When You Met Me
By Lyn Lloyd

"Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret"
-Alpra Behn

Chapter I:
Courtyard Confusions and Chocolate Cake

Dan Humphrey flipped the final page of For Whom the Bell Tolls, by Ernest Hemingway. He had a thing for dark, war novels. They intrigued him. He related to most of the main characters and enjoyed the plot lines.

And it made him think about love. How Hemingway describes this short, spastic, unpredictable feeling that arises when is it not welcomed, but somehow we take it in. His stomach churned and suddenly he felt uneasy. He had been avoiding it, but the thought of love only brought up the subject of Serena. A nervous flutter burst in all directions in his stomach.

But, being a nervousness of another kind, it only made him feel sick.

Chuck fell back onto the bed, clad in only his silk, green boxers. Something about the feeling of being all alone in a hotel room really turned him on. The secrecy of what he was about to do made his groins quiver. At first, he did not want to admit it. But as his hand lowered closer and closer south, the image popped into his mind.

It wasn't the blonde waitress who had served him breakfast this morning, or the secretary that had sent him into his father's office, but…a guy.

He cringed and moved his hand away and wiped his forehead. It was dark, but not completely, sunlight filtered through the thick curtains, casting a glow. He felt ashamed, lost, and frustrated. Sex with women was good, but virtually impossible. It was as if a switch in his brain replaced the feelings he got with seeing great boobs, with well, gay thoughts.

"Fuck." Chuck spat, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "You're fine. You love boobs, always have."

But it felt forced, like it wasn't right, like it didn't fit. Something about it felt overwhelming.

Dan put his pencil down and studied his essay. After re-reading it for the tenth time, he stood up and walked towards his Professor's desk. A paper lay, crinkled and sloppy on the desk. Someone had finished before him. The name read Chuck Bass.

The words were printed in sloppy cursive and Dan found himself reading what Chuck had written. He had no idea Chuck could read.

…I disliked this book because, although Hemingway did a good job at writing about beauty, a foreshadowing of doom always disappointed you. Yet, it does show if you know you are going to lose something, it makes it all the more valuable."

Dan put his paper on top; his doubts about his own essay only grew.

He sat down, observed the room and noticed Chuck sitting close to the window, smirking at the group of girls right outside the window. Since their English class was on the first floor, it always allowed him to get a good view of the girls who ate lunch in the courtyard.

But, the funny thing is, Dan had no idea the thoughts that were running through Chuck's mind, the very thoughts that had been torturing him for weeks.

I love girls, they are so hot. Yeah. So hot. But… Chuck's eyes wandered to two boys punching each other playfully, then semi-hugging, in you know that manly way…and things went from there.

Dan continued to stare at the rich boy. His mind also wandered, to thoughts of how Chuck was able to write something like that when all he did was check out the girls in the courtyard.

Chuck felt a pair of eyes on him, suddenly aware that Dan Humphrey was staring straight at him. Dan averted his eyes once Chuck shot him a look. Dan's heart thudded for a second as adrenaline rushed through him.

The bell rang and class was over. Chairs squeaked as students shot up to get to their next classes.

"Dan!" Serena grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss. Ever since they had had sex, things were different. Not in a mature way, in a non-sexual way. So by finally having sex, it really had only lessened everything.

"Oh, wow, hi." Dan stuttered.

"What's wrong?" Serena stepped back a bit, loosening her grip on his hand.

"Nothing."

"You sure?"

Dan shook his head, "Yeah."

"Okay," Serena began, "You want to go somewhere tonight? I know you don't really like my friends, but Chuck-"

"Sure." He said too quickly, "Well, I mean, what? What is it?" Dan laughed nervously and tried to act calmer.

Serena, a bit shocked at his sudden approval, went on, "Chuck's parents are gone and since we haven't really done much, you know all of us, he wanted to do something. Plus, it's his birthday."

"Rich boy's birthday party?"

