Just a short little one-shot I wrote up, it's mostly humour but at the end there's something for all you SetoxKisara fans ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or anything related to it
Told Ya So!
"I'm telling ya kid your bros not human, he's some kind of super robot!" Joey exclaimed was a shake of his head.
Mokuba who was seated on the sofa next to him rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, "Pfft! Of course he is Joey, why do you always have to bitch about my big brother?"
The blonde frowned, "I'm not bitching! Just stating a fact, there's a difference kid!"
Mokuba sighed, "Alright what makes you think Seto's not human anyway?" He asked turning to look back at his friend.
Joey smirked and shifted his position on the sofa as he got ready to tick off all his reasons, "Number one: your brother's always dressed tidily, even his hair is always combed exactly into place and he's always immaculately clean-
"That's because he has OCD when it comes to hygiene, everybody knows that!" Mokuba cut in as he threw his hands up in the air.
Joey glared slightly, but in a friendly manner for the interruption, "Ahem" He coughed, "As I was saying Moneybags is always immaculately clean, like he's programmed to eliminate all particles of dirt and dust, he even eats finger food like chicken wings with a knife and fork! There's a reason why it's called finger food, cuz you eat it with your fingers!
"Merely the result of his upbringing, just because you shower weekly doesn't mean it's weird for other people to take pride in their personal hygiene like Seto does," Mokuba shrugged.
"Will you let me finish!" Joey tutted, "Number two: He always has the same routine every morning, wakes up at ten to six, has a ten minute shower, gets dressed in ten minutes, brushes his teeth for five minutes, reads the morning paper for fifteen while eating two slices of toast and a cup of coffee, then finishes that in fifteen minutes and is out the door by to Kaiba Corp at exactly seven o'clock- no earlier or later!" Joey recited the elder Kaiba's morning routine perfectly, which had the younger Kaiba slightly worried, "I bet he even says and does the same things at home, right?"
Mokuba looked at Joey strangely for a brief second, "Okay first how do you know that? And secondly so what if my brother is very methodical when it comes to his morning routine, aren't we all? And no he doesn't for your information." Mokuba questioned.
Joey smirked smugly and leaned back in his seat, "To answer your first question Kisara told me, she's always complaining about the alarm waking her up in the mornings so I ask her to recite Kaiba's routine for evidence to back up this robot theory. And alright I'll agree we may have our mornings laid out roughly, but how does he time each interval precisely without a watch or something? My answer is he's programmed to!"
Mokuba blinked and shook his head, "Alright move on, what's your next reason?"
Joey's smirked turned into an 'I know I'm right' kind of way, "Okay reason three: how is Rich-boy able to keep his emotions in check huh? Any normal human-being feels anger, joy, jealously, excitement and other emotions freely but Kaiba? It's like they don't exist, is this sounding more and more like a robot to you now Mokuba?"
The youngest Kaiba quirked an eyebrow in response and shook his head again, "No emotions? Please you should have seen Seto when I was sick with chicken pox last month, jealously was literally pouring off of him when Kisara kept fussing over me every five minutes to check how I was. Oh and you should have been at Kaiba Corp last week, Seto exploded at an employee for getting him a latte and not a black coffee, he made him cry!"
Joey pondered for a while, stroking his chin, "Hmm, he must be adapting I better keep an eye on him," Joey thought out loud while Mokuba edged away from the blonde slightly.
"Right try this one, number four: knows everything about everything. Sounds kinda like a computer don't ya think? To be able asses unlimited information at any time he pleases, it's like he has a Google search bar hardwired into his brain!" Joey argued with a nod to himself.
The raven haired boy rolled his eyes again, "Knows everything? Don't get me started on that, you should have seen Seto when he first started dating Kisara, he actually came to me for girl advise as he knew nothing, zilch about girls! If it weren't for me he'd never have worked it out!" Mokuba burst out, laughing fondly at the memories.
This time Joey's eyes went wide, "You're kidding me right? He asked you for relationship advice?" Joey then burst out into laughter, "Jesus that's f-ing hilarious! Aww bless the poor little Kaiba!" He laughed as he held his sides.
Once his fit of giggles subsided Joey wiped a tear from his eye due to the laughter and continued, "Admittedly Mokuba you have put up valid points to disprove my theories but you can't with this one!"
"Go on then, what is it?"
"Lastly, robots don't feel pain right?" Mokuba nodded, "Well never once have I seen Kaiba in pain, never so that must means he's a robot!"
Something in Mokuba's eyes darkened slightly, "That would be due to his childhood Joey, through the years of it he built up a very strong pain tolerance." Mokuba said almost darkly.
Joey however either ignored it or chose not to comment, probably the later, "Anyway pain tolerance or not Kaiba is still a dude, well a robot one at that. And there's only one place on a guy that will make even the strongest of men double over in pain."
"And that is...?" Mokuba asked, dropping his darker tone in a flash.
"A man's crown jewels, you know their, ahem, unmentionables," Joey hinted as he pointed discretely to his crouch.
Mokuba nodded in understanding, "So are you saying we walk up to my big brother and kick in the balls?" He questioned, scarcely believing his friend was serious, although with Joey Wheeler it was hard to tell at times.
