Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything in Rowling's lovely universe. If I did, the story would have ended with our favorite guy getting a happy ending. :) This series is also loosely similar to the X Files in that it's a small division within the government that handles the stranger cases for the Department of Mysteries, I don't own anything related to that universe either.

A/N: This story will be the first part in a series for which I'm currently working out the full details. I decided to go ahead and post this first chapter to get thoughts and suggestions from you, the reader. I have the main idea worked out for this one but I am open to suggestions for situations and plot lines in this story and the ones that will follow. Updates will probably be every two weeks as I am putting a lot of thought and effort into each one.

The ship we are sailing in for this adventure is eventually the SS/HG, if you don't like that ship, best stay in the harbor, matey. If this is your ship of dreams, as it is mine, climb aboard, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Shoutout to my amazing beta, Jeannie, who listens to my crazy ideas and fixes my stories so I don't embarrass myself too much.

"Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes
Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes
Mama said
It's uphill for oddities
The stranger crusaders
Ain't ever wannabes
The weird and the novelties
Don't ever change
We wanted everything, wanted everything"

-Panic! at the Disco, High Hopes

Newly cleared, Unspeakable Agent Hermione Granger stormed out of her training supervisor's office. Her Unspeakable robes flaring out behind her as she walked, or rather stomped towards the elevator. Hermione was furious, she jabbed her finger at the elevator call button and snarled at the doors when they sprang open. She barged in, spun around, and hit the button to the lowest level of the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry. "Of all the places to be sent for my first assignment! 'It was based on your personality assessment and your superior intelligence, Not just anyone within our department can handle these cases.'" Hermione mumbled to herself, mocking her supervisor in a poor impersonation. "I heard them complaining that I am overzealous! One of the instructors called me 'difficult and sure to be a nightmare for whoever I am assigned to!'" She exclaimed, jabbing the button for her desired floor again for good measure in her ire.

The doors opened on a quiet hallway deep below the ground. It was cool and dimly light, the white paint peeling from the walls in some places to reveal grey paint beneath. The floors were dark grey tile that were in need of a thorough cleaning. Hermione stomped off the elevator, her temper not cooled by her descent into these depths. "I know what they are really up to, just trying to shove me off into a corner, or dungeon from the looks of it, so I don't make waves with radical ideas like trying to make them treat Muggles like equal people!" Hermione ranted aloud, forgetting that she had been sent down there to meet who would be her field training agent and prospective partner. Suddenly the door a couple feet ahead on her left opened and a flurry of robes exited. This storm of fabric turned towards her and stepped under one of the sparingly spaced lights to reveal Pro-...Unspeakable Agent Severus Snape.

Hermione's hand flew to her mouth in surprise with a small gasp, she knew he worked as an Unspeakable Agent but she didn't know which office specifically. "There you are Agent Granger, now I will have you know, there will be no shouting in this office." Agent Snape said sternly, looking around her and up the hallway. "There is no one else with you? Then with whom were you just conversing?!"

Hermione blushed and said "I, well I was talking to myself. I was not anticipating being assigned to your office, sir. I was merely, um, speculating on why this may have occurred."

Agent Snape cocked an eyebrow, then smirked. "I am sure there are many reasons for your assignment to this particular office, a few of them are probably the same as mine. Now, no dawdling, we have a surplus of work and a definite lack of time." Snape said before spinning on his heel and marching back into his office. Hermione stood in the hallway for a second, deep in thought over what had just transpired, before hastily following him into the office.

It was a small office, on the left, two desks were crammed in facing opposing walls, two people sitting at them would be nearly back-to-back. Against the wall to the right were two sets of three-drawered filing cabinets. High above each of the desks were small windows that magically showed the weather outside, it was a beautiful sunny day, seeming to mock Hermione as she gazed at the illusion of sunshine so far from feeling it on her skin. The faded white walls were covered in several posters depicting the aftermath of different Dark magics as well as a large poster containing the Lochness monster, Big Foot, El Chupacabra, a large Faerie, a Grim, and a few other Muggle mythical creatures playing poker.

Directly above the filing cabinets was a large framed portrait of two older women that bore a striking resemblance to one another, who both happened to be sleeping at the moment while seated at desks significantly older but positioned much the same as the desks behind Hermione. They were wearing what appeared to be an older style of the Unspeakable robes. They both wore glasses and had long dark brown hair. The women resembled each other greatly with high cheekbones and full lips but the woman on the left had a slightly larger, more rounded nose and more narrow jawline than the one on the right. The woman on the right had thinner, more curly hair while the one on the left had thick waves. There was a small golden plaque beneath them that Hermione couldn't quite read at that distance.

