Dragon AgeMass Effect: Fancy Meeting You Here FInquisitor FShepard Chapter 1: Running From Demons, a Mass Effect + Dragon Age Crossover fanfic

Run, run, run!

How the Inquisitor found herself running for her life in Skyhold?

Seriously was everyone still sleeping off the party…or still at the damn party? Stupid Quanari drink…drunk…what the hell was in that stuff? Demon bait, obviously.

There were Shades and Demons stalking her at every turn. Inquisitor Lavellan was literally running out of places to hide, and running out of steam to run.

Some of Cullan's more sober troops were trying to organize, but she was cut off from where they were yelling. There did seem to be fewer demons following her now, but it would only take one good smack at this point.

Really why didn't she learn to use a sword? It's not like there wasn't a dearth of them in Skyhold. At this point she would have taken a pointy stick, or a board with a nail in it.

How can Skyhold be full without one familiar face? She had no staff, and did not leave a great deal of strength for spell work. Running back to her quarters was not an option.

That where she woke up to the intruders.

She's almost just run into the courtyard, which would only get the damned Chantry sisters killed. Maybe she should force them to carry pointy sticks when this was all over.

Wow. Intruders had to be the nicest term she'd ever used for some fucking demons.

Her breath was ragged. The stonewall she practically fell against felt cold. It would have almost felt comforting if she was convinced she wasn't going to die while leaning against.

More Shades…maybe the same Shades…intruders…fucking demons…fuck.

Her instincts kicked in and launched her just out of range of the nearest attacking demon. Maker! Was that a rage demon? She didn't even believe in the Maker, but if he believed in her…he'd better get her the hell out of here.

Yep, they were right; Demons don't tire…people do.

Running through door after door.

It had worked until now.

The last door she blindly ran in to led to a dead end. It had to happen eventually. She was just hoping it was a room with some anti-demon loot. Why didn't they invent that stuff? Maybe she should have Vivienne work on that instead of some anti-aging cream.

She was between Demons and a stonewall. The stonewall was starting to look surprisingly good as an alternative.

Wait, not a stonewall, an Eluvian. That's what Morrigan said it was? Funny, she always thought it would be bigger in real life. Dalish lore left out artifact dimensions.

Could she duplicate the spell to open it? Fuck it. Throw the anchor at the damn thing and see…

A familiar, yet still terrifying green glow erupted into a force that could open and close the Fade, but could it open a damned mirror?

The Eluvian glowed…AND the answer was YES!

When the Inquisitor paused to open the damned thing, the Shades closed in on her position. She could almost feel them breathing down her neck…if they could breathe. I wonder if demons do breathe…fuck…not the time…

Way too close to call.

Run, run, LEAP.

…And I'm in the crossroads. Never-never land of the gods…maybe. Old Elvan gods, supposedly. But I'm not seeing any gods…

Inquisitor Lavellan was bent over heaving in as much oxygen as her lungs could take.

Thank the gods.

It was at that moment the first demon rumbled through the open Eluvian.

Damn, guess I should have said, "Thank the Maker."

Close the damn door behind you Lavellan. It's just an anchor's toss a way.

Another blast of Green and the door was shut…now it was just an unarmed elf and a demons. Well better odds that eleven of its brethren, but the results might be the same.

What had Morrigan said? Some of them were unlocked, right? Led to other world or something.

She saw one glowing in the distance.

Run threw the door and slam it behind you this time.

The Inquisitor leaped straight into the Eluvian and twisted in the air to slam it shut behind her.

The mirror closed. She slumped to the floor exhausted. Some kind of medal grating. Her hand was still glowing.

She should probably keep moving…she turned to run straight into a woman with the name Shepard printed on her helmet. And there were a large number of strange looking people holding…hand cannons?!

"I guess I'm not in Thedas anymore."

She looked over to a black plate with a "c" circled with the name Bioware stamped on it.

Hmmmm.

The woman took off her helmet. "Thedas? Do we have a map of Thedas?"

Staring down the wrong end of the hand cannons…this was not going to be the Inquisitors day.

***

Shepard's day had started badly. No coffee, no hot water, and an angry Liara running around.

However, gorgeous women jumping out of a bulkhead shooting green glowing electricity out of their hands, or hand as it were, was not improving anything. The gorgeous part was nice though.

***

"EDI what's on my ship?" Shepard asked.

"Some kind of Biotic " Garrus offered.

"This is a bit complex Shepard." Edi's voice stated calmly. The always calm Edi could be infuriating, especially when she wasn't forthcoming. Sometimes she was a little too AI for her own good.

"I'm a who, not a what." the Inquisitor scoffed. "What you run into green people after leaping through a mirror, okay Eluvian, and they have an issue with elves?"

