The Road To Recovery
Day 1
Connor tries to speak, his mouth opens but no words come out.
Tears well in his own eyes as he watches his boyfriend completely break down.
Connor Walsh's guarded heart aches for two reasons.
One: his precious, beautiful, innocent Ollie who would never harm a fly has contracted HIV.
And the second was Connor is positive he has never seen something so utterly heart-breaking as a distraught Oliver Hampton curled up in his bed, sobbing his heart out.
Even if he could speak, he wasn't exactly sure what he would say. For once words failed the smooth-talker but he realised tonight may not be the time for words.
Without even bothering to take off his coat, Connor slipped into the bed that he hadn't been allowed into for so long and wrapped his arms around his shaking boyfriend.
"You...you-" Oliver stuttered through heavy breaths but Connor cut him off with a kiss on his head.
"It's okay Ollie. I'm here." Connor didn't need to say anymore as Oliver finally gave in and just let go.
That night Connor held Oliver in his arms, for the first time since they met Connor saw the I.T. worker be completely vulnerable which caused tears to leak out of the younger man's eyes and drop onto the other's silky hair.
From an outside perspective, people may assume Connor was the strong one, the young, confident law student while they would peg Oliver as the insecure, older, dorky I.T. worker. But Connor knew the truth, Oliver had saved him. Connor was a mess after Ollie rightfully dumped him. But when he broke after Sam was murdered, Oliver willingly and carefully helped to put the pieces back together with him.
Connor held a devastated, deteriorating Oliver Hampton in his arms, whispering words of comfort and affection into his ear, rubbing his back and threading his fingers in his hair until the sobs slowly subsided and the shaking ceased.
As Connor's own tears fell from his shinning blue eyes, he swore to himself that he would help Oliver just as he had helped him.
Day 2
Oliver doesn't fall asleep until past three am which means Connor doesn't sleep until well past four am.
This doesn't stop Connor waking up first though. His mind is trained to wake at seven each morning for a gruelling day of law school and work with Annalise Keating.
Fighting the urge to drift back into a dreamless slumber, Connor forces himself to open his eyes.
It's still dark out as the bright, spring mornings have yet to arrive, but there is just enough light peering through the apartment for Connor to see Oliver's sleeping face pressed against his chest.
Connor aches to wipe the tear stains from the beautiful man's face but refrains in fear of waking him.
Rationalising that he probably won't be able to get back asleep at this stage, Connor presses a gentle kiss atop of Oliver's head before skilfully and silently slipping out from the sleeping man's arms and leaving the warm embrace of his would-be-lover and his soft, familiar bed.
The tan skinned man mumbles incoherently at the unwelcome movement but much to Connor's relief, remains sound asleep.
Tiptoeing out to Oliver's sitting room, Connor puts on a pot of coffee for himself and looks at the clock through tired, drooping eyes.
7:30 AM
Connor thinks about the mess at work, with what happened to Rebecca, who really killed Lila and the general day to day hassle of working under Annalise Keating while attending law school.
There was no doubt in his mind that right now (and always) Oliver was more important.
Grabbing his phone, he scrolled through his contacts, searching for the one person who he knew would answer.
"I swear to god Walsh you better have a good reason for calling me at this hour."
Connor couldn't even attempt a smile at the admittedly slightly intimidating voice of his colleague Michaela Pratt.
"Oh like you weren't already up studying or working on how best to impress Annalise next" He taunted into the phone
"Tell me what you want before I hang up this phone Connor." The annoyance seeped through the phone with her words
"I won't be making it to college today, or work. I was pretty sure Annalise wouldn't appreciate me ringing her at this hour so-"
"Connor! What do you mean you aren't coming in? Is this about Rebecca? Do you know where she is? Or who let her go? Did you-"
"Michaela!" He hissed, turning his head to the bedroom to check that his partner hadn't awoken by the loud, shrilling voice of the one and only Prom Queen on the other end of the phone.
"Relax! I don't know anything about Rebecca. I'm not coming in for other reasons."
"What-"
"Personal reasons Michaela." he gritted his teeth
"If you're taking the day off just to fuck your boyfriend then-"
Connor groaned, "Michaela please. This is serious."
