Dying to Love You
By Spunky0ne
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(As Byakuya lies, dying, in the rubble from the quincy war, he makes a final, desperate wish that he had done something differently. He never could imagine the evil one who was listening or the risk he would take for a second chance to win Ichigo's love...LOL, it's Eumenida's fault for nudging me for Ichi/Bya/Ichi updates. I had two ideas haunting me and I have absolutely no restraint. Result...two new stories! This story is yaoi, but not mpreg.)
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Chapter 1: Night
Byakuya wasn't sure how long he had been hearing the sound of the driving wind and pounding rain falling somewhere near where his ruined body laid, but he was surprised to still feel the chill when rainwater began to pool beneath his bloodied, fallen form. His backbone shattered from the final, wicked impact with his now deceased quincy opponent, he could barely turn his head to gather a bit of the water in his mouth to wash away the coppery taste.
I wonder if drowning wouldn't be less painful and terrifying as lying here and expiring slowly, with enemies still wandering in the area. Yes, Ichigo has slain their king, but his minions, knowing their end is inevitable, are hunting and slaying whoever they can. I cannot move, and so would be finished as soon as I was found by them.
He shivered at the thought, but tried to put it out of his head to instead think of how things would be in the wake of the war.
It will be spring soon. New flowers, grass and trees will grow. They will cover the scorched areas and make the air sweet with their fragrance. The smell of the wood being cut for new buildings will fill the air as well. There will be sounds all around of people remaking what was lost. While it is true that many, like me, who have fallen, will never enjoy those things again, Rukia, Renji, Tetsuya and Ichigo will all be in the midst of that renewal.
That is a comfort.
His mind began to spin ominously as his blood slowly drained and he had no choice but to watch as it leaked slowly away. His eyes blinked and began to glaze over, and he was grateful that the pain seemed to fade with his awareness. He wasn't sure after a while if he was awake or asleep, if he was alive and dreaming, or if he was in the midst of dying already. But as he felt his coherence drift, he encountered a handsome face and warm smile, a comforting voice to listen to as he died. He drifted off to the sound of that voice, unsure if he would ever wake again.
"Ichigo," he murmured as he drifted into the darkness.
But even in the darkness, he couldn't escape what had begun to invade his thoughts. His cold and indifferent behavior towards the now revealed Shiba heir had long ago set the path for them.
"You're slow," he said mockingly, "even when you fall."
"Go back to the world of the living, Kurosaki Ichigo, there is nothing for you to do here."
"A taichou of the Gotei 13 does not need help from the likes of you. What is your mission? You know the answer. Your mission is to protect that town. Go now, we will handle things here."
While it was true that he had begun to alter his words and the way he looked at Ichigo, the young man had no reason or apparently any ability to realize that the Kuchiki ice prince had begun to fall for him.
It happened slowly over time, so slowly that I didn't see it myself. I am a bit older, so I should have been wiser. When I realized what was happening, I shouldn't have tried to push it away. I should have told him. I know he understood that there was a fondness between us as time went on, but Ichigo never looked at me with the eyes of a lover, and I was too proud to lower myself and tell him how I felt. To have been rejected by him would have been humiliating.
But dying without him knowing a thing is many times more painful.
Ichigo will mourn me as a friend. Yes, that will make it easier for him, I suppose...to think of me with a twinge of sadness, but then to swiftly forget. Why is that so very painful? The thought that he won't remember me and I will fade from his mind.
I was so wrong to let this happen...
I am sorry, Ichigo.
Byakuya felt the touch of a malevolent presence and tried to open his eyes. He felt an inward shiver as he realized he was no longer capable of moving at all. Slow footsteps brought the enemy closer, and Byakuya felt his body being turned over and studied through wicked, glaring eyes.
"Kuchiki Byakuya," said a low, oddly hypnotic voice, "what a state you are in. Don't try to get up."
He heard a soft, mocking laugh.
"Well now, what to do with you?" the quincy went on, "I suppose I should introduce myself."
"D-do you plan to k-kill me with your w-weapon, or are you going t-to bore me to death with words?" Byakuya managed to spit weakly.
Long fingers threaded into his silken hair and yanked his head back roughly.
"You sh-should know I'm beyond pain and cannot feel your t-torment," he added shakily.
"You think so?" the quincy asked saucily, "Think again. I know that your physical body can't feel the pain right now, but having had a moment in physical contact with you, I know how to hurt you badly."
"Are you referring to m-my sister?" Byakuya asked, "Sh-she will k-kill a weakling like you!"
"No," the quincy said, frowning, "But first things first. I am not one of the lettered quincies, but I do have my own power. My name is Amsel Adelmo. My name means 'Noble Protector,' and I take that meaning very seriously."
"Is that s-so?"
"My surname means 'blackbird.' It is a reminder that part of protecting the noble class is to rid it of imperfect creatures."