Snape pulled out one of the desk chairs and pushed it more in the center of the room. He then pulled out his wand and conjured a white expanse of sheet in front of the filing cabinets. He waved his wand and a very old projector floated to him, Snape conjured a table of the appropriate height and the projector settled onto it. Snape turned to Hermione and rolled his eyes before stating in a mildly annoyed tone, "Well, have a seat, we haven't got all day."

Hermione jumped, pulled from her observations of the room, and walked over to the chair, she promptly gathered her robes around her and sat down. Snape tapped his wand on the projector and the light switched on. It projected the words "The N.U. Files" across the room onto the white screen. Snape stared piercingly at Hermione as he began to speak.

"The Nasty Unsolved Files, more commonly called the NU Files is exactly as the title suggests. These are the cases that those nitwits over in the Magical Law Enforcement Department can't seem to solve. Although, I taught the majority of them and they couldn't find the answer to a simple case any better than they could find their own arse with both hands and a map."

At this, Hermione had to stifle a giggle, who knew Snape had a sense of humor?! Agent Snape narrowed his eyes at her before flipping to the next slide, which depicted the early days of the ministry, and continuing.

"This department is nearly as old as the ministry itself. It started as simply a place to store cases they didn't have a clue of how to solve. Until a case came along that personally impacted a family member of the Minister of Magic at the time." Snape said, changing the slide to an image of the Minister for Magic to whom he was referring.

"As a result, the Department of Mysteries assigned two Unspeakable agents to work the case. They eventually solved it and demonstrated that these cases can actually be sorted out by brilliant minds. So it was decided that this division be formed and kept staffed with at least one exceptional mind at all times. In the Department of Mysteries, brilliance is not uncommon so they select for people who...think differently from everyone else, at least that's how they put it to me." Agent Snape said with a smirk. "Although, I think you may be on to something when you said they were, how did you put it? 'Shoving you off in a dungeon somewhere?' I never much minded being given a dungeon in which to bury myself in challenging work, I hope you come to view it that way as well."

Hermione blushed, he clearly heard more of her ranting than she initially thought and complimented her intelligence, sort of. Snape cleared his throat and changed the slide again, this time it held an outline of six topics.

"Our cases are divided up into six categories: Muggle mysteries, Previously uncharacterized Magical Creatures, Unusual/unexplainable murders, Unauthorized Dark magics, Unregistered Potions, and Extraterrestrial interactions/incidences. These are exactly what they sound like, the filing cabinets against the wall behind this screen are linked up to the storage of such cases through this floor. Each drawer represents a category and the cases are placed within the drawer in alphabetical order. Once placed inside and the drawer is shut, the folder is magically relocated to its proper place within the larger storage facilities." Snape tapped the projector as he spoke and it moved to the next slide which showed a large room filled with much larger filing cabinets.

"To access all files of a certain type, you pull out your wand and tap the filing cabinets in this room three times and state the key words of what you are looking for very clearly. When you are done listing the keywords, tap the cabinets twice. You can then open each drawer and find all of the files from that category that contain the keywords you searched. This system was developed by our two founding Agents I mentioned earlier, they are in the portrait above the cabinets. They are two brilliant women named Caroline and Celeste Snoddy, the Snoddy sisters have a wicked sense of humor to match their intelligence. They may be cheeky but I have come to rely on their insights when faced with a particularly trying case. I suggest you do the same." Agent Snape said, he changed the slide again to one which read "Any Questions?"

"As I have never known you to hold back when it comes to learning anything new, please save any burning questions you may have about the NU Files or anything else. I have prepared a stack of reading materials to orient you to the work." Snape stated, he then walked over to his desk and picked up a large binder full of papers. He handed it to Hermione then tapped the cover before speaking.

"This contains copies of some key cases and gives a more comprehensive history of the department. Once you read this, if you have additional questions, I will answer them to the best of my ability." Agent Snape said as he began putting away the projector and returning the room to its previous state.

Hermione stood and returned her chair to the desk that was clearly intended for her. She sat down with her reading materials and flipped the cover open. She was filled with excitement, she had so many questions and this type of work did seem like exactly the sort of challenge she had been craving since the war. Agent Hermione Granger, never one to avoid doing her homework properly, began reading with a quill, ink, and parchment ready to take notes and write down the questions she would undoubtedly end up having.

This collection of historical information and copies of case files were assembled by Unspeakable Agent Severus Snape in the year 2000 as a means to orient new Unspeakable Agents to the work conducted by those assigned to the NU Files. These first few pages summarize the content available within the subsequent pages.

