The Regret of Olyvar Frey
I never wanted to leave him. he was kind to me, accepting of me in a way no one but Perwyn and Roslin had been before. I hadn't wanted to leave no matter what my king had done, I knelt with the rest of my house and swore to follow him and I wanted nothing more than to follow, to the gates of King's Landing its self if he lead us there.
I don't blame him for what he did, my father is an old cunt, and old cunt who should have honoured the call to arms from Riverrun, we should have let the Starks pass without a second thought and joined them to free Lord Edmure and lift the Siege of Riverrun because it was our duty, but we didn't. That is not fathers way, Old Lord Walder always exacts a toll, and exact one he did from Robb Stark. My lord farther jumped at the chance to see another of his daughters or granddaughters taken from the twins and married into a great house no less. A house who ruled a kingdom while the Frays where little more than shit beneath the notice of any King.
No doubt the thought of Fray blood sat upon the winter throne in the years to come had my lord father practically salivating, he'd tried for years to marry a Fray to Edmure Tully the heir to Riverrun. Now it seemed he would get even more than he ever wished, while they Tullys might be our liege lords they have never commanded respect as the Starks of Winterfell did.
I don't remember if I was ever told who would be married to Robb Stark but I think in my heart I always knew it would be Roslin, out of every half sister, cousin and aunt I have at the twins Roslin is the most beautiful by far. No Fray has ever been a great beauty to be sure but Roslin came closest, she was always pretty and her big brown eyes could always melt my heart, two yours younger than me I was always try to protect her. She was and always will be beautiful for me, beautiful enough for a king? I had always thought so, but as her borhter how could I do any less. When you grow up a Frey the only people you can trust are your full blooded brothers and sisters, though even that has exceptions.
My exception was Benfrey, older than myself and Roslin by some years but younger then Perwyn my oldest full blooded brother. Benfrey is as much a cunt as my lord father, Benfrey was ambitious, and in true Fray fashion you only get higher by stepping on those below you. When I was young that was me but when Perwyn intervened he moved on. Though he still looked at me with distain, he looked at a lot of our family that way they were the ones he liked to bully and felt he could get away with it. He was the only one of us, the Rosby boys as Black Walder named us after our mothers house, to marry. he married our cousin Jyanna, my heart sinks as I think of her, I never really knew her before he wed her all i could say for certain is he looked at her with the same contempt as he did me but whoever she was she didn't deserve my brother as her husband. she was shy when I first met her and a small girl, smaller then Roslin even, beating her was how he let out his frustration and being the sixteenth son of the lord of the crossing and very few possibilities for advancement left him with much of it. He was the one who pulled me away, I didn't want to leave Robbs side, but once he had been allowed Benfrey had been gleeful dragging me away.
I remember meeting Robb Stark for the first time, he was younger than me but he didn't look it sat upon his horse armoured and wearing furs. He looked like a King of Winter from the Histories the measter taught us about as children, sat at the head of his army demanding passage south.
It seemed madness to refuse him, though i had thought much them same when father refused to allow us to march to the aid of the Tulleys, but Lady Catelyn Robbs mother and a tully by birth and my lord father had spoken with her for some time and my brother Perwyn who had gone out to meet the Northern had been left there with them to ensure Lady Catelyns safty. I had been worried for him, Benfrey had said he hoped the savages ate him. Negotiations had taken some time and when it was done I was told I had been a part of it. Honestly I had been surprised when Ser Stevron my father's eldest son and heir had told me father had asked for me squire for the heir to winterfell, mostly I was surprised father remembered my name I do not thing he ever had before that day, to think I was named as a condition of my house aiding the Starks was oddly thrilling, finally a chance to leave the twins I had thought. I had never left the twins before and was anxious to be out of that crowed place and to meet people who were not my kin. I met Robb as his army was crossing the Bridge of the twins, he looked down at me from atop his horse and I was so anxious I nearly tripped when I bowed but when I looked up he was just smiling at me. After that I rode with him and we talked, and he didn't talk down to me not like Benfrey and the others. He asked me about the twins, about life there and about myself and about how I felt being his squire, I was still anxious just talking to him but he simply smiled, put his hand on my shoulder and told me to relax, and that neither he nor his direwolf would bite and indeed that his direwolf Gray Wind seemed to like me. It wasn't long after that when i rode to battle for the first time... needless to say i was not ready, but then I don't think anyone ever truly is.
I don't remember The Whispering Wood very well, just bodies and blood and screaming. Other than that it's no more than flashing images, my sword in a man's eye, falling from my horse, seeing Perwyn next to Robb and seeing Robbs wolf take a man from his horse and seeing the Kingslayer Jamie Lannister in his golden armour killing all who came close to him. After that it all blurs into nothing. I remember even less of breaking the siege of Riverrun, only how sick I felt before the fighting and that I was sick after it. Later after the battles where done Robb came and found me he asked if I was well, I had just been sick again after seeing the Lannister bodies being piled up I was so embarrassed, here stood the Young Wolf as his men already called him looking like the warrior come to life and I could hardly stand. When I tried he pushed me back down and sat with me, he told he he'd been sick to and that he was so afraid through it all. as he spoke I listened and he listened to me in return, id I don't no how much time past as we talked. One of robbs friends had come to get him after a while, one of the young heirs who fought beside him on the field, he smiled at me as he walked away and In that moment despite the death and horror I had seen that day I was glad I was his squire.
