death of a butterfly
A/N: Great, I don't own Vampire Knight. This is my latest work, the first chapter of "death of a butterfly." It's about Akane Suzuno, and her struggle to regain the life she once led after choosing to become a vampire under misguided circumstances.
She remembers how they first met, in the dazzling remains of summer, and she remembers the air, light and happy, and she swears that she isn't going to forget him.
The lights and colors had been blinding her all this time, and now she wonders whether or not anything was important.
It's hard to forget, anyways, and there's nothing to do, sitting there in the darkened house, waiting. Waiting for him to come back, waiting for someone to pull her out of her stupor.
But it isn't going to happen, and she sits there, wishing that she had said no.
She was always weak.
Too weak, so weak that she wasn't able to say no, so weak that she let him use her, and now she's sitting in the shattered picture frame, feeling the glass cut into her legs, and feeling the blood and the pain seep out.
Agonized, she grabs her head, running her fingers through her hair like crazy, and realizes that it's nightfall.
She stands up, her bare feet cold on the icy floor, since she hasn't even bothered to turn on the heater, or even put on more clothes.
All she's wearing is a light nightgown and a ribbon, and she's slowly freezing in this lonely place.
It seems like she's drifting through an endless dream, and she turns, looks at the mirror above the fireplace, and for the first time in a long time, sees her face.
She sees her ashen, pale face, her eyes wide like a deer's, and her cheekbones sharp.
How much weight has she lost, not eating much, just light meals every once in a while?
It isn't healthy, she knows, and she's disconnected her phone - she doesn't want the worrying phone calls, telling her to pull herself together.
She had fallen apart from the beginning, and he had been the only thing to help her out of her reverie.
Of course, the good thing has already left since she was foolish enough to leave the gate open.
Unconsciously, her arms tighten around herself, and she exhales, feeling an emptiness in her chest, and wondering what she should do now.
For the first time it seems, she looks around the large, empty house, and sees all the extra space there is, without his things lying around.
Usually his mug would be next to his, on the counter, and he'd have some of his books on the dining table, he'd have his shoes neatly by hers next to the door, and-
"Stop it," she says, whispering at first, but then getting louder, louder than she's been in a long time.
"Stop it. You're driving yourself crazy."
Then again, she's always been crazy.
She just hasn't been able to tell herself so.
In order to pass the time, she gives herself the arduous task of sorting through the picture albums, and throwing away those she doesn't want.
They take up too much space anyways, sitting on that wooden shelf. There hasn't been anything new in the dusty old books for five months.
Which is very unlike her.
She loved photography, but detested art.
Photography was the art of capturing a moment of beauty in a spectacular way that can be saved forever. Art is the creation of a thing of beauty.
She was never good at creating, just good at holding on, trying to prolong the inevitable.
Hadn't she known from the beginning he would leave?
Hadn't she seen what he did to those other girls, those who weren't her?
Yuuki Kuran, the Kuran princess, and the bride of Kaname Kuran.
Her fists tighten, and then she's shrieking again, and it's like everything was just yesterday, and she remembers so vividly, remembers everything that's happened to her in these months, and all she wants to do is let go.
But she's never been able to let go, has she?
She's never been able to tell herself to stop doing anything.
It isn't as if she hasn't already tried.
Heartbreak was an ugly thing, and if she had a choice she wouldn't be standing here in a daze, but she doesn't have a choice, since she's weak and ugly and...
She stops there, because she could probably go on for a while about her negative qualities, she just stops, and listens to the world, and remembers that she hasn't been out there for quite some time now.
She wonders if they miss her, if they even cared.
There were never really any friends, just her, staying in this spacious house by herself, only back then it didn't seem so big and she wasn't so jaded and things were different, things were better, and it was the good old days.
Then she went to Cross Academy, and she met him, and things flew past her, and she started opening up.
Her life story is far too complicated to recount in a single day, so she settles on observing the different photographs in the album.
