Your Best Cheesy Smile

Someone smiles at me and calls out my name.

Secretly I want to ignore him and continue on my path, but my body simply won't allow me to keep moving without saying something back.

I put on a toothy smile and flash the guy a beaming grin before going on my way.

He cheers and says something that sounds like "There we go! That's my guy!" before I end up passing him completely.

Inwardly, I sigh.

Well, if I can make someone else's day just a bit better then I guess it's worth it. I just wish it didn't drain me so much every time I did it.

I keep my head low until I finally make it to the door of my classroom. Breathing out a bit, I pull the doors open and suddenly my face breaks out into a wide and brilliant smile. My eyes light up and my back straightens as I jaunt happily into the room.

"Yo! How are my favorite peeps doing on this fine day?" I call out happily to the people sitting near the back of the room.

"Ah, look who finally decided to show up!" The voice that says this either belongs to Ooka or Yamato. I can't tell.

"Hey! What are you talking about, man? We still have like ten minutes before class starts! I'm early as hell!" I retort back loudly with wild gesturing. I notice that my shoulder cracks a bit painfully as I swing my arms around for emphasis.

"He's just yanking your chain, Tobe. You know how Ooka is," Hayato says. I see. So it was Ooka who had said that somewhat pointless comment then. "Good to see you Tobe. How has your day been so far?"

That was Hayama Hayato for you. The man who immediately steps in at the first hint of disagreement or trouble. The one who can't stand for there to be even a hint of conflict, even if that conflict was supposedly a joke between a couple of friends.

It was fine. I didn't hate that about him. It was a weakness of his, but that social awareness he possessed has come to my aid more than a few times. It certainly makes my part of the routine a whole lot easier.

"Not bad at all! It's been pretty peachy Hayato-kun! Thanks for asking! And yourself?" I smirk my lips up as I ask him this.

"I'm good, Tobe," Hayama offers simply with a light smile.

Somewhere to my left, I hear a depraved sound.

"Fufufu, the bond that Tobe-kun and Hayato-kun shares is so strong! Even when they're just trading pleasantries, you can tell that there's this undeniable spark between them!"

The voice that says these unnecessary words belongs to Ebina Hina. As she laughs and cackles like mad, I take the chance to stare into her eyes. Like I thought, there was no excitement or true mischief there like her words might lead you to believe. I wonder if it drained her to say these things.

"Whaaa! Hina-san, you know Hayato-kun and I are just bros and that's all!" I say with an air of shock and surprise.

"Ooooh, that's an interesting angle. So you're both lovers AND brothers. That's like double the taboo and therefore, double the yaoi hotness factor," Ebina drools.

I wish I had just stayed home today.

"Come on Tobe. You know better than to play along with her when she gets this way. Just do the sane thing and ignore her until she calms down a bit," Miura says with obvious displeasure.

Miura and I didn't always see eye to eye, but I certainly agreed with her there. Sometimes it would be a lot easier to just completely ignore Ebina's comments, but I felt like if I didn't say something, someone would notice and wonder why I was being quiet.

I look in Miura's direction. She continues to clack away on her phone, as if it were the most important thing in the world to her in that instant.

In my private moments I always wondered what she could possibly be doing on that phone. At a glance, it looked like she was caught up in an incredibly engaging text conversation but I knew she didn't have any other friends outside of this group so if she were texting somebody, it was most likely someone in her family. More likely, she was just faking it and pretending to text someone.

A lot of people in our class considered her to be the Queen Bee of the school, but it wasn't hard to see that she wasn't all that popular. Everyone knew her, but people liked to steer clear of her because she had a domineering and hostile personality.

Sometimes she had some rough things to say to me and I would react like I was expected to, but in reality, I didn't care much about what she had to say. She was just background noise to me.

"Phew! Made it!" a voice suddenly exclaims. "I thought I was gonna be late again!"

"Good Morning Yui-san," Hayama smiles as he turns to the girl who has just entered the classroom. I was willing to bet that he was thankful for Yuigahama's entrance as it allowed him to divert the mood of the conversation to something more agreeable.

"Hey Yui," Ebina and Miura both say in unison.

"What's up Yui-san!" I grin.

