotion and feeling in it, it makes me feel calm. It makes me feel safe.
"You're going to make it. For my sake. And for Damon's, and Bonnie's, and Caroline's and Matt's – but most of all, for yourself." I look into Stefan's eyes. Eyes that I have come to know so well. I have seen those eyes go through everything. Hurt, loss, pain, Happiness, Excitement. But what I see there, at that moment, is love. Pure, undying love. And as I look into those powerful eyes, I believe him. I can make it. And that is what gives me the strength to get up, and walk away from the bodies and the blood and the death. Because the love that he has for me is the one thing that shows me that there is still good in this world, and beauty. There's love. And that is what ignites the spark of life in me once again.