Serena shook her head, "Well, not really, he doesn't exactly celebrate it. He just kinda gets people together and pretends it's not his birthday."

"Rich kids are pretty complicated." Dan joked. He liked how comfortable he felt around Serena.

"You have no idea."

Chuck sat in his limo outside of the apartments where his penthouse was located. He felt annoyed, most at himself, for inviting Serena and Nate and whoever they invited to his party.

The limo made him sick; the smell of wine crowded his senses. Maybe it was the smell of his own defeat, his own admittance. He was in the closet, deep in the closet. This was not a sudden revelation; it had taken a month to get to this conclusion and many foggy wet dreams before any actual gay thoughts.

And at five o'clock he would be eighteen years old, alone, and gay. He checked his watch, it was four-thirty. Only thirty minutes, might as well enjoy it. He leaned back against the seat of the limo and closed his eyes, hoping to God that this was a horrible, horrible nightmare and when he woke up, he would have an erection, but only because he found two women, naked, under his sheets.

"What do you get a rich boy for his birthday- money?"

Serena rolled her eyes, "Chuck doesn't want us to give him anything. Remember, it's not his birthday."

"Right." Dan made a confused face, "When does he have a birthday? Like with cake and the wish and stuff?"

"He doesn't."

"Really?" Dan felt sorry for him. "No chocolate cake?"

"Only if the cake you gave him had two strippers somewhere inside of it."

"Right." Dan leaned against his computer chair and stared at Serena, who was sitting on his bed.

"Your dad is gone." Serena got up, "So is Jenny."

Dan stood up, quicker than usual, "It's almost five-thirty."

"It's only four-thirty we have an hour."

"My watch must be wrong."

"It is." She walked over to him suggestively and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Dan pressed his hand on her back and went for it. Sex, he loved sex. Well… at least he tried to.

All the French kissing lead to Dan lifting up Serena's shirt and unclasping her bra. He touched her breasts, kneaded them and then helped undo his shirt. Pretty soon, they were both naked on his bed.

Serena led him on top of her and he gradually felt his erection harden against her. Well at least I'm normal, he began thinking.

Finally, he slid inside of her and once again, thoughts kept running through his head. While he kissed her, while he closed his eyes and leaned and rocked against her, he thought,

How did he write such a damn good essay? Why weren't his parents coming to celebrate his birthday with him? And does he even like chocolate cake?

Chuck stepped out the shower and wiped his hand over the fog to examine himself in the mirror. He felt a sense of relief that he had finally gotten over his gayness. While in the shower he had thought about it, he liked women, he liked men-sort've…no, yes he liked men. Maybe instead of being so melodramatic about it and assuming the worst (complete gayness) he was just bi, or bi-curious, whatever they called it.

It made him feel better, that way he could just tell people that "Yeah I like women." Which isn't a lie because, he just only forgot to mention that he had a fondness for men as well…

Yeah, he had it all figured out.

His watch on the counter ticked to five o'clock.

Serena brushed her hair with her hands and slipped into her clothes. Dan dressed behind her and checked his watch, "It's six-no wait, almost five thirty."

"We better go then."

Dan followed her out. Chuck's apartment seemed like an adventure. Like something he wanted to see. It felt very unlike himself to actually want to go to one of these "events".

In the cab, Serena held his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder, like normal young lovers, but something in Dan's gestures only showed that this love was most definitely one-sided.

Chuck wore a button up vest over a white shirt. He was about to put on a pink shirt under the vest, but figured that would be too obvious.

The room was already filled with people, few he actually knew, until Nate walked in.

"Hey. Happ-I mean great party."

Nate was a friend, so Chuck was thankful he had no feelings there. "Hey." He didn't have anything witty to say, so his voice ended up sounding out of place.

"Is there anything wrong?" Nate assumed quickly.

"Well," Could he tell Nate? Yes, no…

"No, well maybe."

"Maybe?" Nate pulled him aside.

"I-" He looked down, and lowered his voice to a whisper, "I forget to use a condom."