Lightly she taps one, and holds it up to the moonlight so she can see his face better.
Silver locks and lavender eyes. He had always been beautiful, and she wasn't beautiful by normal standards, at least.
She was just the background. She was a piece of furniture for all anyone cared. She blended in perfectly.
And he stood out, he was dynamic, while she stood from the sidelines and watched, silently cheering him on.
But of course he's not there anymore, she reminds herself, he's somewhere, anywhere, to get away from this house, away from her troubles, searching for a girl who is obsessed with the memory of a man who is no longer.
Maybe he finds something about Yuuki that redeems her, but she certainly can't.
Then again, she's never really been the expert on attractiveness, has she?
She lets out a strangled laugh, and gently sets the picture back down, preferring not to have to cry, trying to rein it in.
But too many hours have passed, and she's too far gone, so the tears come out anyways, and soon enough she's just sitting there wailing, all the while hating herself.
She curls up on the floor, and lays her head on the smooth wooden planks, sighing a little, and regulating her breath.
Tomorrow, she will go out.
She tells herself that she'll see the outside world again.
A fear suddenly floods her. What if everything has changed, in the time that she spent alone?
No, she decides, she'll go now. She flings the door open, and gasps.
There is a bird in the sky above her - but it's not moving. The tree has paused mid-sway. The water isn't rippling, it's frozen.
They can't move, she realizes, they can't do anything.
But why can't they?
There is a figure coming towards her, and she suddenly notices she isn't cold anymore.
"W-what?" she cries, turning and trying desperately to find something that isn't just stuck.
The man comes closer, and she sees the brunette locks arranged neatly above his forehead.
"Suzuno Akane. What have you done?"
Crestfallen, she looks at him, and notices how he looks more worn out than when she saw him all those years ago. He seems a bit taller, but then again vampires can't age, what is she thinking?
"I..." she stammers, "I have no idea."
He grabs her wrist, and she pulls away from him desperately, trying to get away, back to the safety of the mansion, but his grip is too strong.
"Yuuki," he says, his voice icy, "has fallen into a coma from which I cannot awaken her. It must be your work."
Pausing, he adds, "Kaien Cross and Kiryuu have also been unable to move. They are awake, but frozen. All mortals are lifeless, and do not react to anything."
She thinks desperately about the burst of emotion she had earlier, a far larger spike than had ever happened, and then she starts to think happy thoughts.
"Just...happy...thoughts..." she manages to get out, and soon the memories are overwhelming her, and she basks in them.
On the banks of the lake with her sister. Flying kites together. Going into town to buy parfaits. Seeing the latest movie.
As she thinks, her hair slowly flies up, and soon she's levitating gently above the ground, staring into nowhere, her eyes blank.
Green sparks fly out of her fingertips, and it's as if everything is melting. First it's extremely hot, then a moment that scorches, and then back to the cold that she had noticed when she was still sitting in the house.
"If you're finished," she hears a voice near her ear, "then we're going to Cross Academy."
She looks down at her attire - a flimsy nightdress - and doubts that she will be able to make the journey to Cross Academy in it.
"Yes, different clothes. We are leaving in ten minutes."
She rushes back inside, slams the door, and runs up the stairs, trailing her fingers lightly overr the banister, and into her room. She carefully pulls down her uniform, and puts it on, noticing how baggy it seems. Well, she was healthier back then.
She slips into a pair of knee-high boots, and hurries down to the garden in front.
There, Kaname is sitting on a stone bench idly, looking so out of place and at the same time so perfect. He is musing about something (she could never guess what) but he says, all without looking at her, "If you're ready, we will go."
He stands up, and motions for her to walk along.
"Why am I going back?" she says, for the first time curious and not afraid.
It's only a half mile to Cross Academy, which she thanks the world for, since she doesn't know how to drive, and it isn't as if her parents are here anyways.
He tightens his scarf around him, and frowns a little.
"If you were to freeze time again, you wouldn't know it until you went out. It took you months to leave your house."
