Notes:
Okay, lovely people, just a few things to situate you before you start reading the story:
• I imagined this story taking place a couple of months after Kara's break up with Mon-El at the end of "Star-Crossed".
• I should also mention that he is not featured here, in case you were wondering. ;)
• The backstory I created for this fic has Lex being about 9 years older than Lena, if that helps. We are going with her age on the show, so she's 24 going on 25.
• Title is a track from the album rose ave. by You+Me. I definitely recommend you listen to the song while reading as I basically wrote this entire thing with this song on repeat. I also would recommend the song "You and Me" from the same album, since it was the soundtrack for a couple of parts as well. Links to the songs are on my profile.
English isn't my native language, so I'm sorry in advance for the mistakes you'll find here.
I hope you enjoy!
For Lena Luthor, for many years now, birthdays have no longer been a big affair, or something she looked forward to. It has become a date on each year when she got a year older, when she was reminded of the people who weren't in her life anymore; when she was reminded of the person who wished she had never been born.
In the first memory she has of her birthday, she was turning four. Her mom had taken her to the seashore for the very first time, and little Lena was mesmerized by the magnitude of the ocean. She remembers just standing there and staring at it in a mixture of awe, nervousness, and tremendous curiosity. She remembers she was drawn from her trance when she found herself listening to the soft voice of her mom asking her if she would like to get closer to the source of her astonishment. So she then found herself being led by her mom, who was holding her tiny hand, still reminiscent of a toddler's, to the edge of the water, where the waves were loudly crashing one after the other in a pull and push dance.
And when she finally felt the water engulfing her little feet for the first time, she squealed in surprise; the second time the wind brought a succession of waves to her feet, the sound she let out was of unadulterated joy.
Her mom passed away soon after her fourth birthday, so that is also the last memory she has of the ever loving person who brought her into this world. Since then, for Lena Luthor, her birthdays have never been a day for much celebration, but it wouldn't be fair to say she hasn't had good, happy birthdays ever since. It's just that with the annual date came along the last memory she holds of that one person she no longer had in her life.
When her fifth birthday rolled around, she didn't know what to expect. She knew the day was approaching because she was a very intelligent child after all, learning to read the calendar all by herself by the age of four.
Two days before her fifth birthday, she eavesdropped on her dad telling one of the personnel who worked at the Luthor manor to pack a bag for her because they were going on a getaway trip for the weekend. When she asked Lex if he knew where they would be going, her brother simply shrugged, smiled and told her it was a surprise.
In the day after, she found herself, her brother and their father being driven to this mysterious surprise place. When they were getting through the gates of yet another luxurious house, only shy of the size of the one she has been living for the past eleven months or so, an olfactory memory overcame her and she realized where they were, the beach.
It would appear her big brother had remembered that one day when they were coloring in her book, when she showed him the picture of the beach she had draw and when she told him it was her favorite place, where she had spent her fourth birthday, where she last remembered being with her mom.
That year however, her fifth year of life, when her feet touched the water, she wasn't surprised, the feeling was bittersweet this time around. She felt a mixture of sadness for the mom she no longer had, for the cuddles and kisses she didn't get when she woke up with a new age or in every morning really, but she also felt love for her brother for wanting to make that day a special one.
Later that day she found out they had gone to the Luthor summer house per her brother's insistence. Lionel knew it was Lena's birthday and relented thinking it'd be a good idea for them to spend it together. Lillian made excuses so she could stay behind. Proving once more the new mom she was promised when she arrived at the Luthor house was nothing but a label.
She had a lot of fun on that weekend though. She built sand castles with her brother and they laughed and played with the ball and the dogs that lived on the property. She had cake and candles and they had collected seashells, which now became a tradition for every time she went to the shoreline, something she didn't have the chance to do on the first beach she went to.
One year later found the three of them at the summer house once again, only this time, she knew how to swim and would go into the water and feel the waves in a different way, and it was exhilarating. Lex had taught her how to swim in their pool back home, saying she needed to learn for her next birthday, so she could really go into the water with him.
Lex never told anyone about Lena's memory of her fourth birthday on the beach, he had told her one day. He had just made sure to convince his father they should go to the summer house for Lena's birthdays. When Lex finally disclosed this information to her on her eighth birthday, Lena couldn't have loved her brother more.
And so it became a tradition for the years since she became five years old. The three of them, always the three of them, Lillian each time making pretenses in order to avoid going, would go to their summer house to celebrate Lena's birthday.
Until one year they didn't.
Lionel had a business trip he couldn't get out of and Lex couldn't come home because a project he was working on was due, so he would have to stay at the university.
That year, if not for a video call from her brother, a phone call from her father and well wishes from a few of the personnel on the Luthor manor, no one would have guessed it was her birthday. She understood the reasons why her father and brother couldn't be there, but it being the first birthday she had spent at the house, she had hoped she would have a nice lunch or dinner with her mother. She couldn't have been more wrong. Lillian decided that that day was a perfect one to leave for a spa retreat with her friends.
That was her eleventh birthday.
She was sent to boarding school in Europe soon after, and her birthdays for the next few years were spent mostly in her room with a book and headphones. Her brother called every year without fail. He also sent her an assortment of seashells for her to add to her collection, which she treasured him for. Her father always sent her a card and an arrangement of plumerias that would arrive on the morning of her birthday, and he always called in the evening. On her sixteenth birthday, though, he managed to surprise her with a visit and took her to dinner. Lillian, well, she didn't took interest when they were under the same roof, she wouldn't start caring when she was finally out.