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds before Michaela whispered,
"I'll let the others know."
"Thank you."
More silence followed and Connor contemplated hanging up the phone when Michaela's voice said,
"I hope you're okay. Don't do anything stupid. I can't take this place without you for too long."
Before he could say anything the line went dead and Connor smiled softly.
Prom Queen wasn't so bad after all.
When Oliver Hampton woke up, his throat was sore and his body ached from fatigue.
Memories of yesterday flooded his brain in tsunami waves and Oliver whimpered, attempting to buy himself in his wet pillow.
His heart ached with pain, remorse and regret and all he wanted was just to evaporate into thin air.
That was before the thick smell of sausages and eggs fluttered into his nostrils.
Oliver sat up slowly and looked around the room.
Oliver's suit had been carelessly tossed on the ground, which on a regular day would never have happened but yesterday he hadn't cared one bit.
On the other side of the bed, Connor's black coat and button up shirt lay neatly on a chair.
Connor.
The name and the smell of food caused him to leave his beloved bed, throw an over-sized, warm and cosy college jumper on and slowly walk to his kitchen.
Connor stood at the cooker, two plates on the counter-top, and two delicious looking fried eggs on each plate while Connor quickly placed multiple sausages along with them.
Oliver watched in silence as his shirtless boyfriend worked away on arranging the cooked breakfast onto plates and tried to quell the love and guilt pooling inside his stomach.
Connor turned and his face broke into a genuine, loving smile at the sight of him.
He walked over to the older man and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his forehead gently.
"Connor-" Oliver attempted but Connor kissed his nose, shushing him.
"Later. We can talk later. But right now you need to eat. Please Ollie."
Oliver remembers the countless nights when Connor was working on a case or mindlessly studying for an exam and he had taken the books away from him or turned off the lamp or threatened not to touch him for a week until he had eaten something.
Each time Connor gave up without a fight and Oliver felt it was only right he did the same.
They sat on the stools at the counter and ate their fry in silence.
If Oliver had ever imagined Connor cooking breakfast for him, it certainly wasn't in this scenario.
He ignored the pain twisting in his stomach as he forced himself to eat another piece.
Oliver pretended not to notice the concerned looks, Connor sent him every few minutes.
After they are finished Oliver attempts to wash up but Connor stops him and shoos him onto the couch.
Oliver swallows his guilt and instead heads back into his room.
Connor's eyes fill with worry, assuming Oliver is heading back to bed, to most likely cry.
Moments later however, Oliver returns and silently hands Connor a maroon jumper to which Connor accepts with a smile.
Day 3
"You should be at work."
Oliver's voice is hoarse, he didn't speak much the previous day and spent all the day before that and some of the day before crying.
Connor's fingers never cease their threading through his boyfriend's hair who is lying under him on the couch, his head in his lap as he faces the T.V. screen. Even though it's rather obvious that neither of them are watching the Netflix show.
"No, I should be right where I am, here, with you." Connor replies simply
"Annalise-"
"I don't care"
"But-"
"Ollie…" Oliver turns his head to meet Connor's glistening, piercing brown eyes
"You don't have to stay out of guilt."
Connor took their intertwined hand and pressed his lips to kiss Oliver's hand,
"I'm not. I promise that's not why I'm here."
Oliver stares into the other's eyes for several minutes, calculating whether or not Connor is telling the truth. Then he turns back to face the screen and tries to focus on the plot.
Connor however, keeps his eyes focused on his boyfriend the entire time.
Day 4
When Oliver woke up that morning he was surprised to find that he was on the couch.
He was never the type to fall asleep on the couch, Connor most certainly was but not Oliver, it was too uncomfortable and he always knew he would regret it the next morning no matter how tired or lazy he was.
He hadn't cared the night before it seems and Oliver vaguely remembers Connor attempting to move him to bed but he had stubbornly refused.
Connor, who apparently was the one who draped the warm blanket over him some time during the night. It was knitted and a dark navy colour, his mother had given it to Oliver when he left home. The memory caused his heart to clench. His parents, he would have to tell his responsible, strict, loving parents that he was HIV positive
Oliver groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Only then did he realise how silent his apartment was.