Joey nodded enthusiastically, "Uh-huh, if he doesn't even flinch them I'm right and he's a robot, but if he does show any signs of pain then you win, got it?" Before Mokuba could react Joey answered for him, "Good let's go," He said as he rose from his seat.
Upon his words Mokuba sprang to his feet also, "You're not serious are you?"
"Of course I am, I'm super serious!" Joey replied as he went to leave the room in search for the elder Kaiba.
Mokuba's expression changed instantly to panic and he raced after him, "Wait, wait, wait!" He called as he slid along the marble flooring in the foyer to block Joey's path.
"I'll be the one doing the kicking alright? I've wanted to do since I met the jackass anyway. So what room is he in?" Joey admitted as he approached the staircase before him.
Mokuba sighed in defeat, it didn't matter what he said to protest, once Joey's mind was set there was no changing it, "Alright, I think he's upstairs in one of the lounges with Kisara," Mokuba revealed.
"Ooo, are they now? I wonder what they're doing, all alone up there," Joey commented with a smirk as he started climbing the staircase, Mokuba following behind him.
Again Mokuba found himself rolling his eyes at the blonde's antics, "It's nothing like that I assure you Joey, they're not animals."
"Okay, okay I believe ya. Say, did you have to explain anything to your brother in that department for relationships?" Joey winked in which Mokuba visibly cringed.
"Dude that's my brother and sister in-law you're talking about! And no I didn't Seto had already learnt that stuff."
The two soon reached the first floor of the mansion and took a left at the landing. They ended up at a door and Mokuba knocked and waited for a response.
"Come in," Was all they got in return and the two friends stepped inside the room.
The first thing Mokuba and Joey saw undoubtedly brought small smiles to their faces. Kisara was curled up on Seto's lap, resting against his chest with a blanket wrapped around the two of them. Their dog, a Siberian Husky named Kai was also lying cosily by the couple's feet. The two as well as the dog looked up from the film they had been watching to see Mokuba and Joey staring back at them.
"Are you going to stand there staring all night or actually say something?" Kaiba questioned as he paused the DVD that was playing.
Mokuba looked nervously to Joey and he did the same back, "Actually Kaiba I needed to talk with ya."
Kaiba exhaled quietly in slight frustration, "So talk Mutt or do I need to loosen your muzzle?" Kaiba shot back, receiving a light slap from Kisara.
Joey simply smirked slightly taking the insult, "I'll only need you for a minute, it's just me and Mokuba are at a disagreement. You see he says you're taller than me and I say the opposite, so you think you could help us out?" Joey asked innocently enough."
Kaiba narrowed his eyes at the request, "You know I'm taller than you Wheeler stop wasting my time."
"I've had a growth spurt and I need to check, just because you know I'm taller," The blonde argued.
Kaiba gently picked Kisara off of his lap and placed her back down on the sofa, "If I do this will you leave Kisara and I alone for the remainder of the night?"
Joey nodded happily, "Of course. I'll race out of here as soon as we're done," Joey agreed.
Kaiba did of course tower of Joey, just like he said but that wasn't the point. Kaiba was now in the perfect position for Joey to do his deed and so once Kaiba stood about a meter away from him in his usual stance Joey went for it.
Joey appeared to act normal until he recoiled back slightly and took a running kick up towards Kaiba, delivering his boot in matter of seconds. Kaiba had no time to react as Joey advanced forwards at him.
Kisara sprung off the sofa and to her feet, running to her husband's side immediately Kai also following settling next to his master, while Mokuba stood shocked. Everything in the room went deadly quiet as they all stared at Kaiba, Joey smiling smugly as he still had to react to the kick. His smile soon dropped however at the sound of Kaiba's strained voice.
"FUUUUCCCCKKK!" The eldest Kaiba literally screamed at the top of his lungs as he clutched his balls and doubled over in pain. Soon he dropped to his knees, still holding his privates while panting heavily.
"Mokuba go get an ice-pack!" Kisara said immediately as she crouched next to Seto rubbing circles on his back to comfort him.
"Ri- right!" Mokuba stuttered as he ran at the room to get said object.
He soon returned with an ice-pack in hand and tossed it to Kisara who then gently applied it to Kaiba's lower region, which he allowed gratefully as he then held the ice-pack in place.
Meanwhile Joey started to panic as he shuffled closer to the doorway, eyeing Kaiba and his dog warily as it had now started to growl at him dangerously. Kaiba's head snapped up and his eyes burnt with what looked like the fires of hell as he murderously glared at the blonde.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
Laughing nervously, Joey then broke out into a full blown sprint and disappeared out the room, "Get him Kai!" Kaiba commanded. The husky dog immediately obeyed his master loyally and sprang after him. Mokuba cringed slightly as he heard the distant sounds of Kai barking and growling and Joey's screams. After a moment or two the husky returned and dropped one of Joey shoes that had been mangled by Kaiba's feet. Despite the immense pain and homicidal rage towards the blonde Kaiba smirked and patted his dog affectionately
"Good boy," He commented while Kai barked happily and trotted off to the side and proceeded to rip the shoe apart.