Fast forward to the day she is twenty-one, and all she has are the seashells from her brother and a quick phone call. As for Lionel, well, her father had died three months prior to her birthday.
That was the last birthday that was acknowledged by someone she loved.
For twenty-two, Lex was on a spiral, no phone calls, and no seashells.
For twenty-three, her brother had just been arrested a few weeks before.
For twenty-four, he had been declared insane and was going to serve a life sentence in a psychiatric facility.
So, with the imminence of her twenty-fifth year of life, Lena already knew what to expect. She would do what she's been doing for the past few years since her father died and her brother no longer was the sweet boy who welcomed her with open arms the second she was announced as his sister. For her twenty-fifth birthday, Lena Luthor would be working, just like the years before.
Ever since taking charge of the company, Lena has received cards, flowers, wine, whiskey, threats and some other variations of what could be considered an acceptable present an acquaintance, a business partner or an enemy could gift to someone who was having a birthday. What her associates and partners didn't know though, it's that when she got control of the company, she adulterated the date of her birthday, so no one who didn't matter or didn't bother to look further would know the actual date, and that way she would be left alone and maybe, someday, even forget about it when the day came.
So, when Lena opened the door to her hotel room after having spent the majority of the day on meetings, the gasp she released and her purse dropping to the ground after her fingers failed to keep a hold of them weren't enough evidence of how shocked she was to find one Kara Danvers sitting on the couch in the living area of the room she was sure she was the only person with access to other than the hotel staff she had banned from entering there, except for when she personally called for someone.
Aside from the people she was meeting, her pilots, and the person who arranged the specifics for this trip, no one knew she was in Barcelona. And, among this handful of people, there was only one who Kara Danvers had access to. This one person who does have most of Lena's personal information in order to take care of her health insurance and some other paperwork that requires authentic information. Jess, her secretary, and often times personal assistant, she had that information. The audacity. Lena was torn between firing the woman and giving her a raise and a bonus.
So the strangled "Kara?" she managed to get out would have to be enough to make Kara start talking.
"Surprise?" Kara said with some trepidation, not knowing exactly if her presence there would be welcomed or not.
"Let me guess, Jess?" Lena asked.
"Please, don't fire her. I was very persuasive and she had no other choice really," Kara answered confirming Lena's suspicions.
"You were persuasive?" Lena asked skeptically, with a raise of her eyebrows and a click of her tongue, her teasing nature getting the best of her and showing up after the effect of the initial shock started to wear off.
"Hey, I'll have you know I can be very persuasive when the situation requires it, thank you very much," Kara said in mock offense.
Then they both fell into a cutting silence, each of them studying closely the other's stance.
Kara noticed Lena was in a rigid posture, despite her just now playful tone. She wasn't comfortable, not like she usually is when it's just the two of them, and Kara felt bad for somewhat ambushing her friend, but she'd feel worse if she hadn't done this, if she had allowed Lena to just keep up with this seclusion, thinking she had to be alone and as far away as possible on this day.
"Kara, what are you doing here?" Lena finally asked as she leaned forward to grab the fallen purse.
"It's your birthday." Kara simply offered while standing up.
"I'm aware of that. I just can't remember ever volunteering that information to you," Lena said in a defensive tone that cut right through Kara, making it impossible for the girl to conceal her pain upon hearing that.
Lena sighed, noticing her words had hurt her friend, the one person who she could count on for these past few months. The one person she's allowed to see her in a vulnerable position.
"I didn't mean to sound so harsh, it's just…" Lena ran her hand through her hair, "You caught me off guard. In more ways than one."
"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable," Kara said.
"Don't be," Lena said with a shake of her head and a softer tone.
"You flew all the way here and I'm being a horrible friend right now." Lena spoke and then added, "How did you manage to find out I was out of the country and still accomplish to be here on time?"
"About that…" Kara took in a deep breath and brought her hands to her face in a somewhat dramatic gesture that gave Lena an idea of what was about to come out of her friend's mouth.
National City: 6 hours ago.
When Kara Danvers stopped by L-Corp to quickly say hello to her friend and spend some time with her catching up, she was surprised to find out Lena was on the other side of the world, and that she hadn't even texted or called Kara saying she had to get out of the country for a business trip. Something a tad alarming, if Kara ventured to think so, since they've gotten a lot closer, and for the past couple of months every time Lena had to go away, she would always make sure Kara knew before she was supposed to leave to whatever place it was she was going to at the time.
"Was it a last minute thing, did she have to pack and leave with not much notice?" Kara asked Jess.
"No, no, it's been scheduled for a few weeks, actually," Jess answered and frowned, afraid she had divulged too much for the reporter.
Upon learning that, Kara let out a disappointed, "Oh." She thanked Jess and extended the coffee and pastry she had bought for the assistant while wishing her a good day, and then started to walk in the direction of the elevator.
"Miss Danvers," she turned around when she heard Jess call her name.
"Yes," Kara said turning to look back at the desk she had just walked away from.
The assistant let out a sigh while standing up and ran her hand through invisible wrinkles on her dress before walking towards Kara.
"I'm not sure I should be telling you this, and I might be risking my job here, but today is Miss Luthor's birthday."