Connor wasn't here.
Oliver swallowed, he didn't know why that hurt him just a little bit.
He was pretty sure today was still a school day and his tyrant of a boss would no doubt be missing him. Despite what Oliver had said the day before, he hoped against all hope that Connor hadn't left him for good.
Standing, Oliver walked to the bathroom, stopping when he caught sight of a piece of paper on the counter-top.
"Ollie,
Gone to grocery store to get food. You may be happy to live off of take-out for the rest of your days but I'm not ;)
You better be awake by the time I come home Sleepy Head or else I'll accidentally blare music to wake you up. You're too cute when you're asleep anyway, you know I'm never able to resist you :*
See you soon
Oh and with all the love and affection in the world, please get a shower
-Connor'
Oliver rolled his eyes but grabbed a towel on the way to the bathroom none the less.
"Well look! My boyfriend is back to his beautiful, clean, presentable self!" Connor Walsh beamed from the front door.
Oliver huffed and took the bags off of him, "Morning to you too."
Connor sat up on the counter top table and began retelling the tale of two guys in the store who he believed were totally into each other while Oliver put the groceries away.
"They kept eye-fucking each other Ollie! These two fifteen year old guys and yet they kept going on about how many girls they were gonna bang that weekend it was ridiculous! They were totally crazy for each other Oliver! I wanted to go up to them and bang their heads together"
Oliver smiled a little and due to how hot Connor looked right now, decided not to lecture him for sitting on his counter-top.
Plus there was the added bonus of listening to Connor ramble as he was clearly trying to make him feel better.
It was of course working,
"They reminded me so much of us you know? Well more so of me being so arrogant and stupid but they clearly really lo-liked each other and that's definitely us."
Oliver ignored Connor's bashful slip up and nodded, "Definitely."
Connor frowned and hopped down from the table.
Wrapping his arms around the other man's stomach, Connor kissed the back of his neck gently.
Oliver shivered and moved to pull away but Connor already seemed to know what he planned to do as he moved back before Oliver could say anything.
"Anyway" Connor continued "Have you eaten?"
"Yes."
"Today?"
"Yes." Oliver repeated tiredly
"What did you eat?"
"What…what I don't need to-"
Connor grins, "Well I'm hungry so if you have already eaten, which we both know you haven't you can just eat again!"
Oliver sighed, "Connor…"
The other man ignored him and instead retrieved the box of cereal he had just stored away and began to talk once more.
"You like cornflakes right? I got cornflakes anyway. I'm pretty sure I saw you eating them before. You seemed to like them so I got them. I always thought of you as more of a porridge guy but I didn't want to presume so I stuck with cornflakes."
Oliver laughed softly, "Cornflakes is fine."
Connor didn't let Oliver see the sigh of relief he let out at the sound of Oliver's gentle laugh that he hadn't heard in what felt like forever.
While they ate, Connor spoke up again
"I rang your boss"
Oliver looked up at the other man who was avoiding his gaze
"You what?"
"Please don't be mad" Connor begged softly "I just…I knew you never rang him about your absence and I didn't want you to worry about it so I rang him while you were asleep. I told him you had a really bad bug and wouldn't be in for the next few days."
Oliver sat in silence for a moment while Connor's eyes searched his expressionless face, hoping to find some form of reply or reaction there.
"Thank you." Oliver whispered before returning to picking at his cereal.
Connor smiled and wolfed down the rest of his breakfast.
Day 5
"You want to go for a walk?"
Oliver frowned and turned to Connor who was sitting on the couch, reading over some papers for work.
"A walk?" Oliver questioned
"Yeah!" Connor smiled brightly "A walk! Why not? It'll clear our heads a bit, I need a break from all this law stuff and you've been staring at that screen all morning-"
"I need to catch up on work Connor and so do you…"
Oliver wasn't ready to go back to work yet. He wasn't prepared to deal with everyone acting like everything was fine because according to them everything was just as it was before. Their worlds hadn't been turned upside down. Oliver hated himself for not being strong enough but Connor was always there to reassure him that it was perfectly normal to need this time off, this time to think and breathe. He was still surprised that Connor had stuck with him. That when he had revealed the truth to the gorgeous, young, law student, he hadn't laughed awkwardly, made a pathetic excuse and ran out the door, never to be seen again.