No, he couldn't tell Nate.

Nate chuckled, "Did you get a girl knocked up?"

"Uh, well I don't know."

Nate smiled, "You know it would've eventually happened, it's statistics."

"What would you know about statistics?"

"Did you run out?"

"I-I was rushing."

"Ah, the old rush in, rush out?"

Chuck felt embarrassed that he had to lie about having sex; he hadn't done that since the eighth grade.

"Yeah, so how are things with…"

Nate set his glass down, as if it put even more weight into the discussion, "Zero."

"Really?" Chuck smirked, "I could get you something on the side…"

Nate hesitated.

"It's a joke; I didn't really take you as the unfaithful type. But, if you would like to I'd pick out a nice blonde for you, as a thank you gift. You know I'd do anything for you."

Did that sound gay?

Fuck, I sound like his bitch.

"I mean, you know, I'd help you out because you're my-"

"Serena." Nate's attention turned to her and the guy standing behind her, Dan something.

"Happy Birthday Bass." Serena hugged him.

Chuck, with too much on his mind, forget the whole taboo and studied Dan over Serena's hug, all he thought was…how much he just wanted to try it. He wanted the experience. He wanted to prove it that he was one-hundred percent guaranteed gay.

So, with that in mind, he stayed close to Serena.

Serena clapped her hands after a few glasses of wine. "I have an idea!"

"What?" More people gathered around their little circle.

"An old-fashioned game of spin-the-bottle!"

Some people moaned a no and others nodded theirs heads in agreement. Serena took an empty bottle of wine and set it on the floor.

"Me first!" She spun it and more people formed a circle.

It spun and landed on Nate. She gave him a quick kiss, only flaring up Nate's desire to screw something. Anything.

Nate spun and it landed on some random girl. He kissed her and then it was Dan's turn. But, this time Serena smirked, feeling lucky that the wine bottle would land on her, she changed the rules.

"No more quick kisses. It's closet time!"

Chuck cringed at the word closet. Why did gayness have to be connected to closets?

"Seven minutes in heaven!" Another offered and everyone got a little more anxious.

Dan, his hand still on the bottle, gave it whirl. It spun and slowly, but surely, landed on Chuck.

Chuck Bass. The rich boy, who didn't celebrate his birthday, or pretended not to, who didn't like cake-only strippers, and the one who could write way better than he could.

Serena laughed and so did everyone else. They made cooing noises and pushed them both towards the closet. Dan's hands beaded with sweat, he lost the control of his nerves and he tried to laugh it off with a lame chuckle. Chuck was standing up, confidently, waiting for him to join him.

Chuck. Chuck. Chuck. The name rushed in and out of his mind faster than Serena's when he first kissed her and faster than his heart when he began to stand and head for the closet and faster than Chuck's footsteps behind him.

It was really dark in this closet. "It's dark." Dan said when he shut the door.

"Does it matter?"

Dan shut up, "No."

They stood in the dark for a good thirty seconds before Dan started talking again.

"I read your essay."

"What essay?"

"Hemingway."

"He's a horrible writer. I hate him, boring. God, damn. Shut up whatever your name is."

"It's Dan, Dan Humphrey."

"Good for you Humprey."

"Humphrey."

"Humphrey."

"Yeah, but you understood what-"

"Okay, I don't want discuss literature with you, in a closet, when we're suppose to be making out." Chuck crossed his arms. Experiencing something was too idealistic, especially since it was with this straight, literature freak.

"What kind of cake do you like?"

"Chocolate."

Author's Note:

It's two o'clock in the morning on a Monday. I have a fantastic cold, stuffy nose and all. I probably will have to go to school tomorrow, but I can get myself out of it. I decided to write this because I LOVE this show and I've missed writing fanfics. So I hope you enjoyed this! And if you're asking me, why Dan/Chuck?

I think it's cute! And yes you may flame me! Please review! I love it all.

Thanks for reading!