21 QUESTIONS
Misa Amane tossed about her bed. There was nothing to do, and by 'nothing to do', Misa-Misa meant there was no Light with which to exhaust her boundless affections. Her circadian rhythm was out of wack and thus wouldn't allow her to go to bed until at least 2 or 3 in the morning, and she certainly wasn't going to spend this excessive amount of time watching old re-runs of House and Psyche. Wasn't there one in whom she could confide? One who would, like Light, listen to her every word and bless her with their love?
Ah, yes. Silly Misa-Misa. She had Rem! The quiet, unassuming Shinigami. Rem had interested her since the day they met, primarily owing to her unconditional love. And even though Rem's intense amour was in no way mutual or had any chance of being reciprocated, she exhibited no signs of ever being daunted by this. Her devotion and integrity remained immaculate.
"Live life abundantly," she'd said on their first meeting.
The distant and contemplating demeanor she wore left Rem unusually observant. She'd just came from Light's house. And he'd kissed her, no doubt. In fact, Misa was still in a light haze. It'd been dying off a while ago, but it wasn't quick at leaving. She'd be dreaming for a hundred nights to come about that kiss. She only wished Rem would simmer in her jealousy for once. That'd be entertaining, at least.
She turned to the willing Shinigami, and Rem's feline eyes expectantly faced her. "Rem, aren't you jealous that Light loves me and I love him back?"
The deceitful parasite that is Light Yagami—able to love a pure, innocent human like Misa? It was the most deplorable of notions, not to mention impossible. Rem couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't provoke Misa's anger, so initially she blinked. The question was then derailed with basic Shinigami behavior. "We Shinigami are not normally subject to envy or jealousy..." she began cautiously, "Especially concerning humans."
And it was true. She could live happily with Misa and a future spouse—as long as that spouse wasn't a delusional, egomaniacal, sociopathic dirt-bag like Light Yagami—or worse: Light Yagami himself.
"So are you saying you're the same way, Rem?" Misa pouted.
"For the most part, yes. I just want you to be happy. Whether or not I am the cause of this happiness is not my concern."
"But...why?"
Rem was already growing impatient. "I've told you this a thousand times...Jealous, in a way, passed on his love for you. I was the only one there to inherit it, so I grew some feelings for you."
"Is that so?" Misa queried with devious eyes. "Then that makes you a lesbian."
Rem sighed. She'd answered this allegation before, but apparently Misa didn't understand it the first time. "A lesbian is a female member of the human species who is sexually attracted to only her own gender. I do not fit this criterion. For one, I am not human. Secondly, I am not sexually attracted to you, and technically I am not female. I have only been singled out as a female Shinigami because humans have the incessant need to categorize things."
'Ambiguous' simply wasn't a file cabinet in the human mind, and it slightly annoyed Rem.
"So if I took off my clothes or did a little stip tease, you wouldn't even blush or think one dirty thought?" Misa held up a little finger.
"I cannot see that happening."
"But—!"
"I would not allow you to undress yourself in front of me."
"Right. Because you'd be thinking dirty thoughts. And you'd be enticed to ravish me."
"Misa. If that were true, would you want me to tell you something like that? Things would be very strange between us."
A wry smile spread across her lips. "I guess so. So why aren't you sexually attracted to me?"
"Shinigamis do not have sex organs, nor do they have hormones to stimulate the use of such organs. Since it is unnecessary for us to procreate, Shinigami were not given those."
"You said there were a lot of others in your world, right? How did they come about?"
"No one knows."
"Give me a theory."
Rem flit her gaze toward the ceiling as she descended into critical thought. "I suppose...that it might have started with the Shinigami King. And the Death Notes. Thousands of years ago, he may have dropped a few of them to the ground, and a few humans picked them up and used them…"
"And..?"
"Do you remember what I told you, Misa...about how humans who use the Death Note cannot go to heaven or hell?"
Misa gestured to Rem's notebook. The Shinigami obligingly handed it to her. "Yup. So where would I go? This Mu place? I think that's what it said…" Misa murmured thoughtfully as she sifted through Rem's Note for the particular rule.
