Rating: T
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended; these characters belong to Babylon 5. I own nothing.
If the concept of two women in love offends you, please don't read.
Slight fluff warning, but I sincerely hope you enjoy. Leave reviews if you like.
***WS***
"Dear Miss Winters." Commander Ivanova stood in front of her bathroom mirror and shook her head at her own reflection. No. That wasn't it. She cleared her throat and tried a different voice: "Dear Miss Winters." No, her face looked weird with that one, and besides, she never talked like that. She exhaled loudly. When had she stopped being a normal person? Why was this so difficult bordering on impossible? Then again, how could she possibly explain herself? It wasn't exactly something she could bring up in a casual conversation over lunch, and especially not with her of all people in the universe. Why her? Why, why, why?
The madness had been going on for way too long now, and Susan Ivanova, not exactly a friend of madness, knew she would have to take some action before she went completely insane. She felt like she was high on something, constantly buzzing, yet she required hardly any sleep, food or water, and with her situation bordering on the absurd she had decided there were three options.
One, and the one she was most likely going to choose, and soon: blow herself out of an airlock.
Two, not a very likely one, especially since this had been going on for months: get over it.
Three, the most unlikely one, yet one worth preparing for: do something about it.
She walked a few steps, gesticulating wildly with her hands, before facing herself again in the mirror: "Dear Miss Winters, forgive me, but I need to urgently sleep with you, else I might just lose my mind. Ha. If I haven't completely lost it already," she shook her head again.
"Miss Winters, will you join me for a drink? Dinner? OH, WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?" she turned around on the spot, "And what am I doing talking to myself?"
She marched out of the bathroom and started pacing her quarters instead.
"Miss Winters, I need to speak with you, no, sleep with you so that I can once and for all get rid of all those very annoying and distracting fantasies I have about all the things I would like to do to you."
Talia Winters did not exactly come across as a violent person, but this line would most certainly land Ivanova a punch in the face, and rightly so.
Of course, she could stalk her. Garibaldi did it, but that would be even worse; or would it? She would do a much better job, she was sure of that, but then again stalking her might increase the wanting...if at all possible.
"Miss Winters, I can't stop thinking about your mouth. And eyes as a matter of fact. Ha, ha, funny, Susan, veeery funny," Ivanova continued, "And I want to get you the hell out of that suit."
Insane, completely insane. Without another thought Ivanova left her quarters, ready to start her day an hour early, another sign of her life spiralling out of control. Apparently she no longer hated early mornings, and was up before her alarm, rearing to go. She was praying for a busy day; she needed all the distractions she could get.
Ten hours later and still in the same haze, Ivanova found herself, for the first time that day, in close proximity with the object of her desires, when on a flight of stairs she ran into Talia. Her sudden presence pulled Ivanova out of her daydream, and when their eyes met, Talia stopped in her tracks.
The image was overwhelmingly clear, it played in slow motion, yet it was over in a second. Talia's face, her eyes shut, her mouth slightly open, breathing heavily.
"Oh my God." Talia said, and Ivanova knew these vivid pictures had been created by her own mind, and she had spilt them over Talia accidentally, like one would spill a cup of hot tea.
She could not read the telepath's expression, but she knew there was no point in lying or trying to talk herself out of it.
"I have to go." Ivanova said, pushed past Talia and made a run for it. The next thing she remembered was reaching her quarters and the door sliding shut. She leant against the wall and took what felt like the first breath since she had started walking.
What had she done, and how the hell did it happen in the first place? Still sitting on the floor of her quarters, she put her head in her hands and felt her pulse in her temples. It wasn't really her fault, she tried to tell herself, she hadn't exactly tried to spill her guts, Talia had simply caught her off guard, it was an accident.
"Damn you, Miss Winters...," she said half an hour later when she had regained enough self-control to peel herself off the floor.
"Damn you." she said again, and let herself fall heavily onto her bed. This wasn't good. Maybe she could ask Sheridan for a reassignment. He could put Talia under house arrest until Ivanova had left the station and reached the other side of the galaxy. Yes, in the light of recent events it seemed the best if not only solution; she would ask the Captain first thing tomorrow. The reason for her sudden transfer would be unprecedented and not at all helpful to her career, of course, but since she had lost all her dignity today, she decided she had little to fear. One thing was crystal clear. Under no circumstances could she ever face Talia Winters again.
"What a mess," she mumbled, and went to the kitchenette to see what she could eat, but nothing took her fancy. Half-heartedly she bit into an apple, her father's words in the back of her mind about not forgetting to eat. It wasn't that she was forgetting, she just didn't need to, it appeared she could live on adrenaline alone and the thought of Talia.
The door chimed.
"Yes." she said, her mouth full of apple. She expected to see the Captain, and had already prepared her verbal resignation from this sector of space, when once again, she stood eye to eye with Talia.
"Hi." the telepath said and took one hesitant step into the room.
Ivanova swallowed as the door slid shut.