She concedes that it's a good point, and they keep on walking in silence.
Soon they're up to the gates of Cross Academy, which are locked, but Kaname simply leaps over them in a smooth stride.
"Vampires," she mutters, and hops up onto the hedge next to them, placing her hands on the cold iron, and using it as leverage to flip herself over.
She doesn't land on her feet, she lands on the grass, and it hurts so much that her vision gets hazy, but she gets back up, and she's fine in a few seconds after she gets over the initial daze.
"But of course, Suzuno, you are one too."
She doesn't give that a response, just lays lazily on the grass, and watches the sky, watches the stars and the glowing moon, and wonders how long it's been since she's really noticed anything around her.
Their arrival has been noted, as several Night Class students are wandering over to the area to observe newcomer. She sees the look of surprise on their faces when they realize she has come back, and one even takes a tentative step closer, as if to touch her to prove she is real.
"Ichijou, bring her back to her room."
He clears his throat awkwardly, and gives her a cheerful, radiant smile that's so bright it almost sends her reeling.
"Uh, but Kaname, the new student had to stay somewhere, and, ah, the rooms are filling up too fast, and so I don't think that I can-"
He cuts him off with just a flick of his hand.
"Then have her share the room. Now I must see to my Yuuki, so I will leave you all to your duties."
There was a chorus of yes, Kaname's, and he disappeared into the night, leaving behind no trace.
Takuma smiles at her yet again, and helps her up from the ground.
"I bet you're tired, aren't you?"
Yawning a bit, she tells him, "Rose Manor isn't that far away from here, but it is rather late at night, and I'm used to sleeping in the daytime."
He frowns at her, and then directs the rest of the crowd to follow them on the winding path to the dorms.
"Have you really been sleeping during the day, Suzuno-chan? That isn't good, especially for a newly turned like you..."
She smiles dryly at his comment, and runs a hand through her hair, letting it fall back over her shoulder.
"You say it like it wasn't a year ago."
Time has flown by, and she finds herself staring in childlike awe at all the things that have changed since she's last been there. Her jacket is hanging loosely off of her frame, and it's about to fall off anyways, so she takes it off and ties it around her waist.
The midnight garden has bloomed, and the flowers outside of the Moon Dorm are swaying a little, and glowing. It brings happiness to her, to see the same ones she planted all those months ago still flourishing and alive without her nurturing hand.
Shiki notices that she's gazing fondly at them, and says, in a monotonous voice, "Nobody has been able to remove the seeds to plant more ever since you left. The Day Class keeps exclaiming over them."
She knew, when she planted them, that they were her plants only.
Maybe she wanted to leave a mark on this place, so that they couldn't, wouldn't forget her.
They continue on in silence, saying nothing, but everything. Soon enough they've arrived at the ornate door, and Takuma steps up to, and raps sharply, three times, on the engraved wood.
"You changed the door," she says to break the silence.
This seems to do the trick, as Takuma laughs and affirms it. However, Aidou, Kain, Ruka, and Rima are still wary of her, gathered into a little clump in the back, farther way than Shiki and Takuma, and whispering among themselves.
Maria Kurenai answers the door, pulling it open with some difficulty.
Upon seeing her, she pounces on her, hugging her tightly.
"Akane-chan! I didn't think I'd see you again..."
But Maria is forced to release her because the unusual bout of exercise has left her winded, and she pants a little before offering a feeble little smile, and ushering them inside, closing the door firmly and bolting it.
"We lock our doors now because Day Class students sneak inside and watch us sleeping...a bit creepy, don't you think?"
Everyone gathers in the area between the two elegant staircases, and she finds herself without a place to sit, so she stands awkwardly, leaning over a bit onto Maria's chair, and listening carefully.
Kaname and Yuuki come strolling down the steps carefully. Her throat clenches, and she does her best not to cry at the sight of Yuuki, who is so much prettier than her, so much more...lifelike.