"And you consider me imperfect?"
"Well, you are a shinigami," the quincy chuckled, "But that alone does not necessarily make me want to kill you. If you were not noble, I would have killed you already, but given that you are, I will give you a chance."
"I am already dying," Byakuya answered softly, "You mean that you are able to stop that?"
He could feel the man's wicked smile, even without seeing.
"Not only can I stop you from dying, I can give you something you want very, very much."
"And what would that be?" Byakuya asked, "You have only known me for a few minutes at most. How could you know...?"
"I know because that is my power," Adelmo said sternly, "My power allows me, upon making physical contact with a target, to know that target's heart. I see everything in you, Kuchiki Byakuya...everything from your mother's death when you were born, to losing your father, then your wife, and to finding that new love that you so longed to pursue, but never took the chance. And having that power, even here, at the end of your life, I can offer you a second chance to fix the thing you most regret, the thing that tortures your mind as you lay there."
"And you would do this because?"
"I want to live," the quincy stated firmly, "and you want to fix things. We can both get what we want. Just make an agreement in blood and..."
"No."
There was a moment of silence and the quincy blinked in surprise.
"You are refusing me?" he asked angrily, "You think you dare?"
"I know better than to put my faith in a monster like you," Byakuya said, coughing out his last few words, "I will accept my death and die proudly. Finish me if you wish or let nature have its way with me. I don't care."
He was surprised he could somewhat feel how hard the quincy slapped his face in response. Byakuya's head spun and he began to lose awareness.
"You forget your current position," Adelmo reminded his senseless captive, "You are almost dead, but you are not dead yet. You can't feel pain because you are nearly beyond it, but I can find ways to hurt you as you die. Would you like to see how?"
He smirked wickedly and leaned over Byakuya, touching his palms to the noble's bloody chest.
"My mind has found the way inside you," Adelmo's voice echoed in Byakuya's head, "It is easy to bring everything inside. And once I do, you really will begin to die. But...you will die according to my direction, at the place and time, and under the circumstances of my choosing, Kuchiki Byakuya. But sleep for a while. You need to be unconscious for what I am about to do."
Something in the quincy's fading words made Byakuya want to scream in defiance, but he was drawn down into a pinpoint, somewhere in the depths of his soul and fell deeply into the all-encompassing blackness.
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"Byakuya?"
The noble's eyes flew open and he immediately wondered how, when he had been at death's doorway, he could have emerged unscathed. And the blood that soaked his clothing warned that he should be in more than just the residual pain he felt. He tried to go back to figure out what had happened when he had collided with his enemy in that last, fatal strike, but his memory seemed oddly clouded and nothing returned to him.
"Hey, I healed you what little I could. You didn't seem too badly hurt. I guess that blood was from that dead quincy over there, huh?"
Byakuya blinked and stared up into the handsome golden brown eyes of the one he had most been thinking about for so long.
"Ichigo?"
The Shiba heir smiled down at him warmly.
"That's better," he sighed, "I was worried you were really hurt. But you seem okay. Do you feel all right?"
"J-just sore," Byakuya managed, bracing himself against Ichigo's shoulder as he sat up and looked around.
"Have you been out cold ever since you killed that guy?" Ichigo asked.
"I d-don't know. Everything is rather fuzzy. But shouldn't we get out of here? This is still a battle zone. There could be enemies nearby."
Ichigo smiled and shook his head.
"We cleared this area. We're safe if you need to rest before going back."
"No," Byakuya answered, accepting Ichigo's support as he found his way to his feet and looked around again to get his bearings, "I want to go back. I need to see if Rukia..."
"Rukia, Renji and Tetsuya are fine," Ichigo assured him, "We were all just out here searching for you. We were worried about you when you didn't come back."
Byakuya felt a soft inward jolt as he suddenly remembered.
"My name is Amsel Adelmo."
"What is it? Are you okay?" Ichigo asked worriedly, "You looked kinda unsteady there for a moment."
"You said that you cleared the area," Byakuya remembered, "Then, you killed the quincy that was here?"
"You killed him yourself," Ichigo said, pointing at the dead quincy.
"No, not that one," Byakuya said, frowning.
"There was another one?" Ichigo asked, "What did he look like?"
Byakuya paused, straining to remember.
"I'm not sure. I only heard his voice."
"Well," Ichigo said, good-naturedly, "if he was here, we would have found him. We didn't find anyone in this whole area except for that dead quincy over there, and you."
Byakuya touched a hand to the area just below his navel, trying to sense his reiatsu. He felt a stinging pain and flinched.
"What are you doing?" Ichigo chided him, "You shouldn't be using your powers. You were fighting at full power and probably fried your insides up pretty good putting that guy down."
"But Ichigo..."
"Hey, I know you're not one who likes to accept help from anyone, but let me help you home, okay? Don't try to play it so tough. I think you really hurt yourself inside."