"Hi."
Talia stood there, looking at her hands, seemingly unsure of what she had come to say. Her eyes slowly rose to meet Susan's.
"Look, I've come to tell you not to worry about it. I am often on the receiving end of emotions and even images, and it's no big deal."
No big deal? Ivanova thought, but had apparently forgotten how to speak. She hectically tried to think about anything but Talia to avoid any further "accidents".
"Apple?" she finally asked, and held out another fruit.
Talia smiled and stepped closer, accepting the offer. She took off her gloves and badge and pushed them out of sight behind the fruit-bowl.
"Miss Winters...", Ivanova started. Part of her could not believe Talia had actually come to her after the incident, when Ivanova knew she should be the one apologizing.
The telepath interrupted Ivanova who was struggling to string together some sort of explanation, "Susan, why won't you ever call me Talia?"
Because I call you Talia in my fantasies, and this isn't one of them, Ivanova thought, and took another bite of her apple. The more she could chew, the less she could talk, and frankly it seemed the safest course of action.
Talia, apparently playing the same game, bit into her apple and chewed, looking at Ivanova expectantly.
"I don't know, I've never thought about it." Ivanova finally gave in and lied.
"Is this your dinner?" Talia asked, letting it go, pointing at the apple.
Ivanova nodded.
"I am not very hungry at the moment," she said and looked at the half eaten fruit in her hand.
"Why not?" Talia asked casually, and when Ivanova's eyes met hers, she again saw an image, and this time she could not be sure if it came from herself or the telepath.
"I, I am sorry." Talia stuttered, and shielded her eyes with her hands as if she had been blinded.
"No, no, no, I am sorry." Ivanova said, let out a nervous laugh, and took a few steps into the room, bringing some needed distance between them. What in all hell was going on here? Her mother had taught her how to keep telepaths out of her head, not how to let them in. She rolled her head from side to side. Whatever this was, it had to stop. She had to stop. Now.
"Look, Talia," she said, for a moment savouring the way the name rolled off her tongue, "Let's just forget about it, okay. That's what you came here for in the first place, right, to tell me to forget about it, so let's forget about it," Ivanova stopped herself from saying it a forth time.
"Worry about it." Talia said quietly, and Ivanova felt the heat when she turned and looked at her.
"What?"
"I told you not to worry about it. I didn't say to forget about it."
"Okay, so I am not worried about it, so let's forget about it." Ivanova said with a forced smile, sounding a lot more aggressive than anticipated.
Talia didn't reply, just nodded and got off her chair. She reached for her discarded items, but Susan, sensing the now or never opportunity, was there in a second, and put her hand on Talia's hand to stop her from leaving.
The sudden contact almost hurt, and neither of them moved. Susan was aware of Talia's breath in her hair. God, all she wanted was the unthinkable.
"Talia," she said, still looking at their hands, not brave enough to meet her eyes, "The truth is, I can't eat and I can't sleep, and I can't stop thinking about you."
Talia didn't pull her hand away which suggested she might stick around for the rest of Ivanova's unexpected confession.
"I have no idea how it started or when, and I am sorry that I've been so indiscreet today, but it was an accident."
"I know." Talia said, her voice washing over Ivanova like a million promises.
"I make love to you in my mind, Susan, because I had convinced myself I could never have you. What happened earlier, I didn't expect, and at first I thought the images were mine."
"No." Ivanova whispered, running a finger over the soft skin of Talia's hand, mesmerized by the touch, "No, they were mine."
"Susan." her name, dark and sweet as anything, carefully placed into the silence increased Ivanova's head rush. Talia's own confession was starting to hit home, and the sudden anticipation that rose in Ivanova was enough to give her goose bumps.
She couldn't look at Talia, even though looking at her was all she wanted to be doing.
Drawing invisible, random shapes on the back of Talia's hand, Ivanova continued in a whisper, "I love your eyes, I love your mouth, you are the most beautiful creature I...," her voice was shaking, her heart beating a million beats a second.
Talia took her other hand to brush a thick strand of hair out of Susan's face, and finally they looked at each other. Ivanova could not feel her legs, she saw tiny black dots in front of her eyes, and for a second she was afraid she would lose her balance and faint.
When she spoke, there was an irresistible smile in Talia's eyes and a whole lot else, "You make it sound like it's the worst thing that has ever happened to you."
Ivanova didn't know how to reply, because in a way it really, really was.
"You are afraid," Talia whispered.
"Terrified," Ivanova confessed, but she knew it was too late for that. Talia was tracing her bottom lip with one finger, a gesture so erotic, Ivanova thought her head would explode, and she did the only thing she could and surrendered. When their lips met, the kiss was hot and sweet and as shockingly overwhelming as Ivanova had feared, and somewhere in the back of her clouded mind she understood that there was no going back, possibly not ever, and with only one kiss Talia Winters had accomplished the impossible and conquered Susan Ivanova's heart, and with that all fear dissolved.