They sit together on a loveseat, her lovingly laying across Kaname's lap, and him softly stroking her hair.
It sickens her, and she's forced to look away before the waves of nausea overtake her.
She sees quite a few unfamiliar faces, and then, she turns her gaze away.
"Suzuno Akane has come back to the Night Class. I hope you all will welcome her again, and help her settle back in. That is all."
She isn't surprised she hasn't gotten a better introduction, because for as long as she's known Kaname, he hasn't cared about her whatsoever.
After the meeting is adjourned, she stays there, sitting with her jacket around her waist on an abandoned sofa with Maria, and the two of them start to converse about what had happened while the other was away.
"I've met a new one," Maria says, and laughs a little, covering her mouth with her hand. "It's strange. I feel like we've been together for years, when it's only been a month."
She shifts uncomfortably, remembering the topic of boys and love, and seeing that, Maria nods a little, and gives a sympathetic smile.
"It's okay, Akane-chan, it's not like that Kiryuu boy can hear us-"
"You refer to him so callously," she says softly, bringing her hand up to brush away the bangs clouding her vision. "I remember when you were so infatuated with him."
She picks up the lacy handkerchief in her jacket pocket, and it lays, crumpled up, in her fist.
"Oh, that? He just reminded of his brother, Ichiru. I wasn't really attracted to him, just attracted to the resemblance. You were the one who was always in love with him, haha~"
Abruptly, Maria stands up, and smiles at her knowingly.
"You want to go explore the school grounds? It's been a while since you've been here."
Since she knows that there is no way her friend will take no for an answer, she says yes, and Maria grabs her hands in joy.
The look of horror on the cheerful girl's face makes her cringe, looking guiltily at the antique grandfather clock, anywhere but Maria's face.
"Why are they so bony...? Have you...did you..."
Her sentences drop off at some point, and they're left there, staring at each other, until her hands are grabbed again.
"Well, that's just great, we can stop by Headmaster Cross's office for food, he's friendly - but you already knew that, I just thought you might have forgotten. Do you want to go to the boutiques in town? They're very cute, and I know you'll just love them-! Hey, we should get your hair done."
And with that, they leave the dorm together. It's still nighttime, and she wonders whether or not anyone will be awake at this time.
Maria signals her to be quiet. Sneaking out is harder than she had thought. For one, even the slightest bit of noise will wake up Maria's roommate Seiren. For two, vampires are not supposed to be out at night because they might bite roaming humans.
She remembers that much.
They both take turns jumping, and she catches Maria, since even though they're both frail she's the stronger of the two.
"Things have gone really well, actually, we've just got to make sure that - did you hear that noise?"
Maria scales a tree expertly, and hisses, "Quick, get up here!"
She obeys, and they're both sitting in a tree, waiting for the person to pass.
It's strange, but it feels peaceful and happy, being with somebody else rather than having her own mind as company (she mentally shudders - would anyone want her mind as company?) and she's just starting to relax and fall asleep when the familiar voice slices through the dream that's beginning to form, and her drooping eyelids.
"Vampire. Get down from the tree and go back to the dorm."
The moonlight is shining through the tree, and it illuminates the boy standing there, the black scowl on his face taking her aback.
Maria admonishes him. "Lay off. Akane's harmless. Stop being so single-minded. Why are you even out here?"
For a moment, she sees the lost expression on his face, sees the dark circles under his eyes, and she wonders when he went to sleep last night, or last week, if he even slept at all.
Then she instantly reprimands herself for caring about him, and resolves to do better in the future.
"Harmless or not, vampires are still inhuman monsters who lack morality."
She feels her world shattering a bit as she remembers, in a bittersweet moment of happiness, just how guarded Zero was, just how many doors she had to go through, and she couldn't even get to his center like Yuuki had been able to.
And then she wonders if she is truly a monster, wonders if it's true what he says, and remembers that she put him in a coma. She wonders if he knows that it was her who did it.
He couldn't have, wouldn't have. He never knew about her abilities, since he left before she was truly able to cultivate them.