The NU Files have existed and housed unsolved cases since the Magical Law Enforcement was founded by the very first Minister for Magic Ulick Gamp in 1710 when he realized the Ministry required such a department. Gamp had needed an organized means by which to enforce his laws and prevent the exposure of their world.

The staffed NU Files division of the Department of Mysteries was founded in 1776 by Minister for Magic Maximilian Crowdy. His daughter, Anne Crowdy who was 15 years old at the time, was taken by a pure-blood extremist group whose plans to attack Muggles were thwarted by his actions. While Crowdy had eight other children, Anne was taken because she was allegedly a Squib. His children never attended Hogwarts because he had been vocally opposed to the pure-blood rhetoric of extremist groups and several threats on their safety were made before any of them were of age to attend. He had sent them to Muggle schools and hired private tutors for their magical education. At the time of the kidnapping, the tutors had all come under investigation but each of them came out clean.

Anne Crowdy was never found by the Aurors and they didn't generate any new leads within a year of her disappearance, leading to the staffing of the NU Files by Unspeakable Agents. Two Unspeakable Agents, Caroline and Celeste Snoddy (sisters), were assigned to the investigation. They managed to discover that one of Anne Crowdy's teachers in the Muggle school had been replaced with a Polyjuiced Dark wizard from one the pure-blood extremist groups that called themselves "The Sons of Merlin" or SOM for short. Members of SOM claimed they were able to trace their own magical lineage to the wizard himself either directly or indirectly. Whether the claim is true or not, they are a hate group whose aim is to rid the entirety of Magical England of those they believe do not belong. The SOM also believe that true native British peoples were all magical and those living on the associated isles without magical capabilities were invaders to the motherland. Armed with this knowledge, the Snoddy sisters managed to locate Anne Crowdy and return her to her family. Having achieved a huge success for the Minister for Magic and proven their worth in tackling seemingly impossible cases, Caroline and Celeste were permanently assigned to run the NU Files.

Unfortunately, the SOM was not dismantled by this investigation. The organization was run such that only the leader knew all of the members. Any given member only knew the identity of two other members at most. Many attempts to infiltrate this organization over the years led to the death and/or disappearance of the Agent undertaking this feat. The last attempt was made in 1912 following the suspicious accidental death of Minister for Magic Venusia Crickerly, which involved a strange gardening accident with a Mandrake. It is largely believed that the SOM is no longer an active pure-blood extremist group, however, the NU Files has no evidence to indicate this is true so any cases related to the SOM are still considered in progress.

Minister for Magic Maximilian Crowdy was mysteriously killed in his office, a case that remains unsolved in the department to this day. His death has fueled conspiracy theories among the Wizarding community for centuries. Many of which point to the Sons of Merlin as the culprit while evidence of such involvement is severely lacking.

There are three cases which are considered major successes for the NU Files and resulted in the Department of Mysteries receiving some needed positive press. The first would be the case previously summarized regarding Anne Crowdy.

The second involves the characterization of Nifflers. It took the recruitment of Newt Scamander from the Beast division as a magical beast consultant to determine that the outbreak of robberies in Inverness over the course of the year 1925 were in fact due to one particularly mischievous creature. The Unspeakable Agents from the NU Files at the time had staked out several locations across the city and determined that it must be a magical creature and not a ghost as the imbeciles from the MLE had reported.

Mr. Scamander had spent some time with goblins the previous year and discovered they had magical beasts as yet unidentified by the Ministry that sought gold for their goblin owners underground. He began to suspect the involvement of this creature upon discovering a group of goblins had been in the nearby mountains ascertaining the merits of mining in the region. His ingenious way with magical creatures is legendary and the utilization of his skills resulted in the safe capture of the miscreant. The story was kept under wraps until the publication of Mr. Scamander's famous text "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" in 1927. The Department of Mysteries released the story simultaneous with the book's release, much to Mr. Scamander's distaste. While it was a bit underhanded, the publicity move secured additional funding for the Department and general approval of their work from the public.

The third case many do not attribute to the NU Files but to the Department of Mysteries as a whole. The Department has successfully driven the name of this division underground such that the average person within the magical world would have no idea it exists. This is viewed as the best means to keep the work confidential and limit the number of conspiracy theories regarding the Ministry.