"No, it's not, her birthday is in July," Kara said with a perplexed look on her face.
"That's," Jess lifted her hand to the back of her neck before proceeding, "That's the day she tells the press, business associates and partners, so they wouldn't bother her on her actual birthday, which is today."
"Oh no," Kara said, a bit of distress showing in her voice. "I can't believe I didn't know that. The topic never came up and I thought-," she continues in a defeated tone, "I thought I already knew when it was."
"Does she do that often? Going away on her actual birthday to some business trip?" Kara inquired.
"Every year for as long as I've been working for her, probably even before," Jess replied, confirming Kara's suspicions.
"When is she coming back?" Kara asked.
"In two days or so, it could be extended. She took the private jet, so there's really no way of knowing in advance either way, really. She'll just let me know when she's boarding the plane there."
"Okay. Okay." The wheels were now running through Kara's head at full speed. She's been putting it off telling Lena about her being Supergirl for a couple of months now. It was past the time she let her in on her secret persona, the more she waited the bigger the damage it could do to their friendship, and that's precisely why she hadn't told her yet. The fear of what that information could do to their relationship. But there was no time to delay that revelation anymore, and there was no way she would let her friend be on the other side of the world all alone, on a planned work trip, on her actual birthday. Or that she would use an excuse like Supergirl had flown her there, Lena deserved better than that. And something was very off. Kara didn't know what, but every fiber of her being screamed at her she needed to be there for Lena. So that's exactly what she would do.
"Jess, please, could you forward me the information of her hotel and her itinerary for the trip? Also, could you call the reception of the hotel and ask them to make available another key card for her room? I assume they already know you as her liaison so that shouldn't be a problem?"
"Miss Danvers, I'm not sure-"
"It's okay, Jess. You won't lose your job, I'll make sure of it. Please trust me."
"I don't know, Miss Danvers, I really shouldn't-"
"How many people besides you have unrestricted access to Lena's office and penthouse?"
The secretary pondered for a while, and assented at last, "Okay," and then, "But Miss Danvers, she's in Barcelona, how could you possibly get there on time?"
"Don't worry about that," Kara said and rushed out a good bye and, "Please text me the details of her trip ASAP."
Alex was going to kill her. She pondered not telling her sister and just taking off, but she knew that was not wise. Kara responded to an organization and most importantly, she loved her sister, she wouldn't leave for somewhere so distant without telling her. Not again anyway. She was not looking forward to getting another earful after having crossed worlds to another Earth without as much as telling Alex. No. Kara was not repeating that mistake.
"No, no way. You are not flying over to the other side of the world so you can surprise Lena Luthor on her birthday that no one was supposed to know, might I add, and what, tell her you are Supergirl without any back up for the case something goes south?" Alex was pacing around the room while Kara just sat there with her forehead on the table, hiding her face while listening to her sister's disapproval.
"Yes, that's the gist of it." Kara finally answered lifting up her head after a few seconds.
"Alex, you know I can trust her with this part of myself. You know that, you couldn't possibly still think otherwise after all of these months of her being nothing but a great friend to me. She even helped you in a few cases with information and resources. It's past the time I told her. I need to tell her." Kara pleaded with her sister.
Alex was beside Kara now, her hand resting on her sister's shoulder, "Okay. I'm not one hundred per cent sure that's the best way to approach it, but I do know she's been a great asset in a few of our cases and, yeah, I've seen how good she's been to you. It's just, I worry you know," Alex punctuated it with a squeeze on Kara's arm and continued, "About you, about what her knowing could implicate, not her specifically, but people who are her enemies, people who could try to extract that information out of her. But yeah, yeah, go ahead, I have your back."
"You always have." Kara said in a soft voice and turned to embrace her sister. She understood the dangers of people knowing about her secret identity, what it could cost her, what it could cost the people who knew about it.
"But you," Alex said turning around and positioning her finger into poking her sister's sternum, "Are the one doing her paper work for the DEO once the two of you are back."
Kara chuckled, "Deal."
Alex was gathering her things to leave Kara's apartment when she stopped, hands fiddling with her keys and said, "Hey, Kar?"
When Kara looked up from her phone where she was reading the texts she had received from Jess, Alex continued, "Do you and Lena are… You know…"
"More than friends?" Kara questioned not at all surprised her sister had picked up on the cues of the dynamic of her relationship with Lena, and Alex nodded.
"We are not, but…" Kara stopped to adjust her glasses before finishing her answer, "I think we could be. At least I hope we could be, eventually."
Alex nodded in understanding.
"Okay, sister of mine, I'll see you when you get back. Please let me know as soon as you get there, and please, please, check in every couple of hours, at least, so I know you're okay. I know you can take care of yourself but-"
"You worry, I know," Kara interrupted her before Alex could conclude.
Kara hugged her sister and before releasing her she said, "I love you."
"I love you too. Have a safe trip. Wish Luthor a happy birthday for me."
"Yes, Jess." Kara finally answered Lena's question after the few seconds it took for her to think about all of the events that took place earlier that day, on another continent, and that lead up to this moment right here. Why did all of that sound like an awesome and not so petrifying plan before she was standing right in front of Lena?
Kara knew it was now or now. There was no way she could back down. Maybe that's why she's just acted on instinct and went along with the plan, so she couldn't postpone the inevitable anymore.