"Ahh, nothing much! I just overslept my alarm today so that's why I was almost late! And there was like so much traffic everywhere, so the lights took forever to change. And then as I was running to school there was this really cute dog that I saw and I tried to pet it, even though I was late, but it growled at me like 'Grr' or something! So then I kind of like jumped back and…"

Me and Hayato both nod as we listen along to Yuigahama's lengthy explanation for her near-tardiness. By my estimation, Yuighama was a pretty kind girl so despite the sheer length of her story, I didn't become that annoyed. Even though she could be careless with her words and was too longwinded for her own good, it usually wasn't too hard to just tune her out and supplement the interaction with a few well-placed nods. If she ever caught onto this fact, she never showed it. I doubt she paid much attention to our reactions either way.

"Class is about to begin!" the teacher bellows out.

I take my seat as those words are said.

"Okay! I'll finish the story for you guys during break!" Yuigahama says with some excitement.

The others nod.

Truth be told, I was glad that I sat in the far back of the classroom, behind the other members of my group. This way, I would only have to put on a goofy face when someone looked back at me to make some stupid joke or to start some quiet conversation. My cheeks were sore enough already.

"So yeah, as I was running there was this guy. Umm… well actually, he was more like an old guy, because he was probably like thirty-five or forty or something like that… but he was like 'Whoa there young lady! Don't run so fast! You'll like trip over something and hurt yourself!' and I was like whaa, who's this old guy trying to lecture me… so I kinda puffed my cheeks out and ignored him and kept running and then he chased after me so I was like AHH, this guy's probably some kind of crazy pervert or something, but in reality he actually just wanted to tell me that one of the little keychains from my backpack fell off and he was going to return it to me so I was like wow! Thanks so much sir! And… uh… yeah! So that's why I was almost late!" Yuigahama says almost breathlessly.

"Wow, what a creepy old geezer. Guys like that should just disappear from the face of the earth already," Miura says, typing away on her small pink phone.

Hayato speaks up at that. "But I think he was just trying to help her out, Yumiko. It didn't seem like he had any bad intentions."

"O-Oh. I guess you're right…" Miura amends quietly.

"Oh, Hayato-kun. Such a shining example of a brilliant white knight, standing up for your fellow man like that," Ebina laughs quietly. "So chivalrous as always."

Hayato chuckles nervously. "Well, Hina-san, you know it's not like that…"

"That's Hayato for you!" Ooka or Yamato interjects with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, by the way, do you already have a partner for the project sensei was talking about? I'm just curious…" Miura asks suddenly, her fingers taking a momentary respite from typing as she did. She didn't specify anyone by name as she spoke, but it was clear that she was addressing Hayato.

"Ah… well, I'm not so sure yet," he answers in a vague way.

"Well sensei said there was no limit on the amount of people in a group right?" Yuigahama pipes up.

"So that means we could all work together then!" Ebina adds.

"Hell yeah! Dream team!" someone says.

"I guess that would be fine if we could all work together…"

"Yeah! It'll be great! We'll turn in the coolest project ever!"

"Ohoho I already have some ideas for the story. I can borrow some elements from a couple of the fanfics I'm writing at the moment!"

"Chill out for a bit alright?"

"Hina-san's just really excited is all. The project does seem pretty fun."

"Bro I can't wait!"

"Yeah! This is gonna be totally fun!"

"I'm super excited now!"

"Hehe, alright!"

My knuckles somehow find their way onto the surface of my desk.

The bustling room and voices that had persisted just a few seconds ago die out completely, and all that remains is silence as pairs of eyes from across the room turn to stare in my direction.

I readjust my grip and loosen my fingers, quickly jamming my hand underneath my desk.

"…Are you okay Tobe?" Yuigahama asks quietly, the smile on her face from before now replaced with tight lips.

I stare at that expression for a moment before blinking.

I comically shake my hand in an exaggerated gesture. "Ahh! Sorry about that! I'm totally fine. My hand just slipped out from underneath me and ended up hitting the desk. Owwwwww." I laugh and continue shaking my hand to and fro. "I'm totally clumsy sometimes."

Hayato gives me a look that communicates some displeasure. "Be more careful next time."

I just keep smiling.

"Yeah I'm totally excited for the project though. If it's us as a group, I already know it's gonna kick ass!" I say with a slight pump of my fist. The pain that shoots through my finger tells me I shouldn't do that again any time soon.

"For real, I'm antsy. I'm kinda feelin' ready to start right now!"

"Mhm, mhm! It's gonna be good if we can all put all of our effort into it."

"I'm gonna go ahead and buy a drink real quick," I smile lazily.

"Should we try and meet up this weekend I wonder? Ooh, should I buy snacks?"