Things had moved so fast after that, Lord Eddard had been murdered in King's Landing by the basted king and I had found myself not squire to the heir to Winterfell but squiring for the King in the North. His crown had changed Robb, he no longer smiled as much and anger or frustration took the place of the optimism that had been there not so long ago, the hope of rescuing his father was gone. He was a King now and I no more than his squire, the crown suited him though I had thought, even if it did keep us far apart. While I felt I could not talk with him as I once did he did not seem to forget me, he refused to take another squire when it was suggested to him by houses of both the north and riverlands saying he I was doing a excellent job and that he nether needed nor would accept another, I had blushed hearing that.
He had led use into the Westerlands and we had followed him gladly, he had a charisma I think few men have ever seen and it made us believe in him, battle after battle we fought and out belief in him was reward as every battle we won and the King began to smile again but a different smile this time, a smile born of joy in vengeance, a wolfs smile. It wasn't the Kind smile I had see the day I meet him on the bridge but it was enough, victory was well and good but seeing my Kings smile was my reward.
Then the storming Crag had happened. King Robb had taken and arrow in the battle and needed rest, the westerling girl had tended to him. I did not trust her and I trusted her shrew of a mother even less. She had thrown her daughter at the King, not that she needed much encouragement the girl seemed all to happy to tend to a handsome young king. Our king was low when the news came from the north where the kings closet friend Theon Grayjoy had betrayed him and worse yet murdered his brothers.
I don't blame him for seeking comfort in another's arms and I told him as much when he had me summoned to tell me he intended to marry Lady Jeyne, my farther could go to hell King Robb had my loyalty my house would not hear of the marriage from me.
Alas they had heard of it and the alliance between House Stark and House Frey was declared over, I had protested to my kin saying i would not leave King Robbs side but they had forced the issue. I had not wanted to leave but King Robb had approached me saying he did not wish to come between a family and that he would be fine without me, I say without shame knelt and begged but he would have none of it. he smiled at me, that old kind smile I had seen that day on the bridge, and told me to go and that we would see each other again and that he would be fine... he was wrong.
As the Frey host had left I had changed my mind and tried to go back, only my kings word had compiled me to leave him and once gone my conviction faded. As i had tried to leave Benfrey had grabbed me a laughed, I had struggled and kicked half the way back to the twins until I have no more strength to do so. I fell asleep as night have fallen and when I had woken we had been closer to seaguard then to the King. it had taken some days more to reach the twins i had not said a word the whole way, only watched and hated my kin in silence as the mocked my king and mocked me. Calling me the wolf king's lapdog or pup, I cared not I was proud of my loyalty to a man who had fought for that he thought to be right.
The next weeks where some of the longest of my life, I spoken to none but Perwyn and Roslin and Benfrey was worse than ever. But then the news came, an agreement had been reached and the King was coming to the twins. I was ecstatic I would get to see King Robb again and I could aid him in the war to come in whatever small way I might be able. I had told Perwyn the news, he was as happy as I was, but cautious to as ever Perwyn was. The Two of us had decided to seek out our lord father and ask what arrangement had been reached with the king, Perwyn had always had a good sense for danger and knowing how to stay ahead of it and he felt something was not right. As we had made our way through the castle Perwyn had suddenly put his arm out and stopped me raising a finger to his lips to silence my protest then pointing toward a door left slight ajar.
We crept closer and listened, such eavesdropping was common practice in the twins. We listened and what he heard stilled my blooded and turned it cold. it was a lie, a tarp my farther and kin intended not friendship nor forgiveness but murder and a murder most foul. A wedding was to be held for my own sweet sister and Edmure Tully but it was a lie, at the festivities our gusts, those who where to eat bread and salt under our roof where to be slain to the last. My King, his men and even his mother where to be slaughtered as no more than cattle or pigs. I must have made a sound then but I do not recall, what I remember with surety was the door being flung open and being pounced upon by a dozen of my kin. The last thing I remember of that night was Black Walders fist rendering me unconscious.
Upon awaking I found myself in a cell my brother Perwyn by my side his face bloodied, his mouth gagged and still unconscious, it was some hours before he awoke, and in those hours dread and terror took me. My king, my Robb was walking into a trap, I sat there staggering against my restraints thinking I had to escape and warn him. I don't no how long I sat there even when my brother awoke we did not speak as he could not and I knew not what to say. It could have been hours or it could have been a day, I do not know as there is no natural light in the dungeons of the twins only slow burning torches on the walls, but after what felt like a lifetime Benfrey came, he came only to mock us, to tell us our northern friends where going to die and that we would hear their screams. That our beloved king would die and we could do nothing for him, and that Benfrey had hoped he would be the one to slay the Young Wolf himself.