It was what he feared would occur but instead Connor stayed. This only made Oliver love Connor more and he knew loving someone as perfect and scarred as Connor Walsh was a very dangerous thing.
Connor stood and grabbed their coats from where they hung over the back of the couch.
Handing Oliver his with a gentle, supportive smile, Connor said,
"Just around the block? For me?"
Oliver tried to resist those puppy eyes.
He truly did.
However they were too strong for him and Oliver soon found himself pulling on his runners and coat.
The weather was nice out, there was a slight breeze in the air but the couple hardly felt it as they walked hand in hand together.
Connor never thought he would have this, at least he never thought he would be in a relationship like this so young. If you had told Connor Walsh last year that the following year he would walk down the street holding hands with a bespectacled, adorable, I.T. worker who he was pretty sure he was in love with, past Connor would have laughed in your face and then proceeded to try and seduce you.
Connor could see Oliver slowly getting better or at least slowly getting more accustomed to the life-changing news he had received almost a week ago.
He's eating small bits more gradually and managed to get out of his comfy pyjamas today.
That has to be a good sign.
Even if Connor doesn't think so because the old, fluffy, pyjamas look positively adorable on his nerdy boyfriend.
"I still have to tell my parents."
They both unconsciously slow down their pace at Oliver's words.
Neither of them discussed their families that much. But from the little pieces of information Oliver let slip, Connor gathered that they were a bit more conservative and reserved than his own family.
Connor squeezed his hand gently,
"It'll be fine."
"They're going to be so disappointed" Oliver sighed
Connor shook his head and watched Oliver from the corner of his eye worriedly,
"No, Ollie, I'm sure they could never be disappointed in you."
Oliver snorted, "You'd be surprised."
Connor cringed. He knew he took for granted his family. Their family was wealthy, his parents accepted him being gay as it was always rather obvious, his sister was always there to support him and when Gemma had married young all the family supported her and nobody judged.
Something told him, Oliver hadn't been so lucky.
"They accepted you being gay right?"
"Eventually…"
Connor sighed and once again despised how cruel and ridiculous the irony of this all was. Connor was the reason they got tested in the first place. Connor was the slut who slept around with so many guys he couldn't even remember the number when the doctor had asked him. Oliver was the beautiful man who didn't care about Connor's past, who was committed to whomever he dated and slept with even if they were originally only after some stupid emails for a court case.
Yet somehow in some twisted form of fate, Oliver was the one who ended up contracting HIV while Connor tested negative.
"I'll help you" Connor promised "We'll get through this, together. It's all going to be fine."
"No it won't"
"Yes it will!" Connor stopped and turned Oliver to face him, "Everything is going to be okay because it god damn has to. I know this sucks for you, I know how bad you are feeling because of it but I don't care! I don't care whether you have it or not, your friends won't care, your family won't care. We are all so sorry you've to go through this and we will support you no matter what but…Ollie we're still gonna care for you just as much as we did beforehand."
"But-"
Connor shook his head and moved his hand up Oliver's arm and squeezed gently, "No buts. You'll tell your parents when you're ready and I'll be there to support you through it. I'll be there for everything. The doctor's visits, the waiting rooms, every test result and prescription. I'm going to be there Ollie."
Connor tried not to focus on the way Oliver's eyes were welling with tears because if he did, he knew he would start crying too.
"You're important to me Ollie and whether you have it or not doesn't matter. I don't care. I'll get medication too. I'll start taking PrEP."
"What, why?" Oliver choked out and Connor had to choke back a laugh
"Why? Because I want to be with you and kiss you and touch you and have lots of sex with you."
"Connor!" Oliver said sternly but there was an amused glint in his eyes "Keep your voice down, people are staring."
Connor smiled, "Well you asked."
"You shouldn't have to-"
"Oliver." Connor stated firmly "I'm not leaving you."