The pain on Kaiba's lower region had subsided slightly and he rose to his feet, albeit a little shaking with the support of Kisara to help as well. "I suppose you were on this too, right?" Kaiba questioned his not so innocent younger brother.
Mokuba did as Joey did and promptly bolted from the room, although this time Kai remained gnawing at the shoe he'd 'found' and didn't chase after hobbling- almost as Seto Kaiba doesn't hobble, Seto went to sit back down and he closed his eyes in the cool relief of the ice-pack against his crotch. Kisara sat down next to him and gently massaged his inner thighs, relieving more of the pain. Seto smiled lightly at the feeling and Kisara kissed him on the cheek, stopping her ministrations.
"How does it feel?" She asked, clearly concerned.
Seto flickered open his eyes to look at her, "It feels like I'm giving birth, seriously I think the Mutt reversed my puberty. Balls feel as though their back inside me."
"Do you want me to schedule a Doctor's appointment?"
"No it's fine, the pain will subside- eventually," Kaiba shifted his position and cringed slightly at the pain, "I better still be fertile, if I can't have kids because of Wheeler I'm going to chop his own balls off," Kaiba grumbled glaring at the thought.
"Do you want children?" Kisara then asked, slightly hesitantly.
Seto ceased his grumbling and turned to look at his wife, only just realising what he'd just said, "What now?" he asked.
Kisara nodded but then stopped to think, "I...I don't know, what are your views on it?"
For once Seto Kaiba was at a loss for words, never in the three years that they'd been married had Kisara and he even touched on the topic of parenthood. What could he say? He could say no, but that might end up hurting Kisara if she did want a baby- but if he said yes it could easily freak her out if she wasn't ready for that type of thing. He could just speak what he thought, but in truth he didn't what to think. In all honesty Seto hadn't even intended Kisara to take notice of his words to fully, and now look where it had gotten him.
"Kisara I don't actually know," Seto felt his heart break in two as he watched Kisara face fall. Then a thought occurred to him, "Wait...Kisara, you're not, you know...pregnant, are you?" He asked almost desperately but controlled himself.
Instead of a straight yes or no like Seto expected he got a different answer, "What...what if I was?" Kisara question hesitantly.
Seto's eyed widened considerably, he tone practically answered his question, "You are, aren't you?"
Kisara looked at Seto, breaking her gaze from her fidgeting hands. Blue met blue and a silent yes could be heard loud and clear through that very look. Kisara then broke her gaze with her husband and returned to watching her hands fidget with one and other. Forgetting his pained lower region Seto made no hesitation and quickly pulled his wife into his arms. Taken by complete surprise Kisara looked at Seto and he took it as a chance to kiss her lovingly.
Once they broke apart Seto securely held Kisara in his lap, "That's wonderful," he spoke.
"Wh-what?" Kisara exclaimed, taken aback by her husband's response.
Seto smiled again and kissed her on the forehead, "I said it's wonderful."
"But you said-
"I said I didn't know. Now I do."
Kisara smiled back at him as his words sank in. The leaned in and rested each other foreheads up against each others, simply just gazing at one another. Happily content with the silence, as no words needed to be said, the actions spoke louder than words. He loved her, she loved him and they were both overjoyed with the news of becoming parents.
"See Joey I hate to say I told ya so, but I told ya so. My big bro isn't a robot," Mokuba's voice sounded, breaking the young couple away from each other. They both looked up to see Mokuba standing in the doorway smiling smugly with his arms crossed over his chest. Joey was standing next to him nodding his head in agreement, only wearing one shoe.
"Yeah you are, his hair is all over the place and he has lipstick on his lips so I guess he's not always perfectly presented or clean all the time, which rules at reason number: one." Joey said ticking it off his hand.
"Taking out number: two on my list is the fact that I'm sure, seeing how Kaiba reacted he's never been told he's gonna be a Dad. So he's not as methodical as I thought." Another finger went down as he continued.
"Okay Rich-boy defiantly couldn't hide his joy and happiness just now, not to mention the blind rage earlier so there goes theory number: three." Once again Joey crossed over another point and down went another finger.
"Number: four, just from watching you could tell he had no idea about the concept of being a Dad would be like from when he answered 'I don't know', ruling out that Kaiba knows everything."
"And finally number: five can't feel pain. Well I just proved that wrong by kicking him in the nads so all in all I have come to the conclusion that Seto Kaiba is not in fact a robot!" Joey concluded nodding to himself as he clasped his hand into a fist, "And with that I bid you farewell! Oh and congratulations guys, I can hear a baby shower coming on!" Joey winked as he turned on his heel and left the Kaiba family alone for the remainder of the night.
Mokuba nodded also to himself before leaving as well but not without saying, "I told him so."
Once again alone in the room Seto and Kisara both stared at the doorway where Joey and Mokuba had just stood, completely perplexed as to what just happened.
Author's Notes
Right I'm sorry but I had to right this up and I'm glad I did, I'm quite happy with the way it came out actually.
Anyway as usual please: REVIEW