"As long as you don't buy too much greasy food. That's the last thing I need right now."

"Yeah! Get some olleos and summit dew! That's brain food right there."

"Didn't you hear what I just said?"

I slip out of the classroom as quietly as I can.

I feel drained and my throat is dry and parched.

I continue walking down the hall, minding to keep a smile on my face as I pass by other groups of students. Some smile out brightly and yell greetings to me, which I return, but some others slink away from my gaze as I draw near them.

When you're popular, people sometimes tend to be intimidated by you—or at least by your reputation. They become nervous around who they think you are, probably because they think you're going to ridicule them or take their lunch money or something. It was annoying but expected.

When I finally reach the vending machine near the end of the hall, I pull out a coin and pop it into the machine. A water bottle pops out and I immediately put it to my lips, drinking thirstily.

As I stand in that hall, I decide that I don't really feel like going back to the classroom just yet. If the others ask, I'll just tell them I had to go to the bathroom. If I manage to work in the words "huge-ass dump" in there somehow, I bet they'll laugh and forget about it instantly.

Looking up, I notice that there is a door right next to the vending machine. It looks as if it leads outside.

Grabbing the handle, I push it open and like I had thought, it feeds into a small little terrace that overlooks the soccer field and tennis courts.

It seems like a nice enough place for me to catch my breath in. God knows I need the fresh air desperately.

As I continue to walk further out, I notice that someone is leaning over the railing, sipping on some kind of drink.

Upon hearing my steps, he turns around and a scowl immediately crosses his features.

Oh, it was this guy.

I blow out a bit of air through my nose. I had wanted to be alone, but beggars can't be choosers. At least this guy was relatively quiet. Although, based on my reputation, he'll probably expect me to be loud and raucous, so either way, I'll have to end up talking about something and won't be able to relax as much as I want to.

Whatever. It beat the alternative of listening to the others try to find a million ways to say the exact same thing over and over again.

"Yo! Is that you Hikitani-kun?" I ask amicably as I walk over to join him near the ledge.

"Yeah…" he responds quietly.

He doesn't say much other than that as I perch next to him and I'm thankful. I'm happy that I was right in my assumption that he doesn't like to talk much. Or at least, that he doesn't have much to say to me. Hikigaya is just that type of guy.

Well, I suppose it isn't fair of me to say that.

People naturally have an inclination to see things in black and white.

Things make sense to people when they either are or aren't. Taking the time to understand nuance and complexity is tiring, and therefore most people would prefer to spend their time doing something else. Lumping someone into a category based on what you expect them to do based on their looks, or grades, or social status, or whatever, was easy and convenient.

I lumped Hikigaya into the quiet category, but who knew, maybe he was a chatterbox with the people he really cared about.

Maybe he was my polar opposite.

"So how are things going with you Hikitani-kun? Weather's not bad today, huh?" I ask pointlessly. I know it's a stupid question, but I can't really think of anything else to say at that moment. I immediately sip at my drink.

He rolls his eyes. "I guess so."

After he gives me this short answer, I don't motion to say anything else. We simply both stare out at the girls playing soccer in the distance. We stay quiet for a while and I'm secretly relieved, but after a few minutes of silence, he eventually speaks up and asks.

"…Hey, you alright?"

I squeeze my water bottle a bit.

"…Yeah, I'm alright." I kind of want to leave it at that, but my brain immediately chastises me and tells me I should be saying more. "Just got some things on my mind I guess."

He gives me a funny expression as he looks over at me. "Oh…" he starts quietly. "…Like what?"

I actually find myself surprised by his interest. I figured he would've just ignored me and left the roof a while ago, but here he was, actually continuing the conversation for some reason. Perhaps I was wrong in my judgment after all.

"…Is it Ebina?" he eventually asks.

I can't help but snort. He looks at me like I just grew a second head. "No," I respond simply.

My façade slips, but for some reason, I don't find myself caring as much as I thought I would. Maybe it was the fact that it was just Hikigaya and he probably didn't have anyone to tell even if he wanted to, but his perplexed look doesn't bother me much. As a result, I continue my thought.

"I was just thinking…" I mutter. I see him regarding me curiously out of the corner of his eye. "…about what it means to have successful relationships. You know, if such a thing is possible," I say, a slightly serious look on my face.

He looks taken aback at first, but eventually, after sipping at his can of what I now see to be iced coffee, he responds.

