TITLE: How Far 1/6

AUTHOR: Vanillabug1

RATING:T but it works its way to M

CATEGORY: G/S Romance/Angst

DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything!

SPOILERS: Story stake place exactly where "Butterflied" left off. Anythinig up to that point is fair game

SUMMARY: As Lurie walked out she watched him sigh after the words had left his heart. The words she so longed to hear... the words that said he wanted her too.

How Far 1/6

As Lurie walked out she watched Grissom sigh after the words had left his heart. The words she so longed to hear, the words that said he wanted her too. Sara was so wrapped up in her own thoughts and feelings that she didn't feel Brass's presence as he stood next to her.

"Pretty messed up isn't it?" Brass finally said.

Startled, she turned her head at the sound of his voice. She regained her composure and turned back looking at abruised man.

"Yeah he is."

"I meant the case Sara."

"Oh ... Yeah. I hate it when they walk," she offered

"Some advice Sara," he placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Let it go … let him go."

She turned to face him once again as he patted her shoulder and walked away. She sighed as she turned back to see a broken and beaten Gil Grissom still sitting the same position. How could she let him go after what had just happened? He wanted her. He wanted to be with her.

"I couldn't do it."

Not wouldn't … but couldn't. After everything they have been through, she wasn't going to give up now. A light had come on that was once turned off. But she realized that even though time had passed, that light never went out. It had just faded. She took a deep breath and walked around the corner into the interrogation room.

He didn't look up when she entered. He didn't look up when she sat in a chair beside him. She placed her hand on top of his. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He finally moved his head up to look at who had sat beside him. As soon as their eyes met, Grissom withdrew his hands from under Sara's like they had burned his skin.

"Sara."

"Grissom. Are you okay?" she replied her voice full of concern…full of love.

"Sara, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be in the lab with Greg finding something else to nail Lurie on," his voice agitated almost angered.

"I ... um ... Grissom there is nothing left. We don't have anything concrete to go on. No jury would convict him on what we have. We ... we tried Grissom, so um ... I came down here to see if he would slip up when you and Brass talked to him ... I just ... "

"How long have you been here?" he interrupted, eyes staring at the floor.

""Um ... I don't know ... um ... " she started.

"Sara, how long have you been here?" he repeated, stern and more agitated.

She sighed

"The entire interrogation," she said reluctantly.

With that statement his eyes darted up to meet hers. His full of shock, embarrassment, and humility. But hers … hers were filled with compassion, understanding and love. The contact was broken when he stood from his chair and pushed it behind him with his foot in anger.

"You were watching the whole thing? Damn it Sara!" he shouted as he headed for the door.

"Grissom you told Lurie that you couldn't do it! Not wouldn't, but couldn't. Why can't you?" she said as she stood up and blocked him from the door.

She continued with tears starting in her eyes "Here I am. Right here in front of you. I have always been in front or behind you Grissom, when all I have ever wanted to do is stand beside you. To have you, stand beside me. To be with you. To be together … to be an us. We can do this Gil. It's not to late. Grissom please talk to me," she pleaded between tears.

"Leave me alone Sara," he replied as he moved her aside out of his way.

"Don't you dare shut me out Grissom! Not now! After what just happened, you can just walk out that door and leave me here?" she shouted.

"You don't get it Sara. I could never leave you. Ever. But I can't ever be with you either. There is just to much." he paused and let out a deep sigh, "It's not worth it."

When he spoke those last four words she could hear her heart begin to break. He saw the hurt and betrayal in her eyes and started to walk back to her. He placed his hands, cupping her face, and wiped the tears away with his thumbs.

"I'm not worth it. You deserve someone who can be there with you. Someone young who can live his life with you. A younger man who can give you a life."

"Grissom don't you understand ... you are my life. Everything I do is for you. I can't wait to go to work each day because I know I will see you, get to be with you. When we work cases together ... Grissom ... you can't even begin understand how that makes me feel. Just to be near you. I've tried other relationships, but no one, and I mean no one, can compare to you. All I am asking for is a chance. Please Grissom … just let me in," she softly cried.

They heard footsteps approaching. He sighed as he removed his hands from her face and walked back to the door.

"Hey Griss lets go we gotta get back to the lab." Catherine said as she noticed Sara in the room. "Oh … I thought you were at the lab with Greg?" she noticed the tears in her eyes and looked at Grissom then back to Sara, "You okay honey?"

All Sara could do is nod as if all was as it should be.

"Catherine I'll meet you outside." Grissom said hoping she would take the hint. Which of course she did.

"Okay," Catherine replied as she walked down the LVPD hall.

Grissom stood, his back to Sara. He took a deep breath and sighed but then he let out a slight laugh.

"Sara, you asked me to let you in, I can't because you are already in. You are in my thoughts, you are in my dreams, in my desires, in my life, in my heart. Sara ... you are in every part of me. You are in all of me, I don't want you to ever doubt that."

With that Gil Grissom left. Walking out of the interrogation room with his head in his hands. Leaving his heart and soul with an crying, emotionally broken Sara Sidle.