"I-" Maria attempts to respond, but she cuts her off elegantly.
"I apologize, hunter. We will go back to the dorm now."
Her best friend, her only true friend, is standing next to her, cheeks flushed in anger, mouth wide open at what she sees as her unreasonableness. But it isn't. It's her weakness, it's her tendency to cave when the one she loves most is ordering her to do them.
Staring into his lavender eyes with pools of melted chocolate, she is able to levelly hold her gaze without dropping it, and he eventually looks away.
"Stay away from me," are his curt last words, until he makes a disgusted sound, and starts to trek back to the direction of the Night Class.
She's left, a little weak and hurt from the harshness of his statements.
To her credit, she doesn't cry or throw a tantrum or do much of anything. She stands there, mulling over his words, and watching the beauty of the night.
Maria is understandably furious that she didn't do anything to confront or even acknowledge the insults he threw at them.
"Are you crazy? If somebody was like that to me, I'd totally get them in trouble."
"That's where we differ," she says softly, the ghost of a melancholy smile gracing her face, "you and me. I love him too much."
Chuckling, she makes strangling sounds, and smiles too. "Akane-chan...you know he didn't love you, right? You've got to get over him."
Of course she knew he didn't love her.
But it hurts, just a little, to hear it from somebody else, to know it's that obvious he doesn't care for her.
She is just a replacement, and always will be. She's not truly loved anywhere.
"Come on, let's go back," Maria cajoles, tugging on her arm.
They retreat in a subdued silence, and the ravens caw overhead.
Alarmed, she steps back a little, and Maria cries out, "Come to me."
A single bird from the flock flies down, and lands on her arm.
It's a tiny little thing, and the glistening of its black feathers are beautiful. Its eyes hold sadness, the sadness of somebody who has watched another die before their eyes.
"Do you have a message for me?" she asks urgently, petting it softly.
It caws, and opens it mouth. Out of it comes a message in a smooth, gentle human voice.
"Miss Maria Kurenai. You are invited to the annual Winter Ball. Miss Maria Kurenai..."
She laughs it off as nothing, and sends the raven away with a flick of her hand, but is clearly rattled.
"I've never been invited before," she murmurs self-consciously, with a flick of her long tresses. "I wonder why I am this year?"
Curiously, she tips her head to the left and asks, "What is the Winter Ball?"
"Oh, it's just this event that all the most important aristocrats, and certainly the purebloods, are supposed to attend. I'm usually not invited since they know of my illness...it wouldn't really be plausible, so they don't want to put the burden on me to have to go since I received an invitation. But I guess I can do it this year. It was probably just a mistake, though."
They continue walking sedately, passing carefully cultivated lawns and trees.
"I wonder why..." she continues, and her sentence falls flat. They keep on walking, careful to stay on the path so as to not get their shoes dirty.
The jacket around her waist is feeling pretty heavy, since she's more tired now, so she unties it and places it on a flowered wood and iron bench, to be retrieved in the morning.
"You've got to get a new uniform, haven't you? That shirt is loose, and the skirt is slipping off of you. Here, I'll make some alterations for you...are you going to be attending classes tomorrow night?"
She yawns, feeling the drowsiness wash over her, and nods a little.
"I'm kind of tired, though, so can we talk in the morning?"
They're at the doors, and Maria flings them open, even though they're extremely heavy. They both stumble in gratefully, and Akane immediately walks over to a couch to lie down.
At the threshold of the stairs, Maria calls out, "Aren't you going to go to sleep in your room, Akane-chan?"
"I'm sorry," she says insincerely, and lets sleep overtake her.
And in the morning, she wakes up to sunlight splashing on her face, but doesn't recoil, and instead welcomes it, standing up and stretching.
The uniform that she's slept in is, of course, wrinkled. She's going to have to change if she wants to go out today.