"But-"
Connor started walking again and dragged Oliver along behind him, "But nothing Oliver. But absolutely nothing now where was that great pizza place you brought me to one time that was around here somewhere? Because I'm really craving pizza right now."
As he looked back at the stumbling man, Connor felt his heart jump into his throat with joy when he saw the wide, amused grin spread across the other's face.
Day 6
"So I can collect them on Monday then? Okay great. Thanks. See you then."
Oliver turned away from watching the Saturday reruns to look at the smiling, pacing man hanging up his phone.
"Everything okay?" he asked curiously when the grinning man plonked himself onto the couch beside him.
"Everything's okay" Connor reassured him by kissing his partner on the cheek, "That was my doctor, friend of the family, she ordered a prescription of PrEP for me and sent them to my local chemist. She said I can collect them on Monday."
Oliver stared at him in shock, "Connor you really don't have to do that for me."
"Oh I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for me. I want us to start having sex again as soon as possible. Do you know you've to wait a month after taking PrEP before we can start having sex again? One whole month! It's ridiculous."
"Exactly! Olive said exasperatedly "So why are you doing all of this when you can just…go out and have sex with someone else who doesn't have HIV."
Connor shrugged simply as though the answer were obvious, "Because they wouldn't be you…and you're the only person I want to be with."
Before Oliver could come up with another ridiculous excuse as to why Connor should leave him, the latter grabbed the remote and switched channels.
"OI! I was watching that!" Oliver protested
"There's a friends marathon on this channel" Connor smirked and Oliver's wide eyes "Thought that would interest you. You fanboy over Chandler and Monica while I make us some coffee."
Oliver snuggles further into the couch and smiles at the screen.
Maybe his boyfriend really was the best.
Day 7
Connor watched from Oliver's bed as the latter busied himself around the room. It was late, the sun had long since set and the two men had finished getting ready for bed. They hadn't discussed it but ever since a week ago, Connor had been staying at Oliver's apartment and seeing as Oliver hadn't complained Connor wasn't keen to leave. He and Oliver were roughly the same size anyway and this gave him an excuse to wear Oliver's clothes.
Connor lay against Oliver's ridiculously cute throw pillows as Oliver took his grey suit from the closet and hung it on the handle.
Connor didn't say anything, only raised an eyebrow when Oliver bashfully turned to look at him.
"I…I think I'm ready."
"Are you sure?" Connor checked softly and Oliver nodded
"Yeah, I'm sure." Oliver smiled weakly "It's only my boring, old I.T. job anyway."
Connor stood, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and leaned his forehead against his.
"I happen to think I.T. is very cool" Connor said in his low seductive voice in perfect imitation of the words he had said to Oliver on the night they very met.
Oliver laughed, a proper, full, loud, joyous laugh that caused Connor to grin from ear to ear.
Connor opened his mouth to say more but before he could Oliver dove in and collided his mouth with Connor's.
The kiss started rough and bruising but as fingers threaded into Connor's hair and hands stroked Oliver's back gently, the kiss soon turned gentle and loving. They pressed their bodies together and kissed each other with all the words, thoughts and feelings they couldn't say out loud.
'Thank you for staying'
'I'll never leave you'
'I'm so sorry you have to deal with this'
'I'm so sorry you are going through this'
'You should have left, why haven't you left?'
'You deserve so much better than me, Ollie.'
'Please stay'
'You're everything to me'
'I love you'
'I love you'
Eventually they were forced to separate when the need for oxygen became too strong.
They stood, clinging to each other for several moments, both struggling to catch their breaths as their minds raced with unsaid words of devotion.
"We should eh…" Connor hesitated "We should get to bed if you're going to work tomorrow."
Oliver silently nodded and together they got into Oliver's bed and snuggled close to one another.
The last thing that was whispered before they fell into a peaceful sleep was,
"Connor?"
"Yes Ollie?"
"You do know that now I'm going back to work you should probably go back to college too?"
Connor groaned and Oliver giggled and together they drifted into a deep sleep.
Both taking comfort in knowing that whatever happened, they would get through it. Together.
AN: Hope you enjoyed this one-shot. Please let me know what you think and if you think I should write more coliver or not.
Thanks for reading!
xTeam Mockingjayx