"Yes," Rem confirmed, "I believe that...when a human dies after usage of the Death Note, they go to Mu, which could be another name for our realm, and become a Shinigami. If it were true, that'd be how we reproduce. I guess it would also partly explain why Ryuk is a rogue Shinigami: to ensure our race does not die out."
Furthering this theory, Rem was enticed to believe that contrary to common conjecture, Ryuk did have some sense of concern for his species, which was cleverly clothed in a veil of boredom. Had Light known, he'd be proud.
But of course, this was only speculation.
"Are you sure? So when I die I'm gonna be reincarnated as a God of Death?"
"I am not entirely sure. No Shinigami I know has ever claimed to have been a human once… And aside from that, 'Mu' has several interpretations depending on a human's religion or language. The Catholics believe in purgatory, so when they see that rule they might think that…"
Misa considered this. The idea seemed perfectly viable. "Hey...you know what I said about that sexual attraction thing? I'm sorry." She clicked her polished nails together in penance. "I didn't know what I was saying...I'm bored."
Aren't we all?
Rem turned to the television again. Some supposedly 'new development' on the Kira case was coming up after this KFC commercial. Rem was interested in how Misa's killings would be perceived by the public. These types of programs almost always resulted in an uncontrollable riot. The furtive, sadistic part of Rem often appreciated this amusing violence.
"So..." Misa tilted her head back and forth, awaiting Rem's attention. That was predictable of her. Rem could swear on a thousand human graves that she knew Misa in and out. "Let's say they catch me."
"Let's say they don't." Rem responded flatly, the sarcasm alien to her. The thought of Misa's apprehension was hardly one she could bear.
"Well, let's say they did. What would you do if I died?"
Rem turned to her once more. "Before you do, Light Yagami would die a horribly painful death."
Misa gasped. "No! Really?"
"To put it very mildly, I'd get creative…"
"Then what if you could bring me back?" she cried.
"I would."
"And Light?"
"I would bring him back too."
Misa sighed contentedly.
"And then kill him again," Rem added gravely.
Misa slammed her fists on her mattress. "Bad, bad Rem! That's not what I meant!"
"Then what did you mean?"
"Like, how would you feel? Would you ever love another human again?"
"I do not like to think about that."
"Answer my question." Misa crossed her arms.
"I...would feel very sad. I would also be very angry at Light Yagami. And no, I would not fall in love with another human ever again. I would be extremely cautious against doing so."
"Why not? There's other fish in the sea." Misa chirped, satisfied.
"You are not a fish." Rem pointed at her with a webbed finger. She was one of the few Shinigamis impervious to modern metaphors and figures of speech. Nonetheless she continued, "I am already investing in a great amount of pain as it is by shadowing you for the rest of your life. Why would I want to reimburse it after your death?"
"Well, I don't know…"
A brief silence between them elapsed, to which Rem was secretly grateful. Misa certainly was inquisitive tonight. Rem wasn't sure whether she should enjoy the attention or refute Misa's queries and send her to bed for the night.
"Can Shinigamis cry?"
"Not to my knowledge. Shinigamis do not feel emotion as powerfully as humans do. In general few things merit their attention so greatly as to make them cry."
"Oh. But you're different, so, would you cry if...?"
"Possibly." Rem reluctantly broke eye contact for the sake of her composure. If only Misa knew how much it pained Rem to think of her inevitable demise. Knowing she wasn't due for death's door for another few centuries owing to Jealous' selfless sacrifice was no consolation, either. After the eye deal they exchanged, Rem knew how many years she had left. But Rem noticed that Misa's interaction with Light had actually shortened her life-span. That was a frightening fact.
Rem would love to just tell Misa that Light was as unhealthy as a cigarette or a fatty diet, but even if there wasn't a rule against that, Misa wouldn't hear a word of it. And Rem knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself if Misa ever grew resentful toward her.
"Alright, subject change. This is getting sad for you, Rem."
Thank the god of human monotheistic religion that was over and done with.
"Do Shinigamis sleep?"
"Not in general, no."
"But there are some, right?"
"Yes, when they are particularly bored."