"I see," Lena bobbed her head and added, "But there's still one question though," Lena said and Kara knew what was coming, her heart was racing, her palms were sweating - could her palms sweat? Apparently yeah if she was under enough emotional distress, it seemed.
"How did you manage to be here now when I didn't get here until about 2 am today myself?" Lena completed, not in a defiance tone like Kara was bracing herself for, but in a soft, almost unsure tone. Like Lena was as scared as her to find out the answer.
It was time, so Kara simply said, "I flew here."
"You flew here?" Lena said turning her back to Kara, crossing her arms protecting herself, inhaling a sharp deep breath.
In those mere seconds when Lena had her back turned, gathering her thoughts and keeping her emotions in check so she could proceed to talk to Kara, Kara took that time to unbutton her shirt and make the crest of the house of El visible, and when Lena turned, her reaction wasn't at all what Kara was expecting. Lena wasn't hurt, Lena wasn't livid, Lena was relieved?
Lena is not stupid, she's a certified genius. So, when not a reporter Kara Danvers first entered her life accompanied by no one other than the Man of Steel himself, Lena knew there was more to it than it met the eyes. Then Kara let it slip that she flew here on a bus, and Lena had most of the evidence she needed. Kara Danvers is Supergirl.
But a Luthor and a Super couldn't possibly become so close, could they? It's not something anyone who lived on that Earth would have bet on, and yet, that's precisely what had happened, against all odds. Supergirl had saved her more times than she could count; Kara Danvers had saved her in even more meaningful ways. So, to be here, in this moment, in another continent, and having to hear a flimsy excuse as to why Kara had managed to be there on that day, Lena didn't know if she could bear that. She promised herself she wouldn't let Kara know she knew. Every now and then she would give a playful teasing retort to something Kara had said, but that was it, she wouldn't pry that information out of her friend. That's not how trust works. When Kara trusted her enough, if Kara trusted her enough, Lena repeated that to herself many times trying not to get too hopeful, trying once more to shield herself away from the heart ache that only the people who matter can cause, Kara herself would trust her with that valuable part of herself.
So when she turned back around to look at Kara, already bracing herself for the worst, she was met with the revelation she so intimately desired for. That one thing she knew in her core to be the last brick that would be taken down from the wall she's built around herself. And in that moment, a relieved sob escaped her throat without her consent and her legs also failed in their role of keeping her standing, and she only managed to lean her body towards the love seat she was close to, and land there.
Kara was by her side even before Lena managed to get herself on the love seat, ready to catch her friend if needed, but as she's come to learn over the course of their friendship, Lena is pretty good at taking care of herself, but it never hurt to have back up, to have someone to lean onto every once in a while, so Kara made sure to be there by her side.
"You okay there?" Kara softly asked while she situated herself beside Lena on the small sofa.
When Lena kept looking at her without saying a word, with just a slight nod, Kara got closer and tentatively raised her hand so she could rest it on Lena's back, caressing it with small reassuring circles.
It was a few minutes until Lena finally said something.
"I already knew it, you know."
"You did?" Kara asked stunned.
"You are not a great actress, and you need to work on your excuses." Lena let out a chuckle when she said that last part.
"I am too," Kara retorted in a playful manner, the mood in the room completely shifted from a few minutes ago.
"I've gotta say, this is not the reaction I was expecting," Kara offered.
"Me neither, actually. You must think I'm a drama queen, at the top of everything," Lena said in a self-deprecating tone.
"You are nothing short of incredible, Lena. I'll repeat that as many times as I have to in order for you to finally see it," Kara told her.
"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday today?" Kara asked finally bringing up the reason she flew all the way to Barcelona.
"Since we are delving into the waters of bare honesty," Lena let out a loud exhale before continuing, "My birthday has become just another way I am reminded of how much I've lost, of what I could never bring myself to hope I could have again because I'm not sure I could stand going through all of that all over again. It's another day when I am reminded that it's just me," Lena finished the last part with such a small voice it broke something inside of Kara.
But it wasn't pity, no. It was empathy, it was love for this person she's grown to care so much for, this person she held in her arms now, this person she had something in common with, because she too had lost everything once. She too, at some point, had thought it'd be just her for the rest of her life, that everything that made her her was gone. Until it wasn't, until she found love in the Danvers household; until she found love within herself; until she found another purpose; until she built a family for herself with people she loved dearly, people for whom she would sacrifice herself for in a blink of eye.
So, yeah, Kara knew all too well about losses and hopelessness, so she held her friend closer, kissed the top of her head, and said, "That's not true anymore. You have me. Always," Kara disentangled her arm from around Lena and adjusted her head so she was looking into Lena's eyes and asked, "Okay?"
Lena nodded and rested her head on Kara's shoulder, Kara bringing her arm around Lena's shoulder in a side hug, Lena lifting her hand and interlacing her fingers with Kara's on the hand she had hanging from Lena's shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me, Kara. It was a great birthday present." Lena said after a couple of minutes of silence.
"I'm not sure my telling you about me being Supergirl constitutes as a birthday present," Kara said jokingly.
"But it does. The best one in a very, very long time," Lena offered, and Kara simply waited for her friend to continue, sensing she wasn't done yet.