This uncredited case is the capture of Bellatrix Lestrange, Rudolphus Lestrange, and Barty Crouch, Jr. for the detainment and torture of Frank and Alice Longbottom. At this time during the tentative close of the First Wizarding War, many within the Ministry could not be trusted and as such investigations were fragmented and noncohesive. This case was cracked open by intel provided by the double agent Severus Snape. He had known that Bellatrix was not convinced the infamous prophecy regarding who would be responsible for the downfall of Tom Riddle, or more commonly known as Lord Voldemort, referred Harry Potter. Madam Lestrange thought it was intended to mean Neville Longbottom who also met the criteria put forth in the prophecy and was a pure-blood as well. However, the vast majority of the Ministry did not trust Snape at his word or that of Dumbledore's that Snape could be trusted and did not follow his advice. But Unspeakable Agents in the NU Files had been assigned the case as the sudden discovery of so many Death Eaters in the ranks of the Department of Mysteries and the Ministry as a whole had left the Ministry with a surplus of investigations and a shortage of employees up to the task. The two Agents at the time had also been members of the Order of the Phoenix and as such trusted any and all advice that Snape provided them.

Talking on the other side of the office pulled Hermione from her immersion in the report.

"Caroline, wake up! Severus brought in that new agent he was telling us about!" The woman on the right hand side of the portrait said while elbowing her sister awake. The other woman shot her sister an angry look while yawning and stretching.

"Really Celeste, couldn't staring at the fresh meat have waited a bit longer? We spent so much time last night in our other portrait watching "Gladiator" I barely got any sleep. Although, watching Russell Crowe is always worthwhile." Caroline had started grumbling but ended speaking thoughtfully before turning her attention towards Hermione. She huffed and said. "Honestly Severus, we told you not to pick someone who would make us jealous. What are we going to do with you? First you refuse to take off your shirt for us, as if that is asking for much, then you go and hire an attractive woman to rub in our faces…"

Agent Snape interrupted Caroline's rant. "Now ladies, I had to pick the best person to carry out the work of the NU Files and Agent Granger was the very best in the last two years worth of training classes." He said raising his hands placatingly, one of which held reading glasses, then continued, pitching his voice to a nearly sinful silky baritone. "Besides, you know I only have eyes for you two." With that last bit he gave them a roguish wink and placed his hands on the arms of his desk chair.

Celeste nudged her sister and said "Did you see that?! He winked at me!" Caroline made a rather rude noise with her mouth and retorted.

"He most certainly did not, he winked at me." Caroline reached up and adjusted her bosom while she continued. "Why would he wink at you when he has all of this ample femininity to take in?"

Celeste rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to argue back but Hermione never heard it as Snape picked up his wand and shot a Muffliato directly at the portrait. Now all they heard was a light buzzing noise. The Snoddy sisters noticed they had been effectively silenced and shot mildly annoyed looks at Agent Snape before huffing out of their frame.

The dark haired wizard chuckled and turned to Agent Granger before saying "They hate it when I do that. Those women are too much sometimes, their comments border on sexual harassment but they are truly brilliant. They're probably headed off to one of their other portraits hanging at one of their descendants' houses. Apparently they love to spend their time outside of this office harassing the men that married into their family and watching television, their female descendants have all gone on to hold very promising careers in whatever field they apply themselves."

Hermione had watched the whole exchange with her mouth hanging slightly agape, appalled that anyone would talk to Severus Snape in such an objectifying way and that he would ever wink roguishly while simultaneously flirting. She quickly closed it and replied "Right, well I'm sure I'll get used to it. Although, I think calling it borderline sexual harassment is rather generous."

He cocked a single eyebrow at her while saying "Who's to say I find the attention unwanted? Precious few women have looked on me with a quarter of their favor. If I could find a way into that painting…"

Agent Granger blushed and interrupted him "I'll just finish my reading then." Hermione quickly turned back to her desk, well that was mortifying, she thought, Professor Snape actually flirting with someone. Who knew he even had the capacity to do that…although that pitch of his voice slid down my spine like a hot knife through butter. Hermione gave her head a slight shake and determinedly threw herself back into reading the material before her.

Agent Snape looked mildly amused, having accomplished his goal of making her uncomfortable with his joke, before turning back to his own work and quietly saying "See that you do, Agent Granger."

Although, the dark haired wizard was only half joking. He didn't mind the attention from the Snoddys and there had been days when he had wanted to take them up on some of their innuendos, he was only a man of flesh and blood after all and while there had been a line of ladies interested in a shag, it wasn't because they found him attractive. It was more so for the ability to say they had shagged a former Death Eater.

Not that I'll ever be anything more than the dungeon bat to Miss Granger, he thought as he put his reading glasses back on and picked up his quill to continue taking notes from a rather old text, She probably just sees her old professor, not a person with a life, let alone a sex drive. Not that I want the little know-it-all to show any interest either, she probably has a list of rules and regulations for intimate affairs. Severus Snape bit back a chuckle at the thought of Agent Granger reading some strange man a list of her rules for amorous activities. No, I'm definitely not interested in that!