Byakuya felt an instant urge to say something prideful, but when he opened his mouth, what emerged surprised him completely.
"You are right. Thank you, Ichigo."
What?
What happened?
But, when he stopped to think about it, the words made sense.
I remember thinking that I had made terrible mistakes with Ichigo. I have always treated him with some amount of disdain. I thought that it was too late. I thought I was dying!
Was I only delirious?
Was that quincy even here, or was it just my mind warning me to change my behavior?
"We should really go now, if you're okay," Ichigo suggested, "Everyone's waiting for you to come back."
"Oh...of course," Byakuya said, shaking away his muddled thoughts.
A lovely twinge went through his belly as Ichigo's arm remained around him and the Shiba heir helped him along the trail that led back into the Seireitei.
"I sensed that you were successful in destroying the quincy king," Byakuya said appreciatively, "You weren't injured?"
"I was kinda hurt, but Orihime healed me," Ichigo assured him.
"And the first thing you did after was to come after me?" Byakuya asked.
"Of course. You're my friend and you were missing."
"What about your other friends?"
"They're okay. And the taichous and fukutaichous are beat up, but okay also. There's just a lot of injured people and a bunch of mess to clean up."
"I see."
"And no, I'm not going back to the living world, so don't even go there!" Ichigo laughed.
"Ah yes, I had heard that you are actually the son of that annoying...Shiba Isshin."
"That's right. He used to work with you."
"If you can call it that," Byakuya said, frowning, "He did, after all, abandon his post and disappear."
"Well, he had a good reason."
Byakuya studied Ichigo's serious expression and nodded.
"I suppose."
The two continued walking, with Ichigo providing support to the stumbling noble.
"It's weird," Ichigo admitted, "Before, it was like you said. I was a human and I didn't belong in Soul Society."
"Ichigo," Byakuya said, blushing slightly, "I was...wrong to say things like that."
"Look," Ichigo said, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, "You don't need to apologize. I'm saying that you were right before. I didn't really belong here. Even though my father was a Shiba, I was raised a human in the human world."
"That doesn't change who you are, Ichigo."
"I know," Ichigo agreed, "But I couldn't really belong here until I learned what was being kept from me. And now that I have, it's just a little weird to think that, not only am I here to stay and can't go back because of the level of my power, I also have a connection to my family and friends here that means a lot to me."
"And you consider me one of your friends?" Byakuya asked, "Why? I have never encouraged that."
"Bullshit!" Ichigo laughed, "You encouraged it all of the time, once we'd had our fight. You sent Rukia and Renji to me in Hueco Mundo."
"That was..."
"You also came to Hueco Mundo, yourself..."
"For Rukia."
"Yeah, but you helped me with Yammy, and you encouraged me to go back. You knew that I should go back to face Aizen and you believed I would win against him, even though it didn't seem like I could...even if I didn't know I could."
"You give me far too much credit," Byakuya said solemnly.
"I don't think so," Ichigo said, shaking his head, "But play it tough if you want to. I know what's going on."
"What's going on?" Byakuya repeated, giving him a confused look.
"We're really becoming friends now," Ichigo said, giving him a melting smile, "You know I'm here to stay and you can't send me home anymore. I guess you'll have to just put up with me."
"Hmmm," Byakuya mused, "so it seems."
They continued on more quietly as Ichigo sensed the noble's weariness and, without pointing it out, simply provided more support until they reached the gates at Kuchiki Manor.
"You'll be okay now?" Ichigo asked.
Byakuya nodded briefly.
"I will be fine."
He watched as Ichigo started to turn away.
"But I would be better if you could stay."
Byakuya's insides clenched.
What did I just say to him?
I asked him to stay?
That sounds so weak!
Ichigo moved closer and looked into his eyes for a moment, then felt his forehead.
"Are you sure you're all right? That quincy must have hit you pretty hard for you to invite me in. I mean, you can't order me back to the living world, but you can tell me to go home now to Shiba Manor," the Shiba heir laughed.
"Are you making fun of me?" Byakuya inquired, frowning.
"Yeah, a little," Ichigo confessed, "I was just surprised, you know?"
"You probably want to be home with your family."
"I'll stay."
"What?"
"I said I'll stay," Ichigo repeated, "I'll probably get more rest here anyway, and Rukia, Renji, Tetsuya and I can catch up on things."
"Oh," Byakuya said, strangely lost for words, "then I will have a room made up for you."
He felt a heady twinge inside as Ichigo gave him another charming smile.
"Thanks, Byakuya. But let's get you inside and find your clan healer. You look kinda out of it."
"I told you, I am fine," he objected.
"Come on," Ichigo said, wrapping an arm around him again, and despite his usual responses, he made no move to object or to escape the embrace.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
What happened out there?
Did that quincy actually exist?
And if so, did he...do something to me?