Title: "Atonement"

Author: ayziks

Rating: T – Amorra AU, Korra attempted self-harm

Word count: 3200

Summary: In this Amorra story, we have a retelling of the final episode of Korra in which Noatak/Amon survives the boat explosion and he finds and confronts her.

...

Noatak found himself amidst an inferno around the cold ocean water he found himself unexpected immersed in. The blaze was consuming what was left of his stolen boat and the oil and petrol that floated on the ocean surface.

Somehow he had survived an explosion of the boat. The flash behind him while he and his brother hurriedly escaped from the wharf unconsciously triggered within him a reflex instinct in water bending survival that had encased him in a body-protecting ball of water. He would have been consumed otherwise. Searing heat caused him to quickly take a breath, and duck underwater, and to dolphin kick at high-speed underwater far from the blazing debris.

He rose again a hundred yards from the remains of the speedboat, praying for a sign of his brother's survival like he had. He didn't see any visible sign that his brother had survived.

He'd been alone for years after running away, but now, suddenly reunited with Tarrlokk, Noatak could not bear the thought of being separated again.

"I had such plans for us. I am so sorry," he whispered to his brother's spirit, knowing it was floating not far above him.

He was in shock, and knew he was burned, as the salt water of the ocean stung various parts of his body almost unbearably, but how badly he was burned did not know. But he didn't give up the search for his brother.

He couldn't understand what would have caused the blast. There was no sign of the defensive forces of Republic City, and knew Korra, reduced to only being an air bender could not follow them, even teamed with that cursed Mako. The boat seemed in perfect working order.

Then he was seized with a revelation and was aghast that he himself had taken away his brother's water bending as Amon that would have given him the slim chance of survival and was ashamed. Amon – how he hated that name now.

He was miles from shore, and far south of Republic City. The sun was beginning to set. He had to get to some kind of refuge.

He was disgraced. And now alone. He wished for death himself, but realized that there must be some other purpose that he was not yet dead.

He found a small island no bigger than a sand bar, on which he crawled and collapsed.

He drifted in and out of consciousness fitfully. A nightmare crept into his mind. He dreamt of his brother behind him in conversation with him on the boat. But he realized that the conversation was disingenuous, with Tarrlok not feeling the same about their freedom and fresh start somewhere else. He had missed the tone as they had traveled. In his mind, he saw his brother don the taser glove and hover it over the open fuel tank, and press the trigger.

"No!" he screamed, "It cannot be!"

But he knew in his heart that it could be. And it was, though he could not see it, he had sensed that Tarrlok had planned to end both of their lifetimes of pain.

He was angry that Tarrlok had tried to kill them both. He was in his final moments still weak – choosing the easy way out. But he was still his brother, and the only thing left in the world to him of the past, kinder life that they shared for but a short time.

He realized that murder/suicide was the only way in Tarrlok's mind to end the pain that extended back to their childhood. They shared the pain that started with the constant, never-ending abuse that their father subjected on them, when they only wanted him to love them. They were only weapons to Yakone to extract his revenge on the Avatar – an Avatar that didn't even exist now. Which made his Equalist quest even more hollow. Noatak reflected on the equally terrible abuse that rose from silence and turning a blind eye that their mother did every day. She knew what Yakone did, but she just chose to ignore it.

"Why, Mother?" he asked himself, "Fear? Did you need feel love from Father by ignoring the demon within him?"

He had no answers, as he ran away before he could ever confront her. He'd walked through this scenario for years in exile, until he made the inevitable conscious decision to finally avenge his father's debending – just as Yakone demanded – by attacking the Avatar.

But his target Korra was not the same as Avatar Aang who took his father's bloodbending. She was different. She was helpless, not powerful. She feared Amon just as much as everyone did. While did have his revenge, in debending her, there was no satisfaction in that. She was just a mere girl. That encounter at the Aang Memorial and then the final battle at the water front was not a battle among equals and the satisfaction it was supposed to have been to him. There was no feeling of revenge in taking everything from her that was within her. Just remorse. He had essentially defeated a child. He really was raised a monster.

He kept returning to the horrible thought that he destroyed his brother because of his abuse of power. Becoming Amon had pitted one brother against the other, driving Tarrlok to the murder/suicide to stop the madness of his father - and his older brother. They each took a different road to revenge, but ultimately it led to the same conclusion. Death. Not equality.

The madness had to stop.

…

Korra tossed and turned in her bed. She saw the tormented face of Amon in her mind, when she expected to see Mako's kind face, who had been there for her.

What did that mean? There was something about Amon, and as much as she feared him, he respected his confidence, his goals, his tenacy, and the loyalty his followers showed him. But for the discovery of his subterfuge, he was everything she was not. She should hate him for taking her bending away. But what she felt was confusion. She felt sorry for him, knowing now that he was a victim as much as she was.

