Uh-Oh
Summary: Blame it on the alcohol would be a perfect summary for the situation Tony and Loki have themselves in, how will the playboy and the god of mischief deal with possibility of becoming parents? Rated M for sex/language
The mansion was dark and quiet with the return of its' master, who was drunk from a party he just left. Tony wobbled through the house dancing to some unheard beat, two bottles of 100 year aged whiskey in his hands. If he had to rate this night from one to ten, this was easily a perfect dime. The playboy sled out of his shoes and slouched down beside a cupboard in his luxurious kitchen. This was the perfect time for the trickster to make his move. Loki stepped out from the shadows, clad in full battle attire and sector in hand. This would be an easy victory.
"Stark," the god walked closer to him "You have let your drink carry you too far."
"Hold on loosely" Tony hummed the words to the 38 Special song "But don't let gooooo!"
Loki couldn't help but smirk at the scene his plans to capture Tony and use him as bait to get rid of the rest of the Avengers would prove more easyier than he thought
"If you cling too tightllllllllly ya, you might, you might loss controoooooollll!" Tony burst into a fit of laughter, if he were sober right now he would have to say that he hadn't been this drunk in a long time
The black haired god walked closer to the intoxicated man "It's time to go."
Tony held up his hands defensively "Old old on, I can't fergetabout the drinks." with a smile stretching from ear to ear Tony held up his two bottle of aged alcohol
Loki rolled his eyes and magicked to two of them away, leaving a note for the unsuspecting Avengers to find in the morning.
Back at Loki's secret hide out, the god had stashed the drunken billionaire in a small cell like room, grey and with no windows. He didn't have to worry about the playboy sneaking off, because all he could do right now was crawl on the floor carrying on about finding someone called Jerry. In just nine hours the pitiful Avenger team will find the note and come rushing into the trap the god had set for them. Everything was going according to plan.
"Hey-hey grean guy, why-why so-ser-" Tony couldn't stop himself from laughing, Loki didn't bother to lock the cell door, so Tony managed to crawl to the kitchen, with the bottles he brought in his coat pocket "why-so-ser-i-ouus" Tony laughed himself into an upright position against the refrigerator in Loki's kitchen
"Oh brother," Loki rolled his eyes, he's just as bad as Thor when he's drunk.
"Awww. Hey-hey wanna drink" Tony held up the two bottles of dark liquid dressed in a nicely decorated bottle
Loki rolled his eyes, Midgardian ales were the bane of his existence. While Loki did enjoy a drink from time to time, he could never find a drink that he liked. Though this was no time to drink, he needed to stay focused on his plan.
"Come on, green guy. Snout going to hurt you." Tony laughed
Loki glared at him, he was going to hurt him if he didn't shut up
Tony giggled, sweeping the floor for a steady piece of ground before hoisting himself off the floor and leaning onto the counter.
"What do you what now?" Loki looked at the petty full mortal
Tony searched the table "I need a bottlle opener."
Loki swatted his hand away "I think not, you are already intoxicated enough." truly it didn't matter how the playboy died, by his hands or by the bottle. So after a set of eye rolls Loki levitated a bottle opener to the table.
"Thanks up -burp-" Tony popped open the bottle
The aroma on the liquid actually didn't smell that bad. Loki watched the playboy look around the room like he had lost a child. "What are you searching for if I may ask?"
"A cu-burp-p 'xcuse me" Tony laughed again.
Loki rolled his eyes, idiot and levitated two glasses from the cabinet.
"Thanks hun" Tony smiled
Loki watched as Tony haphazardly poured two glasses of the dark amber liquid into each glass, surprisingly without wasting a drop.
"One fer me" Tony set his drink in front of him "And one fer you" he Laughed a little shifting in and out of giggle fits
Loki eyed the glass. It could be poison, but from the rumors he heard that the playboy was pretty serious about his liquors. He picked up the glass, swirling it a little before placing it to his nose. It really had a nice aroma, it reminded him of the strong ales they brewed back on Asgard. He took a sip, the liquid had a nice kick. The fluid traveled down his chest warming his entire body. "This is rather good, I'll credit you that." he took another sip, then another, before finishing what was in his glass.
"Want sa more?" Tony wiggled the bottle
"Oh grief, hand that to me before you waste it." Loki poured his self another drink
"Sure thing," but Tony couldn't stop himself from laughing
Before long Loki had finished the entire bottle by himself and without noticing that he had already popped open the second one. So it was no surprise that Loki didn't hear the Avengers busting down his door around 2am in the morning.
"Brother!" Thor rushed into the kitchen with such fury, his hammer in hand ready to fight at any minute. "Brother?" but the sight he and the other Avengers found was too bazaar to believe.
Loki and Tony were setting on the kitchen floor drunk off their rockers. Loki had a near empty bottle of alcohol in his hands, with another completely empty bottle lying at his feet.