"What's an elf?…and I'm not green. Everyone who is not human is not necessarily green." Garrus scoffed.

"I think she was talking about me." Wrex said.

"Why would you think that?" Miranda asked never wavering her aim from the Inquisitor.

"Because all women are always talking about me." Wrex stated confidently.

"Oh, for fuck's sake…" Miranda started.

"What?" Wrex said to Miranda.

"I'd sooner sleep with Shepard." Miranda sighed.

"Really? Really? I rate slightly above Wrex?!" Shepard had been ignoring their bickering before now, but that was personal.

"I'd sleep with you. If I was into chicks. Which I'm not." Jack, bored, sat down sheathing her weapon.

"Thanks, Jack." Shepard replied. "I think."

"Really is it going to take all of us to gun her down? God, it's one woman. Can't you guys just chill out?" Jack exasperated merely throws her hands up.

"You're telling us to calm down?" Ashley asked. "Maybe this is a different universe."

"What makes you sure it's a woman?" Garrus quipped back.

"Because in human looking creatures…boobs mean women." Wrex sighed. "Can we shoot it or not?"

"We absolutely cannot shoot it." The Inquisitor definitely couldn't take all of them. Hell, she couldn't even take part of them. She didn't even have a staff.

The closest one to her was Shepard. She seemed a bit rough around the edges, not a woman she would likely want to get cross with, and the one in charge is usually not the one you need to kill first to get out of any situation. She was kind of sexy though in a non-traditional way.

Really? Is all I think about sex? Better than Darkspawn.

"EDI." Sheppard prompted impatiently.

"Of course humans are everywhere." Sighed Javik. "Humans, humans, humans. You'd think the entire universe is about humans."

"Humans? There are humans in Thedas. They look the same as the humans here. The rest of you, I'm guessing are not human."

"Good guess." Garrus retorted. "What are you again?"

"An elf." The Inquisitor stated flatly. I wonder if they have servants and slums here full of us too? "Elf equals slave to some. What are we here?"

"You aren't here." Edi replied. "Your world of Thedas does not exist here. Nor do elves."

"Well," Liara started "there appears to be one elf here."

"I stand corrected Dr. T' Soni." Edi replied.

"Incredibly helpful, ED?." Sheppard haphazardly tossed her helmet on a chair.

"Everyone one put down your weapons, and you…you just put down your hand." Everyone responded to Shepard's order, very slowly.

"I know who you are. Your from the Mass Effect world." The Inquisitor look surprised as she said it.

"What are you talking about?"

"It must have been that point I spent in arcane knowledge. You're Shepard."

"I'm Shepard. That's in your arcane knowledge?"

"No, it's on your helmet."

"This is a bit difficult to explain. I do have knowledge of Thedas. It is in a different Bioware realm." EDI stated flatly.

"Bioware?" The Inquisitor and Shepard asked.

"This elf is known as the Inquisitor in Dragon Age. I have some working knowledge of her realm. The file is incomplete. For lack of a better term…Bioware is the name of your Maker…or the asari's goddess."

"Is Bioware connected to Andreste?"

"Only fiscally." Edi responded.

"How do you know who are your enemies in this world?" the Inquisitor asked.

"They're the ones that try to kill us randomly for no reason." James offered. "And if they're just supposed to annoy us…they always sound French."

"Sounds like Thedas." The Inquisitor sighed.

***

"Well this better than, what do you call your jail?" The Inquisitor asked wandering about Commander Shepard's cabin. Idly drawing a finger across a table here or there.

"The brig." Commander Shepard sat down on a padded bench seat. She like watching the lithe elf move around her quarters.

"Why not just call it jail?" the Inquisitor paused and turned up a picture that was face down.

"Because it's not jail. It's the brig." Shepard had one hand on her knee leaning forward as was one of her customary poses. It was one the Inquisitor knew well.

"Well your quarters are nicer than the brig." The picture seemed to be of the blue woman the voice called Dr. T'Soni.

"Make yourself at home. You'll be here for a while. No better place to watch you from than right here." Commander Shepard kicked back leaning her back fully against the back of the seat.

"I could give you a better view." Shepard didn't respond. "Is she special to you?" The Inquisitor held out the picture for Shepard to see.

"We were close once." Shepard said nothing else. Not even a hint.

"And now?" the Inquisitor asked.

"And now we are not." Shepard gave her what she hoped was a blank stare. She had been in love with Liara, and the very infrequent sex was fantastic, but Shepard needed someone more present.

God she needed to at least get laid once in a while.

"Are you close with anyone else?" the Inquisitor moved towards Shepard in a not quite believably haphazard fashion.

"Not at this exact moment." There was no telling when EDI would find a way home for this Inquisitor, or whether Shepard would find a way to put her…sort of biotic powers to use.