"You are my best and only friend, and even though we spend time together and we talk about anything, there was still this one thing that prevented me from opening myself up completely to you, you know. I've known about your secret pretty much from the start, but I wouldn't dare to bring myself to tell you I knew or to give you any indication that I did because I wanted it to come from you. I needed it to come from you. So, yeah, my best friend trusts me with every facet of herself, and the fact that I'm a Luthor and you are a Super, that's bigger than you'll ever know, to have that trust placed upon me. So, yes, this constitutes as a great birthday present. Thank you, Kara."
"Happy birthday, Lena," Kara answered with a smile in her voice and glistening eyes. The hand she had interlocked with Lena's giving a little squeeze to emphasize her sentiment.
Kara's stomach chose that moment to announce itself, which made Lena laugh and Kara groan.
"I'll order room service, okay?" Lena said extricating herself from Kara's embrace and getting up.
"Do you want to… Uh… Change into something more comfortable?" Lena said after finishing the call to the hotel restaurant.
"I'm not seeing any luggage so, if you want, there's a closet through that door over there which leads to the bedroom. I didn't hang the comfortable pieces, just the business attires, but the suitcase is on the floor below the hangers, you should find some shorts, leggings and a couple of t-shirts there." Lena said and added after a beat, "Not that I'm assuming you'll be staying, of course," she said unsure of herself now.
"Of course I'm staying. If you have no objections to that?" Kara reassured her friend.
"I'm not making you fly all the way back to America, Kara," Lena said as if just the thought of it was preposterous.
"Of course you are welcome to stay," Lena said in a decisive tone, making no room for argument or doubt.
"I'm going to wash up before dinner gets here, so please make yourself at home," Lena added and went in the direction of what Kara assumed was the bathroom.
Kara let out a relieved sigh and walked towards the bedroom so she could change out of her suit. She felt light, even after the really long distance and velocity she had to fly in order to get here, and even with her stomach screaming for food, she felt content, happy. It's like a weight she's been carrying for months had finally been lifted from her shoulders. Lena knew. Well, Lena's always known, apparently. I really need to work on my covers, she thinks, and she was okay with it. She wasn't mad Kara didn't tell her sooner, she wasn't mad Kara's kept that part of herself hidden for as long as she had. Lena simply accepted her and waited, hoped she would trust her enough to tell her one day.
Kara finished changing into the first thing she managed to get her hands on, a legging and a t-shirt. She put her suit and cover clothes in a somewhat hidden drawer in the closet, her shoes were left on the floor close to a few of Lena's, and then got out in search of her friend.
She found her friend seated on the couch now, on the other side of the room. Lena had changed into shorts and a t-shirt much similar to the one Kara was wearing. She had a glass of wine in her hand, her hair was in a loose, messy bun at the top of her head, there was no trace of makeup on her face, and her glasses were perched on her nose. She looked adorable, Kara thought. No matter how many times she's seen her friend in this light, it always caught Kara off guard the moment she saw her for the first time after having just seen her all business like. Sometimes it was easy to forget Lena was just a young woman, a young woman who has faced more than someone should have faced in a lifetime, and that she was just twenty-five.
"You found everything?" Lena asked getting Kara out of her thoughts.
"Yeah, thanks." Kara answered and added, "I umm put my suit in a drawer in the closet if that's okay?"
"Of course," Lena answered without a beat having passed.
"Would you like to place it in the safe?" Lena said in afterthought.
"The drawer is fine, really. I don't think you'll have any more surprise visitors tonight, right?" Kara said teasingly.
Lena laughed at that shaking her head, "Just the one, though the chef might think I'm having a dinner party in here."
At Kara's puzzled look, Lena continued, "Dinner is here," she said pointing in the direction of the tray by the door. "I took the liberty of ordering food for at least 5 people. I assumed you had burned a lot of calories in your travel here."
"You can say that again," Kara chuckled. "Thank you, Lena."
"Don't mention it, Kara." Lena said and with a playful tone added, "I suppose I should start getting used to making larger orders now, after all, since you don't have to hide your calorie intake from me anymore."
Kara just laughed.
It's been a few minutes from the last time any of them had spoken anything when Kara looked up and said, "I'm glad I finally told you."
"Yeah?" Lena asked.
"Yeah," Kara assented before continuing, "I also want you to know that the reason I didn't tell you before has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with trust. I've trusted you from the start, Lena, please believe that. The reason I've been postponing telling you is a selfish one, actually. I wanted to protect you from the consequences of knowing about my secret identity." Kara punctuated what she's just said with an expression that indicated she was disappointed in herself for having kept it all from Lena for so long, and then she continued when she saw Lena tilting her head showing interest to learn more about Kara's reasoning.
"People who know about me are often put in dangerous situations, and I didn't want to add that to your list of things you have to look out for. I knew it had to be done, me telling you. I wish I had done it sooner. I was trying to protect you and in doing so I just caused you more agony. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Kara. It's water under the bridge now, really. I'm glad you finally told me, and also for letting me know you not telling me until now has never been about trust. Just, promise me one thing?"
Kara nodded, "Anything."
"We'll be as honest as possible with each other from now on?" A hopeful Lena asked and with an expression of realization showing on her features she quickly added, "Well two things, actually."
"Okay," Kara urged her to go on.
"You don't keep things from me with the excuse of protecting me. I think this could fit under the honesty rule we've just agreed upon, but I wanted a separate clause for this one so there wouldn't be any room for misinterpretation of what 'as honest as possible' means." Lena punctuated with a raise of her eyebrows.
