We Know You Well, Mary Sue

We know you well, Mary Sue.
Your eyes are purest sapphire blue,
Of green and gold and violet hue,
Bright as stars and clear as dew.

Your hair is silky, soft and light,
Palest blonde or black as night,
Chocolate brown, braided tight,
Fiery red or snowy white.

You're smart and strong and brave and sweet.
The boys all worship at your feet.
You save the day, you can't be beat.
You bring the villain to defeat.

Frankly, Mary, you're a bore.
You're all we've learned to hate and more.
You're full of plot holes to the core.
Yet, you're part of what fan fiction's for!

Paper thin and stiff as clay,
Built of cliche upon cliche,
This might be very true, but hey,
You're fun to write, I have to say!

So what if loathers froth and hiss?
They're a bit too serious about this.
Let them throw their flames and miss.
You'll stay in self-inserted bliss.