AN: I'm not sure if it's supposed to be Scieszka or Sheska but... you all know who I mean. Anyway, thanks for reading and leave me a review!
"Hey!" Edward Elric shouted as he stomped into Mustang's office, slamming the door behind him.
"Calm down," Roy Mustang said from his desk, "I'd appreciate it if you stopped yelling at the world. Some of us have work to do. Time is short, you know."
A vein in Ed's head pulsed, "You better not be calling me short, Colonel."
Roy sighed, "What is it?"
"You know damn well what the problem is! First you send me on useless missions and then you send bodyguards to spy on me!" Ed snapped, taking a step toward Mustang.
"I'd hardly call it spying, fullmetal," Roy said, moving from his desk to stand in front of the ill-tempered teen, "I'd call it... keeping you safe. After all, I couldn't very well have anything happen to you, could I?"
"Oh?" Ed asked, "And why is that?"
Roy smirked, "Do you really expect me to fill out all of the paperwork for something like that?"
Ed glared at him, "Don't pretend like that's the reason. What would more paperwork matter anyways? It's not like you do any of the work you're supposed to."
Roy shrugged, "Take it or leave it, fullmetal."
Ed smirked, "Yeah, I don't think that works for me."
Roy took a step closer, their faces inches apart, "And what are you going to do about it?"
"Don't tempt me, bastard," Ed said, "I'm sure there are many higher ups that wouldn't be too pleased with what you've been doing."
Roy's smirked, "You know they'd be just as upset about what you've been doing."
"You think so?" Ed asked, "You've not only been fraternizing within the military, but you've also been fraternizing with a minor. Who's to blame there?"
Roy's smirk faded, "Fine. No more bodyguards. Happy?"
"If I believed you I would be," Ed replied.
"You know, fullmetal, you've got a weird way of showing affection," Roy sighed.
"Who said anything about affection?" Ed snapped.
Roy reached his hand up to Ed's face and gave him a chaste kiss.
"Bastard," Ed grumbled.
"Whatever you say," Roy smirked, "But you know-"
"Shut up, Colonel," Ed said, leaning in for another kiss.
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"Not to worry, Scieszka," Alex Louis Armstrong said, "This method of cooking has been passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!"
"I've got to work," Scieszka protested, "I still have 50 more reports to write out!"
"Don't you trust me?" Armstrong asked, flexing his muscles, an array of pink sparkles twitching around his body, "Don't you see my integrity? How do you not trust these muscles? How can these muscles be anything but honest?"
"I-it's not that," Scieszka said, backing away slowly, "I just have work to do! I've been up for 3 days straight already and I'm not even close to finishing!"
"It sounds like you need a break," Armstrong said, "And I'm just the person to take it with!"
"What's that?" Scieszka said, leaning to one side and cupping a hand to her ear, "I have to get back to work right away? Alright!"
Scieszka began running down the hallway. Armstrong ran after her and yelled, "Careful, it might be a trap! Let me come along! The Armstrong's have been protecting people for generations!"
Scieszka ran into the nearest room.
"Scieszka? What are you doing here?" Hawkeye asked.
"Scieszka? I know you came this way, this method of following people has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" Armstrong said from not far behind.
"There's no time!" Scieszka said frantically, running through the office.
She yanked open the set of doors at the far end of the room that led to Mustang's office. She slammed the doors shut behind her and spun around. Her jaw dropped.
Armstrong swung open the door and entered the room. He closed the door delicately, with a grace that had been passed down the Armstrong line for generations, and turned to face Scieszka when something else caught his eye, "Edward?"
Roy was frozen in his spot. Ed's lips were pressed against his and he instantly regretted the stupidity of not locking his door.
Thinking quickly, Roy shouted, "He's not breathing! Get help!"
Ed realized what was going on and went limp in Roy's arms.
Scieszka's eyes widened and she threw open the doors, "We have a medical emergency!"
Roy pressed his lips against Ed's once more, this time in an attempt to simulate artificial respiration.
"Give him to me, Roy," Armstrong demanded, "For I will perform the kind of CPR that has been handed down the Armstrong line for generations!"
Hearing this, Ed quickly "started" breathing again.
"He's alright!" Roy announced as Havoc and Hawkeye arrived at the door.
Ed opened his eyes and stood up, "Thanks, Colonel."
"I told you earlier, I would not put up with all of that paperwork," Roy smirked.
"Bastard," Ed muttered under his breath so that only Roy could hear him.
"Such a true representation of friendship!" Armstrong said as tears streamed down his cheeks, "So beautiful."
"Are you alright?" Scieszka asked, "What happened?"
"Oh you know how he can be," Roy waved a hand dismissively, "All bark and no bite. It's not my fault that he's too short to-"
"Who did you call a speck of dust that could blow right in front of your face without anyone being able to see him?!?!" Ed fumed.
"Edward," Hawkeye interjected before another fight could break out, "Shouldn't you be getting some rest?"
"I'm fine," Ed said, "Stop worrying."
"Well Scieszka, shall we get going?" Armstrong asked.
"Actually Colonel Mustang said he wanted to see me about something," Scieszka said nervously, hoping Mustang would play along with her lie.
"I have business with fullmetal right now," Roy said curtly, "You are free to go."
"Wonderful!" Armstrong cried out in delight, "This will be fantastic!"
Armstrong dragged Scieszka out of the office with him. Havoc shrugged and walked back to his desk.
"Some privacy, Lt.," Roy said to Hawkeye who remained in the room.
"With all due respect sir, don't you think it would be better if you gave Edward some time to recuperate first?" Hawkeye asked.
"He's already said he's fine," Roy said dully, "Dismissed."
Hawkeye saluted, "Sir," she said before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
"Looks like we have a bit of a problem," Roy said, letting out a sigh.
"Oh really?" Ed said sarcastically, "What gives you that idea?"
"We'll have to be more careful," Roy said, moving toward the door.
"And how do you suggest we do that?" Ed asked.
"I suggest," Roy smirked, reaching out a gloved hand and clicking the dead bolt shut, "That this time we lock the door."