Kara extended her hand in a sign of agreement so Lena could shake it, bringing out a laugh from the birthday girl.
"Lee," Kara said gently after a few seconds had passed.
"Hmm," Lena hummed looking up from her now mostly clean plate.
"What did you mean when you said today is just a reminder of all that you have lost?" Kara asked and quickly added, "You don't have to tell me, if you don't feel comfortable sharing this information with me or if you're not ready yet." Kara made sure to clarify that, because she would never want to be a source of uneasiness for Lena, she also didn't want to bring up bad memories if her friend wasn't ready or willing to go there. The reason she asked is that Lena herself mentioned it earlier.
"It's just that this is a very specific thing to state, you know, and if knowing what prompted this-" Kara gesticulated towards the room implying the running away and isolation Lena has been enforcing over herself for these past several years. "-Would help make me a better friend to you by showing you that you can count on me, that you don't have to make such great efforts to isolate yourself on this day every year, I want to help you heal, if you'll let me," Kara concluded.
Lena let out a sigh and nodded, that last brick had crumbled down with Kara's admission of her being Supergirl. It was time for her to start sharing; it was time for her to really let someone in again, through and through. It was time to enforce the new honesty policy her and Kara had just shaken hands on.
"You remember I told you that I went to live with the Luthors when I was four years old?" Lena asked, and Kara nodded confirming she remembers that. She remembers everything Lena has ever told her.
"So," Lena tentatively continued, "I went to live with the Luthors a couple of months after my fourth birthday, actually. My mom died a few days after my birthday and the last memory, the only clear memory, truly, I have of her is of the two us together at the beach. She took me to the seaside for the first time on my birthday that year, and I remember feeling so happy. It was a surprise, she had planned an entire day there for us, it was the happiest I remember I've ever been, that day was. All that vastness, the wind, the waves, the sounds, the sand, it was so much and at the same time, I couldn't get enough of it. I was so small and I just wanted to take it all in, even if it overwhelmed me a little bit. I remember my mom's hand in mine leading me to the water, the feeling of the water washing my feet for the first time, I was in awe," Lena said with unshed tears in her eyes and a thin, bittersweet smile appearing on her lips. She took in a deep breath and let it out through trembling lips a couple of times.
Kara sensed her friend needed a minute to compose herself before continuing with the story, so she took the opportunity to gather the empty plates they had just cleared in order to place them on the tray positioned by the room door. She also took their glasses so she could refill them with wine from the bottle Lena had ordered along with their food. The few seconds it took for Kara to complete the tasks at hand were enough for Lena to have gotten a hold of her emotions again and to resume telling her recollections, so Kara handed her the glass refilled with wine, and she took a seat on the floor now, closer to her friend, with one knee up pressed to her torso, the other leg flexed on the floor leaving her foot sort of serving as a cushion. She then took Lena's free hand with her own and gave her friend an encouraging look to keep going.
So Lena did. She told Kara about all of those birthdays she could remember, starting from the age of four. She told her about Lex accepting her as his sister from the moment she was introduced as such, no questions, no trepidation, simply inviting her to join him on his chess game. She told Kara about having told Lex that same story about her first time on the beach and how that was the last memory she had of her mom, about how he had kept her secret and made sure Lena preserved that memory by going to the beach every year after for as long as he could manage; about how he convinced their father to spend Lena's birthdays on their summer house. She told Kara about the seashells collection, about the games on the beach, about Lex teaching her how to swim in their pool at the manor. About being sent to boarding school a couple of years after Lex left for college, about the birthday phone calls from her father, his cards, the flowers, his surprise visit on her sixteenth birthday. She told Kara about Lex's calls and the seashells he sent her every year on her birthday, never forgetting about their tradition, about their bond, until he did. She told Kara about Lillian's indifference. She told her she hasn't been to the beach ever since that last time. She told her everything, and while doing so there were happy tears for the moments she held dear even now, and there were sad tears for all the heart ache and loneliness she now associated with this day.
Lena let it all out, all of those feelings, emotions, words, memories she's held in for so long in an attempt to try and trick her mind into believing it wasn't a big deal, that it was all fine; that she just didn't care about that day. And Kara let her, Kara held her through all of those tears that have been years in the making. Kara soothed her with soft words of reassurance, with silent tears of her own, with an embrace only people who shared a deep and fundamental connection with each other were able to.
Later that night, when the tears had dried, and Lena's chest didn't feel like it had a weight situated between her heart and her rib-cages that was worthy of a ton and that made breathing almost impossible sometimes, when both girls were settled into bed for the night, Kara told her all about Krypton, about her own losses, her own tragedy. And while she did that, Lena held her. She just held her friend close to her chest, feeling as a different kind of weight now pressed down into it, a welcome one, one that showed her she wasn't alone anymore because they had each other.
It turned out they had more in common than either of them would've ever phantom if that last brick hadn't been torn down with Kara finally telling her friend about her secret persona. And with Lena finally allowing herself to feel loved again, finally accepting through and through the love her friend gave her so freely and wholly, finally taking that last step to get started in the process of fully healing.
That night when they fell asleep, their minds were peaceful; their hearts were the lighter it has been in years. Their bodies were close, side by side and their hands were linked between them.