When Loki saw Thor he burst into a fit of laughter, follow by Tony
"Brother, I" Thor shook his head, as Clint and Steve moved in the grab Tony
"Hey, what-youre doin' there" Loki reached out for his drinking companion, but soon collapsed into a fit of giggles
Thor sighed, this had been a long night. Having been startled awake by the emergency alarm and then traveling all this way only to find that your evil little brother was his having drinks with one of your closet friends. "Come brother," Thor gently pulled his drunken brother to his feet and led him out the front door to the transport cars.
"Thor," Loki lazily pointed between giggles
"Aye?" Thor looked at him
"Da door," Loki halted despite the older's protest "You can not leave da door unattended, what if Tom gets into Jerry."
Thor had no idea was his brother was talking about, the sooner he could get him to a secure bed to sober up, the sooner he could go back to sleep. He had wondered if this was what he was like when he was drunk. Thor could never quite remember after all those drunken nights how he managed to make it back to his bed every night. "Don't worry about it brother."
Loki nodded
The two reached the transport vehicles, Tony had falling to the ground rumbling on about toast hidden underneath the car.
Clint and Steve had already had the back door open for Loki to sit in. Thor ushered his brother into the car.
Tony jumped up "Wait! Shot gun!" he laughed and jumped into the back seat with Loki. The two fell to the floor in the back of the Jeep, laughing at each other. The team sighed, they were all too tired to deal with two drunken idiots and decided that since Loki hadn't killed Tony yet, a 40 minute drive would not hurt. Clint and Natasha drove Loki's transport Jeep, they had to bring up the back seat window because the two were making such racket. This was going to be a long drive. In the back seat Loki was lying on his back while Tony squeezed himself onto the floor.
"Hey Tonnny" Loki cooed between giggles. Loki had practically finished both bottles and he was feeling like a thousand pounds of gold
"Yeah," the playboy responded cheerfully
"What," Loki broke out into a fit of laughter along with Tony
Tony sat up to find himself a more comfortable position on the floor. They hit a bump, sending Tony into the air and on top of Loki
"Oalf," Loki gasped at the sudden extra weight oh his chest
"Hey theer sexy," Tony said seductively
Loki blushed, making kissy faces at the playboy, before one more bump connected their lips. Loki moaned into the kiss, he had not had intercourse in a long time and it showed in the ferocity he was kissing back and tugging at Tony's clothes. Like clockwork Tony unbuttoned his dress shirt, belt, and pants. He had become a master of drunken sex, over the years. He kissed Loki's plush lips again, moving down to his neck biting and nipping like a dog in heat. Loki responded very well to this with a series of whines and moans. Finally Loki couldn't take it anymore and ripped open his leather coat and undergarments. The heat radiated off the god's body as the cool night air rushed in. Loki shut his eyes, wanting nothing more than some release. Tony grind his thigh into Loki's erection and that was the final straw. The raven haired god bobbed his hips up and down, begging for some penetration. Tony sled the other's pants down and inserted himself into the nearest hole he could find. Loki screamed, clawing at the playboy's back. Tony thrusted in with the fury of a thousand swords cumming a little with each thrust, rocking the Jeep back and forth.
If Tony had been paying attention he might have stopped when felt the Jeep stop or at least when the door was open. The look on Thor's face was describable. His cheeks were a hot red, jaw clinched and eyes an icy blue.
"Stark!" The thunder god ripped the horny man off his brother, much to the other's protest
Stark fell to the ground, none of the events that happened that night were registering in. So he stood up, pulling up his pants and opened up his great big mouth "What, is theer a problem officer?"
But before he had time to laugh Thor slugged him right across the face, with a force that sent him flying five feet into the air. The drunken man hit the ground like a dead weight, knocked out cold.
"Dude!" Clint shouted, which caught the attention of Steve who also ran over to Tony.
None of the team had seen what the playboy and Loki were doing in the backseat of the Jeep and thank goodness for Loki's sake they hadn't. His brother did not handle embarrassment well.
"Damn Thor," Clint exclaimed "You knocked him the fuck out."
Steve checked for life signs "He's still breathing."
"I am sorry, but it was needed." The look of the thunder god's face said it all and read that his actions while deeply regretted were necessary
Clint and Steve nodded, picking up Tony and hulling him off to his room. The billionaire would need more than a big pack of ice to reduce the swelling his eye was about to blow up to in the morning.
Thor redressed his brother. He really couldn't blame Tony for his actions, Loki goes into fits of heat when he is intoxicated enough. The golden hair god tossed his brother over his shoulder. Fury and Natasha wanted to detain him to a waiting cell but Thor insisted that what his brother needed most was a nice soft bed and good nights sleep. Loki waved to the director, between giggles, trying to wiggle out of Thor's grip.
"Calm down brother, we are almost to my sleeping chambers." Thor finally arrived at his room and laid Loki on his bed. The younger god was sticky and sweating from the ordeal in the Jeep, but at least he was still in a good mood, something that would not last into the morning. It was probably better if Loki didn't know what he did this night.
"Thor," Loki smiled ear to ear with his eyes closed "Thanks for the goldfish."
Thor sighed "You're welcome brother" and prepared his brother for bed.