Yawning, she puts a hand over her mouth, and gazes in awe at the sky outside, noting how light and colorful everything seems to be now it's daytime. The trees are more inviting, the path is illuminated, and she can see the lazy clouds drifting about.
How long has it been since she's truly let herself rest without being tortured by these dreams?
She doesn't know, but there is something, something she can't quite put her hand on, that's comfortable about being in the Moon Dorm. It feels right, not like her house could.
Maybe it's the fact that she knows she's not alone here, or maybe it's because she's surrounded by the monsters that she is too, so she doesn't have to feel bad.
Zero's words are starting to get to her head. She must ignore them, since she knows that he is just a jaded, scared hunter who doesn't want to be what he is, and so hates the world and himself.
The only thing keeping him alive, probably, is making sure that Kaname is taking care of Yuuki. Very good care.
It scared her sometimes, watching Yuuki drink his blood. Back before she first left, her insomnia made her feel cranky and tired in the morning, so she'd sneak out to fall asleep to the stars.
Of course she had to bump into them, since they didn't even bother hiding. What if Kaname had found them? That would be a nice scene, the Kuran Princess being so needy and emotional so as to have to drink from a Level E, and not wanting to drink from her own husband - and brother.
She found their marriage a bit disconcerting, but it wasn't to do with the sibling bond between them.
As of later, Yuuki's eyes had greatly lost their luster, and she was getting to be a dull, lifeless person who only smiled and played along and talked about mundane things.
When she had taken supper with her, she had noticed the change immediately. Instead of being truly interested and energetic like she had been, the only topics she asked about were how was the mansion doing and was your vacation nice.
It was if a light had gone out in the brown-haired girl that only Zero could have turned on, but then again, Kaname didn't want Zero around his love, did he? And probably for good reason - he'd have throttled Kaname the instant he let his guard down.
How could such an innocent girl spark this blood rivalry, between human vampire and pure vampire?
And she, herself, stuck in the crossfire of the man who used her as a tool.
Well, it wouldn't be like that anymore. She'd never do a thing for him, even if he asked.
Or so she told herself.
Absentmindedly, she pulls her hair gently so she could put it up in a ponytail, only to discover that she didn't have any rubber bands on her...because they had been in her jacket pocket.
Getting to her feet, she stands up, and rearranges the pillows on the couch.
"That uniform looks too big for you. If you want, I have some that will probably fit."
Surprised by the benevolent offer, she turns, only to see Yuuki standing at the foot of the staircase.
Yuuki Cross - no, Yuuki Kuran - who is even more bony in person. Her face is pale, like the color of clean snow, and her figure has mostly lost itself. Her arms are extremely thin, and made even thinner in her long gown, adorned with ruffles, bows, and roses.
It doesn't flatter her at all, and both of them know it. At the silence, the lady of the Kuran house looks down at the floor.
"Come on, we should get moving."
She knows enough to know that that is not a request, it is an order, and she complies.
Yuuki leads her up the staircase, and into her and Kaname's room, which is incredibly large, and host to numerous things, such as a private bathroom, a walk-in closet, and an ornate, carved bed that is covered lovingly in red silk, which she remembers is Yuuki's favorite color.
Then, she pulls down a uniform for a hanger, and motions for her to go into the bathroom.
"Here, go change, please, so I can see how it looks on you."
She obeys, and quickly gets into the uniform she is handed. It does fit her, and it makes her look better than the old one did. She folds the shirt and skirt neatly, and leaves for the bedroom again.
Yuuki claps her hands, ecstatic. "It looks great on you!"
Then, she quiets down slightly. "Do you know why I wanted to be your friend, Akane-chan?"
Everybody here calls her Akane, Akane-chan, or just Suzuno. And she doesn't recall ever giving her the permission to call her so familiarly. Then again, she is a princess, and her just a lowly peasant. The princess may do, take, whatever she wants.
"See, you're the only one that doesn't call me Yuuki-sama like everybody else. In fact, you don't even treat me any different. You and Yori-chan...but now she calls me Kuran-sama since she knows about vampires and everything."