The story that Tarrlok told Korra and Mako of his and Noatak's wasted childhoods was compelling, about their daily torment as boys, with the brainwashing, and training in blood bending so vile that it turned brother on brother and corrupted them completely.

What Amon needed was pity, and forgiveness. He'd lost everything now. Her maternal instincts, driving home naturally by watching and being guided by her mentor Katara as well as regular visits from her own mother, overcame her fighting and combat instincts.

But Amon and Tarrlok were presumed dead. A watchman reported an explosion far out to sea, and debris was washing up on the Republic City shoreline. It was from a wooden speedboat that matched the description of the stolen boat.

Korra should have been satisfied that they were probably both dead, the fraud had been exposed, and the Equalist movement which had evaporated overnight. She had the freedom to figure out how to move on, and help heal the damaged city as best she could, damaged herself mentally and physically as only part of an Avatar, ironically by having discovered her air bending after being debent by Amon himself of the other three forms of bending.

But inexplicably, she wanted to see Tarrlok and Noatak again. They were after all, water benders and Northern Water Tribe. She had family there on her dad's side. They were clansmen in the end, no matter their terrible differences. She wanted to talk with them, reason with them, and see what was really driving them, now that she knew this terrible sad story. Moreover she wanted to forgive them, now that it was all over. 'Korra - the young woman' would never think that way. She'd sooner kill them both.

But 'Korra - the Avatar' wanted compassion and forgiveness, then she laughed; some Avatar she was now, with air bending as her only skill, not even her birthright water bending.

The sun was rising. Tenzin knocked on her room door and said quietly, "It's time to get ready to go, Korra."

She, the Krew, Lin, and the Air Family mounted three sky bison and headed south. They hardly spoke to each other the whole way down, due to the cloud of uncertainty about her future. Never before in history had there been an Avatar with only one bending discipline. Was she really an Avatar? The debate had already begun in scholastic and religious circles.

She was counting on being healed by Katara. That was the only way to resolve this - decisively. Katara was the only living person who knew everything about Avatars by being married to one for 50+ years, and the only chance at healing her lost bending. Katara the only one in the world - and the only one anyone would listen to - who really knew if Korra could truly be called the Avatar. She would know if Korra was only to be a shell of an Avatar until the day she died. Korra could not bear to think of a lifetime of being that helpless, and secretly ridiculed, or unable to defend the world she was born to protect, with no skills to protect it. She shivered in despair. Tenzin touched her hand.

Mako tried to tend to her, and his affection for her was clearly demonstrated now, but she shunned hiim. This was not the time to build on that, despite how she had been feeling about him. In the loss of those bending powers, despite the unity in fighting together against Amon, his advances didn't feel right. That he was dumping Asami was not a trait she admired in a man – it was a lack of respect, a denial of commitment, and a betrayal of trust. Asami could not conceal her hurt at Mako's advances to Korra, after him being so close to Asami. It was not fair to Asami, who had literally given everything up to side with them, and not with her father, who would have killed his daughter but for Bolin.

Korra decided that Mako could never be more than friends with her, despite what she originally felt.

…

After hours of swimming, Noatak was exhausted when he came ashore on Avatar Aang Memorial Island deep into the night.

As he looked across the bay to the glimmering city, with some fires still smoldering, he actually felt sorry for what he had done. He had duped thousands of followers, and rather than be ruling a city. he had nearly destroyed it. He had so many people who depended on him, but now were despondent with hopes that had been dashed. In his rage, he had killed his friend - the Lieutenant - the closest person he had ever been to on the planet. He decided that he had to atone for what he did. He had lost it all, but he had to regain something. Not so much his honor – but his very soul. The violence his father had so ingrained into his heart and mind and soul got him nothing and nowhere at all. There had to be another way.

And everything, everything he did ultimately led to the death of his brother. For that he must pay. He resigned himself to that. Even death if the government so chose. Equality meant nothing. Revenge meant nothing. He had returned to his essence of the loving big brother. But it had taken a life time of tragedy to do it.

Despite his obvious gifts, he swore never to bend again, no matter what. He learned from the radio that Korra was headed to see Katara to attempt being healed to restore her bending. He was fairly certain that Katara's world-famous healing could not overcome his bloodbending-assisted ability to remove bending.

'

But he resolved to go to her. He stole through the city and approached the mountain airfield which was heavily guarded, protecting the captured aeroplanes. He saw one functional aircraft, with a lighter guard, sneaked behind them, slicing the fuel tanks on the other aeroplanes, and commandeered the plane, without using any bending. It was a complete surprise.

He soared aloft and out of sight, with Zuko II's forces scrambling to chase him down.

"Can we intercept the intruder?" he demanded angrily.

"No General, that is the only functional aircraft. He sabotaged the others."

"I don't know who it was that took that plane, but I pray to the spirits there is no more harm done in this City," Iroh II lamented.

….

