Alandra had left Sunnydale for a while. It held too many memories, too much pain for her. Angel was gone, and she wanted to say she was stronger than to let a man break her. To be overcome with grief from his loss because everyone expects that. They all just expect her to be ok with him leaving because of who she is and who he is and their past, but she can't. It was beyond love. He was a part of her. He held a piece of her soul within him, and she held a piece of his soul within her. And he just left. He decided what was best for the both of them with out talking to her about it, and that made her enraged and left her heart broken. It showed her that despite everything they had been through together he still couldn't trust her judgment. Now the only ones that seem to understand or at least sympathize with her was Buffy and Willow. Cordelia left and Faith was in a coma. Alandra felt alone again, and she hated it.
~0~0~
Alandra finally returned to Sunnydale after a couple of months of being gone. She sighed as she opened the front door to the cold and empty house that had been her home for the past couple of years. Her father had tried to convince her to stay with him, but she knew she couldn't. Even beyond the horrible memories LA held for her, and now Angel's presence there, she felt like she was doing something important in Sunnydale. She felt like she mattered even though she knew she didn't. She knew that she was a small pawn in the game of life that she was living, but as long as she felt like she mattered that's all she needed.
Once Alandra placed her suitcase back into her room she stepped out of the house to walk around the town. It was still daytime so Alandra didn't feel as on guard as she would normally be. She just allowed her mind to wander at all of the things she needed to do. She wasn't going to school which meant she would need to find a job as soon as possible. Fortunately her father had some contacts in Sunnydale so she wasn't too worried.
She allowed her feet carry her and she found herself standing just outside the mansion on Crawford Street. Alandra could feel her pain shoot through her heart. It was a prison that had become her second home, and now it was just a shell of memories. Tears began to well into her eyes, slowly spilling down her cheeks as she clenched her hands into fists. Her whole body shook with anger and sadness and she didn't know how to let go. She could feel it eating her up inside, and she knew that Angel could feel it as well. She wanted to be stronger than she was. To at least let go enough so that the mere thought of his shadow wouldn't bring her to her knees but she wasn't that strong. She couldn't let Angel go. She couldn't escape the image of his back as he walked away and she hated herself for it.
Alandra sucked in a breath, releasing it in a scream. She didn't care if someone saw her and thought she was crazy. She needed to release her pain somehow and that was her best way. When her vocal chords became too raw for anymore sound she turned around and ran. Her legs felt heavy as she ran down the streets to the next place she could think of. She slowed down to a stop and found she was in front of the Summers' home. She didn't know why she wanted to see Buffy, but her heart told her that it was the right choice. She slowly walked up the front steps, nervousness etching in. Her and Buffy were never friends, no matter how much they settled things between them, but Alandra knew that Buffy was the only one who would understand what she was going through in a way. They both loved the same man at one point, and he left them both at one point.
Alandra slowly walked up the steps, her breath in her chest. She lifted her fist to knock on the door and jumped when it flew open, Buffy yelling to her mom her goodbyes. Buffy jumped as well when she realized someone was standing on her door step. Alandra's eyes were wide, her hand still in the air.
"Alandra," Buffy said, surprised by the girl's presence, "You're back!"
"Yeah, I am," Alandra replied, lowering her hand finally. The silence was awkward as they waited for the other to say something else. Buffy shifted her feet, making Alandra realize that she had been silent for too long.
"Buffy," Alandra began, drawing the girl's attention to her, "I know we've never been friends. But," Alandra's voice became choked with emotion, tears springing to her eyes, "But, I could really use a friend right now."
"Of course," Buffy said, nodding in understanding, "Let's go to my dorm. We'll talk when we get there."
"Ok," Alandra replied, taking a deep breath in relief. Some of the weight was lifting off of her already.
~0~0~
"Your dorm room is cute," Alandra told her, walking into the room with a small amount of awe and jealousy.
"Thanks. My roommate should be gone for a while, so feel free to let go," Buffy told her, plopping down onto her bed. Alandra followed her, her movement more controlled as she sat beside the blonde. Buffy waited patiently for Alandra to start and could see the emotions running all over her face. She looked tired, dark shadows under her eyes, her usually glowing brown skin now tinged grey. Angel's absence was taking a toll on Alandra and she wondered if they even knew it.
"It feels weird to be talking to you about this but I don't think the others would understand what I was going through, or even want to," Alandra told her, a small smile on her lips, "Xander and Giles still haven't forgiven for what happened to you I think."
"I'll talk to them about that. They shouldn't be blaming you for anything," Buffy told her, making Alandra shake her head.
"It's fine. I'm kind of done with trying to prove myself to people, to Xander, even to Giles. They need someone to be angry with, and nothing you say will change that," Alandra told Buffy who nodded in acquiescence, but Alandra could tell that she was hesitant about it. Alandra fell silent again, taking deep and slow breaths to calm her emotions down, but it wasn't working.
"How did you do it Buffy? How did you let go of Angel? Because despite everything I do I can't seem to let him go," Alandra told her, her sobs finally being released from her body. Buffy wrapped her arms around her, holding Alandra to her and trying to comfort her the best she could.
"I loved Angel," Buffy began, "I still do. But what you two have is more powerful than any love I've ever seen. You carry each other within you and even though it hurt to watch you with him, to know that you held his heart, his very being, I knew it from the start that you were who he was meant to be with. From the moment I saw you two standing together, side by side, I could feel the spark between you."
"If we were so meant to be. If you could tell from the moment we were together that we were supposed to be with each other then why did he leave me? Why did he suddenly decide that I was better off without him? I can feel myself falling apart inside," Alandra cried out, tears streaming down her face.
"I wish I was stronger than this," Alandra told her, "Strong enough to pretend that him leaving me alone again hasn't broken me inside. I don't know how much more of this I can take."