"Probably not," he says simply. I smirk and look down at the container of liquid in my hands. I expected him to say something like that, so I'm not at all surprised.

He takes another gulp out of the bright yellow can. "Relationships are built upon the expectations of the people who comprise those relationships, and people by definition are fickle and capricious. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship or something else, people search for what they want in others. Even if that thing doesn't exist, they'll pour all their expectations onto someone in hopes that that person will satisfy their preconceived notion. Humans are selfish that way."

I bristle at his explanation but I can't help but I agree with his words. It wasn't like what he was saying was anything groundbreaking nor was it something I hadn't considered before myself, but it did help confirm some of my own beliefs.

"…Although, that's not to say that that's the strict truth," he says more quietly.

I turn to look at him. "Whatcha mean?"

He blinks once as if he had totally forgotten who he was speaking to for a moment. "Uh," he stammers out with a stutter. "Humans are selfish, and they always want something for themselves…" he repeats himself. "…but sometimes there can possibly be a chance that the desires of both parties can intersect and the result is that the expectations they put on one another aren't as demanding or unrealistic. Maybe that sliver of intersection is where something like a g—" he coughs. "—a real relationship or whatever can occur," he mutters.

His face looks like he's thinking hard about something.

I think about those words for a moment. Somehow I get the impression that he's thought about this a lot. Maybe he's gone through something similar in his life and in his own relationships.

I didn't know much about what went on with him and the other people in his life, but if it were anything like the situation I were in at the moment, then he had my sympathy.

However, despite his initial expected cynicism, his following statement seemed a lot more optimistic.

If the members of a relationship were equally selfish, then perhaps part of that selfishness could cancel itself out.

It kind of sounded like sophistry and I didn't know if I totally bought his explanation, but at the very least… it was an interesting idea.

Huh. Again, maybe I misjudged this guy from the start. For a long time I thought he was just one of those quiet, delusional types who thought they had all the answers, when in reality they were just insecure and lonely. The ones that mistake contrarianism with insight.

But after the whole fiasco that happened a while back and with these slightly optimistic words, I felt slightly guilty for putting him in a convenient little box without talking to him enough.

"…I don't know why I'm talking to you about this," he suddenly says with a slight shake of his head.

I stare at him as he continues to shake his head with a tiny smile.

"Why's that?" I ask.

He gives me that incredulous expression again as if to say 'Do I really need to spell it out for you?' He raises an eyebrow.

"It's not like a riajuu like you with a picture-perfect social life really needs any advice... You should probably just get back to your laidback relationships and leave us regular underachievers alone already."

His face is in somewhat of a smirk as he says this. I think he means what he's saying as sort of a joke, but it's not hard to see the truth that lies in his words. The truth that he believes. He says those words with conviction and it both pisses me off and… cuts me slightly.

I brandish a megawatt smile at his face and he suddenly flinches, taken aback.

"Later, Hikitani-kun," I grin.

I immediately turn around and begin walking evenly back to the door that leads to the main building. As I turn, I notice his face looks shocked and his hand raises to scratch his cheek awkwardly.

"R-Right…" I hear him mutter as I continue to grow more distant.

I walk through the halls, and this time, I'm not sure I can manage to keep a partial scowl off my face. I probably fully look like the delinquent that some of the other students believe I am.

I feel a little stupid for being annoyed. He wasn't any different, and I didn't blame him for that. He saw the me that I presented to the world, and his mind was locked on that idea. He had made his judgment a long time ago, and that judgment probably wouldn't change any time soon.

Using a neat little label to categorize someone was easy and it was convenient.

It was hard to escape the little boxes people put you in.

...Maybe it was better for everyone if you didn't let these things bother you. After all, their behavior is expected and unavoidable. It wasn't their fault. Not really.

Maybe it was just better if you just stayed exactly where people expected you to be. Exactly where you belonged.

I can't help but smile quietly at that.

As I reach the door to the classroom, I pause and take a deep, lung-filling breath. With a slight pull, the doors come open.

"Yo! What's up my peeps! Now about this project, I'm like super excited for it!" I cheer with my characteristic brand of enthusiasm and passion.

The people sitting in front of me all grin.

AN: I don't really know where the idea for this story came from. I guess I was thinking that in Oregairu, everyone else in the 'popular' clique hides a part of themselves. So what if Tobe did too? Kind of an out there idea, but it kept niggling at me so I had to write it. Also, ffnet doesn't have Tobe as a listable character for the description section, which is a shame. My boy Tobe needs more love.