At the South Pole Training Center, Korra left the compound and her argument with Mako behind. She was totally alone. She told him adamantly that could not accept his love, and told him to go back to Asami and to leave her alone. Asami was grateful when Korra herself put Mako's hand in Asami's. They would forgive and go on together. They were made for each other, and soon they would realilze that.

Now she was alone on the edge of oblivion, contemplating eternity.

Korra stood on the very edge of the glacier, wanting to take one more step, to end her pain of losing everything, of not being the kind of Avatar required to replace Aang, who was superior to in every way. But she worried that an Avatar taking her own life was forbidden, and she would disgrace herself for eternity, or ruin something else she didn't understand. So she couldn't even take her own life right, and instead of taking that final step, she plopped down in total despondency, a total failure in comparison to Aang. A water bender who only had air bending as her only skill.

But then, at her lowest moment, Aang appeared before her, and they chatted, and he restored her bending, making her a fully realized Avatar. It was a gift she would not squander again. Ever.

She felt fulfilled, testing her returned strength and power and her skills of each bending discipline. It felt amazing. While there was much to learn, she learned much about compassion and forgiveness from Aang. No wonder he was so revered. And she understood fully now why Katara had loved this handsome man so very much. And he, her. It was something she felt deep inside.

She turned, and to her surprise, it was a man. Not Mako. But Noatak.

"Amon!" she yelled.

They stood face to face. She assumed an immediate defensive posture, and her eyes flashed into the Avatar state. He would not defeat her again. Amon did not take any combat stance of any kind. He held his hands out, open palmed in peace.

"I am not going to hurt you. And I am no longer Amon." He said quietly.

"Noatak is Amon," she corrected.

"Amon and Noatak were two entirely different people. At least 30 years ago, we were. But Avatar Korra, we are alike, you and me," he continued.

"You are nothing like me. I don't force my will on people. I don't take their bending. I don't lie to my own people," she argued.

"That is true Avatar Korra. But we are both alone in this world, and shaped by it whether we want to be or not," he observed.

He had her there.

"What of that? I've had loving parents and mentor," she challenged.

Noatak admitted, "I had terrible parents. But the result is the same. What did yours really do to free you from the cage by doing nothing to stop what you had to be, not what you wanted to be? Is Noatak being Amon any different than Korra being the Avatar? Weren't you in a jail cell for 17 years, with not even your parents to free you from that fate?"

She didn't want to hear this from the man who took everything from her, and ruined life in the City. But it was true.

"Yes, but I was trained from the start for the good of the world. You only were about forcing your revenge on an innocent world and people who didn't deserve your wrath."

"How is that different? How different is imposing Equalism on the world than imposing peoples' continued belief in the Avatar? It is only different sides of the same coin. We both had to do what we had to do."

And then she was floored by what he said next, "Avatar Korra. You are not the Avatar that I was trained to exact revenge upon. I have come to respect you. You were thrown into a fight that was not yours, and that you and I and Tarrlok were merely pawns in a forty year fight between your predecessor and my father, both of whom are dead now. And admire you for trying against insurmountable odds. You alone discovered my lies. And I must pay for what I did. It caused the death of my brother. I am truly alone in this world."

Korra was amazed at his confessions, "I…I admire you too, for saying all those things. Maybe you aren't any more alone in this world than I am."

He could not believe her compassion and forgiveness. Any more than he could comprehend he would ever say the things he did. The loss of a loved family member changes everything.

Noatak knelt before her, "Avatar Korra, my bloodbending has caused much sorrow and destruction among those I realize now that I loved. Take my bending like Avatar Aang took my father's. Only I give it up willingly. I cannot bear to cause more grief, lies…or death. I should have died with my brother, and with all the others I effectively killed by taking their bending. But the spirits saved me. Somehow I want to stop another tragedy."

She worried this might be another ruse to take her bending again. Could she count on Aang to energy bend her a second time if something went wrong?

"Do you want to take my powers away again? Is this a trick?" she grilled him.

"No. I assure you. I want you to take mine. Before I do more damage. I need to live the life of an Equalist that I claimed to have."

He knelt on the ice before her. She approached apprehensively. But she reached out, and he bowed his head submissively. Pressing her hand on his forehead and heart, the pair glowed as she took his bending in true energy bending. It was actually too easy. His spirit was submissive, not defiant. But she made an unexpected connection in doing so with his spirit. After she finished, they lingered in the touch. There was something in the connection between them that went beyond the respect that just happened.

She had to admit, "Noatak I…I don't understand what is happening. I have feelings for you. I should hate you."

"Me too," admitted Noatak. He could feel the connection between them. The loneliness was gone in both of them. He took her hand. She didn't resist, and their fingers interlaced and tightened.

Korra rolled her eyes and snickered, but kissed him on the cheek, "Imagine the surprise on everyone's face when I take you back to the compound."

Noatak reflected with a smile meant only for her, "We will deal with that when the time comes."