My brother had sat in stony silence, hatred burning in his eyes. To my shame I was not so dignified, I had raged and screamed and Benfrey as he had walked away laughing. swearing I would kill him that King Robb would kill him. Before he left he shouted to us to listened for the rains of castamere, that was how we would no our friends where dying.
I had struggled more after that and so had Perwyn, not just for King Robb but for our sister, for sweet Roslin who would be at the centre of all this scared and alone without her brothers, but is was of no use hours passed by and our bounds did not give.
Then it happened we heard people above us, noise and festivity, it was starting. Again we struggled against our restraints and again it availed us nothing. I tried so hard, with all my might and strength but I wasn't strong enough. My best wasn't good enough, I don't no when the first tear ran down my cheek but when I heard the first note of that accursed song being played I was already crying. I cried as I heard it the laughter and merriment turning to screaming and slaughter, they never tell you how loud killing is and how much the screams stay with you as much as the bodies your see, at some point I stopped struggling and just sat and cried. He was dying up there and I was powerless, I couldn't help him, my beloved king was dying or dead and I'd never see his face again, I would never see his smile again. I felt empty, even my mind was empty save for one solitary thought. why could I not have died with him.
As quickly as it had begun it had ended, the screams had stopped and a silence had fallen. after that I had willed myself to sleep. I did not want to be awake, to think of what had just happened. My dreams where the only place I would see his now, the only place my king would be waiting for me. No respite awaited me in my dreams however only screams and howling and the accusing eyes of the dead.
We where realised from our cell the next day Perwyn and I, I was not truly there i had willed my mind to be as far afield as I could in a effort to numb the pain. I remember little only that the dungeon was more full then I had last seen it, I seemed some had been spared death only to be used by my father and the Lannisters to control there families that still remained free. A cruel fate if ever there was one, every northmen I had met would rather be dead then a pawn of the Lannisters used to control their families and the north. What little i did feel was hatred, toward my Kin and toward the lions of Casterly Rock. I never considered myself clever but I was no fool, my father was many things but a brave man was never one of them. My own kin have committed the deed but the of tywin Lannister could be seen by any who had eyes to make use of. Having been taken from our cell Perwyn and I were presented to our farther, of this meeting I remember little only that we where family and family could be forgive there sin but that only Perwyn was able to see our sister. After that our shackles had been removed and we have been given leave to walk the twins as ever we where, my mind was still far adrift I did not hear what my kin called me though I knew well what was being said. I thought of little for days other then my own failure, I had been unable to warn my king and now he was dead, and i could have prevented it.
The only thing that stayed my hand from ending my own life was shame, I could not leave this world and enter the next knowing my king was awaiting me having been sent there by my own kin. I was a Frey and we all deserved to burn.
Weeks passed, sometimes I was back to myself others I was not. I learned that one of the Kings own bannermen Lord Bolton had been as much a traitor to the King and my own family and had been richly rewarded by the Lannisters for his treachery. If I could have felt much of anything that would have filled me with rage. If I could have felt much of anything the news of Benfreys death would have filled me with joy, I had thought it odd he had not come to torture me, It seems the night of the Red Wedding as it had begun to be called both within and without the twins, Dacey Mormonts had smashed a flagon of wine in his face and part of it had become embedded in his eye. The wound had killed him some hours later.
For days I drifted through life or what little I had the resembled it, Perwyn spent little time with as he had to be there to protect Roslin, I had not seen my sister since before that night and I missed her terribly. I hoped not to dream when I slept for when I did it was only screaming and regret waiting for me.
Most of my time was spent walking the twins aimlessly, I knew not what else I could do. Until this morning when while walking I saw my half brother Ryman, son of Stevron and since his death some time ago heir to the twins, walking from his room following a woman who I knew to be his current whore. He left the doo to his room wide open, no doubt drunk and late in paying his whore. I thought little of it and walked on passing his room and merely glancing in, I stopped in my tracks, sitting on Rymans bed where papers and letter bearing the seal of the King in the north and a crown. Robbs crown of bronze and before I knew it the crown was in my heads.
"Regret can't bring you back... " I said sadly as I stared at the crown in my hands, it really was beautiful. The cold chilled air of night bit at my neck and I pulled my cloak tighter, my horse beneath mean walked at a steady pace. one slow rider in the night will not be of any notice I had thought before I left what was once my home. I had taken my kings crown, all letter and paper that bore his seal, what food I could carry from the kitchens and a horse for the stable and fled, there was nothing for me in the twins. I had wasted to my days and weeks in regret.
"No more" I said clutching the crown, I knew where i was going. i had been there when the King had made his will, I witnessed all the lords of the north affix there seals to it, I'd even heard the King speak of Jon Snow once or twice.
"He doesn't smile as much as me" he had told me, but that was fine, Robbs smile was perfect one's could replace it. I looked back over my shoulder at the twins, my King had and heir. I urged my horse on I would find Jon Snow and King Robbs dream would live, the Kingdom of the North would live. I hope Perwyn understands I know he'd never come with me he has to look after Roslin.
" Your dead my king but your dream is not, I will not live my life in regret, I'll make you proud of me" I said as I looked at the twins one last time.