Well, here's my attempt at writing fan fiction. Hope you all like.
My Shepard : Lydia Shepard, Colonist/Sole Survivor, Paragon, Romanced Kaidan
The Healing Process
'Fractures in Left arm, Left ribcage and Pelvic bone' wrote Dr Chakwas on her clipboard as she examined Joker in the infirmary. It had only been hours before that she and the crew of the Normandy had been running to the escape pods, though she had no real concept of how long ago that really was. She looked down at Joker lying on the bunk. He was sleeping from sedation now, though when he was brought in he was crying. His crying was because of the pain he was suffering, both the physical pain of his broken limbs, and the emotional pain from what he had just seen.
The doctor finished writing her notes on her clipboard and then decided to grab a coffee from the mess hall. On her way there, she came across another man who was crying, though the pain that was causing this man to cry could not be attributed to physical injuries.
"Lieutenant Alenko, are you all right?"
"Dr Chakwas!" Kaidan jumped at hearing the doctor's voice. He tried at first to wipe away the tears from his face but then gave up. He became resigned to fact the he could not hide his previous action. "No, I'm not" he finally said, once again hanging his head, "I should have been there, I might have been able to save her."
"You don't know that Lieutenant," Dr Chakwas replied "besides, Commander Shepard ordered you to help the crew to the escape pods. If you disobeyed the Commander's orders, the casualties could have been a lot worse. Look at the great job you did back there Lieutenant. The majority of the crew made it out safe and relatively unscathed. Joker was the only one to receive serious injuries".
Up until the doctor mentioned Joker, Kaidan had been barely listening to her. The mention of Joker was enough to get his attention though "He should've gotten worse than than he got." Kaidan's face changed from sad to angry as his body began to glow biotic blue. With his powers, he reached for the coffee someone had left beside him "with concern" and smashed the cup against the wall. This display shocked Dr Chakwas. She had never seen Kaidan Alenko lose it like this before. She had never seen Kaidan Alenko lose it before. Back on the Normandy, the doctor had had a feeling that Commander Shepard and the Lieutenant were involved in something more than just a professional relationship, and Kaidan's out of character behaviour now seemed to be confirming this feeling. "Lieutenant, please, stop it"
Kaidan didn't seem to hear her. He was pacing back and forth, still glowing with fury. "I should break his legs permanently" he mumbled as he used his biotics to lift the chair he was previously sitting on in readiness to send it the way his coffee cup went.
"Kaidan stop it!" Dr Chakwas yelled at him "you don't really want to do that!"
"Why not doctor?" Kaidan yelled back, the tears once again forming in his eyes "If it wasn't for his stupidity, Lydia would still be alive!"
"Hurting Joker is not going to bring her back."
Kaidan's face turned from anger to sorrow. his blue glow faded, releasing the chair, and he stumbled to the floor and cried. "You're right doctor, I'm sorry". Dr Chakwas knelt down beside him. "It's alright Lieutenant. I won't tell a soul about what happened here."
They both sat like that for a while, Lieutenant Alenko sitting down crying, Dr Chakwas kneeling beside him in silence. Eventually the doctor spoke up. "Lieutenant, on the Normandy, you were the one person that Commander Shepard got to know the most. If the Normandy's crew are going to get through this troubling time, they will need to see you strong." Kaidan lifted up his head. He still had tears in his eyes. "I don't know if I can be" he replied, "not without Lydia. But …..but I'll try, for her sake." Kaidan remembered how much the crew meant to Lydia Shepard and how much she meant to the crew. He knew that the doctor was right when she said that the crew will look at him for strength to go on, but he wasn't sure he was ready to carry the weight that the Commander left behind in her death.
Dr Chakwas could see some of the thought processes going on in Kaidan's mind through the emotions his face was failing to hide. While the doctor realised that she should be getting back to the infirmary to check on Joker and the other injured, she knew she couldn't leave the Lieutenant alone in his current state of confusion. She put her hand on his shoulder to give him comfort. "Lieutenant" she said softly, "Tell me about Lydia."