Your Mother Assumes The Worst

Hey y'all! First time writer here! Even though I've been reading fanfic for about 2 years, I've never gotten an account due to the fact that I've had to hide it from my mother whenever I wanted to read (She's not exactly a fan of some of those M rated ones... Even though I personally don't read them). Even now, I am sadly, pathetically using my friend, AlmostFamous75,'s email account and computer. Well, enough of my tragic and emotionally scarring backstory; Let's get to the Faxness!

Disclaimer: Do YOU think that James Patterson would be using his friend's computer to type this? Or better yet, do you think he'd still be living with his mom? Nope, I didn't think so... So it goes without saying that I do not own Maximum Ride... or Fangy-poo here, or anyone else.

Max PoV

Sunlight streams into the living room in brilliant beams through polished floor-to-ceiling windows, warming Mrs. Martinez's house as I lay splayed out on the couch, surrounded by fluffy pillows, and listening through my cobalt headphones to some song- I don't know what it was called, or anything about it, except that it was on Fang's IPod, which I may or may not have not-so-discreetly stolen. Of course, being Maximum Ride , the kick-butt, winged, mama bear machine, of course I'm not wasting my time basking around in the sun and laying around half-asleep, but still, when my me-time, the only me-time I've ever had, may I add, is rudely interrupted by a deep voice behind me suddenly shouting "Boo!" I immediately jump up, startled and frightened, and assume attack position, ready to kick butt from here to hallelujah. Of course, when I see my ruthless attacker, I pause.

"FANG!"

I cry out in a strange mix of fury and relief, at my mischievous best friend... boyfriend... Oh who even KNOWS what we are anymore! As he looks up at me, suddenly a huge, mischievous grin cracks across his normally so-serious face, exposing pearly white teeth as he collapses to the floor, cackling hysterically.

Wait... Fang? Cackling!? HYSTERICALLY!?

As I suppress a grin of my own, he slowly chokes out between giggles (Giggles!?) "Payback for stealing my IPod!"

Of course, he didn't sound very vengeful chuckling on the living room floor...

"Now hand it over!"

Hand it over? Oh no, he do NOT just go there...

I shriek shrilly, "PAYBACK? For an IPOD? You interrupted the only time I've taken for myself in years- Let alone scared me to death!"

And of course, Mr. Cocky Genius here just had to a snap a sarcastic comeback at me after that one. "Scared you!?" He exclaimed, with a dumbfounded look of fake awe stretched across his face, "WOW! I scared the great, and POWERFUL Maximum Ride!? A peasant like myself!?"

And that's when I boiled over and attacked.

And also the exact moment when my mom, Mrs. Martinez, decided to waltz into the living room, just in time to witness me jump on top of a grinning Fang, and his attempt to soothe me- a deep, delicious, passionate kiss.

And of course, because this is MY LIFE, she jumps to the very worst possible conclusion.

"MAXIMUM RIDE!" she squeals in shock. "Just WHAT do you and Fang think that you are doing!?" "In my LIVING ROOM!?"

I'm puzzled for a moment- What is she talking about...?- but with one glance at Fang's face, beet red but split with a wider, more mischievous grin now than before, I know EXACTLY what this looks like to her, and the blood rushes to my face as well in humiliation.

"MOM!"