"Don't you need to sleep?"
"Not exactly. The brain of a Shinigami can function well beyond the time a human's can. Therefore we need less rest."
"Cool. So that means you watch me sleep?"
"Sometimes." Rem peered away at the TV program again. Someone was just tackled to the ground and arrested for damning Kira to hell.
"Perv!"
"Whatever gave you the idea of me being perverted?"
"You watch me sleep!" Misa laughed.
"It is less severe than watching you shower or use the bathroom."
"Well—yeah, you're right…" she said. An adorable pink upon her cheeks arose.
"I understand that you are bored, but must you ask such peculiar questions?" Having lost her interest, Rem stretched out a long, bony hand to turn off the television. Misa, meanwhile, ensconced herself in a plushy posse of gothic rabbits and patty-cake dolls. She (quite deliberately) turned herself over on her stomach where her black t-shirt was pulled up, allowing Misa to get at a 'scratch', thereby exposing her shapely bum. She was wearing lingerie again, as she often did. Rem knew from the get-go that Misa was up to her seductive tricks again. Honestly, it wasn't working.
"Misa."
"Yes?" she murmured, continuing to scratch at a patch of skin that was anything but itching.
"I think you are beautiful."
Misa gasped and turned to face her. She usually feigned coquettish surprise to accommodate her image, but this was genuine.
"There is no need to flaunt your body in this manner. Are you doing this because you are insecure? Do you need constant adulation to feel that you are loved?"
"I..."
The statement stirred only the inexpressible, the deeply inarticulate. She knew the answer buried deep inside her, inherent in her darkest psychological, perhaps even savage, reasoning. But it was one thing to outwardly express this desire to appease her subconscious mind and another to actually come out and say it.
She never thought Rem would ever ask something like this. It was as if she were...rebelling.
"I...don't know."
Rem could no longer hold it in. She was angry with Misa, for once. In the stead of worry, there was want of admonition.
"Misa, sometimes I fear that you are becoming a shallow, superficial person. You do things that will capture attention because you feel that you are not appreciated, or that you are unintelligent or unremarkable in every way. And worse, you put all of your figurative 'eggs' in one basket to compensate for your short-comings."
Hah. How's that for metaphors and figures of speech?
"You lash out at trivial things, you engage in reckless behavior in order to be saved, you laugh and cry at subtle provocations...all to keep one set of eyes on you. And if that one person does not love you, does not think you are beautiful, or that you matter, your world is brought to ruin."
Misa's expression remained unreadable.
But in her mind her thoughts attacked one after another in a succession of protest: What happened to Rem? Why were her eyes narrowed now, her lips taut and firm in a displeased frown? Why was she suddenly not on her side anymore? She didn't do anything to Rem to make her so angry! There was no reason for her to say that! Stupid Rem! Rem never knows what's she's talking about! She's just a stupid Shinigami who thinks she can rule her life! She doesn't see Light for who he really is! She doesn't realize that they could be happy together—! She...
"Rem..." Misa blinked, and her vision blurred. "I…"
That isn't true...
"Why...why would…" her voice broke. Misa shook her head defiantly and turned from Rem's view. "So that's it, huh? I'm an attention whore... Is that what you're saying?"
Rem's countenance softened.
"You don't know me," Misa whispered with childish hostility. "You don't know anything about me. If you loved me…" A violent tremor seized her frame and her hands flung up to restrain a sudden queasiness, a heaving stomach. Because she needed someone's hands, even if they were her own. Misa-Misa could pretend…
There was no reasoning her out of this. Misa was often indifferent to logic in bouts of anger and...well, hurt. She'd hurt Misa. There was nothing to be done, not until she decided to grace Rem with her forgiveness.
And when would that be?
Rem picked up a discarded black blanket embellishing the name of a heavy metal band and draped it across Misa's tense shoulders. Interestingly, Misa didn't throw it on the ground or deny her gesture of sympathy.
She guessed she would just have to wait for another burst of vivacity, of sudden forgetfulness brought on by an optimistic thought of Light and their life together. Or some such other foolishness…
Or maybe she'd just have to wait until Misa asked her another question.