"Alandra look at me," Buffy commanded, when she didn't Buffy grabbed her by the chin and forced her to look into Buffy's eyes, "You are strong. You've been through so much and you've bounced back. You fought through it, and you'll fight through this. You'll get through this, and I'll be here to help you." Not knowing what to say, Alandra broke down into tears again, allowing herself to feel the pain she was trying to hide.
~0~0~
It had been about a week since her crying session with Buffy and Alandra felt no lighter than she did before. She still carried the weight around with her and it was crushing her.
She had been alone in her house, wondering what to do next when Buffy told her to come to Giles's home. She was nervousness, she hadn't seen the older man since before she had left and she didn't know how she would be received by him. She had barely reached the door when Buffy threw the door open and dragged her inside.
"Alandra," Willow cheerfully cried out, running over to her and wrapping her in a warm hug. Alandra took a small amount of peace being hugged by her friend brought, but it immediately disappeared at the sound of Xander's voice.
"What is she doing here," Xander asked, clearly offended by her presence. She felt Buffy move beside her, and looked over at the blonde, a determined look on her face.
"She is a Scooby. She's going to help us with what's been going on. That's why she's here," Buffy told him. Xander opened his mouth to argue but Willow stopped him.
"What's been going on," Alandra asked, her brows furrowing in confusion. Buffy turned to her to look her in the eyes.
"Spike is back and he's digging under the city for a thing called the Jewel of Amara," Buffy told her. Alandra pushed down her thoughts about Spike and focusing on what he was looking for.
"What is the Jewel of Amara," Alandra asked Buffy, but Giles was the one who answered.
"Originally believed to be a myth, even amongst the demon community, it basically makes any vampire that wears it invincible. They can walk in the sun, holy water has no affect on them," Giles listed off, and Alandra finished his sentence for him.
"And they can't be staked. And Spike will do a lot of damage once he gets his hands on it. So, what's the plan," Alandra asked them.
"We find Spike and stop him from getting the Jewel," Buffy told her, "I'm going to have to stake him this time. I'm sorry Alandra." When she heard those words Alandra wanted to fight her on it. Spike was her friend. He saved her from herself, and she wanted to protect him, to save him. But she knew what Spike was. He was evil and he wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone of them, not even her if it really came down to it.
"It's fine Buffy," Alandra told her, her voice sounding empty, her eyes becoming cloudy with regret and sadness, "Do what you have to do." Alandra turned around and walked out, leaving the others in her wake.
"Is she ok," Willow asked Buffy, clearly worried about the other girl, but Xander had cut in to the conversation.
"Maybe she feels guilty about what she let Angel did to Buffy and for being friends with Faith, as she should be," Xander said, his voice full of anger and hate.
"If I hear one more word about what happened Xander I will hit you," Buffy threatened, "I told you that she had nothing to do with that, and you blaming her is becoming ridiculous. And if I remember correctly, you thought Faith could be saved as well. Enough is enough. Let it go," Buffy finished. She could tell that her words didn't reach him, but she said nothing else. It would be wasted breath and they didn't have time for that.
"I'm still going to the party tonight. I'll take Alandra with me. Maybe that'll cheer her up a bit. Let me know if you guys find anything more about Spike," Buffy said, grabbing her jacket and purse. Giles nodded, removing his glassing to clean them.
"I'll let you know if anything comes up," Giles told her. Buffy nodded and stepped out, hoping to find Alandra quickly.
~0~0~
Alandra didn't know what she was doing at the party. Buffy was trying to include her in the festivities but was too wrapped up in the guy named Parker to really pay attention. Now Alandra was sitting alone in a corner of the living room, watching college students of various ages drink and dance and talk to each other. Her thoughts were being drawn back to Angel every time she saw a couple together. She began to imagine that it was Angel and her there together, having no business at the party at all but there any way because she thought it would be fun. And he would go because he wanted to see her have fun. As her imaginings became deeper and felt more real she shook her head, and saw the images fall away into mist. She was in her own mind so much that she barely registered Buffy running after a blonde man through the house.
Alandra jumped to her feet, immediately following after them, ignoring the angry calls after her as she bumped into various party patrons to reach the outside. She nearly crashed into Buffy as they came to a stop, the Slayer facing the vampire.
"Well hello there luv," Spike said to Alandra, a smug smirk on his face.
"What are you doing here Spike," Alandra asked, moving to stand beside Buffy, her arms crossing her chest and waiting for his answer.
"Just passing through. Needed to pick up a bite to eat but now we'll be on our merry way," Spike said, but Buffy pulled a stake out of her leather jacket, halting Spike in his footsteps.
"We know you're looking for the Jewel of Amara. Have you found it yet," Buffy asked him, but Harmony was the one to respond behind them.
"No, he's still looking for it," Harmony's light voice carried over to them, making them whirl around to look at her.
"Harm," Spike yelled in anger before lifting his fists up and ready for a fight.
"Come on Alandra luv," Spike said to her, drawing her attention back to him. Crystal blue met grey and Spike immediately knew that something had happened to her. Her eyes weren't vibrant any more. They were dull and lifeless. He began to wonder what had happened to her to draw her back to the darkness she was in during her captivity.
"What do you want me to do Spike," Alandra asked him, guilt filling her heart. But her face was stone, hiding everything she was feeling.
"Help me to not get staked would be bloody fantastic," Spike replied. He was confused by the way she was treating him. Where there was once warmth, now there was nothing.
"You said it yourself Spike. You're evil. And evil things must be destroyed," Alandra told him coldly. Spike was taken aback by her words but said nothing. He glared at her, his teeth grinding in anger. Alandra spun around and walked away, leaving the grunts and groans of fighting behind her.