It was just past six in the morning when Kara's phone beeped alerting her the DEO was trying to get in touch with her. She extricated herself from Lena who was practically sprawled on top of her with her head resting on Kara's collarbone, and their legs in a tangle of limbs.
Kara grabbed her phone and there it was, the new message alert that pulled her from her peaceful sleep:
I'm sorry, Supergirl. We had a breach in one of our facilities, and you are needed back as soon as possible. I'm so sorry.
It wasn't signed but Kara knew it was from Alex. No one else would've apologized so much. No one else knew where exactly she was, and the reason behind her having gone away.
Kara sighed, repositioned herself so she could be facing Lena and started tenderly tracing her fingers alternately on her friend's forehead and cheek bones in an attempt to get the other woman alert enough to be aware of what's being said, but not so much so to reach that alertness point where one couldn't go back to sleep soon after.
Lena started to stir and brought a hand to scratch her nose, an action that made Kara smile.
"Lee," Kara said softly.
"Uhmm… Sleepin'," Lena mumbled.
"Lee, wake up for just a second, please," Kara prompted her sleepy friend running a finger through the bridge of Lena's nose.
"Kara? What's wrong?" Lena said blinking awake, more alert.
"Nothing is wrong. I was called back, there's an emergency. I need to go. I'm sorry." Kara said with a tinge of sadness evident in her voice to even a drowsy Lena.
And was that a pout on Lena's face?
"Will you call me when you land home. Please?" Lena asked slurring the syllables a little.
"You sound like my sister." Kara chuckled.
"Kara," Lena said unamused.
"Yes, I'll call you first thing, I promise," Kara reassured her friend.
"Now go back to sleep. You still have an hour or so before the sun is up." Kara leans down, kisses Lena's forehead and whispers a "Goodbye. I love you," that she's not sure Lena even heard.
The mumbled "I love you too" her super hearing caught a few seconds later when she was already on her suit and ready to fly off of the balcony brought a smile to her lips that she carried with her all the way back home.
The day Lena Luthor turned twenty-six, she was pulled out from sleep by a heavy weight on her hips and something or rather someone hovering over her chest with their hands on either side of her face, with fingers caressing her forehead, nose, eyebrows, cheek bones, chin.
"Happy birthday, beautiful," Lena heard as she was becoming more aware of her surroundings and starting to blink awake.
She then felt lips joining her own and quickly responded to the welcomed new sensation and her arms encircled the shoulders of the body above hers bringing her sweet human alarm closer. Lena's hand running from shoulders to neck to the side of her girlfriend's face deepening the kiss by bringing her tongue into the lazy pace they'd set. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just kissing and savoring each other, exchanging gentle touches, enjoying each other's closeness.
"Mmmmm," Lena hummed when Kara broke the kiss, "Now that's a nice way to wake up."
"Are the others up yet?" Lena asked running her hand through Kara's hair which was covering part of her girlfriend's face.
"Yeah, except for you and Winn. He didn't get here until late last night or early today, actually." Kara said rolling their bodies a little so they were now on their sides, facing each other.
"Eliza and James have started preparing breakfast, Alex is out for a run and Maggie and J'onn are setting the table out in the backyard," Kara completed with a rundown of what was going on downstairs.
"We should get up," Lena said.
"Yeah, we should." Kara's words said one thing, but the tightening of her arms around her girlfriend and her body adjusting to a more comfortable position for the both of them said another.
"I think they'll be fine without us for another few minutes," Lena said as she caressed Kara's back and buried her face on her girlfriend's shoulder.
In those few quiet moments, while she and her girlfriend of the past eleven months were lying in Kara's old bed, at her mother's house in Midvale, Lena found herself reflecting on the past year, in how so much has changed.
After Barcelona, with the last barriers down, she and Kara had taken that one last step in deepening their connection, and for almost a year now they've been girlfriends.
Lena knew that having Kara in her life in that capacity would implicate in having Kara's friends and family around often since they were such a fundamental part of her girlfriend's life, and Lena was more than okay with that. She had already met them on various occasions by the time they started dating and got along with them just fine, but all of that changed with her new relationship status.
Getting along has morphed into close friends and a new family.
And that's how she found herself that morning, on her girlfriend's childhood home, with a house full of people who had arranged their schedules so they could share that day with her. It had fallen on a holiday weekend, so it had worked just perfectly. They all had cashed in a few more vacation days in addition to the extended weekend, allowing the entire gang to enjoy a more than welcomed time off on top of celebrating Lena's birthday.
A couple of months prior, when Kara tentatively asked her if it was okay for them to go to Midvale for her upcoming birthday, Lena promptly agreed, thinking it was just going to be the two of them and Eliza. But when Kara told her she wanted to invite everyone along, Lena was afraid it was going to be too much too soon, but Kara just kissed her and reminded her once again that she would be surrounded by family, by people who loved, supported and accepted her, and that it would be a good thing to be surrounded by them on that day, however it was completely up to her, since Kara wouldn't impose something like that on Lena by informing her girlfriend she hadn't talked to anyone about it yet, other than Eliza, since she had to check with her if it was okay for everyone to fly there on that particular week, in case Lena agreed to the plan.
Sometimes, after a game night or a family night or when Lena had just finished a phone call with Eliza, she'd be a little overwhelmed and Kara would sense her girlfriend had entered this space zone inside her head where she'd become very quiet and contemplative, and Kara would always notice this and she would simply hold her girlfriend tight and remind her that she was worthy of all the love she was receiving and more, just like she did just now after talking about the traveling plan. So Lena had put her insecurity aside, and agreed to a family get away for her birthday.