"I do have to find a way to get back…get back to where I was."

"EDI is working on that."

"This EDI I can't see. Is she spirit or is a demon?"

"Good question. Ask Joker on a good day, and she's a computer, ask him on a bad day and she's a demon. Lot's of people don't like AIs."

Shepard knew what she was getting at, but Shepard didn't know if she was interested in just a one-night stand…ridiculous…of course she was! For being the great Commander Shepard, sometimes renegade sometimes paragon hero, it didn't equate into much of a sex life. She was lucky to get laid every 50 missions by someone…if she tried really hard.

"Lots of people don't like elves."

"Why?"

"Real reason? We're not human. Anything that is not human, is, well, suspect."

"There's quite a bit of that here as well. Do you have a problem with humans, Lavallen?"

"I don't have a problem with you, if that is what you are asking…Shepard. Do you even have a first name?"

This sexy little creature seemed interested and ready for fun. Who was she to deny dumb luck for once?

"Not one I use."

"Seriously, you're not going to tell me your first name?" The Inquisitor flopped down in a chair facing Shepard. Leaning forward with one hand oh her knee and her elbow pointed out.

"Jane."

"Did you just make that up?" The Inquisitor inquisited.

"Someone did, but not me."

"Your parents, I guess?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Shepard retorted. Shepard was good with dialogue, good with action if it involved killing people, but lousy at initiating anything else more…intimate. "I see your…"

The Inquisitor cut her off. "I see your seeing, but your not doing too much about it."

"Is there something more I should be doing?" Shepard asked.

"I could show you…especially if I'm going to be trapped here for hours, maybe days…'whatever would we do to fill the time?'"

"Are you asking me?"

The Com echoed with Joker's voice. "EDI has something you need to see. I think we found a way to get the…whatever she is…back home…if you're into giant space mirrors."

"You've got to be kidding." Shepard was truly exasperated. Always Joker with the timing. And a giant space mirror. It was like living in a horror movie with cats jumping out every ten minutes.

"I'll be right there, Joker." Shepard got up to walk out of the room in her normal customary expedient fashion.

"Sorry to interrupt you Commander Shepard, but is this "space mirror" going anywhere?"

The Commander stopped midstride. "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

If this information and mirror isn't going anywhere why not take a little time for yourself.

"I have to go see about this…"

"I understand. I'm in charge where I come from too; however, not everything has to happen immediately. I mean you could simply change the alphabetical order." The Inquisitor had stopped Shepard with her voice, but she had just sort of, maybe gotten through to Shepard's thick skull.

"I don't get it."

Wow, the Inquisitor thought. She woman does not get prioritizing ones needs.

She just stared at Shepard. The Inquisitor waited a beat while Shepard stared at her. "Put sex before the mirror."

"Oh…oh…EDI, is that mirror going anywhere?" Shepard asked to the thin air.

"Not at this time Commander." Edi's voice stated the fact simply enough.

"Belay my last. I'll be up in a while. There's a few things I want to discuss with the prisoner."

"Acknowledged Commander." Edi said.

Joker started to speak, "What are you talking about…"

"The Commander gave an order, Joker." Edi said as evenly as she said everything.

"I know, but it's right there and we're…"

"The Commander gave an order."

"Whatever." muttered Joker.

"Understood Commander." Edi said simply.

"You don't get laid much do you?" the Inquisitor asked.

"Probably not as often as I should." Shepard had been avoiding looking at her until that moment. The Inquisitor had moved to where she was laying down on Shepard's bed.

"I don't think I can make this any easier or more clear to you, Shepard." The Inquisitor looked out at all the million points of light.

Nothing seemed weird after you walked through the fade alive: even a million stars in different places than they should be, even being in outside the world, even trying to seduce the densest woman alive who really wanted to get laid.

"Agreed." Commander Shepard walked over to the bed looking awkward. "I don't really know how to do this…"

The Inquisitor managed to stand up and just kiss Shepard full on the mouth. Hopefully she would understand this…

Shepard responded by pressing the lithe little body against her and kissing her back.

It's weird." Shepard said. "It's like I'm romancing myself."

"Where I come from. You get used to weird."

"I can accept that." Shepard pushed the Inquisitor over on the bed. Now that she had been hit over the head with the idea, she liked where it was going.

***

Okay people reading this…what do you want:

More Mass Effect World

More Mass Effect World (ME 2 and/or ME 3 characters) with or without sex…(I could just write out a smut stand alone chapter)

Personally, I thought romancing my Shepard with my Inquisitor was kinda fun.

I can go much, much further with the Bioware jokes if you like.

Shepard can go into Dragons Age…

I'm down with whatever…if you've been missing your ME I can bring it down DLC style…we can take the Normandy to Thedas…we can do whatever you want.