She remembers vividly her own turning. It had been an English vampire that she had asked, a certain blonde, ashen-haired man known only there as Alistair, whose true name she had known but forgotten somewhere along the way.
The night was cold, and seemed to rail against her, the wind blowing against her face. She had sought him out after being told earlier by a rather amiable vampire who he was.
Her decision to become a vampire was driven mostly out of impulsiveness and her own childlike lack of understanding that the very person she was trying to please would hate her, detest her for what she had done.
She knew why he hated her. She had been what he had most wanted, most of all, completely human, and she had become a vampire. To so voluntarily become the thing he detested was in itself an act of rebellion that he took rather heavily. Upon her return, he had started callously referring to her as "vampire".
Sometimes she wonders what became of this Alistair, and who he was before he himself became a vampire. Had he always been one? Who was his master? The questions whirled inside of her mind, and she craved information most of all after her time spent alone, secluded from the outside world.
"Have you met a vampire," she says softly, her face fragile with hope, "an English one named Alistair Pensinger?"
The benevolent, sweet, yet heartbreaking smile on her adversary and idol's face is enough to tell her the answer. No, she has no clue despite her connections what has happened to him...and if she has not seen him, then that must mean he is dead.
Killed, no doubt, by a hunter for turning her into a human. She suddenly feels a biting guilt, that he died so that she could become what he had been.
"It isn't fair, is it?" Yuuki says gently, reaching out and hesitantly touching the top of her warm hand. The mere sensation of a Pureblood's touch sends tingles up her spine, and she hates herself for recoiling in shock, and the hurt expression on Yuuki's face tells her everything.
"I-I'm sorry," she manages to stammer, then flees the room in a mad dash of energy, overcome with emotions. She doesn't want Yuuki to feel sorry for her, she doesn't want somebody so perfect like her to pity her just because of her friend's death. And most of all, it's hard to really accept that he's dead.
He did nothing wrong, really, just wanted to fulfill the wishes of a naive teenager who had been blinded by what was merely a precocious crush.
She has to slow down, since she hasn't the stamina to keep it up. Her paces slowly shrink, until she's barely jogging. She's still in the uniform that Yuuki has given her, and she's covered in Yuuki's scent. So it's no surprise when she reaches the place where she is heading - the lake at the edge of the property - and Zero looks up momentarily, his eyes a little hopeful. Disinterested upon seeing her face, he lowers his head back onto the grass, and props his leg up on the other.
It is fenced in on two sides, this little oasis, but it is a beautiful, serene place that she comes to when she doesn't want to stay in the darkened dorm during the day like the rest of the vampires.
It's because they weren't human, they never knew the sensation of being outside in the sunshine, feeling its warm heat on their palms.
Sitting down next to him (or as close one can get to him without being Yuuki), she silently waits for him to acknowledge her, while watching the swaying blades of grass, as light as a whisper, dance across the bright blue sky.
All he says is, "Vampires burn in sunlight. Go back to the dorm, bloodsucker."
It's exactly what she thought, but it's more words than she expected.
"Why do you hate me?" she murmurs, gliding her hand over the surface of the water, as she is kneeling in front of it, gazing at reflection.
That was perhaps not the best question to ask, since it is a sensitive topic for him.
He levels his gun at her - she's not surprised he still has it, despite it not being night - and says, in a harsh, steely tone, "I hate the weak-willed, those who make a decision they can't change later for no reason."
He must be talking about her change.
"I'm sorry if I offended you," she says dully, and waits for a response.
He stands up, stretches his muscles lethargically, and leaves her with a warning.
"I'm telling you, Suzuno. Even if the others insist you're harmless, I would kill you in a second, no matter how much you wax poetical about love."
"How nice," she says sarcastically, and watches him go.
It still breaks her heart, every time he leaves, but the pain has been alleviating as of lately.
Maybe she's forgetting.
Even if it causes her pain every single second, she would never forget a moment of their time together.