And so the day was finally there and she couldn't have been happier. And after everyone had wished her a happy birthday, and they had finished eating breakfast, Kara took her for a stroll on the beach, where they were now walking hand in hand with a comfortable silence between the two them.
Even though they were just a couple of days shy of June, and the sun was almost blindly shining above them, the temperature was low, so Lena declared she wouldn't be going into the water for a swim since she hadn't Kara's super constitution. Kara, in solidarity, had deprived herself of going for a swim as well. So, as a result, they had their pants rolled over in order to prevent the water from getting to it, and the waves were washing up their feet.
"Thank you," Lena said after a while.
"What for?" Kara asked tilting her head with curiosity in her voice.
"For helping me heal, for not giving up on me. For," Lena gestured with her free hand signaling the beach and the house behind them, "all of this."
"Always," Kara said disentangling their hands and enveloping Lena in a side hug while they kept walking.
This getting away turned out to be a really good thing, as Kara had promised her it would be, and Lena caught herself thinking back to that day Kara propositioned this trip, and her fear of being overwhelmed, of all of this being too much. But the reality is that she was finally at easy, she had finally accepted that those people weren't in her life just because of Kara, they were there for her as well. A couple of hours ago, while they were all seated around the table on the back yard enjoying their breakfast and talking, laughing and teasing each other, Lena finally comprehended she belonged there too, that every person who was seated at that table has played a vital role in her healing process.
In Alex she's found someone reliable, someone she came to care about for like a sister. Someone she's come to trust and someone she knew loved Kara as much as she did. They also had a very competitive nature, so it was always fun to play games against each other on game nights. Not that everyone would agree with that though.
With Maggie, she shared a weakness for games of pool, yes Lena was quite good at it, and their love for a Danvers sister as well as their penchant for teasing them.
With James, there still was some reluctance, but there was also a mutual respect for each other that they've come to build in this past year with all the help and support Lena has provided for Kara, the DEO, and even himself a couple of times.
In Winn, she has found the little brother she never knew she needed until he came into her life. They instantly bonded over science and technology, starting to work together on projects and experiments that more than once had resulted in things catching on fire or blowing up. He even shadowed her on the Luthor lab for a day every week. Their older sister-little brother dynamic was adorable and they would fulminate with a look anyone who ever said that out loud about them. At least that's what they'd say they'd do, because, in truth, they loved each other and the bond they shared, and they weren't ashamed of admitting it.
In J'onn she has found someone who was always easy to talk to, someone who understood her. A few weeks after she and Kara started officially dating, Lena stopped by the DEO to pick her girlfriend up for a lunch date and while she waited for Kara, J'onn had told her he's always known about the "goodness in her heart," that he had searched her mind when they first met on that rescue mission that almost ended with her and Kara being killed with the explosion, and that he was happy Kara had someone like her to share her life with. When she asked him why he hadn't said anything from the start, his answer simply was, "It wasn't my place to rush you into realizing something you had to come to terms with at your own pace; otherwise you wouldn't have believed me." When Kara finally arrived she found her girlfriend and friend slash boss slash father figure hugging.
In Eliza, she's found the mother presence she's been longing for ever since the age of four, when she had lost her own mom. Eliza welcomed her with open arms, a heart with such gentleness, and a kind of love that only mothers could provide. They texted regularly. Along with Maggie, and the Danvers sisters, she was now a part of the Danvers family texting group. She and Eliza had weekly phone calls as well, and they checked in with each other when they knew something out of the ordinary was going on, which happened more often than one would imagine with the lives they lead. It wasn't easy at first, Lena was always surprised when she saw Eliza's name popping on her phone screen, and she'd always ask soon after picking it up if Eliza wanted to speak with Kara or that Kara wasn't there at the moment, and for a few months it always caught her off guard when Eliza would just say, "No, sweetie, I wanted to check in with you," or "No, I just talked to her, you were next on my call list." In Eliza, Lena had a mom again.
And then there was this someone she currently had in her arms, this person who currently had her arms around her. Kara. Her best friend, the person she loved the most, the person who with just one look in her direction she could sense there was something wrong. Patient, sweet, brave, caring, warm, playful, strong, loving Kara. Someone who had never for a moment given up on her, someone who had never doubted her despite all of her self-doubt and all of the corrupt marks her last name carries. Kara, the person she got home to every day, the first person she saw in the morning, and the last person she saw each night. Kara, the one person she has allowed into every part of her heart, the person who had her heart.
Lena looked over at the vastness of the sea and remembered her first time at the beach over two decades ago, like how she was mesmerized by the grandiosity of it all and how nervous it made her feel as well, how the loving hands of her mom was the touch of encouragement she needed to go ahead and get closer. She thought of the first time she went for a swim in the salted water after countless swimming lessons with her brother, how she had to learn to trust him to not let her drown, how she had learned how to trust herself and her movements and instinct in order to not drown. She thought about the birthdays in isolation, and how it didn't hurt to think of them anymore because she's allowed herself to trust again.
To have a family.
To have love.
To heal.
So when she bent down to collect a seashell she had spotted, Kara looked at her with bright loving proud eyes and joined her in search for more.
Thank you for reading!
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