Another pseudo-crack!fic. It's short and stupid. Like my other crack!fics, it's inspired by a random phrase that I just had to build a story around. Cyber-cookies to whoever correctly guesses which phrase it was. (Hint: it doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist to spot.)

I own diddly-squat. For those of you unsure what that means, let me translate: nada, zilch, bupkis, goose egg. If I sold all my worldly possessions, I probably couldn't even afford to fly to California to visit the RandI set.

Oh, and there is NO subtext here. Just like Janet's writing. Any hint of homosexual tendencies must be a mass delusion caused by habitual alcohol use during that drinking game that has no merit, because there is no subtext in the first place.

For three weeks, Maura tried wheedling, asking, attempting to bargain, pouting, reasoning, and even begging. All with the same result. No matter what she tried, Jane always refused.

Deciding to admit defeat, she approached Frost just before lunch, that Friday. "Barry, I was wondering if you had any plans for this weekend?"

Ignoring Jane's eye roll, he looked up in confusion. Seeing Maura's hopeful look, his confusion turned to embarrassment. "Uh, Maura, if you're asking what I think you're asking, then I have to turn you down."

Maura glanced at Jane and then pointedly ignored her. "I'm not sure what Jane has told you, and I understand the loyalty that exists between partners, but this has nothing to do with her. She had her chance to accept, and failed to do so. I know it's short notice, and I understand if you have a prior commitment. I just thought it might be something you might enjoy."

Blinking in confusion, again, Frost shook his head, watching Jane out of the corner of his eye. "Maura, you're a very attractive woman, and I'm flattered that you're asking me, but I'm already seeing someone."

They both looked over when Jane snorted. Noticing their confusion, she covered her mouth and shook her head, trying to stifle her laughter. Finally calming, she wiped her eyes with one hand while using the other to gesture between them. "Neither of you have any idea what the other is talking about, do you?"

Glancing at Maura and seeing her still looking confused, Frost sputtered in embarrassment. "You mean she isn't...? You didn't...? You guys aren't...? I'm just gonna stop talking."

Still confused, Maura watched Frost slump in his chair, then looked at Jane questioningly. Jane smirked and made her wait several seconds before explaining. "He thinks you're asking him out on a date."

Cocking her head slightly, Maura thought over their conversation for a moment before shaking her head and turning back to Frost. "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I should have been more clear in my original request. It wasn't my intent to mislead you. I'm aware that you're in a relationship, and strongly suspect that I am not your type.

"I was actually wondering if you'd be willing to accompany me to swing dancing lessons. Just as friends. One of the most famous couples in the country agreed to teach a two day workshop, this weekend. The class is small, and places have been sold out for months. I was fortunate to win two spots in a charity auction. I was hoping that Jane would join me, but she has refused repeatedly. Without someone to fill the other spot, the class will be unbalanced. I'm sure I can find someone willing to attend, but I think it would be more enjoyable if it is someone I am comfortable around and enjoy spending time with."

Holding up a hand when it seemed like she was going to continue trying to explain, Frost chuckled. "I got it. I'd love to go, if I could, but I have a date. I've actually done a little bit of swing dancing, and it's really fun. Good luck finding someone. I'd suggest you ask Korsak, but the old man would probably throw out his back or have a heart attack, or something."

Jane grinned evilly and almost bounced in excitement. "Hey, Maura, you should ask Frankie. You missed it, but he danced for us a couple months ago. I never knew he had moves like that. It's something you have to see to believe."

Shaking her head, Maura answered absently. "No, he has a date. I wonder if Angela would be interested in going?"

Brow furrowed in confusion, Jane watched her pull her phone out of her purse and started typing. "You already asked Frankie? When? Wait, did he finally ask out Jamie, in HR? I knew he liked her."

Looking up sharply, she blushed and glanced quickly at Frost before focusing on Jane. "No, I haven't asked him, and I don't believe he has any interest in Jamie."

More confused than before, Jane blinked several times then shook her head. "How do you know he has a date, if you haven't asked him. I'm serious, you really have to see his dance moves to believe them. I bet he'd love the chance to try to impress you."

Panicking slightly, Maura jumped when her phone chimed in her hand, almost dropping it. Reading the text, she sighed in relief and held it up smiling. "That won't be necessary. Angela has agreed to take the other spot. From the number of exclamation points she used, she seems quite excited by the idea."

Watching Maura hurry toward the elevator, Jane shook her head. "I really don't know how I feel about my best friend and my mother spending so much time together. I don't even want to begin to think about what they talk about when I'm not around. Ma loves to embarrass me, and Maura can't lie. That's just a scary combination."

Laughing at Jane's shudder, Frost smirked. "Maybe it's the universe's way of getting back at you for picking on Frankie. It's not his fault he can't dance. Do you really think it's fair to try to get him to embarrass himself at a swing dancing class?"

Jane just snorted and rolled her eyes. "If he wasn't embarrassed to pull out those dance moves in the middle of the squad room, do you really think he'd be embarrassed at a dance class? He'd never see those people again, but he works here. Given the choice, I'd rather embarrass myself in front of total strangers than people I have to see everyday."

Shrugging, Frost started typing quickly. "Ok, so he probably wouldn't be embarrass. The boy can't dance, but he has no shame about it." Grinning, he turned his monitor so Jane could see it. "And, you HAVE embarrassed yourself in front of people you see everyday. Or did you forgot about the last Christmas party, last year? Apparently the dance moves run in the family."

Tilting her head to watch the video, she gave a small nod. "You know, I don't look half bad. Besides, you're forgetting about Korsak's repeated attempts at karaoke, that night. There wasn't even a karaoke machine, he just kept taking the mic from the DJ. You'd think the guys in evidence would know better than to spike the punch at a police department party. Did they really think no one would think to check the security tapes? We're detectives, it's our JOBS to watch security tapes."

Turning his monitor back around, he watched the last few seconds of he video. "Maybe that one isn't that bad, but you must not remember your attempt to do the Russian bottle dance, later. Maura had to almost drag you outside to get you to stop. It might not have been so bad if you hadn't tried to balance a full beer on your head, and ended up spilling it all over her, instead."

Covering her face, Jane groaned. "Don't remind me. Did you know she threatened to make me pay for her dress AND shoes if the stains didn't come out? That probably would've cost me several weeks' paychecks. I saw that in some movie as a kid, and decided learn how to do it. I thought Ma was going to kill me when I broke one of her glasses, so Tommy and I decided to use plastic bottles until we were sure they wouldn't fall off. I got pretty good at it."

Laughing, Frost shook his head. "Yeah, well, you were about as graceful as a stampeding warthog, at the party."

Opening her mouth to protest, she changed her mind and grimaced. Ignoring his knowing chuckle, she stared pointedly at the file on her desk and went back to doing her paperwork.

A/N: Short and crack!tastic. I love random stupidity. Now, if the crack!fics will leave me alone, maybe I could actually work on my other stories